Military Review

Liberty Island

26
Liberty IslandThe residents of Miami, having woken up exactly for the brunch, were surprised to find polite military men on the streets who were guarding strategic objects: fast food, banks, federal authorities and the port. According to representatives of the self-defense detachment, formed from the indigenous population of the city, that is, Cubans, Mexicans and residents of Haiti, these people simply care about the security of the new government. The international airport of the city functioned normally. Just near all entrances and exits conveniently located military with completely natural sniper rifles and machine guns.


Florida state held an emergency meeting to develop a plan of action. However, their meeting was interrupted by an explosion completely safe, that is, in fact, a peaceful light-noise grenade. Representatives of the indigenous population, peacefully included with the flags of the Cuban revolution, told the local establishment about the inalienable rights of American citizens to self-government. An appeal was also read out to President Obama with a request to hold a referendum on self-determination for Miami in particular, and Florida in general on May 25. Some expressions in the text of the appeal were not entirely clear. A particularly frequent euphemism is "bljanachuj", written in Latin, but clearly having Cyrillic alphabet as its source.

A group of fur seals was blocked at the place of their permanent deployment by a group of local self-defense activists armed with baseball bats and flags of the Republic of Cuba. Seven tanks without identification marks, of course, had nothing to do with what was happening. In urgent issues News all the main television channels were constantly covered with stories about polite military men guarding strategic missile mines, Patriot complexes and parts of the marine corps. At the same time, the marines who went through a severe war in Afghanistan and Iraq declared their allegiance to the people of the United States and fiercely resisted. However, when toilet paper ended and cable television was cut down, information appeared about the transfer of polite military naval bases, military units and airfields to control. The US President asked the UN to convene an urgent Security Council meeting and announced that all armed forces were on full alert. In the process of increasing combat readiness, it turned out that the showers that had been installed in strategic places for America’s defense were broken. The smell of an unwashed body demoralized the NORAD command so much that it was forced to cancel missile launches, because: a) it could not work in such unbearable conditions; b) did not understand who attacked the civilian population of Florida.

Virtually the entire world community unanimously condemned the attempt to annex Florida to unidentified polite military, who silently watched the preparations for the referendum. The representative of the European Union Catherine Ashton expressed the conviction that external interference in the internal affairs of the United States is unacceptable. Secretary of State John Kerry also emotionally stated that in the twenty-first century, direct military intervention was unacceptable. The journalists gathered at the press conference for a long time bellowed over this anecdote, noting Kerry’s subtle banter over the military campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan. The next day, Ashton had a telephone conversation with the head of the Estonian Foreign Ministry, in which she shared her impressions of the “stupidity of the Yankees” and focused on the phrase “FUCK US”.

CNN journalists managed to identify one of the military by reading the tag on his backbag, "OSNAZ, Togliatti." They suggested that behind all this is Raul Castro, who had long wanted to get even with America. The National Security Agency drew attention to the fact that unknown, polite military men appeared completely suddenly and were not detected by the Echelon system of global surveillance. Moreover, right on the eve of the invasion, all of the agency’s computers and servers were attacked by an unknown virus that offered to access the Hot Chicks porn site. When everyone got there, an offer popped up on the screen to pay 100 rubles for access to the content. While we were dealing with the exchange rate of the ruble against the dollar, we converted the bucks, an invasion occurred.

The state of Florida, given the desire of the population to quickly hold a referendum, as well as due to the constant provocations from the continental aggressors, decided to speed up the referendum. Not 25 May, but 9 May. The legislators did not explain the choice of the date, because, as they were told, it was necessary. The Cuban legislature expressed its willingness to take in the bosom of the island a new peninsula. Fidel Castro, in spite of his grave health, gave a short, just two-hour speech on this matter. On the same day, the Florida government announced that it was de facto part of Cuba. Absolutely peaceful submarines, which by the way surfaced in the waters of Miami, confirmed the seriousness of these intentions.

