Military Review

"Office wars"

69
“Office wars raged somewhere in a distant galaxy!”
("New Jedi vs. New Empire". "Episode 13")



If you are an employee of a new-fashioned office, which is a fairly spacious room, with desktops placed in it and a separate room for the chief with walls made of transparent polycarbonate, do not think and dream that you are more fortunate with work than those who have to work in small cabinets with desks still Soviet times, antediluvian computers and old cabinets with folders for papers. First of all, you should know that in such an office space, which in the West is called “open space” or “office in open space”, there are also own laws, own ethics and even specific secrets, without knowing which you are inside “this space” succeed will be very difficult!

"Office wars"

During the conversation in the "common kitchen" you learned that some employee (God forbid, this will be your chef!) Hands do not reach the upbringing of a little boy. Then give her a gift for transferring to him such an airplane from ... a used tube of toilet paper. Just do not be greedy and thoroughly paint it under metallic aluminum. Both women and magpies are ready for everything brilliant! And so be calm if she has a husband, then she will explain to him where his hands grow from! Trifle, as they say, but nice - two and even three birds with one stone!

At first it will seem to you that it would be here to work, because everyone is in sight here, so your diligence and diligence will certainly be noticed and rewarded. However, in reality, all this is far from true. Because someone came to work a little earlier, someone later. Someone turned out to be, perhaps, by chance, on a place better than another, and someone with a place was not lucky at all. You need to know that workplaces in such an office are divided according to special rules, and you will need to behave in accordance with it, your position and - do not forget, with your own ideas and opinions about yourself. It is clear that it is necessary to constantly remember that it is not enough to know your own price, you also need others to agree with this price!

But first of all, you need to become a bit of a scout (or a spy - someone you like!), And very carefully, albeit imperceptibly for others, watch the line that is invisible to the eyes, but in such an office often, or rather, almost always, Invisibly connects the place of your boss, who is sitting in his glazed cubicle enclosure, and his secretary or assistant secretary at the entrance. The boss usually always involuntarily talks to them about the weather, sometimes complains about back pain or curses at the competitors - this is the first information contact he establishes with the “people” and which his “souls” greatly value. This assistant secretary or secretary can be likened to a dog that she found herself a bone and so simply will not give it back. From a formal point of view, they have neither power, nor position, but ... they can inform the boss after the end of the working day that you are the most stupid and worthless employee in the company and that you can be very easily done without you, but you can’t do without your nephew Maria Ivanovna ! To cross the road to such a secretary, especially if it is a dry old maid, and your boss is young enough and attractive - tantamount to career suicide! Such a woman to all other very often also a prude. Often prone to ostentatious religiosity - you will notice this by the icons on her desk - therefore, in an open office, such a woman is “worse than an atomic war.” Do not be angry with her in any way, and do not conflict with her. Or, on the contrary, try to do it in a motivated and public way, that is, in such a way that all her future machinations regarding you can be easily explained by her personal attitude to you. It is useless to pour salt into her sugar or to put a pin on a chair - she dreams of such and such “martyrdom” for her beloved chef! But you can try to get a drink in the insole on a corporate party in order to present your boss with qualitative material evidence of how much she compromises him. But just do it skillfully. Here, just watching the movie “Office Romance” is indispensable!


The simplest device for launching a “secret” type of “You are a fool!” Is a cocktail tube!

That is, to be close to such a line means to be able to find a common language with the authorities, although independent intellectuals and lazy people have no place here.
There is another secret axis in this room - the “axis of information”, and it is important, because knowledge of other people's affairs always gives power over them! Usually, the work is realistically around her, and anyone who wants to be aware of all the most important office matters should stay close to her. You can shift it to your side by various means. The simplest thing is to be aware of everything that is happening, be interested in any trifles and remember everything. First of all, who, what and when said. This makes a very strong impression on people and speaks of your excellent memory, although it may be just a tape recorder hidden in a breast pocket. Then it is important to be able to give advice to colleagues so as not to hurt their feelings. Secondly, (after all, all people are people), tell them (but only, of course, not with the secretary) that they saw your boss in the “adult goods” store or make them pay attention that he doesn’t drink alcohol even corporate parties. And to be constantly driving is very suspicious, especially in Russia. Or that your secretary constantly looks into the back of the boss when he holds meetings and still smiles and licks like a cat on sour cream, and many will think of you as a very observant and knowledgeable person - a source of useful information. But here it is important not to overdo it, otherwise you will easily become an ordinary gossip or gossip girl.


That's what a plastic spoon is good for ...

But there may be a secret informer of the boss among you, so always remember the Arabic proverb: “The guilty language is cut off with the head!” Well, if you don’t have such an axis, it’s just that no one is interested in real affairs , and the main occupations of employees are intrigue, gossip and frank groveling, so that from this “gaddyuk” resign as soon as possible!

Remember also that the manners of people have changed very little since ancient times. Therefore, rotating in a circle of people from such an “open office” (however, this also applies to any other form of organization of the workforce), remember the words of the 11th century Arab poet Abu al-Ala al-Mayar, who stated with sadness that “a noble person is an outcast everywhere for their fellow tribesmen and tribeswoman ... ". So you, if you are just such a person, should be ready for this!

