Results of the week. “Oh, those fairy tales! Oh, these storytellers! ”
Part I. "I believe that a person can be trusted only as a last resort"
Secret Romanian Copper
It took the Romanian side two years to find a “decent” response to the announcement by Moscow in 2010 of the year as a persona non grata of a Romanian diplomat named Grecu. This gentleman was once detained in the Russian capital at the time of obtaining important military information.
So, the Romanians, as you can see, have been puzzled for a long time in order to generate an idea of revenge against the "damned Russians." As a result, it turned out quite Romanian ... The press of this “brotherly” state reports that a Russian spy was nevertheless detained at the airport of Bucharest. Apparently, for two whole years the Romanian special services slept and saw how they would carry out a lightning operation under the name of “The Enduring Carpathians”. And now the moment X has come.
How did you know that he is a spy? So everything is simple: the person with him allegedly had “secret” documents and topographic maps of the “super-secret” Romanian object - the copper mine ... How did you know that the spy was Russian? It turns out that now our domestic spies are moving abroad only on their passports. It is not yet clear whether the vigilant Romanian employees of the airport found a detained passenger with a workbook containing the entry “Spy from Russia”, the authenticity of which is certified by seals stored in Lubyanka ...
In general, however, the Romanian prosecutor’s office now accuses the detainee of industrial espionage. According to Romanian laws, a Russian citizen faces up to seven years in prison.
By the way, there is one more oddity in this matter. The “spy” was detained as early as the second decade of October, and the Romanians issued such “stunning” information only this week. This is not only inconsistent with international standards, but in general gives it difficult to hide unprofessionalism. Although where the international standards and professionalism, and where today Romania ...
The spy was declared a Russian, but to this day there are no reports that he really has Russian citizenship. Whether the passport was not fully translated, the Romanian special services were translated, or the passport was not there at all, and a man in broken Russian with a Polish or Croatian accent said that he was definitely from Russia ...
In general, if the “spy” is ours, then somehow our industrial intelligence began to work fine: some copper mine in some Romania ... If only the preparing bridgehead for the PRO system would redraw something, or something ...
The Russians will soon start blaming espionage for espionage. They from Turkey "took as a souvenir" hotel slippers with a towel ...
Traffic jams above the clouds
But we already began to forget that in our country there were times when the phrase “traffic jam on the avenue” could cause bewilderment. Bung? So what? Janitor throws an urn - great trouble! However, today there is no such “janitor” in the country who could cope with traffic congestion so easily. But many want to try.
In particular, the next turn in the fight against traffic jams in the week was reported in Moscow. There was information that now Russian top political officials can move not by land, but across the sky, which, in principle, is consistent with the feelings of their own status as representatives of the Russian government ... Movement will be made on helicopters, so as not to inconvenience motorists. In this case, obviously, the escort tuple will not be transplanted to the helicopters ... And if not, then the numerous guards will continue to move in the most usual way - that is, on the ground.
However, the snag is that the motorcade along the roads, for example, Moscow will move without flashing lights, and this, as you understand, the “motorcade” will obviously spoil the nerves. Just judge for yourself: the chef is in the sky, and a dozen black Mercedes cars are stuck somewhere in Kapotnya on the section of the road being repaired. The chef has already arrived, and the hour shuffles from foot to foot on the helipad, and the short-haired guys and other accompanying people nervously smoke in traffic and listen to the chanson - nothing can be done without a flasher.
There are several ways out of this situation. First way out: special support of state officials, too, transplanted into helicopters, well, or at least hang-gliders. Then you will lift your head up, and across the sky, while flashing colorful lights, the “flock” moves, and satisfied motorists will waving a friendly hand at the open window of the driver's door. True, in such a situation, smaller-sized officials may also wish to soar over traffic jams, and as when counting the number of officials in Russia, even at Rosstat employees nervous breakdowns occur, the sky over Moscow alone can turn into a picture of the Fifth Element.
The second way out is to buy Chinook helicopters from the American army, or use our advanced Mi-12 for power needs so that everyone has enough space for flights. The Government meeting ended - all the ministers were loaded into one big helicopter, and they were also taken home with the guards. And in the morning they loaded everyone back again - and forward, to work on the development of the country and the fight against traffic jams. Yes, if you wish, you can also pack the whole State Duma together with the Federation Council into such a helicopter, if, of course, you can equip the salon with folding chairs and upper shelves for those who are especially tired ...
Revelations from Alexander Lukashenko
This week, one of the main newsmakers in terms of non-standard News was including Belarus. It began with the fact that the Belarusian leader gave an interview to the British weekly Independent, in which for some reason he devoted a rather solid part to his personal attitude to sexual minorities. At the same time, the President of Belarus began his fabrications on the topic of same-sex love with the words “Holy-holy!” and "the Lord be with them!"
It’s hard to say with whom the Lord is there, but judging by the further statements of Alexander Grigorievich, the following happened. The gay leader of the Belarusian nation completely rejects and takes this phenomenon extremely negatively. True, the explanation of his thoughts Lukashenko led quite entertaining. According to him, the entire abnormality of same-sex, say, male-to-male contacts is abnormal because gay children are not born. It turns out that if, God forbid, they were born, Alexander Grigorievich would soften his attitude towards these slippery intimate matters ...
In addition, the Belarusian president does not blame same-sex couples made up of the weaker sex, although they, too, as far as we know, did not learn to have children on their own ... His opinion in this case comes down to the fact that for some women "men turned out to be untenable." The conversation ended with the phrase that Alexander Grigorievich "regrets lesbianism with regret."
