Results of the week. Dangi come on! Come on dangy!
The Turkic Matrix by Morpheus Atambayev
Let's try to solve another riddle from the president of Kyrgyzstan Almazbek Atambayev: what is common between Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan, Aksakov, Kuprin and Turgenev? People who have little understanding of the logic of the Kyrgyz leader, are unlikely to give the correct answer from the Atambayev point of view from the first time. It turns out that the matter is of Turkic origin ... According to the information that reached us from the mouth of the President of Kyrgyzstan, on the territory stretching from Siberia to the Black Sea coast, the Turks at all times created states, only for a change they called them differently each time. They wanted to: they made the Golden Horde, they wanted the Russian Empire, and the Soviet Union wanted it. Just some kind of Turkic Matrix for authorship of the Kyrgyz leader, and only.
Of course, Mr. Atambayev, who laid out all the Turkic secrets at a meeting with the Azerbaijani leader Ilham Aliyev, can only be praised for his knowledge of the roots of the great Russian writers and world stories with geography. Turgenev and Kuprin really did have Turkic roots, but then, guided by the logic of Almazbek Sharshenovich, almost any living writer of the past centuries or the recognized Russian classics could be considered Turkic writers. Take, for example, Sergei Yesenin. Well, let him be born in the Ryazan province in the family of Russian peasants. So in fact he traveled to Tashkent, Samarkand and Bukhara in the 1921 year. Everything - write is gone - Sergey Aleksandrovich appeared in Almazbek Sharshenovich's secret lists.
Vladimir Mayakovsky, who was born in the village of Baghdadi in Georgia, can also be classified according to the Atambaev classification as the Turks. Why? Because Georgia borders on Azerbaijan, and there, in the opinion of all, the president of Kyrgyzstan, is Turkic roots, which means that Mayakovsky is one of this innumerable army.
Why are there writers - take any of us, and Mr. Atambayev will reveal to us the secrets of our origin ...
But why did Almazbek Atambayev need such strange and tortuous conclusions? The fact is that the President of Kyrgyzstan hinted to Ilham Aliyev about the historical community of people in order to get hold of Azerbaijani investments. Almazbek Sharshenovich reminded the President of Azerbaijan that he allocated billions in cash to literally everyone: “from Georgia to Europe”. So, they say, why not single out a small billionaire and Kyrgyz brothers ...
In this regard, it cannot be ruled out that the Kyrgyz President may, on the “wave of the Turkic community and patriotism,” tour a number of countries. You see, the leader of one of them will actually be impressed by the global Turkism discovered by Atambayev and transfer his zakat to one of the Kyrgyz banks.
Ahmed reminder service
At the beginning of the week, information arrived from London that, it should be noted, attracted the attention of the Russian public. No - this time it is not another blog entry of the Orthodox Londoner Boris Berezovsky with appeals to the Russians about the need to return to the Christian canons. Now London has thrown us a new informational petard in the form of exposing the assassination attempt on Akhmed Zakayev. For the sake of justice, I must say that we here in Russia have already begun to forget a little about who this gentleman is. But representatives of the British counterintelligence (MI5) reminded us that Akhmed Zakayev is not a lot of a lot, the chairman of the government of the independent republic of Ichkeria, well, or at least he himself said so to the counterintelligence officers of Albion, presenting the appropriate crust. And you know, now in any underpass you can buy a beautiful ksivu with colorful seals. If you want - be the chairman of the Ichkerian government, if you want - Ambassador Tilimilitryddii, and if you wish, you can also be a real British queen in exile, and let Zakayev have a gray beard ...
Naturally, the British began to wonder who decided to make an attempt on the life of such an interesting person. Literally, on the very first minute of titanic reasoning, an idea was born in someone's enlightened head: most likely Ramzan Kadyrov is to blame. The logic of this, apparently, was as follows: first, in MI5, they rushed to search for an independent Ichkeria on the world map, but they did not find it, then Zakayev had to explain that Ichkeria is where the Russian Federation is now located - the Chechen Republic, whose president is Ramzan Kadyrov . Well, if so, then there is nothing further to think about - Kadyrov attempted to assassinate and organized ...
