Results of the week. This is not a trifle in your pockets tyrit!
Unplayed “Battleship” by Anatoly Serdyukov
As the current President of the Russian Federation, Dmitry Medvedev, says, it’s time for Russian officials to start actively exploring the Internet. Apparently, the head of the Russian defense ministry decided to take a more active approach than other ministerial colleagues along the path proposed by the President. Mr. Serdyukov in the week appeared in the form of a certain surfer, who tried to ride the wave of large-scale modernization of his native department. As its main idea of the broadest development of the Internet space, the Ministry of Defense of the Russian Federation decided to expand the functionality of its website, allocating 90 million rubles for this. Such generous injections, one must admit, not every site can afford. But is it worth it to compare some second-rate sites and such a great Internet phenomenon as the site of the Russian Defense Ministry ...
Hearing of such serious financial injections, users rushed to the upgraded site, sharply raising its attendance, and saw changes of a literally universal scale. The site appeared the apogee of modernization - the "Games" section. Users frowned a little, but nevertheless decided to enter the section, expecting to see in front of them the newest game developments with amazing graphics. But modernization does not go on such an obvious path, otherwise the sneaky enemy will be able to understand the logic of our main military department. Among the games, the highest programmatic achievements of Mr. Serdyukov’s subordinates: “Battleship”, “Tetris” and “Minesweeper” stood out and still stand out. Apparently, these games are most clearly associated by developers with the strategy and tactics of the Russian army ... Perhaps the programmers had plans to introduce the Klondike Solitaire to female soldiers, but the software could not download these programs from torrent trackers, Microsoft didn’t appreciate the innovations from Anatoly Serdyukov, but somehow it didn’t work out with “Kosynka”.
Apparently, the representatives of the Main Military Prosecutor's Office also decided to visit the “updated” website of the Ministry of Defense of the Russian Federation, but for some reason neither Tetris, nor even Minesweeper were impressed by these visitors. Prosecutors, of course, do not understand anything about the modernization of sites, they decided to initiate a criminal case on the theft of millions of rubles 36, saying that it was not a modernization, but a fraud. The striking abuse of the work of dozens of military programmers who wrote program codes day and night so that the word site literally played with all facets on the endless spaces of the World Wide Web.
Not a fountain ...
During the week, the CEC officially announced Vladimir Putin as the elected President of Russia. According to official figures, Putin won the 63,6% of votes and celebrated victory in the first round of the presidential election. Such a result made the opposition-minded citizens less happy, but most of them did not question the election results in Russia. Most, but not all ... This time, the opposition decided to elect Pushkin Square to express their discontent with both the authorities themselves and the election results. It seems that, as usual, they have pometed, criticized, said their word about the administrative resource of Putin, it is time to disperse. But the word "diverge", apparently, not everyone understood correctly. Some - reached for the subway, and others to ... the fountain. In particular, the ardent revolutionaries Udaltsov, Navalny and Ponomarev climbed into the strategically important fountain, saying that from one minute to the next they would be brought up the tents, and the Moscow “Maidan” would begin to work in full - in general, the guys didn’t childish. This, I must say, the first attempt to stories Russia swim in the Moscow fountain in the winter, because in spring and summer time the right to swim in the fountains staked out the border guards and paratroopers. During the time they were in the fountain, the opposition even managed to give interviews to foreign media ... They say that now they will bring up tents, field kitchens, revolutionary scarves and we will have our say. But soon, instead of the promised tents and warm orange scarves, the most active oppositionists were expected to be equally warmly embraced by employees of the Moscow un-named OMON. Taking care of the freedom and purity of Moscow's artificial reservoirs, and, above all, about the fountain on Pushkin, riot policemen helped revolutionaries to disperse in the correct sense of the word. Those who did not wish to disperse with their feet, the riot policemen carefully transferred into specially prepared, well-heated buses. Well, maybe some people scratched their faces on the ice and bushes thickly growing on the square, so this is the case - they came to administer the revolution - well, at least raise your head a little or something ... And from the fountain in our country of revolution start like something not handy. We are more used to armored cars ...
Seeing such unrealized revolutionary impulses of Russian “navalists” and “udalchistov” on their television screens, John McCain, Michael McFaul, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama himself shook their heads. Our friends were upset and scared, the mood is very bad ... Obama even forgot where the greeting card went to Vladimir Putin, but he forgot that he forgot to congratulate Putin. At McFaul, in the basement, the revolutionary tents were left packed orange with white, but now the entire American embassy will be able to have a picnic on the banks of the Moscow River or, most likely, somewhere far away ... John McCain apparently too many of their favorite antidepressants and called on everyone and everything not to recognize the results of the presidential elections in Russia. Who did the retiree McCain expect to see in the leaders of the Russian presidential race is the question ... The tablets began to act more and more actively, and McCain already called to bomb Syria “to the heap”, to export the “Arab spring” to China, apparently forgetting that in China, in general, the Arabs are under pressure ... It looks like Vladimir Putin to calm his American "partners" will have to send a parcel with soothing valerian and motherwort. Let them take care of their health for the inner struggle. And, apparently, the parcel has already reached, since Hillary Clinton thought and thought, and unexpectedly declared that Putin in the Russian elections is an obvious and unconditional winner.
