My grandfather's front-line letters (part 1)
Unfortunately, not a single front-line photograph of my grandfather has been preserved, but I can send him a photo in civilian clothing about those times; photos of the people in question in the letters, photos of the letters themselves, as well as photos of the grandmother with the children, story which is described in detail.
***
Hello, dear Lida! I am writing to you already the fifth letter, and from you to get lost all hope. How do you explain your long silence? I find it difficult to pass on to you as I worry. I had a definite opinion that something happened at home. I can’t come to terms with the idea that the delay in letters is due to the fault of the mail. If I was sure that everything was all right at home, and the delay in the letters was your fault, I would give you an offensive rebuke. I am far from the thought of suspecting you of something bad. I am sure that the reason for the delay in the letters is completely different, but I assure you that I have the courage to transfer any of your messages, no matter how hard it may be. When my comrades are interested in my family or we share memories of a peaceful life, how much good you and the guys can't tell them. When asked whether I receive letters from home, how things are at home, I don’t know what to say. Feel awkward yourself. Moreover, it becomes hard and painful in your soul that you have been forgotten. Do I really deserve something that I have not been considered to be informed about such a long time? Dear Lida! Maybe you were sick? Maybe currently ill? Then one of my relatives would write me a letter. I do not write to you about the illness of the guys or someone else. I know you would tell me about it. We should not forget that we are fully aware at the front of how difficult it is for you in the rear. If you compare you and me, then I can safely say that you have a harder time. But I honestly and conscientiously fulfill the requirement that is presented to me by the Motherland. You don't have to blush for me. (Grandma married her grandfather very young, barely sixteen years old. And her grandfather was already quite an adult, twenty-three years old experienced engineer. When the war started, both of them were still very young people. And it always amazed me how delicately my grandfather instructed grandmother on all everyday issues.)
I have all provided. You also have to think about yourself, about children and provide us with everything you need. I really appreciate the work of the rear and realize what kind of war lies on your shoulders. We eat much better than you. Sometimes we get cookies. When I eat it, I involuntarily remember the guys. I would gladly refuse this luxury in order to get it to our children.
Dear Lida, consider that I am almost continuously in battles. It is possible that misfortune will happen to me. It will be much easier for me to bear everything if I am calm for you. I beg you, write to me more and more.
The photos of grandmother Lidia Vasilievna with her son Vladimir are the source of the same one that my grandfather originally took to the front and the loss of which he describes in one of the first letters
Lida! You know me (although you still do not quite understand), you know that I have never complained to you about my fate. Even in the smallest of troubles, I tried to present you everything in such an explanation in order to spare your self-esteem and health. You know that I love you, you know what kind of love I show for our children - you cannot neglect this. I do not require you to pity me. Pity and sincere love are two opposite things, but only the latter gives rise to the first. Do not think that I am so stupid that I have lost all human feelings. The laws of war are harsh. You know, Lida, I love my Motherland very much and I just can’t come to terms with the idea that we will be defeated. I don’t want to brag to you, but I’m not a coward (they wrote about me and two comrades in the front-line newspaper “Stalin truth”), and therefore you will not blush for me. I am still young, I want to live, I want and dream to see you all, but my fate is unknown. (I am writing to you, and shells are flying overhead.) My previous letters and this letter should leave some trace in your memory. I want you to remember only good things about me. Do not be offended by the reproaches that I wrote you. You must understand that only a person without a soul and insincerely loving could keep silent about what I wrote to you.
Dear Lida! Very satisfied for the guys. Your description of Natasha delights me. Unfortunately, you speak too coldly of Volodya. Lida, you must understand that we are the only ones to blame for his behavior and character. He will be harder in the future than Natasha. Love for a child is not limited to just being cared for, i.e. He is dressed, shod, full. He needs a caress. A fair caress in which he would not see the difference in attitude. I assure you, he will be much better if you change his attitude towards him. Mother in general, children should be the same.
It is a pity that I can not order you, but I will try. The order will be the following: whatever the cost, no matter how much time you spend, you must send me a photo of the children and yourself. Turn to Alexey Vasilyevich for assistance, I think that this can be done. (Alexey Vasilyevich Fedyakov, the husband of Sofia Vassilyevna’s grandmother’s sister. At the beginning of the war he was with his family in Pavlov, then went to the front, fought very worthily, and had awards.) I had to part with your photo and Volodya. It was not my fault. I will describe this case to you. Once over the location of our battery appeared enemy aircraft. As they noticed us, I do not know, but several bombs fell. We have three people wounded, one killed. My duffle bag also suffered. Things were scattered. And my comrades were amazed at me when, not paying attention to the danger, I was looking for a book where your photo was kept. From this case it will become clear to you how valuable she was to me. I hope that you will fulfill my "order".
