Military Review

Smile!

57
Constant communication with the commanders of the Ministry of Defense of our country and friendly countries prompted me to convey to the readers of the "VO" some correct statements that can cause smiles and not offend anyone. Maybe some will remember their youth and add in the comments "catch phrase".


1. "Comrades fighters, please kill in my nose that it is not necessary to hurt the mind a lot."

2. "The orders of the platoon commander must be carried out first, and personal affairs must be done immediately."

3. “Dig deeper, throw further. While flying, rest. So you never get tired. ”

4. "To combine space and time, you should dig from the fence to lunch."

5. "Your employment should not interfere with the excellent service to the Fatherland."

6. "What are you doing, fighter?" - "Nothing, Comrade Major." - "When free, rise to me on NP".

7. “Comrades officers, please do not rejoice much. Once a year and the donkey can become a horse. ”

8. “To whom and the mare the bride, and in some farms and a hedgehog of cattle”.

9. "Remember the fighters that history it is difficult to enter, but it is easy to plunge. ”

10. “A tank is not as terrible as its drunk crew.”

11. “I came - thanks, I left - many thanks”.

12. "There are three reasons for the absence of evening verification: forgot, washed down or scored."

13. “Army studies are the study of statutes, and experience is the study of exceptions.”

14. “Remember, the soldier’s father is the commander, and the mother is service.”

15. "The winter coat warms the fighter in winter, and cools it in summer."

16. "A soldier soldier is a brother."

17. "Soldiers walk from afar notice."

18. “If a fighter answers“ now, ”then know that this is tantamount to a Jewish“ infection ”.

19. "Fighter, strive to conquer not the world, but his knowledge."

20. “Well, what can I say, comrades officers. Your flat reasoning most vividly demonstrates the stereotype of your thinking. ”

21. “An honest fighter wants not to serve, but to sleep. Therefore, he must be forced into service. ”

22. “The plan of operational use of each combat unit is a serious and important document. Here, "maybe", "probably", "nakosu nakos" should not take place. Therefore, I feel sad that the division’s operational division did not find anything smarter than how to entrust the development of a plan to a lieutenant colonel with an elementary military education. ”

23. “The frightened fighter is disposed to disrupt the internal routine. This is a potential criminal, a future killer and a rapist. ”

24. "If a fighter today lost a spoon, then tomorrow he may lose the bolt from the carbine, and so close to the betrayal of the country."

25. "Conversation of the duty and duty officer of the school:" Comrade Captain of the second rank, would you go from here. Soon the foreman will come, I will fall, and you will get it. ”

26. "Remember, attractive women distract an officer from the service."

27. "Cadet, do not make a smart face, do not forget that you are a future officer."

28. “What's the matter with you, fighter?” - “My throat hurts.” - “Learn the statutes, and nothing will be sick”.

29. "Remember: the head of a fighter - to think." - "I see!" - "And brains - to think."

30. "Who did not serve in the army and on navy, you don’t understand how hungry you are, how hungry you are. ”

31. “At the first lesson with recruits about the structure of the Armed Forces, the lieutenant was asked the question:“ Comrade Lieutenant, is it true that the strongest units of the construction battalion are considered the most “cool” among all types of troops? ” This is my friend from a nearby platoon. ” - “Yes, he is right; stroybatovtsam for the performance of combat missions are not even given weapon, you get a weapon after the oath, for example. And God forbid you to meet them. " - "Clear."

32. "Comrade Sergeant, broadcast on television that the Americans landed on the moon." - “Thank you, darling. Good news. That's where we drove them. ”

Some sayings of military personnel of the armies of the Warsaw Pact countries:

Polish People's Republic:

“When a fighter asks for something from the commander, he is embarrassed. This is similar to how a woman asks God for something, as she asks for 77 things. ”

"Remember: whoever is hanged will not be drowned."

German Democratic Republic:

"Remember fighters: a healthy person is a rich person."

"Of the two swearing, the one who is smart is guilty."

Bulgarian People's Republic:

“When playing, do not torture the animal. It feels pain just like you. Respect the colleague and submit to the commander. "

Socialist Republic of Romania:

“When you consult, be a snail. And in fact be a bird. "

“Short speech, good speech. Answer the commander clearly and intelligibly. "

Hungarian People’s Republic:

"Remember, commanders, that it is better to raise a good fighter than ten one-time heroes."