Parts of the US Army, blocked by polite military, offered desperate resistance. The military played beach volleyball all day long and literally exhausted themselves. Then there was a message about the nationalization of all property in Florida, which now belongs to the Spanish-speaking population. The quick reaction units of the mainland army were blocked at roadblocks. Under the guise of this, the fighters of self-defense with St. George ribbons caught some five-star general and gave him bream from the heart. And one of them even pierced the so-called “deer”: the general painted the spreading horns with his hands and got to the lobeshnik. President Obama was preparing to launch a nuclear strike on Florida when he unexpectedly discovered a short three-letter word on his door. Arrived on the scene, Secret Service officers identified the inscription as the highest security threat and evacuated the president to a safe place. In Rostov-on-Don. No one will be looking for it there.
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26 comments
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  1. operator35
    operator35 7 March 2014 06: 12
    +1
    funny))
    somewhere it was already .... recourse
    1. Alexander Romanov
      Alexander Romanov 7 March 2014 06: 27
      +24
      Quote: operator35
      funny))

      Not a joke, but a signal! We begin the revolution in the USA on May 25. California and Alaska are native Russian lands. We will hold a referendum and I assure the citizens of the Autonomous Okrug of the Russian Federation Alaska and the California Territory of the Russian Federation that a hamburger will not cost more than 20 rubles! Nothing to worry about. Freedom and independence guaranteed by the Russian constitution. winked
      1. operator35
        operator35 7 March 2014 06: 39
        +7
        I agree!
        Obama and Kerry agree, we can stir up the referendum in Alaska ... repeat
        1. StolzSS
          StolzSS 7 March 2014 07: 27
          +3
          I will agitate local polar bears and deer for joining the Russian Federation as an autonomous region of Alaska in order to develop democracy and friendship of bears and deer with our horned and clubfoot fellow
          1. afdjhbn67
            afdjhbn67 7 March 2014 09: 33
            0
            But no one noticed that the teddy bear (NEDAM) has already grown!
      2. Sunjar
        Sunjar 7 March 2014 06: 58
        0
        Oh well, their tries. Sami respite and peremochat each other. Democratic pederastic laws will bear fruit.
      3. platitsyn70
        platitsyn70 7 March 2014 07: 20
        0
        Yes, tomorrow we’ll send Lavrov first to Scotland, to Patom to Belgium, then to Spain, and so on, and all of them will be invited to join the CU when Europe falls, the United States itself will be asked to join us in the CU, then we will remember the WTO.
      4. schizophrenic
        schizophrenic 7 March 2014 07: 38
        0
        Quote: Alexander Romanov
        We begin the May 25th revolution in

        It is not better to announce the beginning of Operation Alaska is Ours on May 9 in honor of the victory over the Nazis and we will control the entire pole laughing wassat Thanks keep it up laughing
        1. Alexander Romanov
          Alexander Romanov 7 March 2014 08: 26
          0
          Quote: schizophrenic
          No better on May 9 in honor of the victory

          Once on May 9, we have a Parade, festivities, then 100 front lines, etc. In one word, once hi
          1. schizophrenic
            schizophrenic 7 March 2014 13: 32
            0
            Quote: Alexander Romanov
            May 9th once, we have a Parade, festivities, then 100 front

            So in Alaska, the movement of troops for the official parade as a result of the troops disappeared somewhere and it is not known where they were and were found on the territory of Washington laughing
    2. And Us Rat
      And Us Rat 7 March 2014 08: 03
      +2
      Quote: operator35
      funny))
      somewhere it was already .... recourse

      Hmmm, funny, am I the only one who caught the satirical allegory and notes of sarcasm in this article?
      There is an entertaining trick in sophistry - reductio ad absurdum ....
      1. Alexander Romanov
        Alexander Romanov 7 March 2014 08: 27
        +3
        Quote: And Us Rat

        Hmmm, funny, am I the only one who caught the satirical allegory and notes of sarcasm in this article?