In all this stories with same-sex relations, information about which has already been harassed by the majority of Russians, it’s surprising that even the Belarusian leader himself has been led by Western journalists to such a conversation. Now, in the West, they clearly savor episodes in which Lukashenko actually says that lesbian couples, whatever one may say, are better than couples made up of gays. Oh, dad, dad ... These damned Western journalists will bring you to sin ...
And, apparently, in order to immediately put the West in place and somehow distract him from close attention to the gay communities, Alexander Grigorievich decided to deliver an unexpected blow below the belt. The blow was that representatives of the Belarusian delegation to the OSCE, unexpectedly for many of those present, reported serious shortcomings in the organization of elections in the United States. The Belarusians stated that the laws of the 46 states, which are not allowed to see foreign observers in US elections, clearly undermine democratic foundations and do not interfere with the notion of an advanced democratic power. In addition, Belarusian diplomats say about the imperfection of the electoral system in the United States, because in some cases the president of the country may be a man for whom fewer citizens voted than the opponent.
In general, here Alexander Lukashenko showed the whole West that with his “gay frills” he was not distracted from a correct understanding of geopolitics.
Old records of the new Georgian government
No sooner had a new cabinet formed in Georgia, than it suddenly seemed to many that Bidzina Ivanishvili’s government gramophone began to scroll through old hissing records. One of these records is the speech of the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Georgia, Ms. Panjikidze. The minister is new, but she seems to have borrowed the words from the predecessor minister. The fact is that Maya Guramovna, immediately seated in the ministerial chair, declared that Georgia was not even going to restore diplomatic relations with Russia, because she was “occupying” 29% of Georgian territory.
There is a thought that, probably, some special chairs are established in the government of Georgia. Here you just judge: a couple of weeks ago, the same Ms. Panjikidze let slip that, they say, you need to start building relations with your northern neighbor. But as soon as she plopped down into a soft Foreign Office chair, something immediately closed her diplomatic head, her eyes grew dim with the happiness of being in government offices, and the mouth, almost involuntarily, gave out a phrase about the “Russian occupation of Georgia.” Perhaps it was Mikhail Saakashvili who, with his own hand, laid out the buttons on all the ministerial chairs, on which traces of his biomaterial were left ...
It will not be surprising if the poison begins to spread through the blood of the new Georgian ministers and reaches the brain departments, which in any Georgian government are responsible for the need to solve the Abkhaz and South Ossetian issues by force, with the active support of the "NATO brothers". So what if Bidzina Grigorievich had just himself accused Saakashvili and his party of preparing and conducting large-scale military provocation ... Such words are quickly forgotten in present-day Georgia, especially if the United States is declared the main friend of the Georgian people for all times.
And if friendship is forever, then the West will tinker, and Ivanishvili will also try to "restore constitutional order." They will live like this: every new leader of the Georgian nation will, at the instigation of "friends", test the Russian army for strength, and the territory of Georgia will collapse and even may one day shrink to the front garden of the next Mr. Washingtonoshtvili.
Let's play in the city
This week, experts from the United Nations distinguished themselves by preparing a report on the fastest-dying cities in the world. The list included 28 cities, with 11 cities of this number located on the territory of the Russian Federation, five - in Ukraine. The remaining 12 cities belong to such countries as Liberia, Georgia, Hungary, Romania, Italy, Armenia, Cuba and South Korea.
After the publication of the report, many representatives of the settlements indicated in the list were quite surprised.
Here is a list of Russian "endangered" cities, according to "UN researchers: Omsk, Novorossiysk, Chelyabinsk, Ufa, Volgograd, Voronezh, Saratov, Samara, Perm, Nizhny Novgorod and St. Petersburg.
It is surprising that no one in the United Nations thought to take into account statistical data on these cities. The experts themselves could not explain the principles on which this study was conducted. How could they be among the “endangered” cities, for example, Voronezh or St. Petersburg, if the population of the first year from 2002 increased by 151 thousand, and the second - by almost 300 thousand inhabitants. However, UN specialists have little interest in such data. They claim that even if now the population of these cities is growing, then it will definitely start to decrease since 2025 ... But if it grew a little faster, then, you see, the list would be different ... As they say, grandmother had something, then she would have been a grandfather.
Of course, we ourselves are well aware of our demographic problems, but here there is obvious disinformation from the UN. It is obvious that the people who prepared this study could hardly stamp their feet through the streets of these cities and studied the data of the regional registry offices. Apparently, the situation looked like this:
“Listen, Johnny, we were given n millions of dollars here, so that we would identify the“ endangered ”cities. Maybe you walk around the world and count the citizens?
- Billy, how naive you are! Why go? Give me the globe and spin it harder. How many cities do you say you need to count? .. Look, some Saratov ... Write. Now you.
- Volgograd! .. Well done, works! In the evening, in the accounting will need to go for an advance ...
Part II. “Who can do - does. Who does not know how - teaches. Who can not teach - manages "
Gym beds
Ahead of the planet
The United States holds the world record level for the number of prisoners per every hundred thousand people in this blessed country - with its “dream factory”, apple pies, Christmas turkey and reference democracy, with all of its ensuing rights and freedoms.
The US penitentiary system destroys itself. No, not by a special democratic approach, or even by the notorious single cameras, in which today’s languishing about 50 thousands of prisoners held there in complete isolation, without the right to communicate. The reason for the imminent collapse of the system is not in the horrors of imprisonment, but in the fact that prisoners ... are no longer included.
If in the 1980 year in the United States, 220 people were detained for every 100 thousand inhabitants, in 2010, the number of prisoners per capita increased threefold - 741 people per 100 thousand. This is what is fraught with a social explosion, and in the very next few years (other analysts call the exact date: 2018 year). The fact is that the number of prisoners of American prisons is not just large in absolute terms - 6 million people, which is 25% of all prisoners in the world, but the fact that this number exceeds capacity of penitentiary institutions on 2 million beds. In fact, the US correctional system is bursting at the seams.
