Results of the week. Well states, contagion! Learn, Kisa!
Around the enemies, but there is one salvation ...
Before the onset of the week under review, American voters could not decide on a single Republican candidate who would oppose Barack Obama in the upcoming presidential election. And so day X, apparently, has come. What else can unite the American society, if not the fact that to declare publicly Russia the first and main enemy of the United States? Such a trend was quickly "saddled" by candidate Mitt Romney, who became almost a national hero. In total, as they say, and affairs: call Russia the enemy “number one”, and you will have great American happiness.
These words about Russia, flown out of the mouth of Republican Romney, became a kind of response to Barack Obama, who quietly told Dmitry Medvedev when the microphone was not turned off, that after the presidential election in the United States he would conduct a “more flexible policy towards the issue of missile defense”. Romney quickly picked up this blooper Obama, saying that he leads the Americans by the nose, flirting with the enemy number 1.
After such a statement Mitt Romney began to support even his rivals in the inner-party race. Mr. Santorum so generally stated that he would be happy if Romney invited him to his office as vice-president. After the words of Romney about Russia, our old acquaintance and, concurrently, the ardent defender of the Russian people, John McCain, got inspired. He cited three arguments for which Russia cannot be perceived as the enemy of #1 in the USA: first, Russia supports the course of North Korea (apparently, McCain has not updated his political library for a long time, and he is disconnected from the Internet for systematic non-payment of traffic) secondly, Russia helps Syria (and, judging by McCain's logic, it is necessary to help the crowd of bearded men with green bandages on the forehead and Stingers on the shoulder), thirdly, Russia, and this is the worst thing for McCain, has chosen , lifelong president. Obviously, Romney literally breathed a new life impulse into an aging John McCain, just gave him the main idea of his stay on this sinful Earth, otherwise you won’t go far on tweets about Vladimir Putin ...
However, we will not subject Romney and McCain to obstruction, because news weeks give us to understand that in fact everything is explainable. It turns out that the authorities of the District of Columbia, located in the US capital, decided to plant 10 plantations in Washington ... marijuana for therapeutic, natural purposes. It is reported that already now many sick residents of the US capital can count on the use of gifts from Washington's “gardens”, to which, without any doubt, at least two people - Romney and McCain can be attributed. At the same time, Steve Deangelo, director of one of the health centers of the United States, wants the authorities to go even further: they allowed patients to grow marijuana on their beds and window sills themselves, so as not to go for official therapeutic weed. Based on the words of Mr. Deangelo, it can be assumed that Romney’s balcony and McCain’s window-sill already have ears of medicine explaining their behavior. It is possible that soon tourists in the United States will recognize the party apartments in which these respected politicians live precisely on this basis. But if Romney suddenly wins the election, the therapeutic plantations will also have to be planted in front of the White House. One can paint such a picture as barefoot Romney runs in the early Washington morning in hemp dew in order to pull medicinal leaves to himself and continue to fight his main world enemy on Sony Playstation ...
Against the background of the political aggravation of the political struggle in the United States, a certain kind of illness was transmitted to the United States Ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul. And this disease can be called a persecution mania. Mr. McFaul even managed to complain to Washington about the fact that, wherever he decided to go, he was already followed by hostile Russian journalists. The ambassador says that his phones are carefully monitored, and the email is viewed - in general, no to you, you know, personal life. At the same time, Mr. McFaul declares that he, he says, respects the rights of journalists to ask a variety of questions, but his listening, tapping, video surveillance and so on cause a negative reaction from him. McFaul's complaints in Washington have accepted and have even appealed to the Russian authorities with an appeal to “deal with such a question” as total surveillance of the American ambassador in Moscow.
Perhaps, in the middle of the night, the disease McFaul already jumps up from his embassy box and starts fumbling under the bed in search of bugs for wiretaps from Russian journalists, then runs up to the wardrobe and tries to find hiding agents of the FSB among the embassy uniforms and balls from the moth.
And here a reasonable question arises: whether the plants from the Washington plantations have already reached McFaul, or the ambassador, on the contrary, is eager to get them, referring to his stay in cold Moscow. Maybe in the next e-mail from Michael McFaul to Russian journalists, who, according to him, they rummage in the diplomatic mail, they will manage to find a message with the content “Washington, is there something? ..”