        No, not the only one. Putin joked - Obama crap wink
        1. And Us Rat
          And Us Rat 7 March 2014 09: 33
          +2
          Quote: Alexander Romanov
          Quote: And Us Rat

          Hmmm, funny, am I the only one who caught the satirical allegory and notes of sarcasm in this article?

          No, not the only one. Putin joked Obama crap wink

          And this man gives me warnings for swearing laughing laughing laughing
          Crap - loudly said, he rather hangs up (like a computer), acts and speaks in cliches, apparently they are in serious confusion - they don’t know which side to begin to unravel this situation, but for now they are trying to win time for reflection, imitating violent activity according to old patterns. yes
    3. Max_Bauder
      Max_Bauder 7 March 2014 09: 59
      +2
      Absolutely stupid comparison. Author-maydanuty fascist. Hints that Russia is annexing Crimea in a technical way.

      Explain the differences:
      1) Miami, Florida, was not historically in Russia for 3-4 centuries, so that Russia would react
      2) and as a result, Russians have not lived in large numbers there for centuries, Russians, for example, do not dictate the foreign policy course to Ukraine like England Australia, USA Canada
      3) white racists do not come to power in the USA by armed means who are ready to carry out the genocide of Hispanics and Miami so that they want to separate from it with a baseball bat and ask politely for protection.
      4) What is interesting, not all of the US population jointly with the advent of white racists to power, especially blacks and Mexicans, want to live without danger, so the entire cosmopolitan eastern coast of the United States, the states of Virginia, Washington, Pencilia, Louisiana, New York, Maine and others against this, they would like the white racists to leave and the moderates to come, who do not prohibit the Indians from speaking their language, Latinos in Spanish, learning and making interracial marriages.
      5) A civil war may well happen, and polite people do not want the white racists to kill the Latins, blacks and Indians who live in Miami on the entire east coast.
      6) if polite people wanted war and annexation of Miami and other states, they would be better off simply expelling white racists from power or simply invading the entire territory with troops, shooting drones at civilians.
      7) instead, why the polite people want the citizens of Miami to choose their master themselves, they have already done this, and have developed their own attitude towards white racists, but it cannot be positive. Can a victim's reaction to a rapist be positive?
      8) and finally, a very important difference between polite people and invaders. Polite people are welcome in Miami for some reason, and no one shoots at them. That says a lot. In which country can the United States boast of such an attitude towards its soldiers? maybe in Afghanistan? or Iraq? or Libya? maybe somewhere in latin america? Not! Nowhere! Anyone hates them, and is ready to strangle them! even me! =)
    4. Geisenberg
      Geisenberg 7 March 2014 12: 57
      0
      Quote: operator35
      funny))
      somewhere it was already .... recourse


      Author I.D.ot. Found a topic where you can joke.
  2. mirag2
    mirag2 7 March 2014 06: 13
    +7
    Come on, all this is from the category of cheap fairy tales, a carbon copy from the Soviet era.
    You can also dream of the United States in our (Ukrainian) place to imagine-just how many can’t imagine, they won’t be there.
    I can also tell a fairy tale-there was a peasant Doraemon and he brought a keg of soy to the market ... And there are some polite samurai of the neighbor prince ...
  3. Orc-xnumx
    Orc-xnumx 7 March 2014 06: 28
    +5
    Stupid and not funny! The analogies are drawn by the balls!
    1. Egoza
      7 March 2014 08: 06
      +3
      Quote: Orc-78
      Stupid and not funny! The analogies are drawn by the balls!