The most crowded, according to Steve Nolan ("The Daily Mail"), Californian institutions - in 33 prisons for adults, designed for 80.000 people, contain 140.000 prisoners. By 2018, the “over-standard” number of prisoners is projected to be 45%. Now, according to the Bureau of Prisons Network, prison overcrowding is 39%.
The Supreme Court decided that this was unconstitutional, and ordered Californian jailers to release the 30.000 man. However, this will not solve the problem. What to do with the rest? Yes, and these thirty thousand will not be released tomorrow: the process will stretch at least until next summer, or even a couple of years.
Instead of cells, prisoners sleep in the gymnasium classrooms, on beds in sports halls, in laundry rooms, in all sorts of temporary rooms. One prisoner in San Diego Prison sleeps in a telephone room: there is a queue of people wanting to call home all day; payphones hang on the walls here. A guy who unwittingly listened to millions of words, after his release or amnesty, could have written several novels, the plots of which would have been well formed from telephone conversations. In the meantime, he has a terrible headache, and he has to plug his ears.
The US penitentiary system is also overloaded because the influx of prisoners has increased over the past five years. Western journalists have already written about the "mass order" of prisoners entering prisons. The single-cell cells became a shelter for three people, and the bunks rise in three tiers.
In order not to provoke conflicts that were inevitable with such crowding and overcrowding, prison administrations were forced to reduce the number of hours that residents of institutions could spend on walks. The walking zones themselves in prisons are also often turned into sleeping places. In Chino prison, there is simply no empty space between the beds. Prisoners literally live on each other.
In the West, there is a perception that overcrowding in prisons is even good, even if thieves, pedophiles and murderers torment themselves. “They don't like conditions?” They should not have committed crimes "- here view one commentator on the material in The Daily Mail, which, because of such words, sharply jumped "rating". “... Remember, they committed crimes and are there for this reason !!” This should be a punishment. It should not be a holiday camp! ”Writes another, simply bathing in the pros. Another collector of advantages is expressed in the sense that such conditions are the least that bad guys deserve.
The minuses were earned by a comrade from Canada, who called America “the best country of the world” (yes, in quotes), and an American from the District of Columbia, who “is amazed that taxpayers in the States are willing to spend billions of dollars every year just to put a person in jail for many years…"
But none of the commentators asked themselves the question: why is such a huge number of prisoners celebrated not just anywhere, but in an advanced democratic country, in the very one that daily teaches the whole world how to live right and publishes recipes for this very right life? Why has the total overpopulation of prisons continued in the US for eight years now? Is something rotten in the Danish kingdom?
Oh yeah. The United States had previously been a decaying imperialist cesspool, and after the collapse of the USSR, with its high exemplary morality, there was simply no one to take a positive example.
But the disintegration of society is only one reason. The second is laws passed in the United States after 11 September 2001. US citizens want to listen to their conversations, to be followed by the FBI to monitor the Internet, and the Department of Homeland Security bought millions of rounds, including expansive and for sniper rifles. American citizens are very afraid of terrorists, and are willing to accept some infringement of rights and freedoms. They agree to the use of the “Patriot Act”, invented in 2001, the year in which government agents can monitor citizens, access their personal records, block financial accounts, enter educational files, medical and any information, listen to telephone conversations and etc. The US population agrees and with the “Authorizing Act on National Defense” of 2011, which transfers all sorts of “anti-state affairs” to representatives of the army or special services, allowing them to completely remove the legal procedure from them. This law allows indefinite detention of any person: all that is needed is the statement of the American government that these and those comrades are terrorists or at least Russian spies.
These harsh and fast-acting laws, applied by the FBI guys according to a scenario developed for the NKVD triples, allow the authorities to fabricate spies and terrorists in very large and constantly growing quantities, and then send them to the American Gulag - for such a time that Comrade Stalin would have admired. .
The Americans, shivering for their safety, approve these laws, but only as long as the bloated penitentiary system doesn’t grab and plant years on a hundred of them.
Pre-election programs for every taste
From the national “iron curtain” to the proletarian gay revolution
If Obama invites its voters to continue the “reset” with fraternal Russia, and Romney wants to play ships on the world map and inflate the Pentagon’s budget; then twenty-five other candidates running for president from their parties put forward competing programs: from establishing an “iron curtain” in the country like the Soviet to total America’s landscaping.
Merlin Miller from the American Third Way Party (A3P) advocates for the revival of the American dream, which will be achieved by hard work, honesty and humility. And to go to the dream did not interfere with different strangers, illegals will deported, an “impenetrable barrier” will be put on the southern borders of the United States, an indefinite moratorium will be imposed on immigration, and those who entered the United States earlier will be offered “generous allowances” for the new authorities to leave the promised land forever. With the practice of granting political asylum, Miller also promises to end.
In foreign policy Mr. Miller condemns imperialism and promotes a position of non-intervention:
Economy in the US, Miller will correct the closure of the Federal Reserve. Education if it is focused on the restoration of the old American school. Teachers will again begin to learn what has practical application in everyday life, including mathematics and the traditional history of America. ABOUT family values Miller says quite clearly: A3P stands for traditional marriages.
At the same time, Mr. Miller acted for America for whites. The white man, as a result of multiculturalism, lost the right to be proud of his race, traditions, heritage, and therefore A3P "stands up for white American interests."
Another popular candidate, the leader of the Constitutional Party, Virgil Gude, which usually takes position, consonant with the "Third Way". He speaks hard about illegal immigration and proposes to introduce a moratorium on the issuance of "Green Card" - as long as unemployment in the United States is not reduced to 5%.
