The best jokes now from the USA and Ukraine

62
1 April relies to joke and have fun. And therefore, in the words of the King Leonov in the “Ordinary Miracle”, “today I will be joked. Fun, good-naturedly, with all sorts of innocuous antics. Prepare the dishes, plates, I'll beat it all. Remove the bread from the barn. I'll set the barn on fire. ”

However, I will not joke around. Better remember the most successful jokes of recent times, worthy of entry in the annals.
So - people, contracts and organizations that amused us.

Of course, the yellow jersey of the leader belongs to US Secretary of State J. Kerry, who stated that "in the 21st century, you can no longer behave in the style of the 19th century and invade another country under a completely contrived pretext." The depth of irony is appreciated by the world.

He is echoed by a colleague - NATO Secretary General Rasmussen, who during the 15 anniversary of the NATO bombings of the capital of Yugoslavia called Russia’s “military invasion” of Ukraine the biggest threat to Europe’s security since the cold war.

Of course, the April Fools document was the agreement of February 21, the very next day sent to his basket by the guarantors - the ministers of Germany, Poland and France. The Association Agreement between Ukraine and the EU is growing up with humorous details, for whose non-signing Yanukovych was overthrown. After that, frank Hochma was the statement of the self-appointed Yatsenyuk: “We have postponed until the signing of the economic section of this document, taking into account our worries and concerns, whether the free trade zone will lead to negative consequences for the industrial regions.”

In general, the best jokes these days came naturally from Ukraine. It is understandable. As N.V. Gogol, an expert on these lands, wrote: “But it’s best when everyone gets together in a tight pile and begins to make riddles or just carry on chatter. My goodness! Why not just tell! "

These days we heard a lot about the fact that there were no militants and fascists on Independence Square. Only onizhedeti. The ghost of Sashko Bilogo was killed by the Ukrainian unit of the “fighters with ghosts”, and all the public statements of the Yarosh and the right-handers were the evil cinema photo photographer Dm.Kiseleva. By the way, Yarosh’s accusations against Avakov’s ministry of working for the FSB, as well as the counter-suspicions of European politicians that the “right-wing sector” itself works for the FSB and Putin personally, must also be among the April Fools' pearls.

A statement by the permanent representative of Ukraine to the UN, Sergeyev, is also sent to the ranking of the best jokes that all the accusations against Bandera at the Nuremberg Tribunal were unfair and fabricated.

And we read a lot about how “any citizen of Russia can come to the Maidan and see for himself that there is no anti-Russian orientation”. And all these “moskalyaku to gilyaku” and “hto not jumping” - this is an example for you from the lack of understanding of the national humor.

The miraculously healed Yulia Tymoshenko has distinguished herself repeatedly. At first, she promised from a carriage to the demonstrators on the Maidan that Ukraine would soon become a member of the European Union. Then the pannochka stated that in a referendum 34% had voted to annex Crimea to Russia. And the most recent April Fool's joke was the declaration of its income last year.

Of course, we will appreciate the ingenious promise of several presidential candidates to return the Crimea quickly and without problems.
Arseniy Yatsenyuk publicly broke away at a meeting with the Canadian prime minister that Ukraine is ready to take a place in the G-8 if Western countries will exclude Russia from G8.

As if the president of Ukraine, as it were, Turchinov declared that, as it were, “today in Ukraine there are no prerequisites for its federalization”.

And a group of humorists from the Verkhovna Rada launched an initiative to denounce the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty weapons and turning Ukraine into a nuclear power.

Prior to that, a number of ukroSMI amused the world newsthat the United States sent to the rescue of Ukraine in the Black Sea aircraft carrier George HW Bush and three submarines.

The Foreign Ministry of Ukraine issued a cool crust yesterday with a note of protest about the visit of the Russian Prime Minister to the Russian Crimea by 31 in March: "The uncoordinated stay of an official from another state on the territory of Ukraine without prior agreement does not comply with the law." I am waiting for notes from the Ukrainian Foreign Ministry every time the procession of our president passes by the Ukraine Hotel on Kutuzovsky Prospekt in Moscow.

