Military Review

Army tales from Mongolia

We have one army! And though people in it serve different, army storieswherever they happen, sometimes they are surprisingly similar to each other, like cartridges in a machine gun belt!

The 39 Combined Army, into which the officer service abandoned me, was part of the Trans-Baikal Military District and was stationed in Mongolia. For five years in the position of deputy commander of an artillery reconnaissance battery, I have seen enough of our army life, and have heard a lot more. Everything seen and heard formed the basis of army tales, without which our service would be dull and gray.


The battery foreman, Ensign Simagin, had a reputation of a strong and zealous owner in the regiment. Next to the barracks, the foreman equipped a cold capter and dragged in there everything that was “bad” in the regiment. Considering that in Mongolia there is a large shortage of building materials, the porter was dug up in the ground and looked more like a dugout. The similarity with it added and the overlap in two rolls of empty shell boxes. Ten steps leading down steeply led to a massive door, on which the sergeant’s pride flaunted — a large granary lock.

On one of the winter evenings, Simagin stayed behind after the release, a friend from a nearby battery came to pay for the paint he had taken the day before. Having persuaded a bottle of alcohol, having smoked, and having talked for life, the friends parted. Having guided the guest, already at the exit from the barracks, Simagin remembered

- Mother honest! I have a stash in the dugout! Here is the continuation of the banquet!

Whistling cheerfully, the foreman resolutely moved to the cold capter. Carefully descending the stairs, Simagin was in front of the granary castle, thickly covered with frost. The key inserted into the lock did not turn.

- Well, your mother is so! Frozen infection! - the foreman quietly swaggered and reached into his pocket for matches. Matches in their pockets were not left in the barracks.

- Returning bad luck! - flashed in my head - Okay, let's do the old way.

Simagin bent at the waist and, stretching his lips with a straw, began to breathe on the lock. Whether a gust of wind, or frozen frost, or hops played a cruel joke, it does not matter. Only suddenly the figure of the foreman swung, and the ensign’s lips firmly stuck to the castle!

About two hours after the sergeant’s departure, private Khurkheyev, who was day-to-day on the battery, decided to smoke outside and went out onto the porch of the barracks. In the sky above hung a bright yellow pancake moon.

- Full moon, however, the time of werewolves and evil spirits - Khurkheev recalled the shaman's stories and mentally transferred to his native camp. The first puff caught her throat, Khurkheev coughed and heard a deaf cry
- Kooo deeeessss? Omoooohiiiite!
Cold palms of fear and horror firmly wrapped around Khurkheev’s body, thoughts began to twist around in his head
- Similarly, werewolves! The shaman did not lie! The trouble has come!
The warrior froze in fright, a cigarette fell out of his open mouth and, shooting sparks, rolled down the steps. In the silence of the night resounded again
- Awww! Ydiiii suaaaaa!
- Aaaaaaaaaaa! - Khurkheev shouted and rushed to the barracks. The battery duty officer Sergeant Zlobin, who was peacefully slumbering in the dryer, jumped up from the screams Khurkheev as he was scalded and flew out into the corridor. At the front door stood the orderly and, pointing to the street, muttered in fright
- Tama! Tama! Tama!

Zlobin jumped out of the barracks, rushed to the cold capter and, seeing a dark figure leaning over the castle, instantly realized

- Here are the goats, the capter decided to plunder! Well, I'll arrange it for you now!

A spade from a shovel, caught up in the sergeant’s hand, sank to the villain with a whistle.
- Oooooooooooooooooo!

Hearing a familiar voice, Zlobin exclaimed in amazement
- No shit yourself! Comrade Warrant Officer, are you?
- Yaaaaaaa!

Half an hour later, the foreman freed from “captivity”, barely moving his swollen lips, rolled in Zlobin from the heart
- Blah fly! Zlobin, your mother! I hardly left my lips after your strike on the lock! Only saved what I imagined, how will I serve without lips?