There are two zones in the office where you will not benefit from staying. It is a "middle-earth" and also a "sleepy kingdom." Usually they are in the corners, or in the very center of the office, but at the same time facing the secretary or the boss. That is, they see that you are doing something, although in reality you can write a novel, “trynnyt in Odnoklassniki” or even more interesting: watch sites with pictures of “big tits”. The same places are located opposite the windows. You can admire the blue distance and sweetly dream of a summer holiday on the island of Cyprus ... All this is not so bad if you do not want to stay here for a long time. You are paid a salary, no one interferes with your work in your personal interests, and so is God with her work. And if you are not an ambitious person, then this is the place for you, why not ?! The analogue of these "townships" in Moscow is a house in South Butovo. You seem to live in the capital, but for some reason no one is in a hurry to change their housing!


But with such a catapult of clothespins, chopsticks, stirrers for coffee and spoons in the West, in the offices they even hold a competition for accuracy and firing range!

“Communal kitchen” - and it exists in offices and this, more often it is always close to the door. Usually there is a coffee maker, an electric kettle and a "drinking bowl" with water, and there everyone gathers to refill, and if you, if your place is near, do not have to envy: have to stand up close the door for visitors and enjoy the flavors of someone else's food, and watch as your colleagues chew, the pleasure is also not pleasant, especially since the culture of food in our people is still the same. But there is a plus - here is the second axis of information, or the "axis of gossip." Purposeful careerists, and just smart enough and, let's say, prudent office staff, should not treat such a place with disdain. Here you can also endure other people's flavors! Although, the information from here comes in a very specific way: who has what children (yours is always better than others!), And who what eats at breakfast. Serious matters are not discussed here. But only here you can find out that your boss at his previous job drank "well, just soundless" and that he is now "sewn up", therefore he does not drink along with everyone at corporate festivals. That he has no children, because at one time he had “two crosses” and he was treated for it for a long time, well, that's why he is so evil! Those who look down on “such things” down are very much at risk. One day all the same will be told about them!

“Harlem”, “ghetto” and “settlements” are also areas of your office, and in order to go there you do not need to go to the USA at all. "Vyselki" is just near the door, but with your back to the secretary and therefore she can always see what you are doing, so you will have to work more than others, but the boss may not know your face. "Ghetto" is the place where those poor fellows sit, who are a sample of office mediocrity. “Harlem” is nothing but a kind of “settlement”, but the “ghetto” is a group of tables near the wall, accessible to the secretary’s watchful eye, therefore, those who sit there, sometimes even speak with a word.

Office work is always hard work, and then any work is, in general, a place where you are offended by the authorities and colleagues, but also by the state itself. Remember the saying that “hell is different! And just in such and such an office is full of them. In addition, always remember the basic principle of the Pareto Law, that 80% of the people around you ... are fools, and, having it all in your head, ... get to work! Well, in order to remove the stress accumulated during the whole day, learn to do something that would give you pleasure and remove aggression. Want to shout at your wife? This is not a method! Besides, suddenly you will be paralyzed and she will have to enclose the ship under you? It means that you can’t dump bad office emotions on the people closest to you. Believe that your colleagues at work are just not worth it. Therefore, in the West, it has reached the point that even psychologists specially develop scenarios of “office wars”, the purpose of which is to solve problems with stress at work.

Of course, you can, in spite of female colleagues, change toilets every day, but in order to succeed in this, you must know the measure and be only a little better than everyone else, because people simply cannot stand the superiority of others in a significant amount.

Someone in the truest sense of the word may try to annoy his opponents - that is, pour a container of sugar (if they use it, of course!) With a teaspoon of salt. But such actions - remember, are defined as “harassment”, and harassment of employees by sex, age, as well as due to bad location, are usually prohibited, what is written about even in the company's mission!

But if your office space is divided into cell sections with frosted glass partitions, then there is a good way to relieve stress - the simplest catapult from a plastic spoon for coffee or tea. Instead, you can use wooden chopsticks for coffee, but not all offices use them. The range of such a catapult is large enough, and allows you to shoot mounted "fire" throughout the office, while the small size makes it easy to hide! Shells can be paper balls, but the best way to relieve stress is shooting models of insects - flies, scorpions, beetles, cockroaches. Such "gifts" falling from the ceiling have a strong nervous effect on the female half of the office staff, as well as, by the way, on squeamish men.


The simplest wooden gun on 3-5 charges in the West can be bought for only 2,6 dollars!

Drives for throwing darts in offices is no longer in fashion! It is much more fun to shoot stress with shooting devices ... with colored office bands! Here, ahead of the rest of the world, the Japanese are leading, although the rest of the world is not very far behind. So, in the magazine "Popular Mechanics" once even put the description and scheme of the 16-barrel "rubber band" driven by an electric motor with ammunition in the whole 720 gum - a real electric gun! On each of its “trunks” there are 16 cuts, which are hooks for the rubber bands, and the rubber bands themselves are in turn lowered with the help of a cord, which is wound onto a drum driven by an electric motor!


And this is just a photo of this multiplicative miracle!