The German ministry minister Steinmeier also gave a smart joke: “Russia should provide economic and financial assistance to Ukraine”. Against this background, the proposal of Zhirinovsky to Poland, Hungary and Romania to demand a referendum on the accession of seven regions of western Ukraine to these countries looks like a serious topic for discussion.

In general, it seems to me that our peoples and politicians approached this 1 of April with notable achievements. Cheers, comrades! Burn further, Ukraine!
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  1. +19
    April 2 2014 07: 33
    Normal Ukrainian jokes, for 23 years the fun (sabbath) has been going on. It will not become an independent Ukraine and there will be nobody to really laugh at. crying
    1. Gluxar_
      +11
      April 2 2014 07: 39
      Quote: Alexander Romanov
      Normal Ukrainian jokes, for 23 years the fun (sabbath) has been going on. It will not become an independent Ukraine and there will be nobody to really laugh at.

      Jokes are jokes, but such nonsense strikes with the first blow to the Western propaganda machine. No one seriously takes the opinion of the West, always implying that in lying and defending only their interests, bypassing all international standards. The weathering trend of the influence of Western media has been strengthening since the time of Snowden and 888.
      1. +8
        April 2 2014 07: 54
        Quote: Gluxar_
        Jokes are jokes, but such nonsense strikes with the first blow to the Western propaganda machine. No one seriously takes the opinion of the West

        - The sane person has not taken the West’s opinion seriously for the last eight years, just the time when the Russian authorities discovered that the West had tricked the West. What did the West promise Russia in the USSR as represented by Gorbachev, when it depended on Gorbachev whether Germany would reunite or would it be divided into two states? Involuntarily after that you begin to double-check all the statements of Western politicians and the same
        Quote: Gluxar_
        Western propaganda machine

        and what is the result? In Libya, we see a fake square, palm trees grow in Moscow Red Square and Bolotnaya Square in December (Muscovites, can you confirm?), While police officers with particular cruelty disperse Muscovites who came to a peaceful demonstration. laughing
        Don’t worry, the Western propaganda machine can’t be revived, in the eyes of sane people it is completely dead, well, absolutely, it’s never dead, zombies. So hit this car, don't hit ... laughing
        1. +3
          April 2 2014 08: 15
          And the Ukrainians of the norms, they believe. The West cannot lie; it is the West.
          1. +3
            April 2 2014 08: 24
            Jokes as jokers ... But yesterday, in my spare time, I flipped through a zombie box and a computer, watching Ukrainian and European news. It is not funny, but there it is all presented in all seriousness. And people believe (or pretend to believe). In general, to listen and see all this nonsense was enough for an hour, no more.
            Inspired by the 70s, when the "enemies" drew cartoons on us (like the malicious communists with terrible faces "knifed the rezhiks" the civilian population during the seizure of Amerytsa or Europe).
            1. 77bob1973
              +3
              April 2 2014 09: 14
              The most interesting thing is they even believe that with the change of power in Russia, Crimea will be returned to them!
            2. tokin1959
              0
              April 2 2014 13: 24
              until 1917, the west also painted the terrible bearded Cossacks.
              nothing is new under the moon
      2. +5
        April 2 2014 08: 55
        Quote: Gluxar_
        The weathering trend of the influence of Western media has been strengthening since the time of Snowden and 888.

        Unfortunately, this is not entirely true, or rather not at all! Look at the Ukrainian TV. In the picture they provide, Russia has been fighting against Ukraine for several weeks now, Crimeans are being transported to Magadan under the escort of Chechens .... You will say: "Who is in will it believe? "Believe it, believe it, believe it! (sorry for the pun).
        Do you think that few people in the West believe this? Of those who are interested in at least some kind of politics, besides the policy of making money in their own pockets, more than half believe, and the rest, although they do not believe it, but support it!
        And even IN US in the country, believe me, there are those who think not at all like us!
        The first of April has passed, it's time to be serious again!
    2. +10
      April 2 2014 07: 40
      So the Yankees also said that in order to strengthen the Ukrainian fleet, they were giving them some kind of "basins" built in the forties! laughing
      1. +2
        April 2 2014 10: 05
        .... Not basins, but floating targets to improve the skills of the military personnel of the Russian Federation ...... :)))))))
    3. +11
      April 2 2014 07: 46
      Quote: Alexander Romanov
      . It will not become an independent Ukraine and it’s really no one will laugh at anyone