... You may assume that I can take offense at you for not sending me a parcel. Stupid (of course, do not be offended by what I call you so), do you really think that I do not understand your position? If I received anything from you, I would only be offended for it. The best gift from you are frequent letters and, if possible, your photos, so that I can look at my dear faces.
I really miss the job. I want to write to Nevsky (a colleague and the head of my grandfather, co-author of some of his inventions), so that he sent me some materials from the institute. I will try to do business at the front. By this I think to benefit my Motherland. I can not sit idle. The desire to provide more benefit to their homeland makes me apply my knowledge at the front. Perhaps a change will happen in my life soon. Today I received a letter in which I was told a pleasant news. I am not going to tell you what I proposed, it will be incomprehensible to you, but in this letter I was informed that my proposal was reported to the head of the political department of the army and command. Tomorrow I'm waiting for specials. correspondent who comes to our part to talk with me. (A secret note stamped to holes is kept in our family archive. It is impossible to read it completely, but it’s about the fact that the grandfather invented some serious improvement of the mortar sight on the front.)
Already the ninth month since I left home. During this time there has been a lot of changes. I have changed, but do not think for the worse. Not. It seems to me that everything that I had was left. The only thing added was that I recognized people better. I realized a lot in life, which until then had remained incomprehensible. I learned and understood what deprivation is. I do not mind the fate. I understand perfectly well what causes all this, and like every living person I dream of returning home with a victory and continue to live with my family again. Although we sometimes had problems, but in general our life was not bad. ... You will not be offended at me, and if I came back, I am sure that we would have healed much better.
Your memories of my wires and their comparison with the wires of Alexey Vasilyevich (Fedyakov, who just went to war at that time) are in vain. I could not, and had no right to demand more from you. I know that if there was an opportunity, everything possible would also be done for me. I did not think to be offended; on the contrary, I myself felt guilty of something.
Once you wrote to me that my letters give you not only joy, but you read them with pleasure. How difficult it is sometimes to deliver this pleasure, especially when you do not receive letters for a long time. You are a close enough person for me, and therefore limiting oneself to a dry and official letter is to show one’s indifference to you. To write once again about your feelings, guesses, ridiculous assumptions is stupid. War already plays on the nerves enough, so you have to take this into account. Believe me, for me each of your letters, whatever the content, is of great value. I perfectly know your character, habits, I know your attitude towards me in the past, I did not forget the expression of your personal feelings towards me, and therefore I regard your letters in my own way. For a stranger, they may seem too monotonous and maybe official, for me it is not.
I am waiting for a separate letter from Volodya. Happy birthday to him. Mentally, I can not imagine. Still, he seems to me to be my little son, with whom I have to go to the store to buy him a toy, and if a book, then it must be with pictures. Probably, if I return, I will first need to ask you what interests him. Natasha is a mystery to me. Although you always write about her for the better than about Volod, but I have no idea about her. I remember her still helpless little daughter, who, apart from anxiety (that she had nothing to eat during the war), did not deliver anything to me. I loved her in my own way, but in this love there was more pity for her. You admire her, and therefore you would have made for me an invaluable pleasure if you could take a picture with the children and send me a card.
Grandmother with children Vladimir and Natalia - a photo that the grandfather, having received in return for the lost, carried with him until the end of the war, and his source
Dear Lida! Very, very grateful to you for the photo. If you suggested how much joy she brought me. Sometimes it seems to me that I have become closer to you. Looking into the features that are dear to me, I transfer myself mentally into the past, and together with the joyful memories of the past, you dream of a good future. Conscience and duty to the Motherland makes me put up with many things, but if you knew how sometimes it becomes boring, hard, hard, not physically, but morally. Do not think that this is due to being at the front. No fear - atrophied. For me, having spent the third year at the front, a lot has become indifferent. It becomes difficult because you are very bored. There are no prospects for a meeting soon. You have to put your personal interests in the background. Reading the last of your letters, which, in spite of everything, were very short and dry, I made sure that it was also hard for you to wait for me. True, you promise to wait, which, of course, makes me very happy, but at the same time I am worried about the conditions of your material life, from which, I know, your mood can change. Do not be surprised at the last words, and most importantly - do not be offended. I, of course, have absolutely no right to suspect you of something bad, but, unfortunately, life itself, its harsh laws make me think not what I would like.