      The tale is a lie, but a hint in it! If you have the strength to mock, then not everything is lost!
      I especially liked the latter - where the American president will rush to hide ... wassat
      1. Alexander Romanov
        Alexander Romanov 7 March 2014 08: 27
        +2
        Quote: Egoza
        Tale is a lie, but a hint in it

        Chernozadom lesson laughing
  4. lapo32
    lapo32 7 March 2014 06: 37
    +1
    Cool, fresh lol
  5. Gardamir
    Gardamir 7 March 2014 06: 38
    +3
    By the way yesterday rummaged through the Internet. Alaska, Texas. there are still places where Americans dream of self-determination.
    1. mirag2
      mirag2 7 March 2014 06: 50
      +1
      They are not as "self-determined" - as you and we hope.
      They can change the name, they still have some rights to beat off (even get their money), but nothing more.
      All the same, they will remain in the states. For- "this is the best and freest country."
      And the fighters they have are mostly from the outback, just Texas, Louisiana and the wooded north.
  6. techmesh
    techmesh 7 March 2014 06: 55
    +2
    Negro-Mexican spring is around the corner !!!
  7. kind
    kind 7 March 2014 06: 57
    +1
    At the beginning, the employees accepted the news about the reduction of staff by 10% cautiously, but after understanding what was the matter, they unanimously voted for the reduction of staff in Washington, Alaska, Texas, New Jersey, and Columbia !!!good
  8. Name
    Name 7 March 2014 06: 58
    -1
    These words, let God’s ears! hi GDP sure is thinking about it ... winked
  9. ilya_82
    ilya_82 7 March 2014 06: 59
    +6
    Guys, this is trolling. The events described in the article, drawing parallels to the events in the Crimea, are described from the point of view of their complete absurdity, which can lead to feelings of absurdity of actions in the Crimea. In my opinion, the tragedy in Ukraine is not a cause for banter. What other times would I have laughed, but not now. We think comrades, we think, and not cheer-patriotism, under this sauce on and not such a misinformation slip
  10. borisjdin1957
    borisjdin1957 7 March 2014 06: 59
    +1
    from the don.
    Thank you, Sasha! Neighing from the heart! Romanov is also well done! What a ray of light on the background of messages from Ukraine!
  11. Arh
    Arh 7 March 2014 07: 03
    0
    Dec usa - people without morality in one word monkeys! ! ! )))
  12. Riperbahn
    Riperbahn 7 March 2014 07: 12
    0
    And I liked it. Good parallels. But if it’s real - just the idea of ​​an alternative fiction novel :)
  13. VNP1958PVN
    VNP1958PVN 7 March 2014 07: 30
    +1
    To each according to his affairs am
  14. Horst78
    Horst78 7 March 2014 07: 41
    +1
    But I generally did not understand the meaning of the article what Judging by the text, this is a joke against Russia. Or how? what "-" to put or "+"?
  15. Neophyte
    Neophyte 7 March 2014 07: 51
    0
    Of course, a plus!
  16. vvpll
    vvpll 7 March 2014 08: 51
    0
    And I generally did not understand the meaning of the article. Judging by the text, this is a joke against Russia. Or how? "-" to put or "+"?

    Ask Putin.
  17. tank64rus
    tank64rus 7 March 2014 08: 56
    +2
    Without laughter, a professor from a business trip to the United States recently arrived at the department. Was in Texas known for its separatist sentiments. He told me that he saw a roadside poster on one side of Obama, sucking on a famous American gay, and on the other, Mr. Putin in the form of a KGB colonel and a three-ruler. Signature Texans! Which President is preferable to you. And this is not a joke but a trend.
  18. Ross
    Ross 7 March 2014 10: 17
    0
    Quote: Alexander Romanov
    Quote: operator35
    funny))

    Not a joke, but a signal! We begin the revolution in the USA on May 25. California and Alaska are native Russian lands. We will hold a referendum and I assure the citizens of the Autonomous Okrug of the Russian Federation Alaska and the California Territory of the Russian Federation that a hamburger will not cost more than 20 rubles! Nothing to worry about. Freedom and independence guaranteed by the Russian constitution. winked

    A good idea, but the US government is legitimate, not a ride laughing
  19. Barrcode
    Barrcode 7 March 2014 14: 02
    0
    Obama to Rostov? Why do we have such "happiness" here? First Yanukovych, now the hypothetical Obama ... Stop bringing all sorts of scoundrels to us, even hypothetical ones.