Military Review

Vodka, bear, balalaika

82
Vodka, bear, balalaika Stole a whole samovar of vodka. I had to share with the bear, otherwise he threatened to lay me down to his wife. We walked until the morning. In the morning my wife came and said that she was going to work in the Great and Light American Dream. I went and stole another samovar with vodka. Suffered three days, until the morning.

Time to work. Harnessed a bear. While driving, dodging meteorites and all sorts of satellites there, they fall on their heads like overripe pears. In front of the gates of the plant ruins I was greeted by hot Caucasian horsemen, danced a lezginka for them, they were with bats and very much asked for the keys to the apartment, car and personal safe. I got it in the face, because I don't have an apartment, a car, or a safe. At work they drank a few vodka samovars, played enough on the balalaika. We went to the cashier, they told us there would be a salary in five years, maybe.

Hooray. Glory to the great and bloody tyrant, he loves us. They used to say: WAIT.

When I left work, I met hot Caucasian guys, I was drunk, I filled my face, I thrust the bits into the darkest places. The police arrived in carts, they beat me badly. Began to understand. They called me gay. Strongly beat the police, their batons also stuck them in dark places.

Maybe they are right, I am attracted to their dark sides?

Riot police arrived, badly beat everyone for an unauthorized rally. Now I know for sure who is gay ... Right, Barack Obama.

All beaten offended and on the bears under the balalaika went to me. We drink three days.

They wanted to fry kebabs, went out of town. Burned three villages. Liked. They set fire to the peatlands, let them smoke, the whole city is in smoke, so stealing samovars with vodka is easier.

Putin did not like it, flew on an airplane and put it all out.

Stewed is not easy to walk, concussion and vodka are incompatible.

Recovered. He wanted to go to work, even harnessed a bear, but laziness. Went, stole vodka samovar.

It became somehow uncomfortable in the soul, and the bear grieved. Vodka does not help. On the fifth day of binge understood. War! You need to seize and rape someone. Kill, kill, kill!

When the bear saw how I took out the battle ax rusty from the blood of babies, I was so glad that I even danced the dance of the little ducks. But then my grandmother came out and told me not to fight until I had eaten borsch. She's right. Having eaten a barrel of borsch, I went to war ...

We powerfully walk along roads and forests, who are on what. On bears, on skis, on old cans and even on T-34. Although it does not have an engine, therefore it is carried by the imprisoned slaves of the Gulag.

We are raping everyone and everything. Yesterday I raped 100 Germans, then their mattresses, on which they lay, then all the windows and doors of their houses, all the hollows and holes in their forests, all the wells and sewers ... Happy and satisfied, I fell asleep, putting a bear-eaten under my head baby

We dirty lost, defeating all. Wherever our occupant foot steps. Everywhere we are mean, in the gut, we built factories, factories, hospitals and schools. They drove all the young people and children to the pioneer camps (listen to the camps) and kindergartens (listen to the garden), where they made you have fun through your teeth and rejoice in tears. Nothing stopped us. But only here America is Beautiful, Honest, Great, Powerful, the Stronghold of Light and Good - ka-a-a-ak democratically shout at us! .. We were frightened, ashamed, disbanded, then started off again. In general, quietly howling, with bears, crawled to their dugouts. Secretly coming up with a plan for another bloody revenge ...

PS Dear foreign citizens. We have bears in almost every home. Plush, we give them to our children. We love to gather with friends and drink under the kebab. We have an army that we respect and love. We have police, FSB and courts, and we are very annoyed when they do not work. Every time you climb us to teach, but maybe after all, first look at yourself from the outside.
Author:
82 comments
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  1. Magic archer
    Magic archer 3 September 2014 08: 57
    +48
    laughing good Thanks for the positive)))))) He laughed in the morning))))))
    1. nvv
      nvv 3 September 2014 09: 03
      +4
      Quote: Magic Archer
      laughing good Thanks for the positive)))))) He laughed in the morning))))))

      Buran, pour water on the enemy’s mill? good laughing
      1. Magic archer
        Magic archer 3 September 2014 09: 05
        +16
        Yeah! Now I’ll finish the vodka with the bear on the big road, work)))))
        1. Момент
          Момент 3 September 2014 09: 08
          +31
          They should not teach Russia. Let them think about how they will live. A rally in America showed a lot
        2. WKS
          WKS 3 September 2014 09: 27
          +8
          With a bear, drink a bear howl.
        3. Nikolav
          Nikolav 3 September 2014 10: 32
          +30
          And if the bear gets drunk and starts to rage, we will deal with it ourselves.
          1. avg
            avg 3 September 2014 11: 57
            +9
            Quote: Nicholas
            And if the bear gets drunk and starts to rage, we will deal with it ourselves.

