Military Review

While others are fighting

It has always been hidden from us that the greatest empire of the past was created not by the sword, but by the object that children are made in the marriage bed, and not on the battlefield.

While others are fighting

Juana Mad. Carried the body of the deceased twenty-eight-year-old husband Philip the Fair through Spain, from time to time kissing the deceased. Truly loved the coffin!

This historical the phrase made me remember the last tragic events in Ukraine - all that bloody disgrace that they are trying to cover up with an obscure sign “anti-terrorist operation”. In the West, the phrase is no less well-known than such expressions as: “Paris is worth the mass” or “You should not spin the lilies.” But we, as usual, did not popularize it, striving to impose on the society a teenage political culture of the stick and the Molotov cocktail. What happened as a result, you see for yourself.

Fully popular expression is: "While others are fighting, Austria marries." There is another option: “While Europe is at war, Austria is getting married.” No one knows who said it first. But somewhere from the XVI century, five chased words, claiming that it was better to marry than to fight in politics, became firmly in circulation and became, I am not afraid to say, the foundation of one of the most powerful and brilliant empires of the past - the Austrian one. Actually, in another world, this empire left only when it violated the invented formula of happiness.

For the time being, the opening of the Austrian political minds was truly revolutionary. And the Middle Ages, and the so-called New Time - the era of boyish, fist, and, quite simply, gangster. At the base of any aristocratic family, there is always some scumbag, like the Frankish Chlodwig, who cut his head to his own warrior, in order to wean him to express dissatisfaction with the way the king divides trophies.

The British Yorkies and Lancaster (somehow we will return to them), the French Valois, our Rurikovich and Gediminovich - for the most part, just robustly dressed robbers. They have to arrange the St. Bartholomew night or a relative to drown in a barrel of wine - that we should kill the chicken. And suddenly, against this background, a dynasty emerged, deciding to round off tenure by less force. weaponsas successful marriages - Habsburgs.

Horror ... Scandal ... How can you! Around all decent people essentially crush each other's skulls with swords and axes, and these - marry. Cynically. By calculation. In order to save his august life and not be too disturbed by the big politics of his subjects. And at the same time and increase their number. After all, subjects are taxpayers. The more taxpayers, the more satisfied they are, the more profit the treasury has. So you can build palaces, get the best opera in the world (and for the people the Vienna operetta - translated as “little opera” and also, by the way, the best!), Build roads and gymnasiums, invent Viennese buns and Viennese coffee - in general, education in all possible ways.

The progressive discovery of the Habsburgs then brilliant (that is, loving external effects to the detriment of inconspicuous efficiency) knightly Europe did not appreciate. Until the beginning of the 20th century, the ruling class persistently played with fire, putting at stake the most precious bet - life. The famous English kings Richard the Lionheart, renowned for Walter Scott, and Richard III the Hunchback, touted by the great black exporter Shakespeare, are dying on the battlefield. Twenty-year-old Hungarian Lajos II (drowned in a swamp in a battle with the Turks at Mochac in 1526), and even earlier in 1444 — the same twenty-year-old Polish king Vladislav III Varnenchik. The latter lost his head in the literal sense - it was unreasonable, and then Turkish Sultan Murad II kept him in a jar of honey for a long time, admiring his trophy during the depression attacks. The British aristocrats in a cavalry attack through Death Valley near Balaclava in 1854 rush to useless glory. A young lieutenant Churchill runs through African reeds in Sudan, trying to overtake his famous ancestor, Duke John Marlborough - the winner at Malplak in 1709, about which French marshal Villars defeated them wrote to Louis XIV: “Sir, do not despair, another such“ victory ”, and the enemy simply will not have troops ”... Europe is at war. Europe all the time comes up with some harmful fun, until it is reinvested before World War and at the same time with it - until the “Russian roulette”. And only Austria gets married. Only Austria is spinning in a Viennese waltz. Truly a happy country who knows a lot about the joys of life.