Green Party Candidate Jill Stein professional doctor, speaks immediately under two slogans: combating unemployment and protecting the environment. Stein promises to plant America, reduce the military budget by a third and guarantee employment and medical care to all US citizens.
The next candidate, nominee of the Libertarian Party, ex-Governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, He gained a little election success by advocating for the legalization of marijuana. This man claims that she is "no more dangerous than alcohol." Leaving NATO and the UN is also a libertarian idea. At the same time, the removal of the state from all spheres of private life is preached. Gay marriages, feminism, multiculturalism and other liberal charms up to common wives are fully loaded here: Comrade Marx and Comrade Engels would smell the spirit of American liberals.
American Party for Socialism and Liberation goes to the polls under the classic slogan of the struggle against imperialism (American, by the way) and the world revolution. Party members respect Fidel Castro and remember the past days with nostalgia, when one could see the enormity of the USSR and the CMEA countries on the political map of the world. 28-year-old anti-war activist Peta Lindsday has been nominated to the presidency of this party.
Free Socialist Party proposes to carry out the proletarian revolution with the hands of minorities, to which its leaders include not only gays, but also women. Candidate Stephen Durham, a Trotskyist by conviction and a man by gender, orates on the streets of the cities, defending the principles of gender equality and social justice.
Reform party A candidate for the fitness model of Andrew Barnett - an African American from New York. This comrade is a nationalist, but not of the absolute type, like Miller: he has nothing against the Negroes, but he intends to fight the domination of the Mexicans. Another reform party opposes the institution of electors.
Regional Party of ordinary people from Minnesota with presidential candidate Jim Carlson, a hemp merchant, advocates for the true power of the people and freedom of religion - the first and second will be supported by the legalization of marijuana and hashish.
Opposing potential hemp president Jack Fellure is a candidate from the Ban Party. This party is ready to ban everything: tobacco, alcohol, pornography, gambling, drugs, and stands on the principles of righteous American fundamentalism.
The diversity of candidates with some consonance of party programs suggests that the national idea is very popular in the United States, built on the advantage of the white race (the black one), closing the borders on the castle and blocking once and for all immigrant flows. This idea merges with the election platform, which includes an important point about the complete withdrawal of American troops from all those places where they had previously unsuccessfully sowed democracy, or rather poppy fields, death, Islamism and corruption. The program of Comrade Durham, who dreams of how loyal proletarians go to storm the White House: turners, locksmiths, laborers and housekeepers, and at the head of the revolutionary crowd - brave gays stand apart.
Hard to be american
Egyptian commandments and other instructions
As you know, Obama decided that after the events of September 11, 2012, Egypt is no longer an ally for America. Carrying out the decisions of the president in life, State Department officials set tasks for their employees and delegated responsibilities. But the administrative machine has a leisurely mechanism, and only a week ago at the US embassy in Cairo were composed personal safety instructions for Americans who are foolishly in Egypt.
So that the bloodthirsty Egyptians, led by Comrade Mursi, did not gobble up the American alive - at least for being an American - a citizen of a great democratic country is required to observe every day a whole set of complicated rules.
Every day, a citizen of the United States who, by the will of fate, who finds himself in Cairo, will have to change not only the routes of his movement along the city streets, but also their time. If yesterday a star-and-striped tourist went to the beach at ten in the morning, then today he will have to go to another beach, and at night. By the way, no stars and stripes are allowed - neither on a T-shirt, nor on swimming shorts, nor on shoes. Strictly prohibited and flags on the car. National symbols should be carefully avoided, otherwise the appropriate persons will quickly identify.
If you are an American citizen, then keep your car's windows closed and your doors locked. Sitting in the car or leaving it, do not lose vigilance: all the time watch what is happening near you. Perhaps someone guessed that you are American.
If the enemies of the American people began to pursue your car, start beeping evenly, trying to get the attention of the police. Fifty-fifty, that will work.
Are you really a tourist? In this case, you will often have to change the time and place of rest. This is necessary so that the Egyptian attackers do not form a model of your behavior and then do not track it. Be sure: you are being watched.
By the way, do not tell anyone about yourself, do not give phone numbers, names of relatives and friends.
Have the terrorists already pulled AK-47 shutters and something is rumbling in their own way? Last resort: Call the US Mission at 2797-3300. Do not worry, they will give you additional advice at any time: on this issue 24 is on duty seven days a week.
Although the Americans do not understand this, but the Egyptian instructions can be projected onto any country in which the US State Department conducted the Arab Spring. Where Hillary Clinton and her associates get democracy, Americans urgently need rescue instructions.
However, it is not easier for citizens of the United States to live at home.
If the State Department instructs Americans at the world level, then the dangers that await the representatives of the advanced nation at home are the responsibility of the sellers and manufacturers.
On a bottle of champagne flaunts warning: "Remove the label before placing it in the microwave." The battery pack imprinted: “Swallowed? Seek medical attention immediately. ” On the vial with the toilet cleaning fluid there is a tip: “It is safe to use in the presence of children and animals, but drinking from the toilet is not recommended.” A pack of sewing machine needles warns: "Do not stick in the penis." The iron box says: “Do not iron the clothes when you are dressed”. And Superman’s costume is disappointing at all: “Wearing a costume doesn’t mean that you can fly.”
Victor Friedman, who lived in the United States for a long time and returned to Russia, says: “I would not want my children to be as stupid as Americans. The state of education there is just awful. Graduates of the school can not write their own name without errors. College graduates do not know elementary geography. A friend of my wife asked me: “Europe is in France? ..”
It is hard to be American.
* “Oh, those fairy tales! Oh, these storytellers! ”- a phrase from the cartoon“ Last year’s snow fell ”
Secret Romanian Copper
It took the Romanian side two years to find a “decent” response to the announcement by Moscow in 2010 of the year as a persona non grata of a Romanian diplomat named Grecu. This gentleman was once detained in the Russian capital at the time of obtaining important military information.