            Yes, after the fifth samovar I lost my memory. When I woke up in the morning, a strangled bear lay nearby. Later, an American acquaintance came in, saw a bear and said respectfully: "O grizzly!"
            Why bite. I answer. We are not animals, they strangled us like that.
      2. Buran
        3 September 2014 09: 19
        +3
        Yeah !!! ----hi----
        1. mazhnikof.Niko
          mazhnikof.Niko 3 September 2014 10: 37
          +5
          Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
          Laughing a lot!
      3. insafufa
        insafufa 3 September 2014 09: 32
        +5
        laughing I almost died with a laugh good
      4. Past_ Crocodile
        Past_ Crocodile 3 September 2014 14: 47
        +1
        Not water, but vodka.
    2. stalfal
      stalfal 3 September 2014 09: 04
      +27
      Forgot about the nuclear reactor in the basement, dumplings and huge pancakes. And that's all for sure. wink
      1. vadik191007
        vadik191007 3 September 2014 09: 18
        +5
        These are topics for the following articles)))
      2. Varyag_1973
        Varyag_1973 3 September 2014 09: 55
        +6
        Add five cents. Forgot about pickles for moonshine and ... a cap with earflaps, her mother! We sleep in it and we go to the bathhouse in it!
        Now, probably all!
    3. Hariva
      Hariva 3 September 2014 09: 06
      +17
      The theme of the button accordion at mother-in-law's funeral is not disclosed. And so nothing colorful.
      1. vorobey
        vorobey 3 September 2014 09: 40
        +4
        Quote: Hariva
        The button accordion theme is not disclosed


        The topic of the button accordion with the accordionist was discussed here in the comments two years ago .. poor poor accordionist sat in the trunk for three days from May XNUMX until Romanov did not remind .. I can find it if I post it. repeat
    4. The comment was deleted.
    5. Giant thought
      Giant thought 3 September 2014 09: 24
      +8
      Some plot would be fresher, otherwise all bears and bears. In general, we are the most peaceful nation on earth.
      1. Spnsr
        Spnsr 3 September 2014 11: 34
        +2
        Quote: Giant thought
        Some plot would be fresher, otherwise all bears and bears. In general, we are the most peaceful nation on earth.

        and we have besides bears and ... request
    6. The comment was deleted.
    7. kuzia rocker
      kuzia rocker 3 September 2014 09: 36
      +3
      samovar of vodka) well, at least we don’t drink beer and whiskey every evening! everywhere there are enough drunks and their star-striped eagle will soon go for a snack to the Siberian bear
      1. kartalovkolya
        kartalovkolya 3 September 2014 11: 03
        +3
        But in fact, it's time for these fierce champions of democracy to change the bird on the coat of arms: their bald eagle on a red-headed woodpecker with a black face!
    8. Carlos
      Carlos 3 September 2014 09: 40
      +4
      Morning today is peppy with the humor of the forum!
    9. evgenii67
      evgenii67 3 September 2014 09: 51
      +3
      Quote: Magic Archer
      Thanks for the positive)))))) He laughed in the morning))))))

      The author burns !!! And now I know when someone will annoy me, where to send him - to a "dark place" laughing
  2. mad
    mad 3 September 2014 08: 59
    +13
    In the evening, psaki will read it live! And the proof will refer to irrefutable evidence - to this article)
    1. Imperialkolorad
      Imperialkolorad 3 September 2014 09: 01
      +2
      Yes, in fact, Psaki can even carry the blizzard better.
      1. Shoma-1970
        Shoma-1970 3 September 2014 09: 26
        +2
        Imperial, where is your humor?
        1. matross
          matross 3 September 2014 10: 34
          +2
          Either I didn’t get into the mood, but everything is very secondary-tertiary-decimal ...
          The bearded came out an anecdote-feuilleton. I didn’t minus, of course, but laughter didn’t happen either, believe sori companieros hi
    2. volot-voin
      volot-voin 3 September 2014 09: 12
      +2
      Quote: mad
      In the evening, psaki will read it live! And the proof will refer to irrefutable evidence, i.e. to this article)