"Fighter, learn to yourself that it is not your hare, whom you chase, but the one you caught."
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  1. andrei332809
    andrei332809 30 September 2015 10: 58 New
    16
    that you walk here ... with your feet ... with a smart face! come here, I will return the human appearance to you!
  2. AdekvatNICK
    AdekvatNICK 30 September 2015 11: 00 New
    +7
    Well, nothing dog, I will make you a man
  3. Lissyara
    Lissyara 30 September 2015 11: 03 New
    15
    The school recalled the head of the faculty: "Some will go on vacation to their respective parents."
  4. iliitchitch
    iliitchitch 30 September 2015 11: 04 New
    +6
    - Why are you sitting? Who will wash the floors, Pushkin or something?
    -Pushkin? Which Pushkin? Show me him ...
    1. Uncle VasyaSayapin
      Uncle VasyaSayapin 1 October 2015 14: 51 New
      +6
      - Akhmetov, do you know where I got this scar?
      “On the left side, Comrade Senior Warrant Officer.”

      9 May:
      Combat Major Schwartz stops the company on the way to the dining room: "Stop! As you go ... I'll teach you ... I'll have you ...
      Aslan (in a whisper): "Ye-eh. The German bastard is taking revenge for its own people."
  5. Riv
    Riv 30 September 2015 11: 05 New
    +8
    On fishlessness and cancer - fish, on birdless and ass - nightingale, on lightness and fist - blonde.
  6. Penetrator
    Penetrator 30 September 2015 11: 07 New
    +6
    Comrade cadet, do not make such a smart face. You are the future officer!
  7. major071
    major071 30 September 2015 11: 11 New
    11
    A good soldier wraps a footcloth on a fresh head ...

    The cadet’s boots should shine like freshly shaved cat’s eggs
    1. Ingvar 72
      Ingvar 72 30 September 2015 11: 45 New
      +7
      The DMB movie is driving! drinks
      1. KazaK Bo
        KazaK Bo 30 September 2015 12: 15 New
        +3
        Ingvar 72 (3)
        The DMB movie is driving!

        God grant that only warrant officers would joke in films ... and there was no such "commander-in-chief" like this warrant officer KAZAKOV ..
        Or .. like the former commander of the Kovelsky regiment, and then the deputy chief. Minsk MVIZRU, a graduate of the Kharkov Engineering, and then the Kalinin Command Academy (from his speech to the officers of his zrp’s command during the demonstration classes at the base, these are parts for the leaders of the zrp corps):
        === "Not a part, but sheer disgrace. You come to the car park, and the cigarette butts lie and lie around. And this is why ... but because some officers and majors too, instead of polishing boots in the evening, and putting on them with a fresh mind, they come to the service with red noses, pickles! And don't be smart to me ... otherwise you will sweep the parade ground from me and until the next stump ... don't scratch your growth on your shoulders ... you have no one there there are no brains ... there you have one bone ... therefore it cannot hurt!
        === "Comrade General! We failed the previous exercises with divisions because of the stupidity of the headquarters. Therefore, in these ostentatious exercises, our headquarters fully took into account the achievements of the past exercises and prepared them just as successfully!"
        1. tveritianin
          tveritianin 30 September 2015 13: 50 New
          +1
          Man, who do you mean in your remark?
          1. tveritianin
            tveritianin 30 September 2015 13: 59 New
            +1
            Or at least indicate the period of service. I served in neighboring K-Bug in the late 80s
  8. samoletil18
    samoletil18 30 September 2015 11: 13 New
    +3
    "It is painted here, like a cow pos ... ala?"
  9. pofigisst74
    pofigisst74 30 September 2015 11: 20 New
    +8
    There was a case, I asked "Comrade Commander, how to do this?" Answers "The soldier's ingenuity should have been given to you at the military registration and enlistment office! Use it!" am
  10. GRAY
    GRAY 30 September 2015 11: 20 New
    17
    "Comrade officers, I ask you not to call pin dos" pin dos ", they are very offended by this"
    © Valery Evgenievich Evtukhovich commander of the Russian contingent in Kosovo.
  11. gjkrjdybr50
    gjkrjdybr50 30 September 2015 11: 24 New
    +3
    Comrade cadet, what do I mean? Are you a thinker, Jean-Jacques Rousseau?
  12. CONTROL
    CONTROL 30 September 2015 11: 24 New
    +6
    Hygiene for a soldier is more important than dinner! Doors need to be hemmed in time! ... To wash, to shave ... to cut nails! And then claws were grown - like an eagle! you can climb trees!
  13. SPB 1221
    SPB 1221 30 September 2015 11: 24 New
    +2
    The company commander at the morning formation: "The cadet woke up, sat down, let go of one leg, let go of the other leg and thinks what else to let go ..."
  14. Col.
    Col. 30 September 2015 11: 25 New
    +7
    Most of these tales were invented by those who did not serve at all. Old, a thousand times retold nonsense. For example, in the 33 of the year of service I heard a lot of jokes, but I don’t remember such flat, moronic expressions. Read better (here, for example, here http://topwar.ru/42339-kontr-admiral-vgdobroskochenko.html) pearls of Admiral Dobroskochenko. That's where humor and worldly wisdom are! Although his expressions also "aligned" a little ...
  15. narval20
    narval20 30 September 2015 11: 32 New
    +2
    LITTLE SUPPORT, BUT - NUTRIENT
    WILL BE LITTLE BUT ENDURABLE bully
  16. Baikonur
    Baikonur 30 September 2015 11: 34 New
    16
    Everyone knows about: you can Masha for a thigh!
    And on our course such a picture was:

