Until the very last moment, hope did not leave me that a miracle would happen. That there is at least one Ukrainians, who will notice the “mirror” I exhibited, and will be able to expand the discussion in this particular direction. And thus - and I will refute. Every time when I noticed in the mail the familiar name of a clever Ukrainian, I thought - here at last. Now Pan Eggplant, or Jacks, in the end, pats me on the shoulder, and with a conspiratorial squint will laugh: "And what, Artyom, you put a good deal on our side! It must be admitted that we have enough morons who disgrace the Ukrainian nation frankly racist statements, those that are worn like fools with a Mongolian katsap, genetic Russian slavery, and other such nonsense. But this is foam, it’s still a unit and frankly marginal minority! Why is it so broadly generalized? Yes, a parody you are not bad, but you clearly far with prevalence of such attitudes in the Ukrainian discourse In actual fact it is not so .... "- well, etc.
Alas, the miracle did not happen. Moreover, the Ukrainians who went to the bait did not find anything better than to once again serve as an illustration of the theses expressed in the text. And everything that was said by them turned out to be nothing more than a detailed exposition of the concept "fool himself." The same Valetov even tried to be correct, postponing his handful - and thanks to that, as they say. All the others rushed together to talk about "yes, it is you, Russians, slaves - that’s just read Leusenko or something." That is, the Ukrainians did not even make an attempt to negotiate. They turned out to be incapable of even a hint of self-irony and critical perception of reality.
My last note uv. Kornev defined as the "final verdict" Ukrainians. But in fact, the final verdict was made by the Ukrainians themselves - by their own reaction to the article. And they themselves and sentenced - hopeless. What can be self-irony in the totalitarian model of thinking? Of course, none. Only bestial seriousness. Any attempt to look at oneself from the side (and self-irony is precisely this) is fraught with a catastrophic collapse of a chimeric, artificial worldview based on purely and exclusively propaganda templates. Pull one of those out of the structure - and that’s it - and the structure itself will prove to be unviable, a pile of stupidity on bad things, and bad things on meanness. Undoubtedly, in this form, no self-reflection is impossible in principle.
Take the same “mirror”. Recognizing its presence, Ukrainians would inevitably have to admit the stupidity of their own constructions. If the declaration of an entire nation as the bearer of slave psychology is too much, then what then is the argument about the genetic, hereditary predisposition to slavery of another nation - Russian? If the cultural and ideological aspect in this sense is indecent and politically incorrect, then how can one define the concept expressed by Ukrainians - eugenic, essentially racist in nature - but savagery and barbarism? Yes and historical the conditioning of both radical points of view will also have to be compared. And then - oops - it suddenly turns out that Lobov’s “trolling” has much more justification under it than the racist ravings about Russians uttered seriously by Ukrainians - nonsense, under which the recognized history redraws (there are a lot of illustrations in the comments). And if nonsense is recognized as nonsense, then what is Ukrainian Russophobia based on then? Yes, nothing - it hangs in the air, and looks like silly infantile insults at the sandbox level.
This five-year-old child, retelling the cartoon, can tell that "the girl was first a man, and then came to an uninhabited island, and became an Indian." An adult for such a "retelling" in a decent society will be a chandelier. Therefore, Ukrainians are forced to exist in this very childish maximalism, not retreating from dogma an iota - step-left-step-right-shooting. Even worse than the shooting - the collapse of the formed picture of the world. Hence the childish, uterine, bestial earnestness in upholding one's own mythology, no matter how flawed it may be.
Well, the bestial seriousness is known for what is going on - bestial cruelty. Over the past six months, the Ukrainians showed quite well: cutting off their heads, pouring water on people in the cold, burning, putting people on their knees, firing at cities with civilians. And at the same time rejoicing in what is happening - there are fewer “colorado females” in the world, but what a blessing!
At the same time whom they kill and whose death they rejoice? Russians? - that in the paradigm of their thinking it would be at least logical? - by no means. Ukrainians kill and rejoice in death - their own compatriots. The same Ukrainians, like themselves, but "defectives" who do not share their own mythology one hundred percent. "Skhidnyakov" -Ukrainians, "spoiled" Russian. Ukrainians alone this is enough to justify and even encourage murder. Well, and as a reason for accusations of "betrayal" - and even more so.