      Et, it’s definitely necessary to read Psaki and Obama at night, so that the flow of insanity would not run out smile
      + for the positive!
      1. Shoma-1970
        Shoma-1970 3 September 2014 09: 28
        +1
        Not Psaki, but Pisaki wink
        1. kuzia rocker
          kuzia rocker 3 September 2014 09: 43
          +1
          as in the old saying. Laugh with laughter and with a fur up to the top in Russia when in the middle of winter bears wake up the whole village becomes a gun !!!
    3. Combitor
      Combitor 3 September 2014 10: 20
      +3
      Quote: mad
      In the evening, psaki will read it live!

      I was late. Geletey in his Facebook book and reposted in his personal diary, as evidence of the bloodthirstiness of the Russians. Tomorrow again at a meeting of the Rada, he will ask Vice President Poroshenko to impose martial law in Ukraine and demand America to supply short- and medium-range missiles to protect against attacks from trained Russian fighting bears.
  3. Vladimirets
    Vladimirets 3 September 2014 09: 00
    +16
    The theme of nested dolls and ballet is not disclosed, and so is the standings. good
    1. Hariva
      Hariva 3 September 2014 09: 10
      +2
      And it’s strange why they didn’t make fun of the domestic auto industry?
      1. Buran
        3 September 2014 09: 15
        +5
        We powerfully drive along roads and forests, who on what. On bears, on skis, on old tin cans and even on the T-34. Although it does not have an engine, it is therefore carried by the prisoners of the Gulag.


        You must be careful hi
      2. vassa
        vassa 3 September 2014 09: 33
        +2
        Why, harbor a bear more economically?
        1. Vladimirets
          Vladimirets 3 September 2014 10: 13
          +2
          Quote: vassa
          Why, harbor a bear more economically?

          It’s a pity for the bear; he is a friend, comrade and, sometimes, a wife.
      3. major071
        major071 3 September 2014 10: 44
        +7
        Hariva
        And it’s strange why they didn’t make fun of the domestic auto industry?

        Why mock him? what Today I was riding a minibus, overtaking a Lada Kalina, and in her rear window it’s written in big letters: Save and save ...
    2. enot73
      enot73 3 September 2014 09: 10
      +13
      Quote: Vladimirets
      The theme of dolls and ballet is not disclosed, and so, the offset

      The author apparently did not use Western sources and does not know that every Russian in the house also has AK - 47 wassat
      1. Vladimirets
        Vladimirets 3 September 2014 09: 13
        +2
        Quote: enot73
        doesn't know that every Russian in the house has AK - 47

        Yeah, but who doesn’t, it’s just passed it to the service.
    3. vorobey
      vorobey 3 September 2014 09: 17
      +5
      Quote: Vladimirets
      The theme of nested dolls and ballet is not disclosed, and so is the standings. good


      And pickles and sauerkraut ...

      They wanted to fry kebabs, went out of town. Burned three villages. Liked. They set fire to the peatlands, let them smoke, the whole city is in smoke, so stealing samovars with vodka is easier.

      It's about me ... At the ferry to Kerch, when they stood for 20 hours, I offered to set fire to the reeds so that everyone would definitely remember the trip to Crimea for a long time ..

      Buran needs to be reposted ..
      1. Vladimirets
        Vladimirets 3 September 2014 09: 19
        +5
        Quote: vorobey
        At the ferry to Kerch, when they stood for 20 hours, I offered to set fire to the reeds so that everyone would definitely remember the trip to Crimea for a long time ..

        Could shoot from passing self-propelled guns on passing ships, also quite a Russian amusement. wink
        1. vorobey
          vorobey 3 September 2014 09: 44
          +4
          Quote: Vladimirets
          Quote: vorobey
          At the ferry to Kerch, when they stood for 20 hours, I offered to set fire to the reeds so that everyone would definitely remember the trip to Crimea for a long time ..