    - Comrade Captain, can I ...?
    - You can hold on to X ..!
    - (embarrassed) uh, permit ?!
    - Well, hold on! laughing
    1. Penetrator
      Penetrator 30 September 2015 11: 44 New
      +1
      Quote: Baikonur
      Everyone knows about: you can Masha for a thigh!
      And on our course such a picture was:

      - Comrade Captain, can I ...?
      - You can hold on to X ..!
      - (embarrassed) uh, permit ?!
      - Well, hold on! laughing

      Oh. damn .. Slid under the table ... Fu, it became bad ... good laughing
    2. corn
      corn 30 September 2015 11: 47 New
      +2
      Quote: Baikonur
      Everyone knows about: you can Masha for a thigh!

      You can goat on a cart.
  17. Appraiser
    Appraiser 30 September 2015 11: 36 New
    +1
    Hey you three, both to me .... soldier I will not do my work for you ... soldier
    1. Uncle VasyaSayapin
      Uncle VasyaSayapin 1 October 2015 15: 38 New
      +1
      And do not pull the rubber in a long drawer.
  18. bulvas
    bulvas 30 September 2015 11: 43 New
    +1

    I’ll figure it out with you, I’ll punish anyone!

    soldier


  19. belroni
    belroni 30 September 2015 11: 47 New
    +9
    ***
    Platoon commander: "You are wrong, Comrade Colonel ..."
    Colonel: “What do you teach me from TWO HIGHER EDUCATIONS !!!”
    Platoon commander through clenched teeth: "They’re not smart two times."

