People under the "Topol"
What does the missile officer think when he doesn't press the nuclear button?
The Tamansk division of the Strategic Missile Forces for combat power is considered the largest missile force in Europe. On its armament are the famous intercontinental ballistic missiles "Topol-M" of mine-based. Thanks to their charges, the strategic parity of forces is preserved in the world, and our country’s neighbors continue to reckon with our country. The correspondents of “RR” have figured out how the Tamani rocket men are serving and whether their finger on the nuclear button is trembling.
- Show the rocket, well, show the rocket, the photographer “RR” whines for the second hour, addressing the officers. He knows that very close, just a hundred meters away, behind that barbed wire fence there is a lid covered with a camouflage net, and under it in a mine with a depth of 40 meters He is “Topol-M”.
“Well, our regime, it’s said: regime,” the officers answer the second hour to the RR photographer. And then suddenly they say shortly: “Yes, go to Google, we ourselves are looking at everything”.
Flash left
I often dreamed about nuclear war in adolescence - the state agitprop said. It was not that nightmares, rather - horror films: some kind of fiery clot, like a ball lightning, rushes through the window. But it was still painful to wake up - what if all the Soviet people were already dead outside the window? In the village of Svetly, not far from Saratov, where the Tamansk division was stationed, it was probably learned how to cope with such fears, after all, the settlement was the goal of an adversary.
“We don’t need any psychological trainings,” argues Olga Grigorievna, deputy head of Svetly’s administration on social issues, and part-time — an officer’s wife with experience. - What is there to be afraid of? We will immediately end, but the rest will have to suffer from radiation sickness.
Her trained fatalism will be envied by a kamikaze.
- And why did you think that the Light Strike would be dealt in the first place? - Asks psychologist divisions Sergei Yesenin. - They will not bullet in an empty place. Our missiles are already gone - in response to their launches. The enemy will strike earlier, for example, at the Balakovo NPP. And it’s better not to take it into your head at all, ”concludes the head specialist.
We talk to him at the point of psychological assistance and rehabilitation. Suddenly, somewhere on the parade ground, there is a nasty, alarming lowing of a siren. Yesenin does not turn his head: training alert.
In short, what does not kill us, we get used to it.
Thirty-five Hiroshim
To New York, the Topol-M rocket flies 30 minutes. And no matter where it flies. “30 minutes and everything” - that's what they say. There is something mystical about this formulation.
According to tradition, the power of the rockets in the “Tatishchevskaya division” - this is its popular name that arose when the village was called Tatishchevo-5 - is measured by fronts of the Second World War. Everything is simple here: one product - one front. Or Hiroshima. And for some reason, Nagasaki is not measured. They say: Topol-M is like thirty-five Hiroshim.
“Divide everything by anything,” warns our guide, Lieutenant Colonel Alexey Gusakov. - The military love to exaggerate everything, so I know: all my life
in the army.
Unconditional conditioned opponent
The Russian Defense Minister is holding a meeting on staff reductions. “What are the suggestions?” Asks. One of his deputies responds: "I think it’s necessary to start a reduction from the states of Ohio and Nevada."
It is - who did not understand or did not serve - a joke. But in every joke there is a place for the team "That's right!".
No matter what the generals say about “redirecting our military doctrine,” the main conditional adversary was and still is America. And our 47-tonne Topol is the small that we can oppose. Remember the textbook already: “You dream to get to America - go to the rocket forces”? Perhaps, the General Staff considers it differently or somehow along a different trajectory. But it is enough to score the words “Russia” and “United States” into one of the most popular Internet search programs (vice versa), and then immediately loudly jump on the monitor the most popular user request: “war”. Because the people understand everything.
I tell officers heard in another division of the Strategic Missile Forces history about one rocket. During the Cold War, he sat for many years on the same “point” somewhere in the wildlands of the Krasnoyarsk Territory. He was convinced that his own rocket, which had become his, was aimed precisely at the United States. Then the iron curtain collapsed, he retired from the army, became an exit, arrived with his wife in New York.
