Military Review

Vodka pilots do not give !!!!

Vodka pilots do not give !!!!Once at a general gathering, that is, at a meeting, all the chiefs invested with power, the valiant pilots complained:

- We have little intelligence information on the KTO zone, we fly, we fly and we don’t know, there are bandits or special forces under us (which, given our current legal background, as it were, more cultured to say, well, let's say ... monopenisual ...)?

- Fuck you information? - the chief of staff of grouping was indignant. - And so you will achieve the planned hell planes, and once you find out that there are bandits in the area, you will have all the screws turned back to the masonry station ... Well, okay, chief of intelligence, provide our winged brothers with information.

HP puzzled this problem spetsnazovskogo chief, he, in turn, puzzled the court Khankalinsky detachment, which was located just next to the air base. But I forgot, however, the chief special forces officer, that the task should be set to a specific person, and not to transfer it to the battalion commander through a half-witted lieutenant who was on duty at the TsBU that night. Leteha lost all night at Wolfstein, and by morning he had forgotten everything. Even when changing his attire, he tried to introduce himself as an agent Blazkovich, for which he was ridiculed by another in exactly the same way that Volfstein did not care. The new person on duty stepped in, sat down at the computer of the person on duty at the Central Bank of Ukraine, and launched “Kazakov”.

Closer to 11 in the morning, a lieutenant colonel in flight uniform appeared at the checkpoint of the squadron, in flight form, strenuously pretending to be the chief of intelligence of the airbase. He trampled on the checkpoint and tried to penetrate the territory of the detachment, but he was caught and caught vigilant of the real. After half an hour of admonitions and explanations, the daily officer realized that a certain pilot had arrived, but he did not understand the day-to-day Yakut nationality.

“Tell your intelligence chief that the pilots arrived for the report,” he begged the soldier.

“Yeah,” said the man of the day, and, exhausted from the heat, went under the fungus to the telephone.

Fifteen minutes, gusto, yawning, he twisted the handle. While the pen was spinning, the information that needed to be brought to the duty officer completely disappeared from my head. Finally, he got through, the Cossacks had a riot at the attendant, so the attendant was nervous a little.

- Well, what are those deer? - he asked the pipe

The Yakut soldier remembered the deer and dreamed, smiled.

- Fuck, well, what the fuck! - the person on duty shouted in a pipe.

- Aaaa, comrade lieutenant, then the pilots came for vodka, - blurted the orderly.

- What the fuck vodka? Pilots? They fucking alcohol a little something? - the attendant boiled. - Send him to dick, we do not have vodka.

He shrugged and moved toward the reconnaissance pilot.

“No,” he said, “they probably sold everything.”

The distraught pilot opened his mouth and decided to come back later. Later, the pilot nevertheless achieved some results, the orderly phoned the duty officer, who, in turn, called the beginning. the opera of the detachment, having decided, once the pilots came for vodka and for some reason to the chief of intelligence of the detachment, then the beginning. operas will sort this out somehow. An unshaven nachoper came, dressed, despite the heat, in a camouflage ShPS (special-purpose fagot cap) and in magnificent TTSs (underpants tank blue).

Upon learning that the pilots had arrived and even for vodka, the captain of the beginning. the operas did not go ahead, but cautiously, scouting, however, through the medium of day-time, I found out that the reconnaissance pilot had allegedly arrived with the permission of the head of the intelligence group.

- Hey, you! - thought early. Oper, - it’s unclean, I’ll call you right now at the higher headquarters, to your guide and find out what these things are.

Having phoned to the special operations officer on duty, the noper cautiously inquired as to whether there were any orders to issue vodka to the pilots.

Ofigeevshiy on duty in the department, as they say in the common people "did not cut the headlights", and also very carefully otmazalsya, they say, I started the current-current, right now there will be a chef, ask him.

Captain beg. the operas at the other end of the Zasov apparatus sanely reasoned that the thread stretches even higher further, and decided that it was necessary to report to his direct chief, or to be more precise, to the chief of staff. NS pumped the "triceps" in the rocking chair, having finished the series, he listened to the beginning. the opera and, cursing, trudged to ring the head of the special forces unit. The chief specialist was just sitting in the office and received reports from subordinate units. And then here, the pilots came to the spetsnaz detachment, they demand vodka and they say that the head of the reconnaissance group allowed them to take vodka from the special forces.