      Sasha, don't be upset laughing , at least Galicia will remain, and in fact there the main ones (fools) are the birthmarks of the independence humor ..
      1. +4
        April 2 2014 08: 21
        We still have the Baltic states.
      2. +3
        April 2 2014 08: 22
        Quote: Tersky
        Sasha, don’t be upset, at least Galicia will remain, and after all there are the main (durkee) birthmarks of the humor of independence ..

        they don’t have it now: they have a sowing season, but believe me seriously - the villagers will go foolish closer to winter
      3. +4
        April 2 2014 08: 35
        Sasha, don’t be upset laughing, at least Galicia will remain, and in fact there are the main (durkee) birthmarks of the humor of independence ..
        the tension has subsided, the Ukrainian topic has become boring in the world media, and Ukrainian jokes are fed up, we will follow the election campaign, maybe they will amuse us, but the goof in this company is not Keri, but the frame that said how the referendum was held in Kosovo, which there was no mention.
    4. +2
      April 2 2014 08: 19
      here's another "joke"
  2. +22
    April 2 2014 07: 33
    Arseniy Yatsenyuk publicly broke away at a meeting with the Canadian prime minister that Ukraine is ready to take a place in the G-8 if Western countries will exclude Russia from G8.


    -Mykola, what about "associate membership"?
    -Well, godmother, Ukraine will participate in the EU.
    -So will enter the EU?
    - No, it won’t enter, but it will participate.
    -Yak so?
    - Well, roughly, like eggs in sexual intercourse: participate, but do not enter. And so, hanging out next!
    lol
    1. The comment was deleted.
    2. The comment was deleted.
  3. +6
    April 2 2014 07: 34
    Among the politicians currently sitting in Kiev, I do not see a single person. Historical rabble not knowing history and selling the country for empty dollars.
    1. +5
      April 2 2014 08: 38
      Quote: Sergg
      Among the politicians currently sitting in Kiev, I do not see a single person. Historical rabble not knowing history and selling the country for empty dollars.
      1. +3
        April 2 2014 10: 07
        .... Well, why should I offend the cat ??? ...
  4. NIVH
    +34
    April 2 2014 07: 35
    Obama:
    - We do not recognize the results of the referendum in Crimea!
    Journalist:
    - And if the Crimeans vote against Russia?
    Obama:
    - Then we admit.
    1. johnsnz
      +1
      April 2 2014 08: 41
      Smiled, bravo!
  5. The comment was deleted.
  6. +11
    April 2 2014 07: 38
    Physicists have discovered the cause of snowfall on April 1. Putin is to blame, annexed Crimea.

    Russia has expanded adiabatically. It got colder and snowed

    http://bash.im/
    1. +13
      April 2 2014 07: 44
      good

      Give permafrost in Western Europe!
      1. +2
        April 2 2014 09: 04
        Quote: JIaIIoTb
        Give permafrost in Western Europe!

        what And where do you want to expand them?
        1. +1
          April 2 2014 10: 10
          .... Compress on the spot ...
      2. +1
        April 2 2014 10: 09
        .... Easy !!!! .... Turn off the tap and another accident in the Gulf of Mexico ....
  7. NIVH
    +21
    April 2 2014 07: 39
    “Crimea is our land! And Crimeans are our people! - said the Ukrainian government. “And so that they do not doubt it, we will turn off the gas, light and water for them!”
    1. +6
      April 2 2014 08: 18
      After that, RUSSIA will turn off Ukraine gas, light and water. laughing
      1. +6
        April 2 2014 09: 10
        Quote: polite people
        After that, RUSSIA will turn off Ukraine gas, light and water.