Caucasian dirty dog
Three times the hero of our weekly reviews, Mikhail Saakashvili again gives food for thought. On March 7, the Georgian president decided to test for his loud word the rostrum of the Azerbaijani parliament. The women, apparently, were waiting for Saakashvili to congratulate him on the upcoming women's holiday, but the old cockroaches in his head did not give Mikhail Nikolozovich peace again. Ideas about close cooperation with Azerbaijan gradually developed into words about how the Russian occupation authorities do not allow two Caucasian states to develop. Many wondered if Saakashvili spoke "life", or used his favorite soundtrack ... It hurts recognizable words, except that sometimes their Georgian president rearranges them every time. From the words of a lover of red ties, it was possible to learn how the Russian Empire once enslaved the entire Caucasus, and how Saakashvili personally opposes “expansion from Russia” today.
At the end of the speech, Mikhail Nikolozovich was expecting tumultuous applause, sometimes turning into a standing ovation, but at the end of his speech many deputies expressed the opinion that Saakashvili either did not read history or read it in somewhat controversial editions of American political schools. Saakashvili was recalled both about the St. George treatise, and about Heraclius II, and about the fact that with the American perception of history in general, you need to be more careful. And Saakashvili was also advised to use their own tribunes for such speeches the next time: after all, Western phonogram in Azerbaijan is still not perceived as vividly as in Georgia. For a long time, the cleaner in the Azerbaijani Milli Majlis scrubbed the traces of Mikhail Saakashvili's shoes - well, the truth is, as she comes, she always speaks, makes a mess - and back to Tbilisi. In general, now the Georgian president in Azerbaijan may not be given a place for his grand revelations - not only is he not wearing a shift, so suddenly he uses the same pills as John McCain ...
And "Protection" is no longer Indian
At the beginning of the week came controversial from India news that a certain Russian company, “Russia's Corporation Defense” got into the so-called “black list” of arms suppliers to the Indian armed forces. There are not so many companies in Russia with which the Indian side cooperates on the implementation of supplies weapons. They began to think what kind of a Russian supplier it was and how black was the list to which he fell. It turned out that all the “evidence” seems to indicate “Rosoboronexport” ... It turns out that an interesting Indian cinema is emerging: “Rosoboronexport” continues to consider itself the main supplier of weapons to India and - neither by sleep nor by spirit, that even a certain amount of time is not listed Indian defense officials "friends." Rosoboronexport employees, the right word, became nervous and began to demand explanations from New Delhi. But there, fortunately for Rosobornexport, they said that there was a small discrepancy with the translation into Russian. Indeed, the Russian company was blacklisted, but it was a completely different company, Zashchita, and Rosoboroexport could continue to sleep peacefully ...
It turned out that the company Zashchita, which was banned in India, is engaged in the production of helmets, body armor and car reservation. What the Indians do not like so much about the production of “Defense”, one can only guess: the armored “Mercedes” of one of the military officials playing the boys on the street can be shot through with a slingshot, and it can be very difficult to cross the sacred Ganges in “protective” body armor.
Syrian Air Defense and Democratic Santa
The already bewildered West, not understanding what to “do” with Syria now, experienced another cold shower after General James Mattis spoke in the US Senate. This man wears a flattering "title" of the commander of the central command of the United States Army. With such a position, not knowing what was happening in Syria would be simply not gentlemanly for Mattis, so the general began to use terms chilling the whole "progressive world." He said that today in Syria there is an integrated modern air defense system, “Made in Russia”, and therefore it is now very risky to launch an operation against Assad. And after all, the most interesting thing is that most of the “Friends of Syria” immediately picked up the idea of a general: they say, yes, oh, oh, very risky. Of course, we, of course, still want to remove the “bloodsucker of Bashar” from the presidency, but it’s too scary to go under “Yakhonty” and everything else.
Of course, we and we used to know about the intractable courage of the NATO military, about their self-sacrifice in the struggle for world democracy, but thanks to General Mattis, we learned even more about it. Now it becomes clear that real democracy comes only in those countries where problems with air defense are obvious. After all, Santa Claus, carrying a full bag of democracy, is somehow scared to fly on his deer over the cocked C-300 and C-400, animals can and do it with fear ...
Spring Depression in NATO
This week came the news that the Russia-NATO summit, scheduled for May 2012, may not take place. Rasmussen associates understand that lately NATO has been losing its favorite tenacious grip on many fronts lately, which means it’s time to think about how to talk with Russia now, because it’s Russia that doesn’t allow the Alliance to “work” according to the scheme. Obviously, in NATO, before talking with Russia, you need to encourage yourself, say, guys, everything is fine, everything is OK - to sing a couple of patriotic chants, to rush around the Organization headquarters in Brussels - to catch, so to speak , pretty confused courage. Rasmussen can be given some practical advice on how to raise morale in the Alliance. You can arrange psychological training, use darts with images of Putin, Assad and Ahmadinejad with the accrual of award points for the accuracy of hitting the target. You can, of course, invite John McCain with his courage-giving pills. But the best thing is to visit the site of the Russian Ministry of Defense, in order to “drive” the whole Alliance into the good old Tetris, they say, reassures - it’s not for nothing that the site was modernized by Serdyukov ...
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