- You know what, buddy, let the battalion commander better call back on this issue to the intelligence chief himself, as I understand it, vodka is a personal matter, if you have an extra, give it, but a little, I cannot order you ...

The reconnaissance pilot, standing at the checkpoint of the detachment, spat on everything and went to drink diluted alcohol. The Spetsnaz battalion commander, having learned that he had to call about the Nru pilots who had gone bad, immediately grabbed the pipe, phoned the Chief and, indignantly, painted and colorfully painted the crowds of distraught pilots besieging the checkpoint of the special forces unit, demanding, pleading and begging them to give them vodka, hiding behind the name of the head of intelligence ...

The chief of intelligence went wild and snarled into the phone:


After that, I got through to the commander of the air base and expressed everything that he thought about the pilots and their morals.

In the evening, at the airbase, everyone who got drunk in the eyes of the commander was slapped by a storkman, including a reconnaissance pilot who drank in diluted alcohol, and the strict commander told him:

“You, Lieutenant Colonel, instead of eating a Khanka, would take a reconnaissance report from the special forces.”

In the morning a half-sober lieutenant colonel stood at the checkpoint of the detachment at eight o'clock.

The last Yakut soldier, who had not yet changed, saw the pilot, twisted the handle of the phone:

- Comrade Lieutenant, again, the pilots for vodka came.
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  1. user
    user 14 June 2013 11: 04
    Well, as in the good old days!

    You also want to include aviation units in the airborne divisions

    That's about such an interaction has always been
    1. Big lexey
      Big lexey 14 June 2013 11: 28
      This is a work of art from the writer A. Zagorsky. and take it literally is not worth it.
      I read a lot of works of Mr. Zagorsky. Mentally writes. In Russian. Soldierly. It happens a bit awkward, but it takes and nostalgia for military service appears and appears ...
      1. Mitek
        Mitek 14 June 2013 12: 00
        Quote: BigLexey
        This is a work of art from the writer A. Zagorsky. and take it literally is not worth it.
        I read a lot of works of Mr. Zagorsky. Mentally writes. In Russian. Soldierly. It happens a bit awkward, but it takes and nostalgia for military service appears and appears ...