MOUNTAIN OF FOREIGN TRAPS. At the heart of her power is a mountain not of her own, but of others' corpses - the so-called Burgundian heritage. He lived at the end of the XV century in Burgundy, the duke - famous for the whole European continent, Karl the Bold. Already by the very nickname you can judge what kind of person it was. But just like any truly brave man, Karl did not live long - only the forty-fourth year in the full bloom of his forces the Swiss broke into the battle of Nancy - in the incredibly cold January of 1477 of Lord’s summer. The Swiss didn’t even understand what kind of a famous warrior they killed - immediately stripped naked and thrown into the river. Whether wolves, or rats stung his face. Karl the Brave was later identified only by a personal physician - through the numerous scars from old wounds, which were no less on his body than that of a combat dog. So do not really trust the image of the last ruler of Burgundy by the Dutch master Rogier van der Weyden, where he is depicted with the Order of the Golden Fleece around his neck - at his hour of death the duke looked much less presentable.

But the duke-bully remained a charming twenty-year-old daughter - Mary of Burgundy, the richest heiress of the continent. Her hands immediately began to harass two applicants - the Austrian Archduke Maximilian Habsburg and the Dauphin - that is, the hereditary French Prince Carl from the Valois dynasty, who had just recently chosen from the Hundred Years War with the British.

But since Dauphin Charles was small (he had just turned seven, and he was more interested in playing the ball than women), then his father was mostly harassed by his father, King Louis XI, who screamed all over Europe that his little boy, an orphaned Mary, is not to be found. Like, all the other princes are not suitable for him! The difference in age as much as fourteen years and the fact that the “bridegroom” had not yet grown up with a married woman, didn’t bother the wicked old Louis Louis - as you can see, the manners in Europe were damaged in those ancient times.

However, Maximilian Habsburg, too, was not asleep, although he did not climb ahead. The eighteen-year-old boy of bogatyr appearance (later on, so-called “Maximilian armor” - the strongest “body armor” for the wars of that time) would be named after him — launched not only youth and health, but also diplomacy. Handsome Max offered Mary so favorable terms of the marriage contract that she simply could not refuse - after the wedding, Burgundy still remained her property, passing into the Hapsburg line only if she gave birth to a son.

Carl V gives the brush to Titian. This Habsburg did not disdain for a moment to become a servant of a great artist.

Karl Brave eaten up rats.

Quiet Bruges. Same as in the time of Mary of Burgundy.

WHAT WAS THE COUNTRY! A NO HER! Let me remind you that the then Burgundy was not at all equal to the current shortened Burgundy, hidden somewhere on the outskirts of France. It was a big independent state. It consisted of several vassal dukedoms - Brabant, Luxembourg, Limburg, Geldern, as well as the counties of Flanders, Holland, Zeeland, Friesland, and many other lands and lands, now spread to different European pockets. For all this, the Burgundian legacy was worth fighting for. And the Archduke Maximilian fought. Against the greatest master of political intrigues of that era - squalls from squalls, greedy ones from greeds - the notorious Louis XI with his seven-year-old heir in the form of a trump card.

This trump card was beaten by Maximilian at a very decent distance, unattainable for the then artillery, which took only the first steps and did not even have wheeled carriages - the marriage with the daughter of the late Karl the Bold was concluded in absentia by proxy (this was also done!) In April same year 1477 - just three months after the death of her dad in battle. The ceremony took place in the city of Bruges - this is in the current Belgian province of West Flanders, and then also in the possession of the dukes of Burgundy. From Maximilian the signature under the contract was put by an attorney. From Mary - Mary herself.

Then the wedding was repeated once more in Ghent - now it is East Flanders in Belgium, which will be invented only after more than four hundred (think!) Years - in the 1790 year under the name “Belgian United States”. It is unlikely that you have ever heard of such a state, but in due time and of its painful birth, I hope I will tell you.

However, in 1477, before all these revolutionary-national transformations were still very far away. The feudal law was in its full strength. Maximilian Habsburg personally arrived in Ghent and entered the church in armor covered with a notch of silver. Maria was wearing a gold brocade dress. Truly, such a wedding has never happened before. In addition to the highly controversial legacy (Louis XI did not give his consent to him as overlord of the dukes of Burgundy), the young Maximilian of Habsburg was also amazed by the appearance of his wife.