So, the Romanians, as you can see, have been puzzled for a long time in order to generate an idea of revenge against the "damned Russians." As a result, it turned out quite Romanian ... The press of this “brotherly” state reports that a Russian spy was nevertheless detained at the airport of Bucharest. Apparently, for two whole years the Romanian special services slept and saw how they would carry out a lightning operation under the name of “The Enduring Carpathians”. And now the moment X has come.
How did you know that he is a spy? So everything is simple: the person with him allegedly had “secret” documents and topographic maps of the “super-secret” Romanian object - the copper mine ... How did you know that the spy was Russian? It turns out that now our domestic spies are moving abroad only on their passports. It is not yet clear whether the vigilant Romanian employees of the airport found a detained passenger with a workbook containing the entry “Spy from Russia”, the authenticity of which is certified by seals stored in Lubyanka ...
In general, however, the Romanian prosecutor’s office now accuses the detainee of industrial espionage. According to Romanian laws, a Russian citizen faces up to seven years in prison.
By the way, there is one more oddity in this matter. The “spy” was detained as early as the second decade of October, and the Romanians issued such “stunning” information only this week. This is not only inconsistent with international standards, but in general gives it difficult to hide unprofessionalism. Although where the international standards and professionalism, and where today Romania ...
The spy was declared a Russian, but to this day there are no reports that he really has Russian citizenship. Whether the passport was not fully translated, the Romanian special services were translated, or the passport was not there at all, and a man in broken Russian with a Polish or Croatian accent said that he was definitely from Russia ...
In general, if the “spy” is ours, then somehow our industrial intelligence began to work fine: some copper mine in some Romania ... If only the preparing bridgehead for the PRO system would redraw something, or something ...
The Russians will soon start blaming espionage for espionage. They from Turkey "took as a souvenir" hotel slippers with a towel ...
Traffic jams above the clouds
But we already began to forget that in our country there were times when the phrase “traffic jam on the avenue” could cause bewilderment. Bung? So what? Janitor throws an urn - great trouble! However, today there is no such “janitor” in the country who could cope with traffic congestion so easily. But many want to try.
In particular, the next turn in the fight against traffic jams in the week was reported in Moscow. There was information that now Russian top political officials can move not by land, but across the sky, which, in principle, is consistent with the feelings of their own status as representatives of the Russian government ... Movement will be made on helicopters, so as not to inconvenience motorists. In this case, obviously, the escort tuple will not be transplanted to the helicopters ... And if not, then the numerous guards will continue to move in the most usual way - that is, on the ground.
However, the snag is that the motorcade along the roads, for example, Moscow will move without flashing lights, and this, as you understand, the “motorcade” will obviously spoil the nerves. Just judge for yourself: the chef is in the sky, and a dozen black Mercedes cars are stuck somewhere in Kapotnya on the section of the road being repaired. The chef has already arrived, and the hour shuffles from foot to foot on the helipad, and the short-haired guys and other accompanying people nervously smoke in traffic and listen to the chanson - nothing can be done without a flasher.
There are several ways out of this situation. First way out: special support of state officials, too, transplanted into helicopters, well, or at least hang-gliders. Then you will lift your head up, and across the sky, while flashing colorful lights, the “flock” moves, and satisfied motorists will waving a friendly hand at the open window of the driver's door. True, in such a situation, smaller-sized officials may also wish to soar over traffic jams, and as when counting the number of officials in Russia, even at Rosstat employees nervous breakdowns occur, the sky over Moscow alone can turn into a picture of the Fifth Element.
The second way out is to buy Chinook helicopters from the American army, or use our advanced Mi-12 for power needs so that everyone has enough space for flights. The Government meeting ended - all the ministers were loaded into one big helicopter, and they were also taken home with the guards. And in the morning they loaded everyone back again - and forward, to work on the development of the country and the fight against traffic jams. Yes, if you wish, you can also pack the whole State Duma together with the Federation Council into such a helicopter, if, of course, you can equip the salon with folding chairs and upper shelves for those who are especially tired ...
Revelations from Alexander Lukashenko
This week, one of the main newsmakers in terms of non-standard News was including Belarus. It began with the fact that the Belarusian leader gave an interview to the British weekly Independent, in which for some reason he devoted a rather solid part to his personal attitude to sexual minorities. At the same time, the President of Belarus began his fabrications on the topic of same-sex love with the words “Holy-holy!” and "the Lord be with them!"
It’s hard to say with whom the Lord is there, but judging by the further statements of Alexander Grigorievich, the following happened. The gay leader of the Belarusian nation completely rejects and takes this phenomenon extremely negatively. True, the explanation of his thoughts Lukashenko led quite entertaining. According to him, the entire abnormality of same-sex, say, male-to-male contacts is abnormal because gay children are not born. It turns out that if, God forbid, they were born, Alexander Grigorievich would soften his attitude towards these slippery intimate matters ...
In addition, the Belarusian president does not blame same-sex couples made up of the weaker sex, although they, too, as far as we know, did not learn to have children on their own ... His opinion in this case comes down to the fact that for some women "men turned out to be untenable." The conversation ended with the phrase that Alexander Grigorievich "regrets lesbianism with regret."
In all this stories with same-sex relations, information about which has already been harassed by the majority of Russians, it’s surprising that even the Belarusian leader himself has been led by Western journalists to such a conversation. Now, in the West, they clearly savor episodes in which Lukashenko actually says that lesbian couples, whatever one may say, are better than couples made up of gays. Oh, dad, dad ... These damned Western journalists will bring you to sin ...
