Military Review

April Fool's election program of the candidate Protyvsikh

18



I, the presidential candidate Protyvsikh, go to the polls, relying on the broad support of the Ukrainian people. According to opinion polls, 10% of voters are already ready to vote for me, and I am sure that this figure will increase even more by the day of the will.

After winning the upcoming elections, I will first of all achieve the adoption of a new constitution, fully reflecting the conquests of the Maidan. It will be the most concise and effective constitution in the world, consisting of only four articles.

Article 1. The only source of power in Ukraine is the Maidan.

Article 2. Maidan is always right.

Article 3. If Maidan is wrong, see article 1.

Article 4. If you still think that the Maidan is wrong, then you are the enemy of Ukraine, with all the legal consequences that this entails.

I consider it necessary to return to the old idea of ​​the Svoboda party that the proportion of each nationality living in Ukraine in the national income of a country should correspond to its share in the population. That's right: it's high time to “raskurit” some of our well-known oligarchs who once financed Freedom — their share in Ukraine’s GDP clearly does not correspond to the above fair requirement.

In addition, the confectionery industry should be nationalized: this will ensure that our people have a sweet life in the fullest chocolate.

But the “right” oligarchs will be distributed by the governors to all regions. At the same time, the regions will receive complete economic independence: they will be able to keep all the money they earn, to manage them entirely in the interests of ordinary people and the oligarchs will take over. The people and the oligarchy are one!

The main principle of my foreign policy will be: away from Moscow! So far away that half of the population, taking advantage of the visa-free regime with the EU, will end up in Italy, Spain and other countries adjacent to the Mediterranean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. Then just swim ...

“Damned Moscow Oblast.” Will no longer be able to blackmail us with their gas: I will make automobile tires the main fuel in Ukraine. And Russia will no longer receive from us our missiles, diesel locomotives, wagons, aircraft engines. True, no one, except Russia, will buy them - but in order to ensure that they don’t get the “mall.”, We are ready to suffer! Moreover, the West will always help us: green papers, dry rations, beautiful promises ...

We will no longer be humiliated before Putin and Russia - only before America and NATO! Give humiliation civilized and free!

I am in favor of giving citizens the right to acquire and wear weaponincluding Molotov cocktails and stun grenades. And I am sure that every real man must have a wooden bat and a helmet! Conscripts and reservists are with them, and will be obliged to appear at the first call to the military registration and enlistment offices - since serviceable aircraft and tanks currently the power is not enough.

I consider it expedient to keep the barricades erected in the center of Kiev - for the next Maidan, so that they do not need to be rebuilt. In the future, Ukraine should introduce the chronology by year of Maidan. For example, 2007 r. - this was the 3 year of the 1 th Maidan, 2015 r. - this will be the 2 year of the 2 th Maidan, etc.

I will initiate the question of transferring all the alcoholic beverage enterprises to the control of “self-defense”, following the glorious revolutionary slogan: “Do not watch Maidan — get drunk!”

Vote, citizens, for me: unlike all other candidates, I definitely never let you down! Glory to me! Glory to my voters!
Author:
Originator:
http://2000.net.ua/2000/forum/puls/98723
18 comments
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  1. Andrey Yuryevich
    Andrey Yuryevich April 2 2014 07: 15
    +11
    it would be funny if it weren’t so sad ...
    1. aksakal
      aksakal April 2 2014 07: 24
      +11
      Quote: Andrew Y.
      it would be funny if it weren’t so sad ...

      - Do not be sad - with humor you need to relate to any situation. I liked the banter, just super! This is a real candidate out of 24, registered. what is it like to get hooked or just banter of a blogger’s thread?
      Here's another one for a smile - just a linkhttp: //news.nur.kz/306744.html, I would put it in this way, but somehow I can’t understand how pictures are inserted from the site. Can anyone help?
      1. paul1992
        paul1992 April 2 2014 08: 37
        0
        you click the picture (next to the emoticon) and insert the address, or load from the computer ...
    2. Army1
      Army1 April 2 2014 07: 48
      +3
      Quote: Andrew Y.
      it would be funny if it weren’t so sad ...