Since then, as soon as the moon pancake showed up in the Mongolian sky, the battery officers invariably advised the foreman

- Ensign, today is the full moon! Not a single step! Go home now!

The second

Private Usmanov was sitting in a warm barracks and looked wistfully through a frosty window. Two days later, the battery stood guard, and he has the hellish post - an open area for storing equipment. Not towers, not a fence, only wire fencing and a wide scope for the fierce Mongol winds. Even hide no where! With only one thought of frost and wind, it became cold to Usmanov even in the barracks, and what is the post?
After the command of the ascent, Usmanov hardly got out of bed and, clutching at the waist, walked to the duty officer of the battery.

- Comrade Junior Sergeant, I am sick! So bad, back and forth does not bend! Sopsem Bolna! Doctor need to!
The junior sergeant Volkov, on duty for the battery, glancing at Usmanov with a grin, asked maliciously
- What is a fighter, hosing? In the guard stomp not hunting? Well, wait for the commander.
- No, by Allah I swear! Sapsem bolna, even the dining room will not go!

Volkov became thoughtful, for Usmanov, a lover of food, refusing to go to the dining room was akin to a feat.

“Okay, I'll write down the book of patients, and then we'll see!”

Arriving at the battery, the battalion commander Captain Prokhorov calculated the situation at a time. Usmanov's zakidony had long been a bone in his throat, but what to do? Neither any persuasions, sentimental conversations, references to jigite pride helped, Usmanov was not corrected!

Having arranged to accompany Usmanov to the PMP (regimental medical center), Prokhorov called the chief of the medical service of the regiment, Major Romashin, and described the situation. In response, Romashin chuckled into the phone and assured

- Do not worry, captain, we will cure your “hose”!

In the PMP Romashin personally met Usmanov and gave the command to take him to his office.

- Well, my dear, sick?

- So surely Comrade Major, with a sore spot, the back is completely bad!

- How long have you been like this?

- For a long time, the sense in the past was not strong ill, now it’s bad!

Having examined the patient, Romashin sadly made

- Yeah! Bad your affairs, Usmanov! You have a serious illness, in Latin it sounds like a “spinus clinic”, your vertebrae are hooked on each other, if you don’t disconnect, that's all! Hana! So stay crooked! But we will cure you, the word officer!

With these words, Romashin looked out into the corridor and shouted loudly

- The duty assistant, to me!

Waiting for a paramedic, Romashin ordered

- Dude, and bring us a "Shlangelson apparatus," but live on! See, the fighter is really bad!
And looking into the paramedic's amazed eyes, he repeated
- "The device Shlangelsona." Handset, funnel and tripod, understand?

Waiting for the paramedic and the staff, looking at Usmanov, who was staring indifferently at the floor, Romashin slowly began his conversation.

- Usmanov, my dear, I repeat, you have vertebrae caught on each other. We must separate them. You can reach them through the throat, but how do we climb through the throat? Look how you twisted. Not convenient, and far to the vertebrae, we will not get it. Does your lower back hurt?

Usmanov nodded his head and painted sorrow and pain on his face. Romashin continued
- So we will treat on the other hand. Transfer you to the couch, on your knees can you stand?

Usmanov nodded affirmatively, but forgot to portray the pain.

- So we will put on our knees, we will lower our pants, insert the tube and through it with hooks we will separate the vertebrae! You will have a jigit jigit!

At this time the door swung open, and the paramedic began to bring some rusty pipes into the office. Usmanov's eyes from round became round and with fright he stared at the iron he had brought. Looking at the frightened figure, Romashin ordered with a grin

- Petrov, you are on duty on the battery neatly Usmanov on the couch and take off his pants, and I until the pipe lubricate, what would easier entered.

Hearing this, Usmanov frantically grabbed his trousers and whined plaintively
- Ay, do not pipe, do not hook! The back has already ceased to hurt, has ceased, I swear by Allah!
Romashin sounded the trumpets; this ring, like an alarm, threw Usmanov and he rushed to his native barracks!