          Could shoot from passing self-propelled guns on passing ships, also quite a Russian amusement. wink


          Zheka once had vodka and the Germans ran out ... and the local golden eagle was very dissatisfied when their car was not accidentally missed. So we were offended and went to look.
        2. Oldwiser
          Oldwiser 3 September 2014 11: 41
          +3
          now, it turns out, who drowned the Ukrainian dinghies ... Vladimirtsu - PLUS
    4. K-50
      K-50 3 September 2014 13: 03
      +2
      Quote: Vladimirets
      The theme of nested dolls and ballet is not disclosed, and so is the standings. good

      And best of all we have rockets and ballet (C) laughing
  4. Axis
    Axis 3 September 2014 09: 01
    +14
    Like this:
    1. 787nkx
      787nkx 3 September 2014 09: 05
      +2
      She guessed or who prompted?
      1. Oldwiser
        Oldwiser 3 September 2014 11: 42
        0
        specified in the office
  5. Loner_53
    Loner_53 3 September 2014 09: 02
    +2
    Everything is exactly the same! This is all according to our wink smile
    I went for the bat, and I will call Patapycha
  6. denis88
    denis88 3 September 2014 09: 02
    +3
    )))) Author, how do you know so much about me?))))
  7. Roman1970
    Roman1970 3 September 2014 09: 03
    +3
    Every time you climb to teach us, but maybe, first, look at yourself from the outside.
    This is called, they see a speck in the eyes of others, but they don’t notice the logs in their eyes ... In general, he laughed! laughing
  8. predator.3
    predator.3 3 September 2014 09: 04
    +3
    Brilliant! ... only here is the PS
    1. Duke
      Duke 3 September 2014 09: 12
      +1
      Quote: predator.3
      Brilliant! ... only here is the PS

      Many thanks to the author,
  9. jaguar
    jaguar 3 September 2014 09: 05
    +3
    Ha is it true that bears walk on your roads? belay Do not trynd: we have no roads lol
  10. inkass_98
    inkass_98 3 September 2014 09: 08
    +10
    Messy but slightly entertaining wink .
  11. B.T.V.
    B.T.V. 3 September 2014 09: 08
    +2
    "Every time you try to teach us, but maybe, after all, first look at yourself from the outside?"

    They can’t, they didn’t read Grandfather Krylov’s fables.
  12. 89067359490
    89067359490 3 September 2014 09: 10
    +2
    Not enough for a complete set of harmonica, nesting dolls and pickles)))
  13. annodomene
    annodomene 3 September 2014 09: 12
    +2
    You also need to add: "bathhouse (lashing with bushes), accordion and salmon", vodka has already been laughing
  14. Dbnfkmtdbx
    Dbnfkmtdbx 3 September 2014 09: 14
    +3
    I don’t understand when foreigners climb into domestic affairs. It’s like you are at home swearing at your wife. angry
    1. Loner_53
      Loner_53 3 September 2014 11: 55
      0
      Dear! Well, you give a pancake! Krasava!
  15. lehasvetliy
    lehasvetliy 3 September 2014 09: 16
    +1
    Well written !!! I just remembered the vacation !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! laughing
  16. shurup
    shurup 3 September 2014 09: 16
    -15
    The author’s samovar is small, but his head is clearly shell-shocked.
    If you pile up a bunch in a public place and say that this is a protest against US policy, then in Voenoboz it will appear in the "Opinions" section?
    A serious resource is becoming smaller.
    1. vorobey
      vorobey 3 September 2014 09: 46
      +5
      Quote: shurup
      A serious resource is becoming smaller.


      go on facebook ... there’s a more serious resource .. prominent figures are being printed.
  17. Barakuda
    Barakuda 3 September 2014 09: 16
    +3
    Class! looks like the movie "Moscow-Russia train", look, who has not seen, you can neigh.
    1. Starover_Z
      Starover_Z 3 September 2014 09: 40
      +2
      Especially the reception of a mobile phone by turning the plug in the head - Just for psaki!
  18. vadik191007
    vadik191007 3 September 2014 09: 16
    +3
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAA brain ruptured so that the secretary and the guard came running thanks for the morning vigor of two hundred pluses))))))))))))))))
    1. Underwood
      Underwood 3 September 2014 09: 41
      +1
      Quote: vadik191007
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAA brain ruptured so that the secretary and the guard came running thanks for the morning vigor of two hundred pluses))))))))))))))))

      Presumably - a guard with a balalaika, a secretary with a samovar?
      And do not laugh out loud - wake the bear after the copier !!!!
  19. andrei332809
    andrei332809 3 September 2014 09: 16
    +4
    Bliiin, and I have vodka in a three-liter jar (no samovar). Am I not Russian? what
    1. RUSOIVAN
      RUSOIVAN 3 September 2014 09: 30
      +6
      Little Russian, you grow up, you buy a samovar: how would it be without it?
      1. tehnoluks
        tehnoluks 3 September 2014 10: 04
        +3
        Little Russian, you grow up, you buy a samovar: how would it be without it?