True, this "gadget" has to be charged for more than one and a half hours. However, there are "mechanisms" on the 2-7 "charges". It seems ridiculous: adult uncles and aunts "bullet" each other with colored rezinochki, but this is how stress is relieved and overall efficiency increases. And besides, after all, it is said that life is a game, and today's man is not so much Homo Sapiens as Homo Ludens ?!
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  1. kind
    kind April 7 2016 06: 19
    +2
    When the cat has nothing to do, he licks a famous place! Office hamsters lick these places to the authorities.
    1. guzik007
      guzik007 April 7 2016 08: 57
      +15
      When the cat has nothing to do, he licks a famous place! Office hamsters lick these places to the authorities.
      -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
      -
      And why was it necessary to lay out here survival allowance for office plankton? : =)
      1. Vend
        Vend April 7 2016 09: 54
        +11
        Quote: guzik007
        When the cat has nothing to do, he licks a famous place! Office hamsters lick these places to the authorities.
        -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

        -
        And why was it necessary to lay out here survival allowance for office plankton? : =)

        I think this shows that war and conflict are a natural state of man. This is the engine of progress, economics, etc.
        1. martin-159
          martin-159 April 7 2016 16: 39
          0
          In my opinion, Hitler said that.
          1. Koshak
            Koshak April 7 2016 17: 38
            0
            Before him, someone from the "ancient".
            1. The comment was deleted.
      2. Spnsr
        Spnsr April 7 2016 12: 11
        +2
        Quote: guzik007
        When the cat has nothing to do, he licks a famous place! Office hamsters lick these places to the authorities.
        -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

        -
        And why was it necessary to lay out here survival allowance for office plankton? : =)

        someone wants to call someone an office plankton and lets know what to do, except write comments on “VO” laughing laughing laughing
    2. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 10: 39
      -13%
      Quote: Good
      Hamsters office these places to the boss lick

      Well, it depends on the leadership!
      If the leadership is still "old school" with the Soviet methods of "command", then sycophancy and intrigue among subordinates are inevitable, the legacy of the slave criminal mentality of the Panima.
      Peck neighbor and cf .... on the bottom is the main sign of the Soviet career, when prestigious positions were received not for ability, but for length of service and closeness to bosses!
      But if leaders from among those born after perestroika, then you can live and work freely. If you are a good specialist, management will not offend you.
      1. Alexey M
        Alexey M April 7 2016 11: 50
        +18
        But if leaders from among those born after perestroika, then you can live and work freely. If you are a good specialist, management will not offend you.
        Here you are naive ....
        Licking lived, live, and will live. always better than spreaders.
        1. Enemy of the people
          Enemy of the people April 7 2016 12: 35
          -11%
          Quote: Alexey M
          Licking lived, live, and will live. always better than spreaders.

          No, it was only in the USSR, it will not work in a normal society, the leadership is responsible for the success of personnel policy with its own money and profit is more important than free "compliments" from worthless subordinates.
          And also in the society of victorious envy. If any employee has normal and, in part, even friendly relations with his superiors because of his professional and personal qualities, then all the losers will be jealous and come up with the idea that he is "licking".
          1. Captain45
            Captain45 April 7 2016 13: 25
            +16
            Quote: Enemy of the People
            No, it was only in the USSR that way, in a normal society it won’t work,

            Most likely you are a very young man by age and that’s why you reason like that. Unlike you, I have something to compare with. my seniority began in the 1983 year, i.e. in the USSR. And you are either unreasonable due to age or just an evil troll, which is most likely.
            1. Enemy of the people
              Enemy of the people April 7 2016 14: 05
              -11%
              Quote: Captain45
              Unlike you, I have something to compare with. my seniority began in 1983 i.e. in the USSR.

              The argument "I'm older" is not an argument at all in this case.
              If you want to object, then the points please.
              1. Captain45
                Captain45 April 7 2016 14: 36
                +3
                Approve
                Quote: Enemy of the People
                it was only in the USSR that was

                Is that your argument? Because "everyone says so"
                Quote: Enemy of the People
                If you want to object, then the points please.

                as you ask.
                1. Enemy of the people
                  Enemy of the people April 7 2016 15: 28
                  -8
                  Quote: Captain45
                  Is this your argument?

                  My arguments were.
                  The main sign of the Soviet career, when prestigious positions were received not for ability, but for long service and proximity to superiors.
                  In a normal society, this will not work, the leadership is responsible for the success of the personnel policy with its own money.
                  What exactly do not agree with?
              2. Anglorussian
                Anglorussian April 7 2016 15: 10
                +13
                From personal experience, I was convinced that the chicken coop rule also works in England. And there seemed to be no restructuring ..
                1. Enemy of the people
                  Enemy of the people April 7 2016 15: 47
                  -4
                  Quote: Anglorussian
                  From personal experience, I was convinced that the chicken coop rule also works in England.

                  Of course, there are envious people everywhere, but the meaning of the initial comments was "a little different."
      2. The point
        The point April 7 2016 12: 06
        +7
        Quote: Enemy of the People
        But if leaders from among those born after perestroika, then you can live and work freely.