    ***
    - What do you hang noodles on your ears, I don’t give you a copper teapot with compote ???

    ***
    “If you are such fools and don’t remember anything, then write down how I do it.”

    ***
    “I will teach you the military greeting to give.” You will give the honor to each pillar, start with me.

    ***
    - Savely, why do you have one black boot and the other dirty?

    ***
    - Place the stools facing the exit.

    ***
    Briefing before State exams.
    Colonel: "You don't know who to report to, report to the table."

    ***
    Club, monthly summing up (popularly nicknamed this event - "evening of laughter"). Kovalev on the podium:
    - I go into the first nightstand - there are sneakers knee-deep in the mud ... I go into the second nightstand - there is a woman naked, well, I tore it off and gave it to the cadets. Get up who lives in these nightstands. So these bedside tables will not go to dismissal anymore.
  20. Dr. Barmaley
    Dr. Barmaley 30 September 2015 11: 47 New
    +4
    Our colonel used to say: "Under the edigy" (correctly - "under the aegis" (shield of Zeus)), "Fakir for an hour" (correctly - "caliph for an hour").
    Already in civilian life, the chief, who loved to orate at the planning meeting, issued the following: "As Yudushka Golovlev said in the play" At the Bottom "," Geography is not a master's science, a cabman will take you anyway. "
    In Gorky's play "At the Bottom" there is no Judas Golovlev, he is a character in the book by Saltykov-Shchedrin "The Lord Golovlevs". And Madame Prostakova from Fonvizin's comedy "The Minor" spoke about geography and a cab.
    1. makarick
      makarick 16 October 2015 20: 56 New
      +1
      And we have one p / p said instead of Peter the first Peter one ...
  21. belroni
    belroni 30 September 2015 11: 49 New
    +7
    The general enters the company.
    - Attention! - screams daylight.
    The company officer on duty, all rumpled and sleepy, runs out to meet the general: "Dragging the Major General, .......... company officer on duty Sergeant Andronov."
    And the general is so fatherly: “You are no longer a duty son, but a five-day prison guard.”
  22. The comment was deleted.
  23. corn
    corn 30 September 2015 11: 52 New
    +2
    1.-... The company is unfolding from marching order to battle.
    - It unfolds, and the cart unfolds on a country road.
    2. The soldier where not to kiss, his ass is everywhere.
  24. Dr. Barmaley
    Dr. Barmaley 30 September 2015 11: 53 New
    +1
    From the same "Army tales":

    After firing, return the cartridges to their original position.
    Especially for students I say: the bed is made up by the method of moving the arms below the waist.
    Why are you sleeping while standing on the nightstand? So wake up - and a knife in the throat.
    You may not shine with your mind - but you must shine with your boot!
    1. corn
      corn 30 September 2015 12: 02 New
      +1
      Quote: Dr. Barmaley
      shine with a boot

      Shine with a boot. A little sense is changing.
  25. AdekvatNICK
    AdekvatNICK 30 September 2015 11: 57 New
    +2
    -Comrade captain, can I watch TV?
    -You can watch, but you can’t turn it on.
  26. Sling cutter
    Sling cutter 30 September 2015 12: 01 New
    +3
    - Private, why do arrows close one eye when aiming? - Because, probably, if both eyes are closed, the target will not be visible.

    Translation of the charter of the Israeli army: 1) Do not answer a question with a question. 2) Do not give valuable advice to a senior in rank. 3) Do not enter into commercial relations with the enemy.
  27. dimunder
    dimunder 30 September 2015 12: 12 New
    +2
    All those who do not pass the test will be posted in the corridor 2 barracks!
  28. cayman gene
    cayman gene 30 September 2015 12: 12 New
    +6
    to bring you out into the open field, put you facing the wall and put a bullet in your forehead.
  29. nivander
    nivander 30 September 2015 12: 12 New
    +1
    "A cadet is an example of moral purity and physical perfection" - such a poster was briefly hung in the Lenin room of my native Kamenets-Podolsk Higher Engineering Command School named after Marshal V.K. Kharchenko
  30. Dr. Barmaley
    Dr. Barmaley 30 September 2015 12: 44 New
    +4
    They say there was a poster in an artillery school: "Our goal is communism!"
    1. your1970
      your1970 30 September 2015 23: 52 New
      +1
      in our artillery regiment was a stella with a portrait of Lenin (FACTORY MANUFACTURE !!!) with the inscription - "Lenin lived, Lenin is alive, Lenin will live!" and Lenin's autograph below under the inscription ...
    2. Uncle VasyaSayapin
      Uncle VasyaSayapin 1 October 2015 14: 43 New
      +1
      There were a number of posters. The first poster - every shot - at the target. The next is our goal of communism. But then they removed it.
  31. nivander
    nivander 30 September 2015 13: 21 New
    +2
    to remember the duties of a sentry, the cadets pronounced “sideways” instead of “comma”. And instead of “dot” - “cancer.” It turned out like “... take the carbine sideways. Put it down with cancer.” It was fun and easy to learn
  32. igordok
    igordok 30 September 2015 13: 25 New
    +6
    Taken from http://nyka-huldra.livejournal.com/12003187.html
    Fragments of real negotiations between aircraft pilots and controllers
    Most of us can’t even imagine what is happening on the “aircraft kitchen” while we are sleeping peacefully in our seats. Or is it better not to know? In general, we consider it our duty to warn the faint-hearted and especially often flying citizens that they are probably better off refraining from reading this article.
    * * *
    Dispatcher: "Board TWA 2341, turn right 45 degrees to reduce noise."

    TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35 000 feet. What kind of noise can there be? ”

    Dispatcher: "Have you ever heard the rumble that 747 throws when it encounters 727 th?"

    * * *
    A pilot of an unidentified aircraft, awaiting permission to take off in a very long line: “How bored I am ***!”

    Ground-based traffic control at the airport: “The pilot who sent the last message, immediately identify yourself!”

    Pilot of an unidentified plane: “I said that I’m bored ***, I didn’t say that I ***!”

    * * *
    The pilot of the DC-10 passenger plane did not calculate something, and the run after landing was much longer than usual.

    San Jose Airport Dispatcher: “751, if you can, take a sharp right turn at the end of the runway. If you are not able to do this, turn off at the intersection towards Guadeloupe, exit onto the 101 highway, at the first traffic light, turn right and return to the airport. ”

    * * *
    The pilot, Pan Am 727, is waiting in line for take-off in Munich and hears negotiations between his Lufthansa colleague and the dispatcher.

    Pilot Lufthansa (in German): “Dispatcher, what is your estimated take-off time?”

    Dispatcher: “If you want to hear the answer, you must speak English”

    Lufthansa: “I am German, I fly a German plane in Germany. Why should I speak English? ”

    Unidentified pilot of another plane (with a perfect British accent): “Because you lost the war!”

    * * *
    Crossair 498: "Starting to take off in a circle."

    Dispatcher: "498 board, let me do it a little."

    Pilot: "Allow for the most?"

    Dispatcher: "Prohibit."

    Pilot: “But I already went about the small, can I now do the big?”

    Dispatcher: “No! Allow only small things! I forbid for the most part! How do you understand ?! ”

    Pilot: "Yes, I understand, I understand."

    * * *
    Dispatcher: "747, in my opinion, you are about to take off with the open luggage hatch of the luggage."

    Pilot: "Thank you, of course, but you confused the luggage hatch with the auxiliary power unit hatch."

    Dispatcher: "Okay, takeoff is allowed."

    Dispatcher: "Onboard, 747, I'm afraid you started to leak luggage from the auxiliary power unit's hatch."

    * * *
    The German air traffic control service operators are well known for their hot temper. They believe that pilots are not only obliged to the starting position of their side, but also how to get there without asking for help. Therefore, the pilots of Pan Am 747 were completely overwhelmed by the negotiations on the radio of the controller from Frankfurt and the pilot of British Airways 747 with the call sign Speedbird 206. The dialogue was like this:

    Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 deviated from the working runway."

    Dispatcher: Drive to Exit A17 »

    The BA 747 board rolls onto the taxiway and stops.

    Dispatcher: "Speedbird, do you even understand where to go?"

    Speedbird 206: "Earth, stay connected, I'm looking for a way out."

    Dispatcher (with poorly restrained annoyance): “Speedbird 206, have you ever been to Frankfurt before?”

    Speedbird 206 (calmly): "Oh, yes, twice in 1944, only then it was dark and I did not sit down."
  33. Mik-51
    Mik-51 30 September 2015 13: 45 New
    +2
    In my officer's youth we had such a regiment commander - Stepan Petrovich. When he did his Monday morning debriefing, the regiment rolled with laughter. But - who got on the tongue - before-oh-oh-olgo remembered "his way out" ...
    Unfortunately - I don’t know - how to make a drawing clickable, you can open it in a new tab - you won’t ...
    (For advice - how to make the picture clickable in PM - a huge advance thanks love )
  34. Sling cutter
    Sling cutter 30 September 2015 13: 51 New
    +1
    The motto of the tankers: "The armor is strong and our tanks are fast!" The pilots' motto is "Higher and Higher!" Signal troops motto: "The louder you shout, the further you hear!" The motto of the air defense warriors: "We don't fly ourselves and we don't give to others!"