        And by the way, what hryundela (while you think how to please Apollo, turnip disappear wink ) Are Ukrainians frightened by disconnecting Crimea from the Dnieper water? Do they also teach geography with a national bias? They don’t know WHERE the Dnieper begins? It will be very difficult for us (but not more difficult than persuading AE to give them their oil), but the Dnieper may leak Bypassing Nezalezhnaya!
  8. The comment was deleted.
  9. +14
    April 2 2014 07: 41
    here in Russia, by a strange coincidence, most of the "humorists" ... all sorts of stepan women, lizards, shots and so on ... wassat
    1. +2
      April 2 2014 07: 49
      Only the price of their jokes is unnecessarily expensive! winked
    2. Quantum
      +2
      April 2 2014 08: 29
      Note, all immigrants from Dnepropetrovsk!
    3. The comment was deleted.
  10. NIVH
    +27
    April 2 2014 07: 41
    - Yulia Tymoshenko returned to Ukraine. In Germany, her back was cured.
    - And the head?
    - They didn’t touch my head. They need her so much!
  11. The comment was deleted.
  12. +10
    April 2 2014 07: 47
    Exactly a month ago, the Federation Council of the Russian Federation allowed VVP to send troops to the adjacent territory ... it was a "joke" (!), But what is the reaction ... How many threats, shouts, snot (remember Power at the UN) and promises (crush, dump) . Because of the "joke" ... But men are familiar with the expression: Screaming in anger is ridiculous, silent in anger is terrible.
  13. +1
    April 2 2014 07: 48
    Those who have more rights have the right to joke. and the rest can be carefully commented so as not to be deleted by the moderator with some click who does not leave doubts about orientation.
  14. +6
    April 2 2014 07: 48
    Though neighing laughing Thanks for the selection. Generally speaking, the statements of politicians, like the "bushisms", give an idea of ​​who is turning up the global politics. It seems funny, but the hair stands on end.
  15. +12
    April 2 2014 07: 50
    And Sashko himself shot himself in handcuffs twice recourse
    1. waisson
      +14
      April 2 2014 08: 01
      about music
      1. The comment was deleted.
      2. +5
        April 2 2014 08: 25
        And you are not far from the truth. Most likely in this bank of spiders the next will be a "loaf", despite the fact that the miraculously healed from the loaf refused. She now has a new feature atomic submachine gun, for burning. Oh, sorry, for annealing. Tragicomedy and nothing more.
        1. +1
          April 2 2014 10: 24
          ..... Loaf will survive .... At her friends are amused by her own tip ...
          1. The comment was deleted.
          2. 0
            April 2 2014 12: 14
            It looks like she got between a rock and a hard place. Correct if I am mistaken, but something tells me that she did not have long to go in high heels.
        2. +1
          April 2 2014 11: 47
          Quote: alexneg
          miraculously healed from the loaf refused. She now has a new chip atomic submachine gun for burning.

          And also lop-ears. laughing
    2. predator.3
      +9
      April 2 2014 08: 11
      News from hell: The devils cannot take AKM from Sashko Bilogo.
    3. 0
      April 2 2014 10: 22
      ... And both times fatally ... :))))))
  16. +14
    April 2 2014 07: 53
    The wonderfully healed Yulia Tymoshenko distinguished herself repeatedly. And the freshest April Fool’s joke was the declaration of her earnings for the past year.
    Julia's declaration: Backgammon carved, not painted, one piece, single bed type "Shkonka" 1 piece, Cup "helmet" 1 piece, spoon "paddle" 1 piece, prison robe 1 piece, Crutches speed walkers 2 pieces, Boundless anger. laughing
    1. +2
      April 2 2014 08: 24
      Moreover, zariki (cubes) in the peoples of the bread crumb. Yes
  17. +2
    April 2 2014 07: 59
    Thanks to the author of the article, thanks to the commentators! Neighing in the morning from the heart.
  18. waisson
    +15
    April 2 2014 08: 01
    toilet room interior
  19. waisson
    +12
    April 2 2014 08: 04
    dog protest
    1. The comment was deleted.
    2. johnsnz
      +2
      April 2 2014 09: 43
      dog sanction
  20. +1
    April 2 2014 08: 09
    NATO expects "to continue cooperation with Russia on Afghanistan, in which the parties are equally interested." Alliance Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen stated this following the first day of the meeting of the foreign ministers of 28 NATO countries, despite the today, the NATO Council decided to end "all practical military and civil cooperation with the Russian Federation".