In the photo you look as cute, good as you were. Your little smile is just as simple and pleasant. Volodya has also changed. I feel that I grew up. Natasha - this black-eyed daughter delights me. Do not be jealous with Volodya, but I stare at her much more than you. Perhaps this is due to the fact that your images are not smoothed out of my memory, and I have seen Natasha the least. The overall impression you create is good.
The events and successes of the last days are very encouraging. It seems that the day is not far off when dreams will come true. ABOUT! If you knew what and how much at the front you have to dream. These dreams are varied. The main dream is to quickly defeat the enemy. Often we draw ourselves a picture of returning home, meeting with everyone, and then it becomes easier to endure the hardships that arise at the front. It becomes especially good when you know that you have favorite children, a wife who are waiting for you. Believe me, rarely a day passes when I would not look at a photo. I have studied faces so much (I have not forgotten yours, and it has changed little) that you always stand before me.
Recently I received a letter from Sergey. (Sergei Mikhailovich Maksimenkov’s grandfather’s brother — that’s how the brothers’s names differed because of a passport’s mistake — he was a conductor. He was at the front as part of a military orchestra. A man of fine mental organization could not bear the horrors of war and, returning after the Victory, died a year later. ) He is lucky, was 10 days in Moscow. Everything would be fine if that uncertainty with Kolya was resolved for the better, and for our relatives this is the first trouble. Still, I hope for a good outcome. (Kolya is the grandmother's brother, Nikolai Vasilyevich Emelyanov. He went very young to the front, probably cleaning up the year of birth, served in the skiing forces and died in 1944 in the age of 16-17 years.)
Sergey Mikhailovich Maksimenkov, brother of his grandfather, musician, conductor, served in a military band, died shortly after returning from the front
Dear Lida! Sad as it may be, but again I gave you an unnecessary experience with my silence. Believe me, Lida! This is not due to the fact that I changed my feelings for you. On the contrary. Every day you and the children become more precious to me. How nice to know that there is a person who believes, waits and hopes to meet. It makes it easier to survive the hardships caused by war, this hope. Know, Lida, wherever I am, whatever happens to me, my thoughts will always be with you. The family for me was and will remain the most expensive. My words will seem strange to you, but I can tell you that I am sacrificing for the sake of my family. Someday I will explain to you what the essence of my words is, but for now they will remain unknown to you.
Please do not think that having a family can make a coward out of me. Homeland is as dear to me as you, and I have never been and will not be a coward, but at the same time I know that I must not forget about you.
Despite the fact that the war terribly tired of all, the mood in the army is not bad. All live in the hope that the German will soon be defeated. Frankly admits: everyone is tired of this war. It is hard to think that three years from life are crossed out. And how many people died. Sometimes it becomes scary to think. Those people with whom I went to the front, there are very few. The rest are cripples or killed. Now we are located in the forest. The nearest town is in 3 km, but our front line is located there. We have after the calm. Nevertheless, when I write you this letter, sometimes German shells distract thoughts. True, they are accustomed to them and are indifferent, but still they do not allow us to forget that there is war all around.
The weather is favorable to us. After several days, when it was raining and there was no place to dry, there were clear and warm days. We sleep in the open air, and I often remember Stalingrad when we slept on the balcony. Nature does not recognize that war. Despite the fact that the forest has suffered from ruptures, everything lives around. Birds do not stop singing, raspberries and nuts are enough, and if it were not for the shots, then you would think that you are in the country.
Lida! Sorry for being so long with a letter. I have no particular justification. True, I am busy with one job that takes a lot of my personal time. This work is connected with my civil specialty, and I am very fond of it.
Very satisfied for you and Natasha. For Volodya worried, and for some reason I feel sorry for him. I know he is not with strangers, but to deprive him of your and my attention is too much punishment. (Towards the end of the war, my grandmother and little Natasha returned to Moscow, and my father stayed for some time in Pavlov with relatives and was very upset.) At his age I was brought up in an orphanage. (There were seven children in the grandfather's family. His father, Mikhail Ivanovich Maksimenkov, was drafted into the Red Army in 1918 and died in the Civil War. The mother was forced to send some children to an orphanage, where the grandfather was brought up until 15 years, when he could work.) The memory connected with that life is still too fresh in my memory. As a child, I often thought about my position and looked for the guilty why I was in an orphanage. At that time I was not interested in the question that it was difficult to live. I had my own personal world and, unfortunately, no one could explain my errors. Although Volodya is big (by the end of the war my father was nine years old), he probably understands a lot, but it’s still hard for him. Especially it is necessary to take into account that, as you write, “he went into mother’s character”, and therefore he can feel, worry and never show his appearance and is not recognized. I regret that this trait has passed to him. It seems to me that our past life would be much more complete. I can not, and I have no right to be offended at you for anything, but for this line we often caused each other trouble for no reason. Sometimes it seemed to me that you didn’t completely trust me or play with my feelings, and even then I guessed that there was a certain trait in your character, and therefore I got used to it and accepted it. Several times I tried to make a change. True, unsuccessfully, rudely, caused you trouble, but you have to agree that sometimes she herself was not right. I do not want to engage in self-praise, but the person who recognized me can live well. I am quick-tempered, hot, but at the same time, if I have offended a person, I always try to find the cause and make amends. In life, I did not make enemies for myself that could take offense for a long time. I know that citizenship cannot remember me badly. I also have many comrades and even friends in the army, and therefore it is easier for me to go through all sorts of adversities.