In a letter to a friend of his youth, he depicted in all colors the captured trophy, thanks to his accommodating nature: “This lady is beautiful, pious, virtuous, of whom I, thanks to God, are more than pleased. Fragile, with white skin; brown hair, small nose, small head, medium-sized facial features; the eyes are brown and gray at the same time, clear and beautiful. Lower eyelids slightly swollen, as if she had just come from a dream, but this is barely noticeable. Lips slightly plump, but fresh and aly. This is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. ”

VARIOUS EYE BEAUTY. I don’t know how to understand “brown and gray eyes at the same time”. But Habsburg was more visible. About the intensity of his passion, it is said that he never parted with his wife, and even slept with her in one big bed, and not just came to perform “marital debt”, as it was already called in Europe. General agreement was also promoted by Maximilian’s good nature and appeasability - instead of imposing the new German national on Burgundy, the new ruler learned to speak tolerably in local dialects - Flemish and one of the dialects of French, once again displaying remarkable tact for the sake of his interests which he did not separate from the state.

Europe fought. Hapsburg multiplied. The archduke’s zealous execution of family duties as early as next year led to the birth of the heir, Philip of Austria, who had one more thing than the main nickname — Handsome (not to be confused with the French king of the 14th century — also Philip and Handsome too). Soon the daughter of Charles the Bold was fertilized a second time. Unfortunately, hot papinkin blood played a cruel joke with her. Despite the pregnancy, Maria of Burgundy went on horseback riding and so unsuccessfully fell from her horse, knocking her back on a log, that she died suddenly a few days later. As they say, it would be better at home.

Having grieved not only for sight (the calculating Maximilian loved the wife sincerely), the Austrian archduke, who soon inherited from his father the crown of the Holy Roman Empire of the German nation, rather displeasedly ordered little Philip. The prince with a legacy of more than half of Burgundy (some had to be given to the restless French to get out of it) had good chances to make a successful batch. And he did not disappoint the hopes of his subjects.

CRAZY WITH AMERICA LOADED. The wife of the grandson of Karl the Bold in 1496 was instantly found Juan the Mad - a princess with a somewhat frightening nickname, but with an incredible dowry. Mad Juana was the only heiress of the newly created, thanks to the merger of Aragon and Castile, the Spanish kingdom. Her mom and dad - Isabella of Castile and Ferdinand of Aragon were the first married couple to rule this new country. They made their common kingdom of the two, inherited in turn from their parents. Everyone, so to speak, contributed his share to the overall family project. Along with Spain, Juana followed all over America in addition, accidentally discovered by Columbus, who just sailed to India.

So, whether Juan is insane or not, and how crazy it was, one could debate for a long time. No one in Europe was interested in her diagnosis. Fools and madmen, as well as demon-possessed and witches, were always there — it was not for nothing that such public institutions as the Holy Inquisition, as well as the first psychiatric schools, which later, according to Vladimir Nabokov, Freud's shaman, developed on the European continent.

However, the insanity of Juana was expressed mainly in the fact that she madly loved her husband Philip the Fair and in ten years of marriage managed to give birth to six (!) Children - both boys and girls. Juana's passion for her husband was so great that when he died only 28 years, picking up fever from a sip of ice-cold water drunk after playing a ball (this is what sometimes happens with the “golden youth”!), The poor Spanish queen for a long time refused him bury. The coffin with the body of her husband Juan dragged across the Iberian Peninsula, from time to time opening it to look again at the lost handsome man.

The most famous fruit of this marriage was Karl V of Habsburg, who inherited all of Spain and America through her mother’s motherland, and that Holy Roman Empire of the German nation, which also included Austria as a duchy, was her father’s inheritance. It is over his empire

NEVER WENT THE SUN, so it included all of Europe and America, with the exception of England, France, Poland and some small states on the territory of modern Italy. In Spain, Karl Habsburg ruled under number one, in the Empire under fifth, with which he entered world history.

This is such a large object that unexpectedly grew up in just three generations from small Austria, whose rulers preferred to marry rather than fight. “While Europe is at war, Austria is getting married,” they began to say in the world. Charles V himself liked to repeat that he prefers to speak Latin with God, with beautiful women in Italian, to joke in French, and to give orders to soldiers in German. That is, in the languages ​​of his many subjects.