  35. Tanker55
    Tanker55 30 September 2015 14: 44 New
    +1
    The wind is, hold the birch, the wind is not, download the birch. Approximately so. And with a crowbar tried revenge?
  36. nivander
    nivander 30 September 2015 14: 58 New
    +1
    doctors also burn
  37. Aleksey_K
    Aleksey_K 30 September 2015 16: 09 New
    +1
    Lieutenant Colonel - to students: "The engine crankcase is made of luminium."
    Student: "Comrade Lieutenant Colonel, let me ask you."
    - I allow it.
    - Comrade Lieutenant Colonel - not aluminum, but aluminum.
    - Sit down fellow student
    “I said luminium, which means luminium.”

    This dialogue took place before my eyes. But both were wrong. The engine crankcase is made of duralumin.
    1. Col.
      Col. 30 September 2015 16: 28 New
      +1
      Quote: Алексей_К
      “I said luminium, which means luminium.”

      Old as the world ..
      Quote: Алексей_К
      But both were wrong. The engine crankcase is made of duralumin.

      You are also wrong. The official (scientific) name of the material adopted in engineering and metallurgy is duralumin.
      1. guzik007
        guzik007 8 December 2015 11: 12 New
        +1
        The company will go to unload the luminium.
        Not aluminum, but aluminum
        So the company will go on unloading luminium, and the smart ones will unload the iron.
  38. Nyrobsky
    Nyrobsky 30 September 2015 16: 11 New
    +1
    From the military commissar.
    Graduates, do not mow from the army. There is time in the army to run, jump, eat and sleep. What about the student? I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep.
  39. Board375
    Board375 30 September 2015 20: 15 New
    +2
    The battalion commander - Tatar: (with a sly one) "Hey, brother, you don’t wipe me off here." The spectacle washer fell with everyone from the cramp bully
  40. your1970
    your1970 30 September 2015 23: 43 New
    +1
    Quote: Dr. Barmaley
    Why are you sleeping while standing on the nightstand? So wake up - and a knife in the throat.

    the Komsomolets of the regiment absolutely seriously spoke in full earnest while being on duty on the regiment, and also took them by the ear from the nightstand ...
  41. sso-xnumx
    sso-xnumx 1 October 2015 21: 04 New
    +1
    Our ZRP in 1988. substituted under the control of the main inspection of the USSR Ministry of Defense. The regiment commander gathered deputies and chiefs of services, began pumping up and asks the question of the beginning of the conversation. physical training: "Who is the chief inspector of the USSR Ministry of Defense?" He naturally replies that he does not know. The same question for me (Head of medical services), to which I also answer that I have no idea. Shouts of the victim, on the subject "this is where the mess and disorder begins," etc., and at the end of the phrase the statement "We must know our enemies by sight !!!" And then he gets an automatic answer from me: "I do not consider the chief inspector of the USSR Ministry of Defense my enemy!" The commander rushed about the office, shouting that he did not mean it, etc., nachpo buried himself in the table, the men were sitting with great effort to restrain themselves from laughing. The meeting ended there. After the officers left the headquarters, a friendly rzhach was heard.
  42. tol
    tol 19 October 2015 02: 03 New
    +1
    And this happens wink
  43. VIK_1961
    VIK_1961 18 November 2015 17: 59 New
    +1
    PVAIU 1978-1983

    "Comrade cadet, take off your gloves, you are not at the dance."

    1st deputy beg. schools of the peninsula Vykhodtsev - a thunderous command voice, course (4 platoons) in the best case, from the 3rd attempt, getting past him into the dining room for a meal - a saying about him:
    "In our school, everything is on" YOU ": YOU ... t, Dry. Signed Vyhodtsev."

    "What a kind of you, comrade cadet, zhelezkin-homemade"

    "I go into the bedside table - and there are wrappers from under candy wrappers."

    Divorce for classes, winter, frost, cadets (from 1st to 5th year) n / w, gloves, hats. On the parade ground - the command of the faculty, 15 minutes for everything about everything, before the expiration of the period from the parade ground of the beginning of the courses, they did not risk dissolving the l / s: "Comrades cadets! Today is Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday, then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. So, on Friday at we have a bathhouse. The sergeant-major will select the people and change the clothes before washing ... "- and all 15 minutes. about the bath and Friday.

    "I, colonel, the head of the faculty go to a trolley bus, and this unauthorized driver drives up in a taxi" - from the analysis of the "flights" to summarize.