And, apparently, in order to immediately put the West in place and somehow distract him from close attention to the gay communities, Alexander Grigorievich decided to deliver an unexpected blow below the belt. The blow was that representatives of the Belarusian delegation to the OSCE, unexpectedly for many of those present, reported serious shortcomings in the organization of elections in the United States. The Belarusians stated that the laws of the 46 states, which are not allowed to see foreign observers in US elections, clearly undermine democratic foundations and do not interfere with the notion of an advanced democratic power. In addition, Belarusian diplomats say about the imperfection of the electoral system in the United States, because in some cases the president of the country may be a man for whom fewer citizens voted than the opponent.
In general, here Alexander Lukashenko showed the whole West that with his “gay frills” he was not distracted from a correct understanding of geopolitics.
Old records of the new Georgian government
No sooner had a new cabinet formed in Georgia, than it suddenly seemed to many that Bidzina Ivanishvili’s government gramophone began to scroll through old hissing records. One of these records is the speech of the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Georgia, Ms. Panjikidze. The minister is new, but she seems to have borrowed the words from the predecessor minister. The fact is that Maya Guramovna, immediately seated in the ministerial chair, declared that Georgia was not even going to restore diplomatic relations with Russia, because she was “occupying” 29% of Georgian territory.
There is a thought that, probably, some special chairs are established in the government of Georgia. Here you just judge: a couple of weeks ago, the same Ms. Panjikidze let slip that, they say, you need to start building relations with your northern neighbor. But as soon as she plopped down into a soft Foreign Office chair, something immediately closed her diplomatic head, her eyes grew dim with the happiness of being in government offices, and the mouth, almost involuntarily, gave out a phrase about the “Russian occupation of Georgia.” Perhaps it was Mikhail Saakashvili who, with his own hand, laid out the buttons on all the ministerial chairs, on which traces of his biomaterial were left ...
It will not be surprising if the poison begins to spread through the blood of the new Georgian ministers and reaches the brain departments, which in any Georgian government are responsible for the need to solve the Abkhaz and South Ossetian issues by force, with the active support of the "NATO brothers". So what if Bidzina Grigorievich had just himself accused Saakashvili and his party of preparing and conducting large-scale military provocation ... Such words are quickly forgotten in present-day Georgia, especially if the United States is declared the main friend of the Georgian people for all times.
And if friendship is forever, then the West will tinker, and Ivanishvili will also try to "restore constitutional order." They will live like this: every new leader of the Georgian nation will, at the instigation of "friends", test the Russian army for strength, and the territory of Georgia will collapse and even may one day shrink to the front garden of the next Mr. Washingtonoshtvili.
Let's play in the city
This week, experts from the United Nations distinguished themselves by preparing a report on the fastest-dying cities in the world. The list included 28 cities, with 11 cities of this number located on the territory of the Russian Federation, five - in Ukraine. The remaining 12 cities belong to such countries as Liberia, Georgia, Hungary, Romania, Italy, Armenia, Cuba and South Korea.
After the publication of the report, many representatives of the settlements indicated in the list were quite surprised.
Here is a list of Russian "endangered" cities, according to "UN researchers: Omsk, Novorossiysk, Chelyabinsk, Ufa, Volgograd, Voronezh, Saratov, Samara, Perm, Nizhny Novgorod and St. Petersburg.
It is surprising that no one in the United Nations thought to take into account statistical data on these cities. The experts themselves could not explain the principles on which this study was conducted. How could they be among the “endangered” cities, for example, Voronezh or St. Petersburg, if the population of the first year from 2002 increased by 151 thousand, and the second - by almost 300 thousand inhabitants. However, UN specialists have little interest in such data. They claim that even if now the population of these cities is growing, then it will definitely start to decrease since 2025 ... But if it grew a little faster, then, you see, the list would be different ... As they say, grandmother had something, then she would have been a grandfather.
Of course, we ourselves are well aware of our demographic problems, but here there is obvious disinformation from the UN. It is obvious that the people who prepared this study could hardly stamp their feet through the streets of these cities and studied the data of the regional registry offices. Apparently, the situation looked like this:
“Listen, Johnny, we were given n millions of dollars here, so that we would identify the“ endangered ”cities. Maybe you walk around the world and count the citizens?
- Billy, how naive you are! Why go? Give me the globe and spin it harder. How many cities do you say you need to count? .. Look, some Saratov ... Write. Now you.
- Volgograd! .. Well done, works! In the evening, in the accounting will need to go for an advance ...
Part II. “Who can do - does. Who does not know how - teaches. Who can not teach - manages "
Gym beds
Ahead of the planet
The United States holds the world record level for the number of prisoners per every hundred thousand people in this blessed country - with its “dream factory”, apple pies, Christmas turkey and reference democracy, with all of its ensuing rights and freedoms.
The US penitentiary system destroys itself. No, not by a special democratic approach, or even by the notorious single cameras, in which today’s languishing about 50 thousands of prisoners held there in complete isolation, without the right to communicate. The reason for the imminent collapse of the system is not in the horrors of imprisonment, but in the fact that prisoners ... are no longer included.
If in the 1980 year in the United States, 220 people were detained for every 100 thousand inhabitants, in 2010, the number of prisoners per capita increased threefold - 741 people per 100 thousand. This is what is fraught with a social explosion, and in the very next few years (other analysts call the exact date: 2018 year). The fact is that the number of prisoners of American prisons is not just large in absolute terms - 6 million people, which is 25% of all prisoners in the world, but the fact that this number exceeds capacity of penitentiary institutions on 2 million beds. In fact, the US correctional system is bursting at the seams.
The most crowded, according to Steve Nolan ("The Daily Mail"), Californian institutions - in 33 prisons for adults, designed for 80.000 people, contain 140.000 prisoners. By 2018, the “over-standard” number of prisoners is projected to be 45%. Now, according to the Bureau of Prisons Network, prison overcrowding is 39%.