    So cooperate or not?
  21. +3
    April 2 2014 08: 11
    All this would be funny, if it were not so sad ...
  22. +5
    April 2 2014 08: 16
    It’s time to joke Russia too ... so that everyone in the world laughs, but it was very sad for those who are now plotting!
    1. +1
      April 2 2014 08: 38
      ... all this would be funny, if not, so sad. Lermontov M.Yu.
    2. leman
      0
      April 3 2014 22: 16
      Leave the American astronauts on the ISS and refuse to carry them there in the future. What a joke.
  23. +4
    April 2 2014 08: 23
    Arseniy Yatsenyuk publicly broke away at a meeting with the Canadian prime minister that Ukraine is ready to take a place in the G-8 if Western countries will exclude Russia from G8.

    Specials !!!
    Today, almost all the heads of world powers have tragically died.
    They burst with laughter when they learned that Ukraine is claiming a place in the GXNUMX)
  24. +7
    April 2 2014 08: 27
    Ukraine has joined the EU. Sit two kuma crest drink.
    One asks: -shaw?
    The second answers: -Yes, this EU crap - I'm out of work, my wife washes the floors in Italy, my son married a German, my daughter is a prostitute in France !!! And everything is to blame !!!! They told us: "do not join the EU, do not join the EU !!!" They knew the bastards, sho we are spiteful!
  25. +22
    April 2 2014 08: 35
    Russian President Vladimir Putin intends to run for president of Ukraine in the elections to be held on May 25. He stated this at a press conference in the Kremlin.

    "I plan to run for the presidency of Ukraine," Putin said.

    The Russian president noted that he plans to personally register as candidates for the top position of the state of Ukraine and make a security deposit in the amount of 2,5 million hryvnia on Monday.

    “Anticipating the question of whether I have the right to run for president in accordance with Ukrainian law, I answer: I have. a dictionary and a translator. Therefore, there should not be any legal issues regarding my nomination for the presidency of Ukraine, "Vladimir Putin said.

    According to the election program, the President of the Russian Federation said that no other candidate would be able to compete with him. In particular, Putin named the key points of his program:

    - Return of Crimea to Ukraine;
    - Reducing gas prices to the level of 134,25 dollars per thousand cubic meters.
    - The trial of those responsible for the massacres of people during the Euromaidan.

    Immediately after the press conference of Vladimir Putin, a number of Russian media published the results of a sociological survey conducted in Ukraine last week. According to this opinion poll, in the presidential elections in Ukraine, Vladimir Putin is gaining 51% in the first round. laughing laughing laughing
    1. +2
      April 2 2014 10: 29
      ..... Amused !!!!! Oh and laughed !!!! Fidget, Fidget !!!! ....
    2. +1
      April 2 2014 10: 48
      Quote: Egoza
      Russian President Vladimir Putin intends to run for president of Ukraine in the elections to be held on May 25. He stated this at a press conference in the Kremlin.