        I can’t say anything about this case, but in my cadet years I was hiding from a platoon officer who had frowned at NG on a box from under the old Soviet color TV, and the box on the mezzanine was safely forgotten there later ... Morning was enchanting for the outfit )
  2. Petro
    Petro 14 June 2013 11: 16
    Another bike, nothing!
  3. de klermon
    de klermon 14 June 2013 11: 37
    The joke is good, you can even say talented, with a twist ... But this is not funny! Unfunny, until in reality with interaction and communication everything will be in perfect order with us! Well, or when our mobile communications in the combat zone or exercises cease to be established (not in the sense that they cease to be established at all), then together we can laugh at how было and hopefully never will be again! ..
  4. vdovinab
    vdovinab 14 June 2013 11: 52
    bike-embellished story based on real events. Class !!! Thanks to the author!
  5. sashka
    sashka 14 June 2013 13: 16
    This article was already published last month. It wasn't funny. Is the article more fun now? I was also "recommended" to see Petrosyan. Not funny .. Is there a catch in the post ?. Why with such "..." it is necessary to publish such "...".?
  6. The comment was deleted.
  7. KazaK Bo
    KazaK Bo 14 June 2013 13: 28
    Speak a work of art and a joke !? It is with such jokes that army life often develops. FOR EXAMPLE, 1992. Transcarpathia. Our unit, the SPRN unit, still of Moscow subordination ... but the last days. Slowly we are being handed over to Ukrainian squadron forces .. after a divorce of internal service, a new captain TUCHIN (Russian from the Volga region), the new duty officer for management of the administrative and economic zone, changes, the chief services of Major G., a Ukrainian from Vinichina ...
    As always - when changing the exchange of news and the latest events. At that time, there was so much different information that we even stopped believing anything, but on duty they took everything seriously. So Major G. decided to play a trick on the Russian Tuchin. They say, on the internal service, not only to report to Moscow, but also to Kiev to such a department. In Kiev, the report must be only in Ukrainian, otherwise they will be removed from duty and immediately fired. All military ranks and surnames must be translated into Ukrainian. He said he quickly ran home. Nikolai Nikolayevich could not get it right for a long time, and when it came, then none of the Ukrainians were there. For about 20 minutes he was trying to find out by the intercom of the military housing estate how to translate it into the Ukrainian report ... he wrote down the translations on a piece of paper ... he plucked up his courage and calls ... and at the other end in Kiev, the same was sitting Penzyak - a colonel who had never object did not intersect, but only heard from others about its superimportance. He wrote everything down on a piece of paper ... Here is Captain Tuchin and reads the report "Pan Viiskovy Sergeant Major! And then-la-la-la-la (the text of the report was translated for him). Reporting to the captain (captain) KhMARA (Tuchin)!" " The colonel (sergeant-major of the Viisk) has a small half-infart. He already dreamed that the object was captured by the Bandera (and before that we had been fighting with the local "greens" for almost a year about the construction of a new object) ... which he immediately reported to the command post of the main headquarters in Moscow ... and, accordingly, the chief headquarters of the Air Defense Forces of Ukraine. Those who accepted the reports immediately reported on the command above .... And there was a reverse promotion with raising not only the bowls. forces, but also a number of units in the corresponding battlefield ... What happened !!!! ... It's good that the operational officer on duty at the facility turned out to be an intelligent lieutenant colonel ... he quickly extinguished the fire ...
    And you say ... a work of art. Yes, our whole army life was a great work of art.
  8. individual
    individual 14 June 2013 14: 33
    Bike about a damaged phone: hi
  9. alex-cn
    alex-cn 14 June 2013 14: 44
    Well, well done! Respected grandfather! I myself in the army almost got into the same deaf phone. Thank you! Our army is strong, nothing has changed in 30 years ...
  10. fenix57
    fenix57 14 June 2013 15: 01
    Sad ..."... Still, life has become much easier now. Twenty years ago, in order to drop the phone into the toilet, you would have to first tear it off the wall ..." what
  11. rpek32
    rpek32 14 June 2013 16: 31
    So there was already a story about a month ago. what
  12. pakfa-t-50
    pakfa-t-50 14 June 2013 22: 57
    Cigarettes, beer, vodka, mat - not our format !!!!!!! "Go Russia!"
  13. Petrovich
    Petrovich 15 June 2013 03: 52
    Who served in the army does not laugh at the circus. Good story. In general, the way it is. :-)
  14. Consul-t
    Consul-t 15 June 2013 12: 32
    One could laugh if it were not so sad.
    And how else do we win in such a mess?
    Then we correct personal heroism ... and losses ...
  15. Oksana
    Oksana 17 June 2013 16: 55
    Arab-Israeli war, Egypt
    The Soviet Air Force squadron was in the middle of the desert. The only entertainment is combat missions. Water is strictly limited, they didn't even wash their hands, but cleaned them with special paste from a tube. In short, wilderness. During some big Arab holiday it was announced that "we are not at war today." The pilots decided to finally relax. : bul: But at the end of this celebration of life, an order came from the headquarters for an urgent flight to intercept, because Suddenly, it turned out that the Jews have a different opinion about the timetable today.
    The order, there is an order and those pilots who were still on their feet helped load their friend into the cockpit, because he couldn’t do this anymore and ... The MiG flew away. Somewhere after 5-10 minutes, they suddenly realized what they had done and ... sobered up at the moment. Flew away was a Hero of the Soviet Union, the best ace of the regiment and other, other ... TRIBUNAL?
    But after a while the plane appeared again over the airfield and even ... sat down. Everyone rushed to the car. The lantern opened and our Hero fell into the hands of friends with a happy smile ... victoriously raising up 2 (or 3?, I don't remember) fingers! He shot down 2 Mirages!
    At present. on airplanes, any shake of the hands leads to throwing the car from side to side. Therefore, the condition of our pilot led to the fact that the MiG behaved in the air as it was typical for an inexperienced Arab pilot. "But under the lamb's skin was a lion!" What the Israelis fell for.
  16. Oksana
    Oksana 17 June 2013 18: 45
    Quote: pakfa-t-50
    Cigarettes, beer, vodka, mat - not our format !!!!!!! "Go Russia!"

    Allow to rephrase ??? !!! While the Russian soldier! There are matches, gunpowder, SAMOGON! So ... eh ..! NATO soldiers! Trembling with fear -PENTAGON!
    I'm wildly sorry! repeat
  17. slacker
    slacker 22 June 2013 21: 51
    Neighing from the heart)))
  18. gych
    gych 30 June 2013 14: 52
    This bike has already been published by the same author on the same site  May 24, 2013!
  19. apsnit
    apsnit 2 December 2015 05: 36
    Amused, Andrey Vladimirovich !!!