        Come on! what
        You, apparently, do not quite imagine the whole charm of the picture. So, the Soviet is not always disgusting. And the current leaders are no longer Soviet sourdough; they are not always worthy people (judging by the leadership of KnAAZ, which is in Komsomolsk-on-Amur). So here. If your leader is a normal person, then this is not explained by the time of his birth, but only by his decency.
        PS I did not understand why this article was in VO, because office wars are like fussing hamsters in a cage. Nevertheless, for office warriors and hard workers - MUSIC PAUSE.
        1. Enemy of the people
          Enemy of the people April 7 2016 12: 59
          -12%
          Quote: Maksud
          So, the Soviet is not always disgusting.

          It depends on what place you occupied in the USSR. Someone in the USSR was even better than later in the Russian Federation. For example, janitors and plumbers.
          Quote: Maksud
          And the current leaders are no longer Soviet sourdough

          Come on? Where did they go? Do you think 25 years is enough to completely fix the disfigured mentality of an entire nation that has been broken for over 50 years?
          Quote: Maksud
          PS I did not understand why this article on VO

          Yes, just a fun article for a good mood, have pity on hamsters, they already got in this life laughing
          1. Colonel
            Colonel April 7 2016 16: 18
            +5
            Quote: Enemy of the People
            ... the disfigured mentality of an entire nation ...

            You got on a horse-radish here today to spoil it? There was already one, for half a day the corporal earned. You have half a day ahead. I think you will get to the foreman and the report will have something to insert. Go for it,.
    3. shark
      shark April 7 2016 11: 41
      +2
      Why is it here!
      1. Glaaki
        Glaaki April 7 2016 11: 46
        -2
        And so you ask, while managing to not use the question mark.
  2. Floock
    Floock April 7 2016 06: 30
    0
    The article leaves a good impression. Funny freshman is not quite on the subject of the site) Plus
  3. Morf
    Morf April 7 2016 06: 33
    +1
    It's not Friday yet, but the mood has lifted!
    have a nice day, everyone!
  4. Korsar4
    Korsar4 April 7 2016 06: 45
    +4
    Each has its own flock.
  5. parusnik
    parusnik April 7 2016 06: 46
    +2
    Thank you for the good mood! ..
    1. kalibr
      April 7 2016 07: 12
      +1
      And someone misanthrope in the shower and your good mood was not happy!
      1. parusnik
        parusnik April 7 2016 09: 16
        +1
        Yes, he alone is not happy ... smile
  6. zadorin1974
    zadorin1974 April 7 2016 06: 47
    +17
    Our company employs 1500 people. We work on a rotational basis practically throughout Mother Russia (PTTiST). So we have fewer workers at PMM than engineers in the office. And the whole office is busy with paperwork, they knock on the keys, they go out on weekends , and the tenders and objects we wipe out, since there is no one to work on the highway (specialists quit). The turnover of workers and drivers with drivers is on average 700-900 people per year. Now pensioners are leaving (upon retirement, they must quit within 6 months, otherwise will lose their gas pension). It’s scary to give young “specialists” a tool in their hands, like in a joke: either it’s broken or lost. Last year, they were invited to the diploma committee by the master mechanics for the operation of special equipment in the college (former technical school of melioration). got up, two thirds should be kicked out with the certificate "HAVE LISTENED FOUR COURSES".
    1. Waltasar
      Waltasar April 7 2016 06: 54
      +3
      I have not yet met executives, experienced employees who would be pleased with the newly arrived graduates. Studying is one thing, where the basis and desire to develop oneself further is given, another thing is the enterprise with its specifics.
      Although teachers also swear at the annual decrease in the level of knowledge of students ...
      1. zadorin1974
        zadorin1974 April 7 2016 07: 33
        +7
        There are gifted, hardworking ones — there were students in practice — six came, drove one out every other day, two went twice a week, three plowed. The result is logical, three got a five-degree diploma (plus in practice they received a full-size salary - management appreciated ) despite being protected by an adult.
      2. Enemy of the people
        Enemy of the people April 7 2016 10: 44
        -15%
        Quote: Waltasar
        experienced staff who would be pleased with the newly arrived graduates.

        Well, what else did you want from the "best in the world" Soviet Abrasives ?!
        Our tech students are still learning German at universities, counting the logarithms in the box and another 100500 subjects knowledge of which is not in demand on labor markets !
        The main motto of Soviet Abrazavania even sounds like this, when you come to work "forget what you were taught before"! laughing
        1. The point
          The point April 7 2016 12: 09
          +9
          He himself understood what nonsense he wrote?
          1. Enemy of the people
            Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 05
            -10%
            Quote: Maksud
            He himself understood what nonsense he wrote?

            I wrote that Soviet abrasiveness, and therefore Russian, was extremely bureaucratic.
            As a result, there was often a complete discrepancy between the knowledge that was considered necessary to be taught at a university and that which was in demand for a young specialist.
            As a result, our employers still prefer not to hire "specialists" without work experience, and the bulk of our "engineers" who left for the 90s in the USA got a job there as waiters and salesmen. Do you think it just it happened ?
            1. Anglorussian
              Anglorussian April 7 2016 15: 15
              +11
              The USA labor market is registered for its own, which is normal. And the level of knowledge of a graduate of a Soviet university is superior to the English ones.
              1. Enemy of the people
                Enemy of the people April 7 2016 16: 02
                -6
                Quote: Anglorussian
                USA labor market counts for its

                No that's not true.
                Quote: Anglorussian
                And the level of knowledge of a graduate of a Soviet university is superior to the English ones.