        No, he won’t buy ... Steal))
    2. Barakuda
      Barakuda 3 September 2014 09: 32
      +2
      Well, you don’t have a bear either, and you don’t know how to play the balalaika. laughing So just a Slav fellow
      1. andrei332809
        andrei332809 3 September 2014 09: 37
        +3
        Quote: Barracuda
        Well, you don’t have a bear either, and you don’t know how to play the balalaika.

        Quote: RUSOIVAN
        Little Russian, you grow up, you buy a samovar: how would it be without it?

        bastards, still mocking angry tongue
        1. Barakuda
          Barakuda 3 September 2014 09: 44
          +3
          Reptiles, and what! smile And if truth be told, a sense of humor if it’s gone is a person’s khan.
          1. andrei332809
            andrei332809 3 September 2014 09: 50
            0
            Quote: Barracuda
            And if truth be told, a sense of humor if it’s gone is a person’s khan.

            so this is what happens, egg-laying, corpses, genetics, all kinds of tymchuk are immortal? You still have to look for such comedians. even the jenka looks pale against their background
            1. Barakuda
              Barakuda 3 September 2014 09: 57
              +1
              They then humor us. And in the continuation of their neck - full jo.p.a. and here is no longer up to humor.
    3. Underwood
      Underwood 3 September 2014 09: 53
      +4
      Quote: andrei332809
      Bliiin, and I have vodka

      -You bought milk, a drunkard?
      Wife shouts to Vladimir.
      Hiccuping, Vladimir replies:
      -No, I didn’t drink molokaku ...
  20. Fear
    Fear 3 September 2014 09: 17
    +1
    Smiled. Thank! smile
  21. Underwood
    Underwood 3 September 2014 09: 18
    +2
    In almost every house we have bears.
    blin-in! Thanks for reminding me! I’ll go feed and put on the signalization, otherwise the plumbing will gobble up again. In the housing office there are no plumbers left ((
  22. Yurich
    Yurich 3 September 2014 09: 35
    +1
    He smiled, in the morning charged with a positive.
  23. diz1975
    diz1975 3 September 2014 09: 36
    +1
    With humor. A good article, but alas, rather for internal use. It’s interesting and fun to read to us. But you need to work with Westerners, tell them the truth about yourself from day to day, it may reach them a real understanding of us and Russia. RT in this sense is not bad. But this is not enough. We need much more. Although the bastards are slowly getting nervous. Yesterday, Turchinov freaked out in the parliament when they told him the truth in person about the war in the Donbass
    1. Barakuda
      Barakuda 3 September 2014 09: 51
      +1
      He's always freaking out. For any reason and without. Who would give him a "tablet" ....?
      1. Underwood
        Underwood 3 September 2014 09: 55
        -1
        Quote: Barracuda
        He's always freaking out. For any reason and without. Who would give him a "tablet" ....?

        He was hooked on enemas with valerian ...
  24. Stiletto
    Stiletto 3 September 2014 09: 39
    +2
    In the morning, Psaki has a lot of work to clarify in the office the number of samovars and bears. laughing
  25. Signature
    Signature 3 September 2014 09: 51
    +1
    Well, how are you, Buran, put all the rounded meaning of your "PS" into the square mind of "respected foreign citizens"?
    But what you have bothered to describe before "PS", they, perhaps, will take for frank confessions, and for a long, long time in London, New York and other Paris will quote your unbridled horror about bears, samovars and other abracadabrism.
    We must think, dear comrade, before publicizing the extravagant games of your wild imagination.