    On setting a personal task for the orderly to restore internal order in the toilet (practiced by the foreman): "Why are you looking so sadly at the point? Well, now the mermaid won't look out of there. And if it shines?"

    Happy holiday to you - Day of the Missile Forces and Artillery !!!
  44. midshipman
    midshipman 20 November 2015 21: 14 New
    +3
    You can add to these statements:
    -Fighter went. Comrade foreman the car will not start. I ordered, let's go, then start it;
    -And now shut your mouth and report back where you were;
    -At the command "running march" hands bend at the knees;
    -Fighter, inspect the hole in the fence on which side it is, on this or that;
    -Print in triplicate, but so that the first one is ready for dinner;
    - What do you think - that you are all fools, and I am one smart;
    -Whose overcoat is signed by "Sidorov"?
    -It is time, comrades, to take a horse by the horns:
    -I want to sleep and feel sorry for the Motherland;
    -Company! Wider step! Why doesn’t the ass sing?
    -Lingerie you get the same white, only blue;
    - The distance between the legs is one step;
    - The boiling point of the water in the tank is 90 degrees. No, 90 degrees is a right angle;
    - There is no point in searching, even if we find;
    - In winter, that is, at night, the guard changes twice a day;
    - You need to disguise yourself so that not a single dog finds it. Even me;
    - Really it’s impossible to say all this in more Russian language;
    -P-p-equal! I don’t hear a single click when turning heads;
    - Who has a penchant for math? Take shovels and start to take roots.
    1. Vladimir Vladimirovich Medvedev
      Vladimir Vladimirovich Medvedev 14 May 2016 22: 54 New
      0
      Now imagine: a clean field, surrounded by neither a hole, nor a tubercle, not a bush, and suddenly a tank is around the corner.
  45. babai591
    babai591 14 December 2015 23: 45 New
    +2
    Comrade Colonel, how to write down: anti-aircraft missile or anti-aircraft missile? Write - ZRV. RTVshniki - Happy Holiday !!!
  46. EVPanov
    EVPanov 18 February 2016 21: 21 New
    +5
    Russia, the District Chief of Staff returns from the training camp and calls up the old experienced typist:
    - Vera Ivanovna, we urgently need to prepare the order of the commander of the district "On the state of military discipline." You are ready? - Ready. - So that's great. Then let's start. ... (walks around the office and dictates) - @ B YOUR MOTHER !!! ! M: (typist typing) "Comrades officers!" - NOBODY @ I DO THEM! M: "Military discipline has fallen in the troops" - FSE LIES AND JANKS! ! M: "The commanders have withdrawn from their official duties." M: "No one is engaged in education, drill training has weakened, cases of drunken brawls and outrages in relation to the local population have become more frequent: - E %%% L FSEKH !!! M:" I order! "- TO THIS NEW CONDOM, THAT IMAGINATED SIBA WITH AIRSHIP, CLISM WITH PATHONE NEEDLES, AND NOT LAMPS! to punish the division commander with his power "- P @ ZDETSTS!! M:" The commander of the district, Colonel-General Petrov "
  47. Kamchatsky
    Kamchatsky 3 March 2016 13: 36 New
    +1
    Quote: Cayman Gena
    to bring you out into the open field, put you facing the wall and put a bullet in your forehead.

    We had an addition: ... in two stages!
  48. igfrost1957
    igfrost1957 April 9 2016 07: 55 New
    +2
    On the edges of the entrance gates of the Gorky ZRU, layouts of C75 were placed. And over the gate hung a banner "Our goal is communism."

    Only after graduating from college did I arrive at the regiment, and the exercises had just ended in the regiment. The results of the exercises were summed up by the deputy commander of the army. The final phrase sounded like this: "On the whole, I am satisfied with the exercises. The mark is good. The regiment commander should be punished, and the guilty should be rewarded."
  49. Vladimir Vladimirovich Medvedev
    Vladimir Vladimirovich Medvedev 14 May 2016 22: 23 New
    +2
    Hey fighters! Yes, you three, come here both, look what, I tell you.
  50. midshipman
    midshipman 12 June 2016 10: 11 New
    +1
    There is one more dictum of the war Soviet times: "They won't send Kushka further, they won't give less platoon." I have the honor.