                No.
                The most striking example is that our graduate cannot work in the USA after graduating from a university because English is not taught at the appropriate level at universities, and this is an international language, it is almost impossible for many specialists to work normally in Russia.
                With the same CAD systems, our graduates also do not know how to work, and you can continue indefinitely.
                1. pv1005
                  pv1005 April 7 2016 16: 45
                  +5
                  Quote: Enemy of the People
                  Quote: Anglorussian
                  USA labor market counts for its

                  No that's not true.
                  Quote: Anglorussian
                  And the level of knowledge of a graduate of a Soviet university is superior to the English ones.

                  No.
                  The most striking example is that our graduate cannot work in the USA after graduating from a university because English is not taught at the appropriate level at universities, and this is an international language, it is almost impossible for many specialists to work normally in Russia.
                  With the same CAD systems, our graduates also do not know how to work, and you can continue indefinitely.


                  Read carefully, maybe you will understand something. Although unlikely.
                  In one lane
                  They stood at home.
                  In one of the houses
                  There lived a stubborn Thomas.

                  Neither at home nor at school,
                  Nowhere, nobody -
                  Did not believe
                  Stubborn Thomas
                  Nothing.

                  Slush on the streets
                  And the rain
                  And hail.
                  - Put on your galoshes, -
                  They tell him.

                  - Not true, -
                  Thomas does not believe, -
                  It's a lie... -
                  And right through the puddles
                  It goes without galoshes.

                  Frost.
                  Children put on skates.
                  Passers-by raised their collars.
                  Thomas says:
                  - Winter came. -
                  In underpants
                  Thomas goes for a walk.

                  Goes to the zoo
                  With a guided tour of it.
                  - Look, - they tell him, -
                  This is an elephant. -
                  And again Thomas does not believe:
                  - It's a lie.
                  Quite this elephant
                  Doesn’t look like an elephant.

                  once
                  I had a stubborn dream
                  As if
                  He walks around Africa.
                  From heaven
                  The African sun bakes
                  A river called Congo,
                  Flowing.

                  Coming to the river
                  Pioneer squad.

                  Guys fome
                  At the river they say:
                  - You can’t swim:
                  Alligators are darkness.
                  - Not true! -
                  Answers friends
                  Thomas.

                  Underpants and shirt
                  Lying in the sand.
                  The stubborn is swimming
                  On the dangerous river.

                  Close
                  Alligator's predatory jaws.
                  - Save yourself, miserable,
                  You can be lost!

                  But heard
                  To the guys
                  The familiar answer:
                  - Please do not teach,
                  I am eleven years old!

                  Already crocodile
                  Thomas has behind him.
                  Already crocodile
                  Choked Thomas:
                  From the mouth of the beast
                  Head sticks out.

                  To shore
                  The wind carries the words:
                  - Nope ...
                  I don’t ... -
                  Alligator sighed
                  And, full,
                  Dived into the green water.

                  Underpants and shirt
                  Lying in the sand.
                  No one is swimming
                  On the dangerous river.

                  Thomas woke up
                  He won’t understand anything ...
                  Underpants and shirt
                  From the chair takes.

                  Thomas is surprised
                  Thomas is indignant:
                  - Not true, comrades,
                  It's not a dream!

                  Guys,
                  Find such a Thomas
                  And these verses
                  Read to him.
                2. Anglorussian
                  Anglorussian April 7 2016 16: 59
                  -2
                  His diploma is not valid there without mandatory retraining. And people work with CAD in the camp. And yes, the doctor does not know about the properties of lithium salts? And lead it was
                3. Anglorussian
                  Anglorussian April 7 2016 17: 04
                  0
                  By the way, I was in the USA and in all the rest of the countries the proxy flags were sent to you. Where do you get the knowledge from? With tyrnetov?
                  1. Enemy of the people
                    Enemy of the people April 7 2016 17: 58
                    -2
                    Quote: Anglorussian
                    His diploma is not valid there without mandatory retraining.

                    This is called nostrification (or you can say evaluation or revaluation) and this is due to the fact that American employers do not recognize our diplomas and grades.
                    Well, in some cases you really have to finish your studies, what can you do if their education is better than ours?
                    After all, the main measure of the quality of education is the employer and with an American diploma he is much more willing to take a specialist than with a Russian in all countries of the world !
                    Quote: Anglorussian
                    By the way, I was in the USA and in all the rest of the countries the proxy flags were sent to you.

                    I doubt it.
                    1. Anglorussian
                      Anglorussian April 7 2016 18: 50
                      0
                      Doubt further. Turkey itself is already embarrassed, and then some disagreement around the world is skating. It has counted more than once or twice with students of London universities, and their training programs are just a third less than even the post-Soviet Latvian or Soviet ones. And yes, envy silently. Have you ever been to the land of your dreams?
      3. pacific
        pacific April 8 2016 20: 07
        +1
        Graduates can be conditionally divided into 2 main groups: those who have knowledge and those boobies who "attended the course".
        I foresee additional sections of the classification and agree in advance that such a division is not comprehensive. But I am focusing on "you can", "conditionally" and "basic"
        With those who know at least some kind of "porridge" can be "cooked", but with boobies - alas, alas, alas.
        Unfortunately, now in the trend it is the "boobies" who do not even have basic knowledge of their specialty. Moreover - this is not only here, but throughout Europe.