    (But seriously: a cool plot!)
    1. Barakuda
      Barakuda 3 September 2014 10: 19
      0
      If a person suffers from gyrus or grandmother gave, then to him from the bulb of which the plot is a lie to suck.
      And what do we have to do with it? Dumb - well, let them dance on their bones.
  26. 2224460
    2224460 3 September 2014 09: 55
    +4
    PS Dear foreign citizens. In almost every house we have bears.
  27. shaman-25rus
    shaman-25rus 3 September 2014 09: 56
    +11
    I'm with a bear, early in the morning,
    drank vodka, under the steering wheel.
    playing the balalaika
    and wrapped in a sweatshirt,
    melted my samovar
    removed carbon deposits from the "Kalashnik",
    taking the money out of the matryoshka,
    I ran to buy for "three rubles"
    a couple of liters of moonshine,
    a woman fucked without a gandon,
    crashed a Boeing from a "Tunguska" ...
    because I-BLIN, RUSSIAN !!!!
  28. Kuvabatake
    Kuvabatake 3 September 2014 09: 57
    +1
    Morning positive. I approve. good
  29. Barakuda
    Barakuda 3 September 2014 10: 02
    +6
    This is already laid out, just in the subject

    Only ours can yell at the bears smile
    1. RUSOIVAN
      RUSOIVAN 3 September 2014 10: 37
      +2
      Of course: the grandmother drove them to the pasture: and they took the will, do not obey !!!
    2. Spnsr
      Spnsr 3 September 2014 11: 44
      0
      Quote: Barracuda
      This is already laid out, just in the subject

      Only ours can yell at the bears smile

      it was she who defended her bear, to which the she-bear came, slip her bear cub .... laughing
  30. Gypsy girl
    Gypsy girl 3 September 2014 10: 08
    0
    Bath, vodka, accordion and salmon laughing
    1. Underwood
      Underwood 3 September 2014 10: 43
      +3
      Quote: Gypsy
      Bath, vodka, accordion and salmon

      yes they are better than
  31. marder4
    marder4 3 September 2014 10: 12
    0
    cool tale good
  32. special
    special 3 September 2014 10: 22
    0
    Quote: andrei332809
    Quote: Barracuda
    And if truth be told, a sense of humor if it’s gone is a person’s khan.

    so this is what happens, egg-laying, corpses, genetics, all kinds of tymchuk are immortal? You still have to look for such comedians. even the jenka looks pale against their background

    Yes, they do not make us laugh, they rave .... It seems like glitches ... fool
  33. Signature
    Signature 3 September 2014 10: 34
    0
    The image of Saint Jan, nicknamed Psaksky, will never turn pale! It is physically impossible.
  34. Roman 1977
    Roman 1977 3 September 2014 11: 03
    +2
    Representation of foreigners about Russia (cartoon)

    Music video on the "Russian theme", available: vodka, snow, bears, and balalaikas (even Balalaikas) and a T-34 tank, and a mustachioed military man and squatting dancing and fur hats.

    Russian alphabet according to the British
  35. Oleg NSK
    Oleg NSK 3 September 2014 11: 13
    +7
    ... nifigas ... well, right for sure ... so they wrote about us
  36. postoronim V
    postoronim V 3 September 2014 11: 23
    +2
    I’ll come to the cottage on the facade to kill a teddy bear so that everyone sees what it is and thinks all this garbage is even more interesting than trying to solder these foreign tourists in bars.
  37. Roman 1977
    Roman 1977 3 September 2014 11: 23
    +4
    Scenario of an ordinary American movie
    The script should contain:
    1) A Russian general named Peter Gogol.
    2) The bestial Russian captain Viggo Drantiev. The captain’s mother, apparently, sinned with the bear, the bear burst out and screamed. The captain likes to drink vodka from a square bottle and eat ikra with a spoon from bochka. The main occupation is to cut the heads of cute kids in front of the eyes of the Afghan (or some other) dad with a large knife, while singing the international.
    3) The evil KGB agent Konstantin Dolwski, who loves to shoot soldiers who refused to score with the butts of blond Afghan children.
    4) Russian girl Natasha Moskva. She is a good girl because she sleeps with the main character - an American.