Similar, by the way, after moving to Russia, I personally heard out a lot. To say that it somehow touches me - I will not say - to react to the crazy stupid. And Ukrainians are crazy. Only not because of natural causes, the madness here is a cultural and ideological plan. And this can only be viewed with great sorrow, pitying the unfortunate, for they do not know what they are doing. Actually, it was not they, but the parasitic "organism" that stuck to the carrier, and dictates to him what to do and what to say - like in Heinlein's famous novel, alien creatures enslaved earthlings, sticking to their spines. And worst of all, just like in this novel, it is possible to kill the creatures only with the carriers themselves, alas. The only difference is that these two creatures are now. And it is in Ukraine that the Jupiterians are from Pluto — they are two chimeric ideologies — and not the Ukrainians themselves.
One of the most popular accusations addressed to me is “while I lived in Ukraine, I sang hosannas, and now I’m throwing mud at me”. I will not speak about any understanding of reality in this case. I’ll just clarify - TO THAT Ukraine, that was, I am now ready to sing the hosanna. This is my homeland, I loved and love, and I will continue to love this country. And yes, I liked her much more than Russia. There I lived much more comfortably and more comfortably than here, in many, many ways. And many Russian realities enrage me today just as much as they did yesterday. And under all that was said by me before, I am quite ready to subscribe today too. One problem - TOY Ukraine is no longer there. Whatever Ukraine as a result of this whole massacre has turned into, it will in any case be something completely different. Alien. What I can not accept in any way. And therefore everything that was said before has nothing to do with today's ugliness.
MY country destroyed. MY people turned into a herd. My past and my life have been taken away from me. And to return to me - simply nowhere. My house burned down - you have to build a new one. This new home may be a hundred times more beautiful than before, but does this mean that the old home was bad? Or does this mean that it was necessary to continue to live in the burnt ruins?
And yes, while I lived in TOY Ukraine - I considered myself a Ukrainian. By the fact that Ukrainians have turned today - no, I do not agree with this abomination. Moreover, it does not matter if the Ukrainian is from which side - from the "tru" of the Ukrainian, or from the side of the "Colorado". I am equally disgusted by both types of madness. Although the "tru" is undoubtedly disgusting - "our" even to the point of frank cannibalism does not fall, nevertheless the "perversity" of the Russians makes itself known. And the presence of Russian volunteers and personnel of the military from Russia makes its own adjustments - “anti-Ukrainians” are not allowed to roam, and to express themselves in all cannibalistic beauty.
By the way, since we are talking about this. Yes, the war in Ukraine is exactly that intra-Ukrainian. External influence is external influence, but the fact remains that two kinds of fanatics cut each other. Whatever interests the Russians would pursue by participating in these events, no matter what brain cockroaches moved them at the same time - Russian World, Novorossia, Russian Land Gathering, Other Russia (without multinational and collective Putin), World Social Justice (military without oligarchs) , etc. - anyway, they still play other people's games, and participate in other people's fights. Their motives can cause respect, they can be annoying or hateful, but all this is not important - it is a foreign war for Russians. Ukrainians themselves engaged in their own destruction, themselves mired in chimeras, and themselves destroyed their country - the country that I loved so much and which would never be. And the fact that they have been pushed for this for years and decades ... So everyone is being pushed. There is always someone who is interested in you to kill or use. But it will happen or not - this is your question, the question of your own survival.
In this connection, I personally learned one very hard lesson from the whole incident - the lesson of personal responsibility. More recently, this expression has not caused me anything but a skeptical smile - they say that we, small ones, and our swarming before the powerful of this world, have this. And only now, for me, who has lost the country and the past, does it become clear to what extent this position was flawed and irresponsible. For many years we, the Ukrainian intelligentsia, turned a blind eye to dangerous trends, considering it a necessary attribute of national loyalty. Blinded by the good things that Ukrainian independence gave us, we refused to notice its vicious wrong side and the threats hidden in it. And only when the wrong side became the main reality, we realized it, were horrified and “saw the light” - realizing that it was our fault as well. In silence. In that they agreed with "excesses" - they say, yes, excesses, but this is an urgent need, even if it is wrong. In that they denied reality - for the sake of momentary mental comfort.
We frowned on the rewriting of history, but we tolerated it - that’s right, Ukraine needs to position itself in the world as a separate reality.