From this day, no complaints about health were heard from Usmanov in the battery.
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  1. major071
    major071 20 November 2013 07: 56
    Good army tales.
    When I was young, even before the army, I worked at a factory, there was a hochmach Sergey in our brigade, and so he served urgently in Mongolia, told a lot of tales, but now I remember only one: Sergey served in the 70's in the construction battalion and they had part in the order, exactly the same as described in the article, and also managed a warehouse of building materials. I don’t know what they built there, but when they were relocated, this ensign managed to sell the Mongols in one day under the guise of heaters of 10 pieces of cast-iron batteries filled with boiling water. Says we rams on batteries changed from other rams. wassat
  2. drop
    drop 20 November 2013 08: 37
    By the nature of my service, I had to be in Mongolia together with the Air Force command. The troops of Tsarist Russia were constantly in this country. Interesting sketches of the artist Ivanov, who represented the leisure of military personnel. What is there just not there. And holding a bucket of water on the penis, and blows with shafts, and the pulling of individual groups of soldiers. After reading the article, I recalled these sketches, and at the same time youth. Do you know how many grams of meat a Mongol soldier received on a daily ration - 700 grams. Good luck to you and good servants.
    1. vlad_m
      vlad_m 20 November 2013 09: 47
      Quote: Drop
      Interesting sketches of the artist Ivanov

      What Ivanov? Mikhail Matveyevich? So he had never been in Mongolia in his life. More and more with Prince Potemkin, the Turks in the Crimea drove ...
    2. Gunsmith
      Gunsmith 20 November 2013 11: 21
      The Mongols, in addition to meat, see almost nothing - there is no millet or fish in the desert. It’s not they, but living conditions. Just like in the Korean army, the main dish of the diet is rice and vegetables. Only we are omnivores. It is necessary - and live on the bark. Bread can be baked on cattail panicles, its baked root is sweetened, a lot of starch is a side dish, but meat is all that stirs. And so on, throughout the flora-fauna.
      1. vlad_m
        vlad_m 21 November 2013 06: 40
        Does it also have an army bike?

        Also, the Selenga River flows through Mongolia. The length of the Selenga River from the source of the river. Ider 1024 km (including 409 km of the lower reaches in Russia). The total area of ​​the Selenga basin is 447060 km2, of which 281000 km2 (63%) is located in Mongolia and 166060 km2 (37%) within the Russian Federation.
        The catchment area of ​​the Selenga basin has a well-developed hydrographic network. The Ider-Gol River is considered to be the source of the Selenga. In Mongolia, the Selenga has a number of large tributaries - Orkhon, Aghiin-Gol, Delger-Muren, Chuluut-Gol, associated with the Khangai and Khubsugul highlands, and the Tola, Eroo, Kharaa-Gol rivers, originating in the Khentei highland.
        In the Selenga basin, there are large lakes: Terhiyn-Tsagan-Nur, associated with the river. Chuluut and having an area of ​​61 km², and Ugy-Nur with an area of ​​25 km²
        The average water discharge near the border of Mongolia and Russia is 310 m³ / s. On the river there is a constant navigation to the Mongolian city of Sukhbaatar.
        The data on the fish of the Selenga basin, obtained by Mongolian and Soviet researchers in the 1970s - 1980s, are summarized in two collective monographs, “Fishes of Mongolia” (1983) and “Ecology and Economic Importance of MHR Fish” (1985).
        From these works it follows that 19 species of fish live in the Selenga basin within Mongolia. The ichthyofauna of the upper rivers of the tributaries of the Selenga (Khoyd-Tamir-Gol, Bugsein-Gol, Ider-Gol, Delger-Muren-Gol, Tula-Gol, Eroo) was represented exclusively by species of the Siberian reophilic complex. Its composition was dominated by char, Siberian grayling, lenok, taimen and common minnow.