After such conclusions, the MI5 employees had already leaned back in their leather chairs and smoked with relief, but then, when the cigarette smoke cleared, they realized that they didn’t solve the case to the end. After all, there was to be a performer. We rummaged in our file cabinet, where all those who once arrived in London from Russia are marked. Began to compare and assume. A - Abramovich - will not go to a wet business ... B - Berezovsky - this is also unlikely (he specializes in another direction) ... L - Luzhkov - it is doubtful ... Ch - Chichvarkin - not at once ... And suddenly they came across a person who has been living with 2003 for the year in the British Isles and is listed under the code name E1. Apparently, UK counterintelligence masters of chess poorly, because on Е1 it seems that the king of whites should stand, and the native of Chechnya, who settled in England in 2003, called king, and white, to put it mildly, is not logical. Well, it would be fine if E2-Е4 or “your horse is a bit, sir,” is understandable, but E1 ... In general, we don’t understand their logic.
But would it be interesting for the British to know that in London some Chechen decided to resolve another Chechen. The journalists had to sweat a lot before putting up materials about the attempt on Zakayev in their articles to warm up the public. It was decided to call Ahmed Halidovich Zakayev a friend of actress Vanessa Redgrave. You must admit that the phrase “an attempt on a friend of actress Redgrave” may look much more impressive for the British than an attempt on the unrecognized prime minister of an unrecognized government of an unrecognized republic, which today burns money from the London taxpayers. To enhance the effect, the British authorities also tried. They stated that the attempt on the London Chechen in general can only be viewed as a threat to the national security of the country.
As a result, the citizens of the Crown, once again having heard the words about the Russian criminal trail with the Ichkerian accent, just in case just closed the shutters more closely and continued to watch their favorite TV series.
In the Chechen Republic, on the fact of the assassination attempt, Akhmed Zakayev was told that Zakayev had never been perceived as an influential person, and after his flight to London, he had completely lost touch with life. If so, then the attempt on Akhmed Zakayev turns out to be beneficial only to two subjects: Mr. Zakayev himself to remind of the fact of her existence, as well as the British MI5, who was able to report on the disclosure of such a “daring” crime as soon as possible, hitting the world with the speed of their work.
In conclusion of this part, it must be recalled that in London, Mr. Zakayev was "elected" by the head of the government of Ichkeria by telephone voting of deputies who were once members of the Ichkerian parliament. Apparently, Mr. Zakayev is preparing for new elections that can be held by accepting SMS messages with the text "Е1" to a short number registered according to the documents MI5.
25 years for a deal that did not exist
5 April in the United States was handed down a verdict in the case of Russian businessman Viktor Bout. According to the verdict of the court, Booth must spend behind the bars 25 years. Such a solution can look quite double. On the one hand, Judge Sheindlin gave Viktor Bout the minimum time provided for by the article, on the other hand, such a punishment does not fit into the framework of the legal system. Bout’s fault, according to the prosecution, was that the businessman allegedly tried to sell weapon Colombian terrorists, which were made by representatives of US intelligence services. As proof of Viktor Bout’s guilt, an audio recording was constantly being turned around, where he said he was ready to sell ground-to-air missiles. And this, according to American justice, proves Bout’s connection with international terrorists. As a result, Booth did not sell any weapons to anyone, which did not prevent him from condemning him for such a long time. Let's not forget that Bout was arrested not even in the United States, but in a Thai hotel Sofitel (oh, these hotels are called Sofitel ...) and only then they were transferred to the United States.
It turns out that for any person in a conversation who flashes the phrase "you will take the land-air," a black raven may arrive with American numbers.
In this regard, my friends, let me take a little warning: if you suddenly get a phone call and introduce themselves to the Colombian terrorists, and from under the Colombian ponchos at least one of the letters F, B or I will look through the stars and the striped flag, then better ask them a couple of leading questions before you decide to cooperate. It is said that the simple question “The capital of Colombia -?” May confuse the American special services ...
Behind the agenda with a clear conscience
The reason for the discussion was given by the Russian lawmakers during the week, who decided to involve young people of military age for military service. Incentives can be described as a classic whip-gingerbread system, which, on the one hand, will severely (criminally) punish those who did not reach the military registration and enlistment office with their feet, but on the other hand, encourage those who honestly repay their debt to their motherland. The promotion may be as follows: a young man will be retained for a period of service in the army, but those who do not pass the service are expected to have a literally hopeless future - neither your respect, nor government bureaucratic positions.
Naturally, such a bill, or rather such amendments to the existing law, caused a lot of controversy among the legislators themselves. Well, what is this, citizens, it will turn out, as soon as the amendments get legal force, you will have to immediately remove up to half of the deputies from their old seats. And there is still a whole army of heads of regions, municipalities, rural settlements, many of whom at one time did not express a desire to serve the Fatherland. Yes, it can go so far that in Russia there will simply be no one to put them in leadership positions ... They, apparently, will have to sit in other places.