    Russians indulge in acts of unmotivated vandalism, sadism, sexism, and communism, burning Afghan villages. Close-up - the bestial face of a drunk v govno Russian helicopter pilot firing missile after missile at an Afghan woman with a child. A rocket hits a woman. Close-up - the murdered woman lies beautifully, looking into the sky with her dead eyes, failed Maybeline. Nearby is a baby crying. The viewer angrily squeezes a bag of popcorn in his fist. Russian soldiers dressed in sharovary and papaha shoot purely dressed Afghan peasants. Close-up - killed Afghan young people on a baseball court, in the hands of a dead teenager - a homemade baseball bat, which he tried to defend himself. Five minutes ago, the young man accepted congratulations, having beaten off a particularly cunning ball. A baseball-shaped turban swells with blood. Enraged by lust, a Russian soldier chases after an Afghan girl, trying to rip off her miniskirt. Thump. The Russian soldier bewilders bewilderedly the left eye to the right, from which the handle of the knife sticks out. This is the American zoologist John Lesbowsky, who studied the population of Afghan rhinos and caught by the Soviet invasion comes to the aid of the Afghans. Within five minutes, he with the help of an alpenstock and a Spiderko penknife (close-up on the label) destroys half of the Russians. But captain Viggo Drantiev grabs the Afghan boy and puts a huge knife with an inscription on the blade of the USSR to his throat:
    - Tee throw a weapon, I kill Malshik.
    - I throw weapons, you do not kill Malshik.
    - Yes.
    John throws the captured machine.
    “I'll fool you,” the captain laughs and kills the boy.
    John is hit on the head with a butt. Then again, then, realizing finally, they beat on the kidneys, as a more vulnerable part.
    - Kill everything! Shouts the captain. Russians with laughter destroy the Afghan village, sparing neither school, nor kindergarten, nor movie theater, nor stadium.
    John wakes up in the dungeons of KJB.
    - Ti Amyrikanets. - Konstantin Dolwski tells him.
    “Yes,” John says bravely.
    “You tell the TV that América is bad.”
    - Never! - John proudly refuses.

    minimum set of Russian paratrooper
    1. Roman 1977
      Roman 1977 3 September 2014 11: 25
      +2
      Konstantin Dolwski hits John on the head several times, hurts his arm, and finally realizing it, kicks him in the groin. At this moment, the Russian girl Natasha enters. She is dressed in a gray uniform sundress with red shoulder straps to the elbow and carries a tray in her hands. On a tray are two glasses in molded cup holders of caliber 152 mm, a carafe vodka and a samovar.
      - Kapitan! What do you do! The Communist Party is taught wrong!
      - Silent, stupid maiden! In fact, communism is about killing!
      He beats Natasha in the face with his boot. The girl, crying out, grabs her cheek. John jumps up and sticks a cup holder into Constantine’s eye.
      - We run! - says Natasha, - I will bring you to Sweden.
      Within half an hour there is a scene of withdrawal to Sweden through nightmarish scenes of life in the USSR. In cities, Russians go in padded jackets and felt boots, in villages - in hides and bast shoes. At the border, Viggo Drantiev jumps out from behind a stone and grabs Natasha, putting an ax with the inscription CPSU to her throat.
      - I kill her, and then kill you!
      - You are a coward!
      - I'm not a coward! I kill you at first!
      Viggo rushes at John, followed by a painful battle scene in which Drantiev uses all sorts of dishonest tricks, from the outboard motor and rails, to the tame bear. Finally, John drives Viggo into the rail, and into the outboard motor the bear’s head. John and Natasha sail to Sweden in a boat made of unplaned logs and with a sail from the skins of cows ...
      And finally, from ukrov: fighting bears are present:

    2. Barakuda
      Barakuda 3 September 2014 11: 39
      +1
      Does the crony be protected by a battle-trained brown bear?
  38. Performance
    Performance 3 September 2014 11: 41
    +3
    I’m probably not some Russian ... I prefer alcohol, then break a couple of button accordions, and instead of a bear I have a cat, I’ll wipe it in slippers ...
    1. Spnsr
      Spnsr 3 September 2014 12: 01
      +2
      Quote: Efficiency
      I’m probably not some Russian ... I prefer alcohol, then break a couple of button accordions, and instead of a bear I have a cat, I’ll wipe it in slippers ...

      so they have it!
    2. Buran
      3 September 2014 12: 44
      +2
      I prefer the same alcohol. Especially when fishing, by the fire, under the ear .... At the expense of cats, I personally go to the toilet, I myself learned good
      1. Performance
        Performance 3 September 2014 14: 40
        +1
        On fishing, a can of alcohol with alcohol is generally a holy thing - every bacillus will die, and why bother to carry another 60% of the water with it to the water ??? yes
  39. Vitaly Anisimov
    Vitaly Anisimov 3 September 2014 12: 28
    +2
    Typical Russian fishing ... laughing
    1. Performance
      Performance 3 September 2014 14: 30
      +2
      In the photo, an American, in Kamchatka, lived with cubs for a long time, taught them how to fish and spoke English with them ... lol
      1. Captain45
        Captain45 3 September 2014 21: 49
        +1
        Quote: Efficiency
        In the photo, an American, in Kamchatka, and lived with cubs for a long time, taught them how to fish and spoke English with them ... lol

