April Fool's election program of the candidate Protyvsikh
I, the presidential candidate Protyvsikh, go to the polls, relying on the broad support of the Ukrainian people. According to opinion polls, 10% of voters are already ready to vote for me, and I am sure that this figure will increase even more by the day of the will.
After winning the upcoming elections, I will first of all achieve the adoption of a new constitution, fully reflecting the conquests of the Maidan. It will be the most concise and effective constitution in the world, consisting of only four articles.
Article 1. The only source of power in Ukraine is the Maidan.
Article 2. Maidan is always right.
Article 3. If Maidan is wrong, see article 1.
Article 4. If you still think that the Maidan is wrong, then you are the enemy of Ukraine, with all the legal consequences that this entails.
I consider it necessary to return to the old idea of the Svoboda party that the proportion of each nationality living in Ukraine in the national income of a country should correspond to its share in the population. That's right: it's high time to “raskurit” some of our well-known oligarchs who once financed Freedom — their share in Ukraine’s GDP clearly does not correspond to the above fair requirement.
In addition, the confectionery industry should be nationalized: this will ensure that our people have a sweet life in the fullest chocolate.
But the “right” oligarchs will be distributed by the governors to all regions. At the same time, the regions will receive complete economic independence: they will be able to keep all the money they earn, to manage them entirely in the interests of ordinary people and the oligarchs will take over. The people and the oligarchy are one!
The main principle of my foreign policy will be: away from Moscow! So far away that half of the population, taking advantage of the visa-free regime with the EU, will end up in Italy, Spain and other countries adjacent to the Mediterranean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. Then just swim ...
“Damned Moscow Oblast.” Will no longer be able to blackmail us with their gas: I will make automobile tires the main fuel in Ukraine. And Russia will no longer receive from us our missiles, diesel locomotives, wagons, aircraft engines. True, no one, except Russia, will buy them - but in order to ensure that they don’t get the “mall.”, We are ready to suffer! Moreover, the West will always help us: green papers, dry rations, beautiful promises ...
We will no longer be humiliated before Putin and Russia - only before America and NATO! Give humiliation civilized and free!
I am in favor of giving citizens the right to acquire and wear weaponincluding Molotov cocktails and stun grenades. And I am sure that every real man must have a wooden bat and a helmet! Conscripts and reservists are with them, and will be obliged to appear at the first call to the military registration and enlistment offices - since serviceable aircraft and tanks currently the power is not enough.
I consider it expedient to keep the barricades erected in the center of Kiev - for the next Maidan, so that they do not need to be rebuilt. In the future, Ukraine should introduce the chronology by year of Maidan. For example, 2007 r. - this was the 3 year of the 1 th Maidan, 2015 r. - this will be the 2 year of the 2 th Maidan, etc.
I will initiate the question of transferring all the alcoholic beverage enterprises to the control of “self-defense”, following the glorious revolutionary slogan: “Do not watch Maidan — get drunk!”
Vote, citizens, for me: unlike all other candidates, I definitely never let you down! Glory to me! Glory to my voters!
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