We were wriggled from language intolerance, but we agreed that it would be better, the language is a national building tool, and the tool is extremely effective, and therefore it’s a sin not to use it to assert independence.
We were distorted from the deliberate Russophobia, approved as the official ideology, but even here we did not object - yes, we need to distance ourselves from Russia in order not to dissolve in the cultural and ideological sense, to preserve our political and state autonomy, not to be absorbed by big and strong a neighbor.
We were annoyed by flirting with the United States, we understood the dangers of such games in the underbelly of Europe, we had living examples of the consequences of such games, in the form of Georgia and Poland, but we also reluctantly recognized the correctness of the chosen course - because it is still a chance to break through European indifference may even begin to be taken seriously, and at least through blackmail you will be forced to reckon with Ukraine as a real force, and all of a sudden and you will avoid repeating the mistakes of our neighbors on this path.
And as a result, it is we - allowed to happen what happened.
On the one hand, ethnic Russians like me, in this sense, turned out to be easier - we had a lot to retreat. Those who initially rejected their Russianness - in any sense of the word - nowhere to retreat, they were forced to accept the consequences of the transformations that had occurred, to put on new masks, and to support already new abominations, and new mistakes. Actually, they have nowhere to go, since they themselves took part in bringing the situation to its present state and becoming its hostages. But on the other hand, we, Ukrainian Russian, are many times more complicated. We are faced with the duty to learn the lesson learned and make very hard conclusions. To recognize that much and much depended on us too. And that personal responsibility is not a reason for laughter, but an urgent need. And what if we, having lost one country, and being forced to leave for Russia, and here too, will continue to remain silent and agree - then we will someday lose Russia too - and from here we will have nowhere to run. Therefore, we must not only learn our own bitter lessons, but also pass on to others. Our experience of shame from conciliation should not disappear in vain, and if we see dangerous tendencies here, then we have no right to keep silent about this, no matter how negative the reaction of Russian society now to these our efforts would not follow.
And it will be undoubtedly negative for the most part - the Russians are now as deaf and blind to internal threats, as we were blind and deaf at one time. And any attempt to show the seamy side of reality will cause them quite understandable response aggression. But we have no right to give in to this pressure either, at least out of a sense of gratitude to the new Motherland, which has accepted us. That same gratitude, in the absence of which we will be blamed for our efforts, believing that we are obliged to merge with the surrounding background, and not to shine. We might be glad, but - we have no such happy opportunity anymore. We will simply have to say extremely unpleasant things to the Russian ear. Just to know that our conscience is clear, and that we at least here and now have done everything we could in order not to repeat our mistakes of yesterday. Because our experience gave us too much pain so that we could ignore it. We were too expensive to understand that something also depended on us - at least in the sense that we did not feel like a scum, but a person.
Yes, of course, not everyone will speak, and not immediately - but there are quite a few of us like that. Someone just does not realize what happened, and will blame anyone except himself - this is a completely natural reaction, and it can be excused. Someone will break under the retaliatory pressure, and will soon shut up - and this is also more than understandable. Someone will stand up to the pressure, but embittered - alas, this will clearly be one of the most likely scenarios. But this is our cross, in one form or another, each of us must carry it. How will in my case - I do not know. And I will not think too - time will tell, "I'm trembling creature" or a man. So far, I have a stage of "exhalation" - calm down, settle down, stop, think. Which will be expressed in the continuation of the "Notes of the Migrant" - for sure there will be many more. (In due course now not too, therefore updates hardly will be too frequent, but - will be mandatory.)
* * *
Epilogue usually puts everything in its place. After reading the text above, I understand that the epilogue came out very bad and muddled, and so I did not set anything anywhere. But here it is already there. I needed to formulate it - for myself - and thereby put a fat point at the end of my past life. Ukraine will no longer be in it - and this is a fact. And in this journal Ukraine will not be either - an epilogue for that and an epilogue to complete the longest book. Yes, maybe from time to time I won’t be able to resist a cue for one reason or another - to renounce a pointless matter here, you cannot program yourself. But in general, this journal after the “exhalation” will be about something else - whether I like it or not.
Debts need to be returned. And now I feel extremely obliged. And to myself. And to all those wonderful people I met lately. And just ... fate, or something. Which, even though the raveness of the rare ones, gave me a chance to understand a little more in this life than I was able to understand in principle.
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