        And I am simply enraged by the current diplomas "Bachelor", "Specialist", "Master". In Soviet times, it was more honest and more transparent: higher (with a diploma) and incomplete higher (without a diploma) or secondary technical. Everything was simple and straightforward. And what to expect from bachelors or specialists? It seems that there is a diploma and a beautiful title, but where is the knowledge?
    2. Auditor
      Auditor April 7 2016 20: 46
      +3
      In Russian Railways, everything is the same ... There is no one to work, but the management of 67 verticals and horizontals is uncounted ... And on the "field" reduction after reduction ... and no one goes to work ... for 15-20 tyrov in any weather with a parting Young people don't want to work with a star from their superiors ...
  7. Throw
    Throw April 7 2016 07: 01
    +10
    I did not even understand how awake, is it generally VO or plankton.ru with a picabu ?!
    We post all the nonsense of Runet.
    Or have the site moders changed?
    1. kalibr
      April 7 2016 07: 10
      +1
      This sun doesn’t shine for you and that’s why you are in a bad mood. The theme is the most military ...
      1. inkass_98
        inkass_98 April 7 2016 07: 41
        +10
        I would comment on the topic, but Skomorokhov does not allow swearing laughing .
      2. Oprychnik
        Oprychnik April 8 2016 01: 32
        0
        "The theme is the most military ..."

        The most military topic is the relationship between husband and wife. And so for counteraction between the two warring parties an immeasurable amount. "Why did you bring little money for the common fund ?, - And where did you look with your useless gazes at my trousers with a hole? Out of shame, I had to enter the tavern ..."
        We have warlike men and women. They will not yield to each other.
    2. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 10: 51
      -13%
      Quote: Lance
      We post all the nonsense of Runet.

      No. This article is not about having no better domestic weapons in the world.
      But if you want about him, then enjoy.
      1. dep071
        dep071 April 7 2016 11: 01
        +9
        In your opinion, they just hijacked and repainted))) By the way, there are also only seven notes)))
        Maybe in addition to the appearance of the aircraft, there are both filling and weapons. Navikipedia does not need to be referenced.
        Well, to everything else, we have white. I like it more))
        1. Enemy of the people
          Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 11
          -11%
          Quote: dep071
          By the way, there are only seven notes

          The main thing is that not seven notes, but seven years later.
  8. pv1005
    pv1005 April 7 2016 07: 32
    +9
    Unfortunately, the "DOM-2" business lives on and develops. am
    1. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 10: 58
      -14%
      Quote: pv1005
      Unfortunately, the "DOM-2" business lives on and develops.

      What do you dislike?
      Previously, the bulk of young people just thumped and beat each other in the face, getting ready to go to the "punks", now go to clubs and watch TV and the Internet.
      We are becoming like a normal country, in large cities now you can safely walk in the evening, before this was not.
      1. The point
        The point April 7 2016 12: 14
        +7
        Quote: Enemy of the People
        Previously, the bulk of the youth only plumped and beat each other's faces

        Well, yes, now grace, idyll. No one thumps, only gifted youth around, brought up not according to Soviet patterns, but on real democratic values. wassat
        1. Enemy of the people
          Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 18
          -6
          Quote: Maksud
          Well, yes, now grace, idyll.

          Yes, now is better than before.
          There are no more juvenile gangs, alcohol consumption among minors has decreased.
          As a result, in many cities you can now walk in the streets in the evening without fear of being killed for fun.
          If for this "norotu" needs to show DOM-2, then let him look at health.
    2. The point
      The point April 7 2016 12: 11
      +7
      And at the same time replenished with new participants.
  9. kirgudu
    kirgudu April 7 2016 08: 15
    +9
    I hate the graveyard open spaces. It is impossible to work normally, to think.
  10. Aleksander
    Aleksander April 7 2016 08: 16
    +11
    such office space, which in the West is usually called “open space” or “office in open space”


    In a Danish company where we had to work, we called such an office "ZOO" laughing. Everyone sees and watches each other.
    In general, when there is a lot of work, there is no time for all the described jokes, and you don’t notice the "Zoo" either.
  11. Taygerus
    Taygerus April 7 2016 08: 30
    +2
    those who work think nothing of paper airplanes and catapults, they just don’t have time, but all of this can be done at home with children, there will be more benefit
  12. Archikah
    Archikah April 7 2016 08: 36
    +4
    In general, there is such a book - "The Art of Intrigue". It would also not be bad for these gentlemen to read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War".
    Reasoning categorically infantile teenager. Or you really came to the office with a spy mentality. Then it's hard work. Or you just decided to have fun. But this is not a thankful task. For fun, without a meaningful motive, to mock, mock other people. No matter how stupid they are.
    Although the author belongs to a chosen nation. Ashkenazi is characterized by this behavior. This is broken genetics. Well, the corresponding psyche. hi
    1. kalibr
      April 7 2016 10: 55
      +2
      And you would learn from the elect! You would look and succeed ...
    2. The comment was deleted.
    3. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 11: 00
      -5
      Quote: Archikah
      Although the author belongs to a chosen nation.