The lesson of Austria proves: to rule a large country, you need a fair amount of vitality and tact. Both linguistic and religious. Otherwise, the country may turn out to be extremely national, but incredibly small - barely visible on the map. A bad heir shuns any inheritance.
Articles from this series:
While others are fighting
While others are fighting - 2
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  1. Denis
    Denis 28 May 2014 09: 51
    And only Austria will marry. Only Austria is spinning in a Viennese waltz. Truly a happy country that knows a lot about the joys of life
    Things past, now there are other ideals
  2. shurup
    shurup 28 May 2014 09: 57
    Is logical. When the allied Russian troops fought, the Austrian preferred to stand aside looking around in search of an object for marriage.
    But the PMV put an end to love.
    However, if you want Austria to disappear altogether from the map of Europe, marry Ukraine.
  3. parusnik
    parusnik 28 May 2014 10: 28
    Russia somehow contacted the Austrians, the allies were ... the Austrians also built intrigues .. As Matternich said there, to the assistance provided by Russia in the suppression of the Hungarian uprising of 1848. We will answer this with black ingratitude .. and that’s typical, answered ..
  4. Kaetani
    Kaetani 28 May 2014 10: 31
    Every nation has its own advantages and disadvantages.
    One must see, understand, hear, and take the best, cutting off the ailment.
    Otherwise it will turn out like with us in 90 - how fleas were seized with all sorts of rubbish. It's time to look to the future helping yourself to build a bridge in it with the help of a foreign tool if it is useful and comfortable for the hand.
    But without diminishing your skills.
  5. Bruevich
    Bruevich 28 May 2014 11: 33
    So you have to teach history. Lively and fun.
  6. Cristall
    Cristall 28 May 2014 11: 47
    Austrians are not very warriors. But Austrian diplomacy was very .... cleverly fooled everyone ... especially Nicholas 1. Elizavetta was also fooled quite well .. So Frederick would have made Mary bake two cakes ...
  7. Vasia kruger
    Vasia kruger 28 May 2014 12: 32
    A very interesting article, thank you, I want to continue in the same vein.
  8. Astartes
    Astartes 28 May 2014 13: 20
    the author we understand you, give an example, marry Farion)) solve the national question with what the children are doing))
  9. wselennaj
    wselennaj 28 May 2014 14: 29
    very interesting, thanks, I learned a lot and smiled,
  10. RAFA
    RAFA 28 May 2014 19: 07
    I enjoyed this TALENTED, light and ironic presentation of the story! THANKS to Olesya Buzine! No wonder I liked him in discussions on TV!
  11. SAG
    SAG 28 May 2014 19: 48
    Interestingly, the author knows anything about Yaroslav the Wise in order to announce the opening of the Habsburgs !!! Minus.
  12. xan
    xan 28 May 2014 20: 21
    Not an article, but a political pamphlet. I dare to assure the respected members of the forum that behind every Austrian marriage there were such political whirlpools that they can be compared with a not weak war. The article mentions this in passing when the Austrian bridegroom had to give some of the bride’s inheritance to the French king. And the presence of a serious Austrian army clearly played an important role.
    There is only one force that defines everything - the armed forces as a derivative of the citizens and wealth of the country.
    The last sovereign Tuscan Medici was dying. I decided to leave Tuscany to a local youth of my choice. But Tuscany is not Russia, and the neighbors in the person of the kings of Spain, France and Austria insisted on their candidate, of course, they all got something. This is me for an example of how everything was being decided at that time.
  13. cdrt
    cdrt 29 May 2014 02: 07
    These are interesting facts, and the interpretation does not seem to be faulty. But style, a nightmare, or a popular print, or a pamphlet. For obscene style minus for content plus
  14. Prometey
    Prometey 29 May 2014 09: 18
    Of course, you can blame the Austrians arbitrarily, accuse them of meanness, etc. But, really, how many centuries this empire lasted, having gone through historical storms, being on the verge several times - cannot but cause respect. Nevertheless, it’s objective to say that despite the insidiousness of the astriacs, they have repeatedly facilitated Russia’s solution of its geopolitical tasks. During the Crimean campaigns of Minikh in 1735-1739. Austria pulled back significant Ottoman forces - as a result, the Crimean Khan did not receive help from Turkey.
    During the Russian-Turkish war of 1787-1791. Suvorov soldiers beat the Turks side by side with the Austrians. And Suvorov praised the help of the Austrians.
    During the Napoleonic invasion of Russia, Austria, despite the pressure of Napoleon, arranged only the appearance of a war on the border with Russia. But she could seize territories under the guise.
    As for the position during the Crimean War, there was soon a failure of Nikolaev diplomacy. Yes, and the Serbian crisis of 1914, for sure, it was possible to seek a compromise.
    Nevertheless, Russia was benefiting from an alliance with this empire.