The Supreme Court decided that this was unconstitutional, and ordered Californian jailers to release the 30.000 man. However, this will not solve the problem. What to do with the rest? Yes, and these thirty thousand will not be released tomorrow: the process will stretch at least until next summer, or even a couple of years.
Instead of cells, prisoners sleep in the gymnasium classrooms, on beds in sports halls, in laundry rooms, in all sorts of temporary rooms. One prisoner in San Diego Prison sleeps in a telephone room: there is a queue of people wanting to call home all day; payphones hang on the walls here. A guy who unwittingly listened to millions of words, after his release or amnesty, could have written several novels, the plots of which would have been well formed from telephone conversations. In the meantime, he has a terrible headache, and he has to plug his ears.
The US penitentiary system is also overloaded because the influx of prisoners has increased over the past five years. Western journalists have already written about the "mass order" of prisoners entering prisons. The single-cell cells became a shelter for three people, and the bunks rise in three tiers.
In order not to provoke conflicts that were inevitable with such crowding and overcrowding, prison administrations were forced to reduce the number of hours that residents of institutions could spend on walks. The walking zones themselves in prisons are also often turned into sleeping places. In Chino prison, there is simply no empty space between the beds. Prisoners literally live on each other.
In the West, there is a perception that overcrowding in prisons is even good, even if thieves, pedophiles and murderers torment themselves. “They don't like conditions?” They should not have committed crimes "- here view one commentator on the material in The Daily Mail, which, because of such words, sharply jumped "rating". “... Remember, they committed crimes and are there for this reason !!” This should be a punishment. It should not be a holiday camp! ”Writes another, simply bathing in the pros. Another collector of advantages is expressed in the sense that such conditions are the least that bad guys deserve.
The minuses were earned by a comrade from Canada, who called America “the best country of the world” (yes, in quotes), and an American from the District of Columbia, who “is amazed that taxpayers in the States are willing to spend billions of dollars every year just to put a person in jail for many years…"
But none of the commentators asked themselves the question: why is such a huge number of prisoners celebrated not just anywhere, but in an advanced democratic country, in the very one that daily teaches the whole world how to live right and publishes recipes for this very right life? Why has the total overpopulation of prisons continued in the US for eight years now? Is something rotten in the Danish kingdom?
Oh yeah. The United States had previously been a decaying imperialist cesspool, and after the collapse of the USSR, with its high exemplary morality, there was simply no one to take a positive example.
But the disintegration of society is only one reason. The second is laws passed in the United States after 11 September 2001. US citizens want to listen to their conversations, to be followed by the FBI to monitor the Internet, and the Department of Homeland Security bought millions of rounds, including expansive and for sniper rifles. American citizens are very afraid of terrorists, and are willing to accept some infringement of rights and freedoms. They agree to the use of the “Patriot Act”, invented in 2001, the year in which government agents can monitor citizens, access their personal records, block financial accounts, enter educational files, medical and any information, listen to telephone conversations and etc. The US population agrees and with the “Authorizing Act on National Defense” of 2011, which transfers all sorts of “anti-state affairs” to representatives of the army or special services, allowing them to completely remove the legal procedure from them. This law allows indefinite detention of any person: all that is needed is the statement of the American government that these and those comrades are terrorists or at least Russian spies.
These harsh and fast-acting laws, applied by the FBI guys according to a scenario developed for the NKVD triples, allow the authorities to fabricate spies and terrorists in very large and constantly growing quantities, and then send them to the American Gulag - for such a time that Comrade Stalin would have admired. .
The Americans, shivering for their safety, approve these laws, but only as long as the bloated penitentiary system doesn’t grab and plant years on a hundred of them.
Pre-election programs for every taste
From the national “iron curtain” to the proletarian gay revolution
If Obama invites its voters to continue the “reset” with fraternal Russia, and Romney wants to play ships on the world map and inflate the Pentagon’s budget; then twenty-five other candidates running for president from their parties put forward competing programs: from establishing an “iron curtain” in the country like the Soviet to total America’s landscaping.
Merlin Miller from the American Third Way Party (A3P) advocates for the revival of the American dream, which will be achieved by hard work, honesty and humility. And to go to the dream did not interfere with different strangers, illegals will deported, an “impenetrable barrier” will be put on the southern borders of the United States, an indefinite moratorium will be imposed on immigration, and those who entered the United States earlier will be offered “generous allowances” for the new authorities to leave the promised land forever. With the practice of granting political asylum, Miller also promises to end.
In foreign policy Mr. Miller condemns imperialism and promotes a position of non-intervention:
“The American Third Way does not believe that the US has a moral obligation to spread its culture, values and institutions in non-Western countries, especially in the Middle East. A3P believes that the position of non-interference is the only way to conduct America’s international policy ... We must withdraw from the UN and NATO and close most of the hundreds of our foreign military bases ... We reject the idea that the United States should forever subsidize incompetence and corruption in the third countries the world, providing them with financial assistance. Charity must begin and end at home ... "
Economy in the US, Miller will correct the closure of the Federal Reserve. Education if it is focused on the restoration of the old American school. Teachers will again begin to learn what has practical application in everyday life, including mathematics and the traditional history of America. ABOUT family values Miller says quite clearly: A3P stands for traditional marriages.
At the same time, Mr. Miller acted for America for whites. The white man, as a result of multiculturalism, lost the right to be proud of his race, traditions, heritage, and therefore A3P "stands up for white American interests."
Another popular candidate, the leader of the Constitutional Party, Virgil Gude, which usually takes position, consonant with the "Third Way". He speaks hard about illegal immigration and proposes to introduce a moratorium on the issuance of "Green Card" - as long as unemployment in the United States is not reduced to 5%.