      The author belongs to the category of people respected in a normal society.
      Are you an anti-Semite and a fan of Hitler?
      1. Army soldier2
        Army soldier2 April 7 2016 13: 58
        +2
        Not. He is the enemy of the enemies of the people.
  13. Captain45
    Captain45 April 7 2016 09: 01
    +10
    It seems that I woke up and the sun was shining outside the window, but I didn’t understand anything. Why does the site guide for office hamsters "How to weave intrigues and sluts to the boss". It's strange to read this from Shpakovsky, usually he has articles on more serious topics. No, well, you can of course post such "studies", but it's more likely for the "Soldier's Tales" section, for a smile. Those who are not busy at work with catapults and slingshots, but if you cannot establish normal working relations with colleagues (the dudak himself) , then no recommendations and articles will help. The most, if not terrible, then the worst is that all too literate have become and are looking for ready-made recipes for life in such articles, instead of thinking with their own heads, moreover, they take such things seriously " recommendations "and are trying their best to implement them in life. Loafers have grown up in offices, so they go crazy. But if they were in the tundra, in the taiga with a chainsaw or a pick, but just on the streets with a broom, I think that there is no before intrigue and spying would be.
    1. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 11: 03
      -4
      Quote: Captain45
      Divorced loafers at the offices, that’s crazy.

      This is what you think, and for some reason management and business owners value their work and even pay money!
      Quote: Captain45
      But if they were in the tundra, in the taiga with a chainsaw or Kyle, but just on the streets with a whisk, I think that there would be no intrigue and espionage.

      Everyone to the taiga! Cut down all the forest! You then apparently have already occupied a "prestigious place" whirling on the tower there ?!
      1. Captain45
        Captain45 April 7 2016 13: 08
        +4
        Quote: Enemy of the People
        Everyone to the taiga! Cut down all the forest! You then apparently have already occupied a "prestigious place" whirling on the tower there ?!

        Necessarily. Take it, -45 with a breeze, and you are in a convoy in a pea coat on "fish fur" for felling. "A step to the left, a step to the right is considered an escape. A jump on the spot is a provocation! The convoy shoots without warning! Pashool!" next to him in a sheepskin sheepskin coat, with a PPSh on his shoulder, the shepherd is torn from the leash, bites you, the enemy of the people by the thighs. And then - you crawl in the snow up to your waist near a tree with a saw, and I am at the fire, a hot leg of lamb, and you saliva you gag and feel like a green sack that no one needs.
        1. Enemy of the people
          Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 22
          -5
          Quote: Captain45
          in the snow you crawl to the waist near a tree with a saw, and I’m at the fire, I hawt a hot lamb leg, and you choke on your saliva and feel like nobody needs green harkotina.

          I am sincerely sorry for you, if for happiness you need this sad
          1. Captain45
            Captain45 April 7 2016 13: 38
            +7
            Quote: Enemy of the People
            I am sincerely sorry for you, if for happiness you need this

            Your words-
            Quote: Enemy of the People
            have already taken for themselves a "prestigious place" whirling on the tower there ?!

            What touched me? It got through to the soul, to the liver, kidneys and the rest of the liver? Was it scary? Well, how is it really? And this can happen to you, judging by your comments. Well, don't be offended, feel yourself in the topic. If you were in a normal school and were interested in literature, you would immediately know where the passage of the text comes from, although slightly altered by me, but not beyond recognition. Yuz Aleshkovsky "Nikolai Nikolaevich", read, expand your horizons, and do not sculpt catapults.
            1. Enemy of the people
              Enemy of the people April 7 2016 14: 24
              -5
              Quote: Captain45
              What hurt?

              If there is anything that bothers me, it is the number of left-wing "comrades" who have forgotten that Khrushchev had canceled the slave system in Russia.
              Especially for you, who want to send all "unnecessary to the felling", I remind you that the right of each person to decide for himself where to work and where to live.
              And if the "big uncles" pay hamsters, then they consider their work useful for themselves, regardless of your opinion.
  14. Red_Hamer
    Red_Hamer April 7 2016 09: 25
    +5
    It’s a lot more fun to relieve stress with shooting devices ... with colored office rubber bands!
    Eternally evil aunt with a big mop, nicknamed cleaning manager to help! And in what place will this playing plankton have a mop, and most importantly, to what depth?
  15. Skalpel
    Skalpel April 7 2016 10: 23
    0
    Not in the subject, but funny!
    Funny, but not the topic! :)))
  16. Skalpel
    Skalpel April 7 2016 10: 23
    0
    Not in the subject, but funny!
    Funny, but not the topic! :)))
    1. V.ic
      V.ic April 7 2016 10: 44
      +2
      Quote: Skalpel
      Not in the subject, but funny!
      Funny, but not the topic!