        So what is it that turns out, he is an enemy of our teddy bears recruited? Well, the bear is our national secret weapon! Where did the bodies look ?! angry
  40. Victor-M
    Victor-M 3 September 2014 12: 37
    +2
    Political analyst Janusz Bugaiski in his article for American Interest calls on Western countries to support the movement for the sovereignty of nationalities and isolate Russia to worsen the quality of life of ordinary Russians, so that they express their discontent with the authorities and overthrow the Putin regime. In his opinion, only in this case the West will be able to avoid threats from its eastern neighbor.


    It’s interesting how many times this political scientist was shocked by fear while scaring himself when he was writing this article. what laughing
  41. Corsair0304
    Corsair0304 3 September 2014 12: 47
    +1
    Cool humor! In the spirit of the "Chronicle of fighting dolphins" and "Chronicle of the commando unit". Who has not read it - I recommend it on Mondays in the morning, it charges you with vivacity, at worst, you don't need to invent various dirty tricks at work - everything is described there))
    But I’m afraid that if they read this article in the states, they’ll take it for granted, Psaki will be hitting for another three months, which is what the fleet is worth on the coast of Belarus.
    The author +5 points. Burn more, pleased good
  42. a.hamster55
    a.hamster55 3 September 2014 13: 16
    0
    Vladimir and Mikhalych fellow
  43. Altona
    Altona 3 September 2014 13: 24
    +1
    Continuing the banter ... laughing
  44. a.hamster55
    a.hamster55 3 September 2014 13: 34
    +4
    Vladimir and Mikhalych fellow
  45. Sergey Sitnikov
    Sergey Sitnikov 3 September 2014 13: 38
    +1
    they got me these stamps about us, damn it, why should we go far (to Europe) if we bathed in Gelendzhik (in 1998 year, March month), with an opportunity)))), local guys and girls came up and asked where we were from - from the Urals - do you really have bears and arctic foxes running around the city? damn ... but in France they’re familiar, and in Canada MOTHERLAND (!) are shorter than all over — why don’t I add up the impression of other nations according to rumors and speculation? Why am I not too lazy to read the data on the network to recall the reviews of respected writers and much more? How can one be so narrow-minded and narrow-minded, and most importantly such driven sheep where the shepherd of the media and propaganda ...
    I remember us in the days of the USSR, we saw how our grandmothers were baptized but attended the lessons of atheism, we did not believe that everything was bad in the West because we could get Velle catalogs, etc. for he who seeks will always find! And if you are a ram - to the slaughter
  46. Starmos
    Starmos 3 September 2014 13: 40
    +2
    Damn, what was that? Bravo, Buran! I took it for the most "do not spoil". It's been a long time since he laughed like that.
    The script is also nishtyak - a real "tin". Hollywood stagewriters chew on felt-tip pens with envy.
    So them !!!
  47. IAlex
    IAlex 3 September 2014 13: 46
    +2
    The bear, seeing me pulling out a battle ax rusted from the blood of babies, was so glad that he even danced the dance of little ducklings

    As I imagined, already the little imagination was torn apart .. It is not surprising that we love bears, and how you can not like them, especially real ones and behind a good fence or away in nature :)))))))))))
  48. Mama_Cholli
    Mama_Cholli 3 September 2014 16: 50
    -1
    Article stuffing ...
  49. EvgenSad
    EvgenSad 3 September 2014 23: 36
    +2
    The author forgot how the "funnel" came to him, and people in gray overcoats took him under their white little hands and carried him to a small roombully
  50. press officer
    press officer 4 September 2014 08: 01
    +1
    Quote: Magic Archer
    Yeah! Now I’ll finish the vodka with the bear on the big road, work)))))


    And here I have a naughty bear caught an infection) all the time trying to get drunk from a puddle of oil, then break all the birches in the garden and turn on the nuclear reactor .. belay lol I’ll save directly with him .. and you don’t get enough vodka at all .. crying lol