      belay I almost believed it. Oops ... heart .... yes mine, not yours ... oops. Phew ... 03 called ... waiting.
  26. johnsnz
    +5
    April 2 2014 08: 38
    I would add:
    "Vitali Klitschko spoke about his attitude to homosexuality.
    "I must confess ... For a long time, many, many years, I have been a committed lesbian."
  27. +1
    April 2 2014 08: 42
    As I said earlier, "... all this would be very funny if it were not so sad."
  28. +5
    April 2 2014 08: 42
    Our government would have to joke that Russia is switching over to paying for oil and gas in rubles. I think the reaction would have been explosive. laughing
    1. leman
      0
      April 3 2014 22: 26
      Putin has already announced that they agreed to carry out mutual settlements in rubles and RMB with China.
      And with Europe, in perspective, in euros. But at the moment, all gas, oil and other contracts are in dollars, it will take time for the transition. In addition, it is possible that new contracts will already be concluded in rubles. Also, the Americans have already recognized that someone has leaked their bonds for a decent amount, to determine exactly how much and who cannot yet. But they got very nervous.
  29. Andrey Ulyanovsky
    +8
    April 2 2014 08: 51
    Continuing trend 010414: Still, the Olympic Games were not organized in vain !!! They ran around the whole country with a "candle", removed the damage from Russia ... The results are already on the face: victory in the Olympics, return of Crimea ... And this is just the beginning !!!
    1. 0
      April 2 2014 10: 30
      .... You suggest with a candle to constantly run in a circle ????
      1. Andrey Ulyanovsky
        0
        April 2 2014 12: 15
        Now the border is chalked and as in a joke: Alyosha, sprinkle it with chalk.
  30. +2
    April 2 2014 08: 54
    They have it the first of April lasts since November!
  31. ken
    +15
    April 2 2014 09: 04
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  32. +2
    April 2 2014 09: 06
    Quote: LiSSyara
    Jokes as jokers ... But yesterday, in my spare time, I flipped through a zombie box and a computer, watching Ukrainian and European news. It is not funny, but there it is all presented in all seriousness. And people believe (or pretend to believe). In general, to listen and see all this nonsense was enough for an hour, no more.
    Inspired by the 70s, when the "enemies" drew cartoons on us (like the malicious communists with terrible faces "knifed the rezhiks" the civilian population during the seizure of Amerytsa or Europe).

    Not really funny. If a European is not familiar with the Russian language, then our media is like a Chinese letter to them! From here, people judge us from their media. What they are presented with is eaten! And where to go?
  33. Sevastopol
    +6
    April 2 2014 09: 12
    A joke at the opening of the Olympics. Obama did not come, high ... and the ring of North America did not light up. An accident?
  34. +3
    April 2 2014 09: 20
    from the Don.
    Whatever the child entertains ... But we have no time for jokes!
  35. +5
    April 2 2014 09: 22
    Yes, in Ukraine, all the jokers gathered. I read the correspondence of Khazin with some kind of propaganda of Bandera, so he continued to seriously claim that they are fighting purely with the oligarchs. Moreover, it was the oligarchs who became governors in the east of Ukraine. An interesting way to fight the oligarchy, do not you find?
  36. +3
    April 2 2014 09: 27
    Of course, we will appreciate the ingenious promise of several presidential candidates to return the Crimea quickly and without problems.
    duck cho, they already returned Crimea quickly and without problems. There are absolutely no complaints against Kiev laughing
  37. +4
    April 2 2014 09: 54
    "Yes, I'm joking, I'm joking ..." Bandit Saturday, movie "The Lost Expedition"
  38. +1
    April 2 2014 09: 56
    "Foolishness has been placed in high positions, and the worthy ones remain below!" (C) M. Uspensky smile
  39. 0
    April 2 2014 09: 56
    Not funny. Fearfully. Soon in Ukraine, they will collect money through SMS not only for the army. but also for the sowing season with the harvester. Instead of solving real problems in Ukraine, they create their own matrix - from the inside it is correct, and from the outside it is funny. Yaytsenyuk - Neo, Putin - Agent Smith ... Unfortunately this is not a movie.
  40. lukich1958
    0
    April 2 2014 09: 57
    Looks like in the West and Ukraine a competition has been announced for the most delusional statements ... leaders are already showing up! It's only the beginning !!!
  41. +2
    April 2 2014 09: 58
    Just like a joke, the main thing is that the ring on the finger remains
  42. 0
    April 2 2014 10: 08
    Yes, three fools joked in 1991 - we are still bullshit from the result
  43. +2
    April 2 2014 10: 25
    In the topic ... Mobilization in Ukrainian ... smile
    1. +1
      April 2 2014 11: 10
      "After playing the piano on @ rally - we had a wonderful time!"
  44. Mkhitar
    0
    April 4 2014 01: 23
    When will these evil elderly (and not so) American clowns finally die, and their circus will turn into a heap of ashes? They arrange all sorts of disgusting booths with the participation of their Ukrainian colleagues, to the accompaniment of mercilessly false European singers, and with this "show" they take the honest people out of business. They, apparently, do not know that: business is time, and fun is an hour, but their "hour" painfully, even indecently long, dragged on!

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