      Mb off topic and not funny? what
  17. Pvi1206
    Pvi1206 April 7 2016 10: 52
    +2
    The instruction of rootless cosmopolitans, which they are guided by ...
  18. pavelty
    pavelty April 7 2016 10: 56
    +3
    A strange article, a translation from someone magazine or something?
  19. Uncle VasyaSayapin
    Uncle VasyaSayapin April 7 2016 11: 03
    +2
    It is as if Kaptsov wrote about the benefits and harms of booking office safes and the advantages of solid wood furniture over chipboard furniture or glass and pipes. You won’t understand right away why it’s funny and why it’s sad.
  20. RPG_
    RPG_ April 7 2016 11: 32
    0
    Work in the office is useless and stupid IMHO. They do not produce anything, and they are paid salaries. For just what happens?
    1. Enemy of the people
      Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 30
      -3
      Quote: RPG_
      They do not produce anything, and they are paid salaries. For just what happens?

      Why would a businessman pay a salary just like that? He will go broke.
  21. bbss
    bbss April 7 2016 11: 43
    +1
    Idiots and loafers are fired immediately.
    1. Alexey M
      Alexey M April 7 2016 11: 55
      +4
      Idiots and loafers are fired immediately.
      Government, thoughts, and by region and in Moscow. You imagine how many people will be left without work.
      1. Enemy of the people
        Enemy of the people April 7 2016 13: 33
        -4
        Quote: Alexey M
        Government, thoughts, and the regions and in Moscow.

        Why do you think that these people, who made 100500 times more successful career than you, are more stupid and lazy than you?
        Maybe it’s you, who couldn’t do anything like that, that you don’t understand something in government?
        1. Anglorussian
          Anglorussian April 7 2016 15: 24
          +2
          The cariera does not at all depend on personal qualities and skills - this is rat fuss mainly. And you are clearly trying to assure yourself and others of the opposite, which gives you a small rat rat.
          1. Enemy of the people
            Enemy of the people April 7 2016 16: 05
            -6
            Quote: Anglorussian
            The cariera does not at all depend on personal qualities and skills - this is rat fuss mainly.

            Now I'm not talking about that "career" in McDonald's and how to "rise" from a toilet washer to a dishwasher, but about a normal one, which is a consequence of professional and personal growth.
            Well, this is if you certainly understand how the toilet washer differs from the dishwasher and the driver from the businessman.
            1. Anglorussian
              Anglorussian April 7 2016 16: 54
              +2
              I have been working for the last 12 years on TFL (in London, google help) and am doing quite a normal career, with growth and more. And it’s still clearly seen in the office stall of a loser trying to prove to himself his own needs. Come on senior project manager?
  22. Mikado
    Mikado April 7 2016 11: 49
    -1
    Cool article! The author managed to cheer))
  23. pts-m
    pts-m April 7 2016 12: 55
    +1
    No matter how much the “white-collar workers” were faulty, and without them, nowhere. All this office can be projected onto any team, be it a work team or a power structure. The difference is only in quantity.
  24. Pomeranian
    Pomeranian April 7 2016 17: 03
    +5
    Excuse me, is this "Military Review" or another "Cosmopolitan" ???
    1. kalibr
      April 7 2016 18: 16
      +1
      How to be important of being earnest ...
      1. Oprychnik
        Oprychnik April 7 2016 19: 21
        +4
        Yeah, Vyacheslav ...
  25. TOR2
    TOR2 April 7 2016 21: 06
    +2
    The article tells about a desk with a close-minded leader. A competent chef knows perfectly well what each employee is capable of, and secretary nonsense as a rule breaks off with a reminder of the meeting, and who should be present at it.
    But if your office space is divided into cell sections with frosted glass partitions, then there is a good way to relieve stress - the simplest catapult from a plastic spoon for coffee or tea.

    Managers who keep their finger on the "pulse of events" tend to go to employees and start conversations both at work and on free topics, at the same time looking at what kind of situation the employee has, or not. If at this moment something arrives there from a catapult, then perhaps the chief will find time to look at the data from the cameras. smile
  26. olimpiada15
    olimpiada15 April 7 2016 21: 27
    +2
    Read-horrified.
    Well, how many parasites, in comfortable conditions, flounder, getting paid for placing a certain part of the body on a chair.
    What is written in the article is impossible in a working team. These are loafers.
  27. Olfred
    Olfred April 8 2016 13: 16
    0
    what to do, just not to work ... just one thing I don't understand why this article is on VO? article "-". Put such garbage on the site of crazy pens or some kind of housewives! Military Review - a serious site. hi
  28. antivirus
    antivirus 17 October 2016 18: 57
    0
    You were congratulated, but you did not notice. The world has changed. Defeat the Kochlov with the "correct" stress relief.
    With a new line of activity of the RF Ministry of Defense! and in ...
  29. den-protector
    den-protector 22 December 2016 14: 07
    0
    An article of incomprehensible purpose. Conflicts between people were, are and will be "are" (people of each other). Taking into account the state of modern society, the decaying influence of the media, the deterioration of the employment situation, conflicts between people have escalated and began to be conducted on the principle of "all against all". Unfortunately, the concept of "collective" with the meaning that was invested in it until 1991 is a thing of the past. The managerial concept of "team" came with an initially positive meaning, but later perverted by the bourgeoisie beyond recognition. Nowadays, offices are mainly lived and worked according to the principle "man to wolf". Of course, there are many normal and decent people, but they are simply forced to work according to these capitalist rules or to leave. It is profitable for the bourgeois that people gnaw at each other for a place at the feet of the owner. Divide and rule, the old Roman principle has never been forgotten.