"Drying" as a gift
During the week, the Lithuanian authorities accused Moscow, not a few, many, of illegally crossing its military equipment of the state border of the Republic of Lithuania. The Deputy Minister, or, to put it in Lithuanian terminology, the Vice-Minister of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Lithuania, Mr. Ignatavicius, stated that the Russian Air Force’s Su-27 Russian Air Force had penetrated the airspace of the Baltic state as much as 12 km, and only then returned to the Kaliningrad Region. Obviously, he stated with a shiver in his voice and with a b-and-a-alsim Baltic indignation ...
One can imagine what happened to the Lithuanian servicemen, who suddenly saw on the screens of the radar not the usual NATO military aircraft, but the very Russian fighter quietly approaching the city of Vistitis in the vast blue skies of an independent Lithuania. And while the unit commander managed to reach the red button with the words “Russia is attacking” and inform where it should be, Su-27 has already waved its tail and disappeared into the foggy expanses of the most western Russian region.
Naturally, in Vilnius, they thought that these Russians had forgotten again that Lithuania had been 8 for years as a member of the most peaceful military unit in the world - NATO. But, apparently, Mr. Ignatavičius and all the other Lithuanian leaders simply could not appreciate the gift of Russia to the same eight-year membership that Vilnius was going to celebrate on March 29.
You look, by the tenth anniversary of the anniversary, Moscow will also send “Russian Knights” with “Strizhi” to release colored plumes in the form of a Russian tricolor over fraternal Vilnius. By the way, it is possible to make the same gift number over the other two Baltic capitals - especially during the marches of SS veterans and their young followers. Such Russian gifts will test the patriotic spirit of the soldiers of the legendary Latvian Legion and their Estonian colleagues.
Saakashvili in search of the Abkhaz nuclear bomb
The other day, the Georgian president unexpectedly discovered on the territory of the planet Earth at least two more places where nuclear weapon. By this “dark” places, Mikhail Saakashvili means Abkhazia and South Ossetia. Here his luminous power does not extend, which means that, according to him, the most terrible things can happen here and dirty nuclear programs are launched aimed at the destruction of all progressive humanity. Where exactly President Saakashvili saw the nuclear facilities remains the main Georgian secret: maybe on the beaches of Pitsunda, and maybe in the wilds of South Ossetian vineyards ...
However, fearing for the security posed by such a terrible threat as the Abkhaz nuclear bomb, the Georgian president decided to create some informal armed connections on the border with Abkhazia. In all likelihood, the military personnel of these units will have to intercept the nuclear warheads with their bare hands, which Saakashvili examined with his beloved American binoculars, who have a nuclear threat sign on the lenses at the moment the binoculars are heading towards countries friendly to Russia.
Apparently, the fact that Abkhazia and South Ossetia have been independent states for the fourth year already cannot be borne in mind of Mikhail Saakashvili. And the move towards the “discovery” of nuclear programs on their territory is another attempt by the Georgian president to pay attention to the plight of Georgia, in which, of course, the fault is Russia’s aggressive, and not himself.
Following the laws of the genre, in the near future, Mikhail Saakashvili can be expected to declare that under Tskhinval or Sukhum, Russian soldiers clone people, burn Muslim books, drink the blood of women and children and generally negotiate secretly with the Martians to enslave Georgia first, then the USA and the whole world ...
I do not understand you…
Turkey refuses to understand Israel, Israel cannot understand the actions of Turkey. During the week, Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan added hot peppers to relations with Israel, saying that Turkey supports the development of the Iranian nuclear program. He stated that only fools can see in the use of the peaceful atom a threat to humanity.
Such words clearly could not go unnoticed in Israel, and Tel Aviv decided to find his answer to the statements of Erdogan. And the answer was found fairly quickly: the Deputy Foreign Minister of Israel, Daniel Ayalon, invited the Turkish Ambassador Ahmet Selikol for an "explanatory conversation". At the same time, as noted by a number of media outlets, Selikol was offered a low sofa, but Ayalon was sitting on a high chair, literally towering over a table on which there was only one flag - the flag of Israel.
The peculiar psychic attack on the Turkish diplomatic representative was intensified by the fact that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu looked at him with a silent reproach from the office wall, with the same reproach as viewed from the portrait of Mikhail Pugovkin in the film “It Can't Be ...” .