Recently from Kazakova I.D. got a letter. Unfortunately, it was sad for me. Many in the rear have not quite the right idea about us. They think that we are so hardened, have become insensitive to everything, etc. - i.e. we can be absolutely indifferent to all things. Unfortunately, this is deeply mistaken. Each of us, who is at the front, has not ceased to appreciate life. All that is connected with memories of the past is very expensive. I.D. Kazakov, in his little postcard, informed me about the death of six comrades, including Yuzhakov, who died of a heartbreak in the train, Pronin, Kazachinsky, and others. If they were all at the front, it would not be so hard, otherwise in the far rear. All this leads to very sad reflections. After all, I lived and worked with them for several years. How much has changed in three years. Who can believe how hard it is to wait for the end.
We have a lull now. Found a new occupation, i.e. learning to play the accordion. Build it like on the piano, and therefore for me to study is easy. I play in the evenings. This allows a little distraction from the war.
Volodya! Why did you stop writing me letters? I am very worried about how you live there (in Pavlov). Mom writes me often. She misses and worries that you are left alone without her. Volodya! Write me about your academic progress. Hope you learn well. (By the way, my father studied very well, later he graduated from school with a medal.) Listen to your grandfather and grandmother. I received a letter from you in which you write about Uncle Lesha (Fedyakov). You are probably wondering if I have any rewards. I also have two orders. (The grandfather, among other awards, was awarded the medal "For Courage" and the Order of the Red Star. He repeatedly mentioned in letters that he was presented to the Order of the Red Banner, but, for reasons unknown to me, I did not receive it.) have to. Your dad beats the German well and hopes that you will also learn well and obey. The war will end soon. I will come home. Let's all gather together and live well as before.
Lida! It will probably seem very surprising to you that you receive letters so often. Of course, I do not differ in the accuracy of writing letters often, just today for some reason it became sad and sad. So I wanted to go home, that I can not explain to you. Perhaps spring is affected. At this time, everyone wants to live, and therefore I don’t want to think about war. How quickly time flew by, and I, after all, meet the fourth spring far from my home - at the front. It is easy just to say how much and what during that time I did not change my mind. If it were not for the awareness that you are defending the Motherland, then this time would be a pity. When I'm bored, for some reason I remember all my former life. The war has taught to appreciate even what is sometimes neglected in citizenship. How many have to deny yourself. I envy many comrades who think little about how to spend their leisure time. I'm not talking about cinema, theater, and even a simple book in Russian is hard to get here, and you know perfectly well that I loved reading. Almost all free time passes in conversations and memories. Here, take care of your brother. Criticized so that the ears fade. In my heart, of course, many contradict, not everyone wants to show his I. You have more worries there, and therefore you have less free time, and even when you get together, you also have enough conversations. We have a lull now, but this lull reminds us that there will soon be a thunderstorm. The weather is warm and warm. We go undressing. When you receive this letter, it will be as good in Moscow as it is now with us. Then you will understand what spring is, and I hope you will not delay the response to this letter.
Write more about your personal life. Each person has his own hidden, inner life, which usually nobody knows. This is the desire and dreams that I would like to know. When I write this letter, I already guess beforehand what you will write to me, but I ask you not to be surprised at the content of my letter. My letters are generally distinguished by superfluous reasoning, and it is possible that some words are unpleasant for you. Well nothing. Lida! But when I arrive, you will not be offended at me either. I have changed a lot in my character and I think that it is not in a bad way. Those. I learned to appreciate life. Write me about Natasha. I also sent a letter to Volodya, but for some reason he does not write to me. I am afraid that many will break away from me and it will be hard for me at once. Write like mom's health. Glad you still look good, really, this is a bit dangerous. There are rear Don Juan capable of circling the head. I hope that everything will be all right.
Don't worry about me. I am alive and well.
I wish everyone good health.
Write about all. Where, who and how lives. What they write.
I embrace and kiss everyone tightly.
Vasya
Information