        Contrary to popular belief, Mongolia is not the Sahara. Ponds and rivers, serious enough, are enough in Mongolia.

        The Mongols love fish. Catch and eat her.
        1. 19poruchik54
          22 November 2013 09: 46
          A small adjustment - the Mongolian fish is sacred, it is IMPOSSIBLE to eat it! The main symbol of Mongolia - SOYOMBO - depicts two fish, a female fish and a male fish. In the area of ​​our site in Mongolia, the Kerulen River flowed, catfish and carp were found! We are not Mongols, live by the river and without fish ?! There is no such fishing in Russia!
          1. _Shuravi_
            _Shuravi_ 28 November 2013 17: 26
            19poruchik54, and in what years were you there, and in what capacity? This is not an idle curiosity, it was just that my father served in Choibalsan from 82 to 87 (battery commander), and Kerulen was just a stone's throw from the town. And the surname Simagin seems familiar to me.
            1. 19poruchik54
              28 November 2013 19: 52
              Served 80-85 of the year, deputy. com.batteries art. reconnaissance division (callsign URAL). We stood on the 132 site, in the location of the artillery regiment (field mail 35680), the call sign KABESSON. He started in the artillery regiment, but was later transferred to the aforementioned battery. To Kerulen from our DOS was meters 600-700. The surname of the foreman is changed.
  3. haralaan
    haralaan 20 November 2013 10: 43
    Hoses do happen, but there are patients.
  4. Nickanor
    Nickanor 20 November 2013 11: 25
    Amused! Especially about "I will grease the pipes to make it easier to enter" laughing laughing good
  5. Aleks tv
    Aleks tv 20 November 2013 16: 03
    Very smiled memories.
    Thank you Lieutenant54.

    Paired, after serving in Mongolia, completely reckless came, even at the level of "kooky" ZabVO ...

    For example, a story about how a tank was drunk in the 39 Army heard in several versions. The first time I listened to this bike in a tavern at the Chita railway station (the train waited, went for retraining and fermented), then in Borz and Sretensk. And everything is a little different.
    Most storytellers talk about Chevy Gobbi (35). The tank regiment was cheerful there ...
    Others speak of a TD from Choibolsan, which was later withdrawn by Bezrechnaya.
    Maybe you know something?
    ... One day, when vodka and alcohol were destroyed and the body still demanded, the fuel oil brought the tank out (it seemed from the collection area) and rushed to the locals for a swill. Laziness to go by foot.
    Military organisms were already hardened by the Buryat "Tarasun" and were not at all afraid of the Mongolian "Archs" (tankers should not be afraid).
    But the local Arat (shepherd), became stubborn to sell Russian swill without Tugriks and offered an exchange: moonshine for ... a tank.
    The people screamed with joy, grabbed swipes and washed off to continue to thump.
    Arat walked around the tank, examined, thought and ... wisely tied it by a rope to the fence of the pen with the sheep.

    The peasants found themselves in the morning, there is no tank. Nobody remembers anything. The sergeant on duty clarified situevina ...
    We rushed to look for a car.
    They found tea, not a needle, and not far they cursed.
    They started a tank and ... and left with the attached corral fence ...
    1. 19poruchik54
      20 November 2013 21: 34
      I served Choibalsana, and it was in 2TD, but I didn’t hear about the drunk tank! If only the tankmen excelled after my replacement! We must remember that everything is possible in the army ...
      1. Aleks tv
        Aleks tv 20 November 2013 22: 58
        Quote: 19poruchik54
        We must remember that everything is possible in the army ...

        Yeah, Vladimir.
  6. Afluk
    Afluk 12 January 2014 17: 52
    something is a story similar to the first on this resource ... but your first is published here :)
  7. Karela71
    Karela71 22 March 2014 11: 01
    Thanks, like it so much!!!!!!!!!