To enhance the effect, Mr. Ayalon could be offered to sit on the throne, on both sides of which Turkish pages with fans would stand, and Selikol should be seated on the rug with the image of Erdogan's face at the door to continue to know how to be friends with Iran.
Now it remains to expect an answer from Erdogan, who knows how to find a weak spot in Israel. It could be like new. "Flotilla Of Liberty ”to the shores of the Gaza Strip, as well as the publication of new maps on which Israel will be depicted within the 1947 borders.
If beaks, then sha
Perhaps the main foreign policy event of the week was the summit of the heads of five states with actively developing economies - BRICS. The main results of the summit were the following: the development of a joint position to address the situation in Syria and Iran, as well as the transition to lending in national currencies. It is obvious that such statements made in New Delhi could not leave indifferent those who are an ardent supporter of the Western model of the development of the world with ongoing democratization in different parts of the globe. Official Washington, of course, welcomed the Delhi agreements, but at the same time stated that they (the agreements) would not be an obstacle to the start of possible US actions towards Iran. At the same time, a number of American politicians and economists have stated that the formation of BRICS itself is extremely weak due to the entry of Russia into its structure. Like, if you had made BICS from BICS, or simply BIS, then the United States would have definitely supported the agreements in New Delhi. The basis of their words that Russia is not worthy of being one of the members of this organization, American economists and politicians see that in the Russian Federation everything is literally riddled with corruption. Well, of course, gentlemen economists. In South Africa, for example, everything in this respect is simply superb, and even Pretoria is much more worthy of Russia to carry the banner of a developing economy ...
In response to this, the Americans themselves can also be advised to exclude from their composition a whole number of states where things are unimportant with both the economy and human rights: the death penalty is in place, there are dispersals of peaceful demonstrations, facts of the use of firearms in schools, torture of adoptive children, new debts to banks. In this regard, the term “United” from the full name of the American state will have to be removed, leaving only the ShA ... There will be such a new turn of speech “the president of the ShA”, you will have to change the national flag and seek help from the Turks and the Japanese, who can quickly reprint political maps of the world.
Were not cured ...
Once again, the Head of Roscosmos Mr. Popovkin distinguished himself. It would seem that his position, by definition, should speak about his desire to bring the space industry to the leading position in the world, but it may seem so to anyone, but not to Vladimir Popovkin himself. The space general says that the Russian authorities are exorbitantly allocating money from the state budget to finance the space industry, which is simply unacceptable in current economic conditions. According to his personal calculation, it turned out that Russia finances its space industry much more intensively in terms of GDP ratio than the United States does. Proceeding from this, Vladimir Popovkin stated that if such funding continues, we will lose Russia, as the Soviet Union once lost, which, in the opinion of the general, is “mired” in Star Wars with the United States. The only task that the Russian Space Agency should solve is to let it remain according to which Russia will be held in the top three space leaders ...
Analyzing the words of Vladimir Popovkin, one involuntarily comes to the conclusion that the recent hospitalization clearly had a negative impact on the main space official of our country. Apparently, the head of the agency is really experiencing "serious exhaustion," as stated by the doctors. Otherwise, how can one explain his words about the fact that it is time for us to forget about the primacy in space. Following the "cosmic" logic of Vladimir Alexandrovich, we can safely abandon our plans in other industries: why spend money on the defense industry - we have no enemies, why shell out for sports - well, think 11 for the Olympics, why spend money on education and health care - children themselves will learn about everything through the Internet, and it is possible to be treated with folk remedies.
But the general did not stop there either. He said that the need to thoroughly test the feasibility of the new project "Phobos-Grunt". Like, what was relevant in 2000, can not be relevant in 2018 year. At the same time, Popovkin, in essence, accused the Russian academic institutions of financial interest in the matter, stating that instead of writing candidate and doctoral works there, it would have been better to really explore the universe. How Vladimir Popovkin proposes to engage in this development, if he sees the need to cut funding for the industry, remains a mystery. Maybe he rents a garage for scientists in Southern Butovo, where they themselves from old car silencers and battered forged disks will assemble a space probe in order to surf the Universe on it. But then Vladimir Aleksandrovich will have to show how this is done by a personal example? .. Just to save, then you need to start with yourself.
Information