      So remember Comrade Stalin.
  2. Sharikov
    Sharikov April 2 2014 07: 16
    +14
    A new action of European homosexuals - "Give the Ukrainian!"
  3. domokl
    domokl April 2 2014 07: 18
    +6
    Cool. A very talented person wrote. good
  4. vlad0
    vlad0 April 2 2014 07: 19
    +3
    Has a good chance. Clowns there are held in high esteem.
  5. KOH
    KOH April 2 2014 07: 29
    +4
    Sometimes it seems to me that this is all a bad dream, and the desire to wake up soon ... they say that the Chinese circus is the best, they are mistaken, the Ukrainian went much further ... belay
  6. Alejandro
    Alejandro April 2 2014 07: 31
    +2
    Wangyu appearance of the emperor, from the 40k Warhammer series. And the holy Inquisition, for the glory of the emperor of course.
  7. mrDimkaP
    mrDimkaP April 2 2014 07: 32
    +3
    By the way ... according to the results of online voting, Dart Alekseevich Vader is confidently leading.
    http://ukraine-elections.com.ua/vybory/result/5
  8. Name
    Name April 2 2014 07: 36
    +2
    So it's not an April Fool's Day, this is a program like the program of almost all "candidates" ... Maybe the CEC of Ukraine makes a prerequisite for registration ...
  9. Sergg
    Sergg April 2 2014 07: 44
    +7
    Vote, citizens, for me: unlike all other candidates, I definitely never let you down! Glory to me! Glory to my voters!


    By the way, despite the comic nature of this candidate, he is the only one in veiled form to tell the truth about what is happening in Ukraine in every hearing, so take him more seriously.

  10. Grenz
    Grenz April 2 2014 07: 46
    +6
    1. From what is proclaimed, everything will be realized by this clown or others.
    After all, although it is sad to read it, but in fact it is true. They will continue to drown in the village, as before, with dung (note: fuel based on cow cakes. Unless, of course, the cows remain).
    2. The Maidan has already become a solid foundation of the law of independence. The basis of law is arbitrary and it will be applied as soon as the US suspects power in the absence of democracy.
    3. The weapons in the caches are accumulated so much that any power will dance exclusively under the banjo, any hopak only around the pole for the fun of the marines.
    4. And most importantly - if any candidate wins, the services and experience of the one on the left will be required - so many "enemies of the square" have already been arrested that it is necessary to think about "Camps for instilling democratic views. To do this, insert an owl into all articles of the Criminal Code: "Step to the right, step to the left", "look towards the east ...", "discovery of a book in Russian in the hut ...", "Thoughts to myself are not in Ukrainian language ... ", but you never know what sick vanity (tse Europe) can come up with.
    CONCLUSION: In any balance of power and the victory of any candidate, the diagnosis is only clinical.
  11. Quantum
    Quantum April 2 2014 08: 06
    +6
    It’s good that there is such a joker! He discredits the elections, showing that
    it’s a booth. In addition, there are a lot of people in the country who don’t want to
    cast their ballots to other candidates. So, go ahead - Pan Dark Power!
  12. iliitchitch
    iliitchitch April 2 2014 08: 26
    +1
    Why, Alekseich. Old joke:
    12.04.1961/XNUMX/XNUMX. The dialogue on the farm:
    - You smell, Mykola, MOSCA.L. and flew into space.
    - Shaw, mustache? (with hope)
    Galychin in space! Usih. We’ll help you with pennies.
  13. Kuvabatake
    Kuvabatake April 2 2014 08: 55
    +2
    I'm ready to vote for him. laughing Where is the ballot, where is the ballot box ???
  14. ed65b
    ed65b April 2 2014 08: 56
    +2
    Excellent humor, the most adequate and honest presidential candidate. everything is clear and understandable. This is what all other candidates think about this directly. The people must understand him. They will not understand Kolomoisky and Tarut. But they have a carrot in the form of provinces.
  15. sv68
    sv68 April 2 2014 09: 45
    +1
    one point is not enough, transfer the Maidan to Mercury. and so the program is sensible
    1. Oleg Sobol
      Oleg Sobol April 2 2014 10: 10
      +2
      Rename Ukraine into the Republic of Maidan.
      I’m renaming the Supreme Maidan of the Republic of Maidan.
      Independence Squares give status: The central settlement of the Maidan within the Republic of Maidan.
      The official language, Maidan mov.
      Head of state: Permanent I.O. Republic Maidan.
      Head of the Supreme Maidan: "Asking the West" of the Republic of Maidan.
      laughing
      1. RND
        RND April 2 2014 13: 35
        0
        Quote: Oleg Sobol
        Rename Ukraine into the Republic of Maidan.
        I’m renaming the Supreme Maidan of the Republic of Maidan.
        Independence Squares give status: The central settlement of the Maidan within the Republic of Maidan.
        The official language, Maidan mov.
        Head of state: Permanent I.O. Republic Maidan.
        Head of the Supreme Maidan: "Asking the West" of the Republic of Maidan.
        laughing

        The strategic weapon of the Armed Forces of the Republic of Maidan ...
  16. Paratrooper
    Paratrooper April 2 2014 10: 58
    +1
    So now the promises of all the politicians in Ukraine sound !!! Only they are serious.