Green Party Candidate Jill Stein professional doctor, speaks immediately under two slogans: combating unemployment and protecting the environment. Stein promises to plant America, reduce the military budget by a third and guarantee employment and medical care to all US citizens.
The next candidate, nominee of the Libertarian Party, ex-Governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, He gained a little election success by advocating for the legalization of marijuana. This man claims that she is "no more dangerous than alcohol." Leaving NATO and the UN is also a libertarian idea. At the same time, the removal of the state from all spheres of private life is preached. Gay marriages, feminism, multiculturalism and other liberal charms up to common wives are fully loaded here: Comrade Marx and Comrade Engels would smell the spirit of American liberals.
American Party for Socialism and Liberation goes to the polls under the classic slogan of the struggle against imperialism (American, by the way) and the world revolution. Party members respect Fidel Castro and remember the past days with nostalgia, when one could see the enormity of the USSR and the CMEA countries on the political map of the world. 28-year-old anti-war activist Peta Lindsday has been nominated to the presidency of this party.
Free Socialist Party proposes to carry out the proletarian revolution with the hands of minorities, to which its leaders include not only gays, but also women. Candidate Stephen Durham, a Trotskyist by conviction and a man by gender, orates on the streets of the cities, defending the principles of gender equality and social justice.
Reform party A candidate for the fitness model of Andrew Barnett - an African American from New York. This comrade is a nationalist, but not of the absolute type, like Miller: he has nothing against the Negroes, but he intends to fight the domination of the Mexicans. Another reform party opposes the institution of electors.
Regional Party of ordinary people from Minnesota with presidential candidate Jim Carlson, a hemp merchant, advocates for the true power of the people and freedom of religion - the first and second will be supported by the legalization of marijuana and hashish.
Opposing potential hemp president Jack Fellure is a candidate from the Ban Party. This party is ready to ban everything: tobacco, alcohol, pornography, gambling, drugs, and stands on the principles of righteous American fundamentalism.
The diversity of candidates with some consonance of party programs suggests that the national idea is very popular in the United States, built on the advantage of the white race (the black one), closing the borders on the castle and blocking once and for all immigrant flows. This idea merges with the election platform, which includes an important point about the complete withdrawal of American troops from all those places where they had previously unsuccessfully sowed democracy, or rather poppy fields, death, Islamism and corruption. The program of Comrade Durham, who dreams of how loyal proletarians go to storm the White House: turners, locksmiths, laborers and housekeepers, and at the head of the revolutionary crowd - brave gays stand apart.
Hard to be american
Egyptian commandments and other instructions
As you know, Obama decided that after the events of September 11, 2012, Egypt is no longer an ally for America. Carrying out the decisions of the president in life, State Department officials set tasks for their employees and delegated responsibilities. But the administrative machine has a leisurely mechanism, and only a week ago at the US embassy in Cairo were composed personal safety instructions for Americans who are foolishly in Egypt.
So that the bloodthirsty Egyptians, led by Comrade Mursi, did not gobble up the American alive - at least for being an American - a citizen of a great democratic country is required to observe every day a whole set of complicated rules.
Every day, a citizen of the United States who, by the will of fate, who finds himself in Cairo, will have to change not only the routes of his movement along the city streets, but also their time. If yesterday a star-and-striped tourist went to the beach at ten in the morning, then today he will have to go to another beach, and at night. By the way, no stars and stripes are allowed - neither on a T-shirt, nor on swimming shorts, nor on shoes. Strictly prohibited and flags on the car. National symbols should be carefully avoided, otherwise the appropriate persons will quickly identify.
If you are an American citizen, then keep your car's windows closed and your doors locked. Sitting in the car or leaving it, do not lose vigilance: all the time watch what is happening near you. Perhaps someone guessed that you are American.
If the enemies of the American people began to pursue your car, start beeping evenly, trying to get the attention of the police. Fifty-fifty, that will work.
Are you really a tourist? In this case, you will often have to change the time and place of rest. This is necessary so that the Egyptian attackers do not form a model of your behavior and then do not track it. Be sure: you are being watched.
By the way, do not tell anyone about yourself, do not give phone numbers, names of relatives and friends.
Have the terrorists already pulled AK-47 shutters and something is rumbling in their own way? Last resort: Call the US Mission at 2797-3300. Do not worry, they will give you additional advice at any time: on this issue 24 is on duty seven days a week.
Although the Americans do not understand this, but the Egyptian instructions can be projected onto any country in which the US State Department conducted the Arab Spring. Where Hillary Clinton and her associates get democracy, Americans urgently need rescue instructions.
However, it is not easier for citizens of the United States to live at home.
If the State Department instructs Americans at the world level, then the dangers that await the representatives of the advanced nation at home are the responsibility of the sellers and manufacturers.
On a bottle of champagne flaunts warning: "Remove the label before placing it in the microwave." The battery pack imprinted: “Swallowed? Seek medical attention immediately. ” On the vial with the toilet cleaning fluid there is a tip: “It is safe to use in the presence of children and animals, but drinking from the toilet is not recommended.” A pack of sewing machine needles warns: "Do not stick in the penis." The iron box says: “Do not iron the clothes when you are dressed”. And Superman’s costume is disappointing at all: “Wearing a costume doesn’t mean that you can fly.”
Victor Friedman, who lived in the United States for a long time and returned to Russia, says: “I would not want my children to be as stupid as Americans. The state of education there is just awful. Graduates of the school can not write their own name without errors. College graduates do not know elementary geography. A friend of my wife asked me: “Europe is in France? ..”
It is hard to be American.
* “Oh, those fairy tales! Oh, these storytellers! ”- a phrase from the cartoon“ Last year’s snow fell ”
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