And our golden youth, having up to half a dozen higher educations per brother, is clearly not going to uphill the thresholds of military registration and enlistment offices. They will be too lazy to get there even on their own "Infiniti" or Papa's "Lexus".
If so, then very soon the bulk of the deputies can declare such a bill to put the safety of life in the Russian Federation at trial.
You can decide to give a forecast of the situation that will form in Russia, if such a bill is adopted. Naturally, the number of those unable to serve in the ranks of the Russian army for health reasons will go up sharply. Doctors will record the rapid growth of such terrible diseases in conscripts such as caries, myopia, curvature of the spine and a number of other ailments that simply can not allow young people to join the ranks. Obviously, Russia can once again become the most educated nation in the world, since the number of graduate students, at least among the male population, will increase significantly, and postgraduate universities will have to build up to several floors up, or even occupy basement and semi-basements.
There is, however, another way out for those who, well, cannot afford to serve the year normally in the Russian army, but are not going to "mow" it, so as not to deprive themselves of a lukewarm place in one of the ministries. This way is for all interested parties to create their own military unit - the Closed Joint-Stock Company “Major in shoulder straps”, where it will be possible to serve perfectly. It will be possible to get to such a part through a special “major military enlistment office” by special invitations or flyers. The units will certainly have to go through "party" and "aftepati", get glamorous fashion wiki. Next to the portrait of the Supreme Commander there will be an 3D portrait of Sergei Zverev. Soldier jackets will be made from organza, instead of tunics and shapeless soldier's trousers, private soldiers will wear tight-fitting cardigans and low-rise jeans. To preserve the traditions of the army, the major soldiers will visit the bath once a week, where they can change their thongs in order to experience the fighting brotherhood ...
In general, the aspirations of the legislators are undoubtedly good, but given the current realities, the deputies will obviously have a hard time fighting for the popularization of military service.
Warming belt
Since the Russian servicemen dressed up in a new uniform, it has become a strange way to increase the number of colds sick soldiers of urgent service in the cold season. At the same time, the Main Military Prosecutor’s Office became suspicious about whether this form conforms to the established norms and requirements. After conducting all the necessary research, it turned out that the new military uniform fully complies with all statutory canons. To be honest, there was no doubt about such results. After all, if the office of Sergey Fridinsky had recognized any flaws in the “fashion accessories” from a famous designer, then, apparently, the military prosecutors would have to change the Russian army at their own expense. However, if the results of the test of Sergey Fridinsky were completely satisfied, then the question arises, why did the soldiers get cold and sick?
On this occasion, the Ministry of Defense and the MAG, which is also not surprising in the current realities, came to a common opinion. First, from the Resource Support Department of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation, they threw information that, it turns out, the soldiers simply “perceive the cold differently”. Like, on the street-25 Celsius, but you need to take it in the military the same way - a slight cooling, - 35 degrees - a light invigorating frost, -45 - to absolute temperature zero is still too far, and therefore - there is nothing to complain about. They did not forget to mention in the Defense Ministry of the Russian Federation how much the re-dressing of the Russian servicemen cost, so that such information could act soberingly at GWP. And sobering, I must say, happened.
During the week, the chief military prosecutor of the Russian Federation, Sergei Fridinsky, said that all the troubles of the soldiers were connected with the fact that they simply had the wrong way to wear the military ammunition given to them. It turns out that an ordinary soldier was freezing only because he wore a belt not where he needed it, and the commanding fathers did not even suggest where to wear a soldier’s beltоis false Previously, you understand, they put it all over the pea jacket, but according to Valentin Yudashkin’s project, the belt should be tightened ... no, not around the neck, but under outerwear. Well, finally, the revolutionary fashion trends have reached our conservative army. Maybe soon we will find out that the jacket itself from Yudashkin must be worn inside out or backwards, and the soldiers' boots so that the left one wears on the right leg and the right one on the left one. You look, it will affect the fighters warmingly.
Fridinsky declares that the Main Military Unit has already achieved from the rear men, the issue of a special textbook that explains to unprofitable Russian soldiers and officers how to wear a new military uniform: which side should be attached buttons, where to fasten a hat and how to turn into a soldier's belt to make it warmer ...
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