“In the Central Park, he moved with the dignity of a demiurge of the highest composition: there, like a ballistic charge or a certain monad, the feeling came that he gave life to all these idle rich people,” I complete my novel.
My interlocutors respond without irony:
- And not only them.
Or is it such a specific strategic missile humor?
- Is it possible to find out where the missile is heading?
- It used to be possible. Approximately calculate - for the intended area, for the approximate trajectory, the amount of fuel in the rocket. And now, no, in the hands of the rocket men only numbers and ciphers. Refuel with a margin. Maybe fly to the US, and maybe to Poland.
Last year, one of our television broadcasts to the West, filmed in the "Tatischevskoy Division" film. There, the officer on duty at the launcher assures, as a small, civilized Western public: “We have no maniacs here who have decided to destroy the world. And people who want to feel the rulers of the world, too. "
Whose finger over the button?
From time to time TV crews come to the Taman Division. Different and from everywhere. They came, for example, from Bashkiria. The journalist tried everything the soldier: say yes tell me what is your motto. He held on for a long time, then he decided to laugh: “After us - no one.” The journalist believed it. It is rightly said that those who served in the army do not laugh at the circus.
A telechurch ten years ago, Vladimir put
Posner He arrived with a group of Air Force. The group was interested in many things, but because of the back of this much, the only question stuck out: “Isn’t idiot the Russian officer who raised his finger over the nuclear button?”
Lieutenant Colonel Sergey Gusakov is taking us in an old German car, but on the other hand - business class. Sounds Serbian music, something a la Bregovich. Trying to shout over gypsy squeaks, he recalls how the shooting took place:
- The commander calls me, orders me to be a character. Two times the porch in my house was repainted.
By that time, some people in the division had already watched a film about the life of a simple American rocketman. The plot and the pictures there are classically advertising. The rocketman's cottage, his totally white-toothed family, the poisonous green lawn, all together, including the dog, fry sausages.
Change frame.
The civilian rocketman sits in a new jeep. Going to work. At the checkpoint he waves his hand to the guard - they do not check his documents.
Change frame.
The rocketman changes into a military uniform behind a curtain in order to change his colleague on the launcher.
For some reason, Sergei's white panties, which flashed on the screen like a lightweight erotic dove, were the most memorable for Sergei and his colleagues in all this simple plot. They were given these pants.
- Better answer, why are we all so modest? And the Americans, judging by the film, no one guards the rocket.
- They have a desert. A little security cameras will work - a helicopter arrives. And we do not have a helicopter. Why is he in the woods? We have electrical fence. True, it is still saboteurs never caught. You go along - more and more gophers come across fried, hares hang on a wire. I have a photo on the phone. Show?
The director of a posner film named Leslie, as it turned out later, once served in English intelligence. Previously, foreigners in general came to the Taman Division as if to work - all kinds of commissions, delegations. Under the program of arms reduction, control, and more. Tatischevtsy recall these checks with deadly sarcasm.
- You look at the list of checkers, and there only Boris and Da Anatolia are with Vladimir.
- Like this?
- Well, our people, only the former. According to the protocol they put the translator. And you talk to them and see that they need a translator in FIG. The eyes are so tricky - it’s immediately obvious that everyone understands it anyway.
Pioneer dawn
Speaking of shorts. Those cowards who are now issued to conscripts will be delighted at any small wholesale boutique. They are, of course, not white, but fashionable. Recruits get them to the military before being sent to the unit along with sets of summer and winter uniforms, including felt boots.
In general, the current conscription service - at least in the Taman Division - gives the impression of a pioneer camp, even if it is a strict regime.
Start with the fact that the service lasts a year. As they say, the soldiers do not even have time to get scared. Fired day to day, no delays. They entered the quiet quiet afternoon: someone who is not dressed, can sleep for an hour after eating. The food itself is worthy of a separate discussion - not düner kebabs, of course, but quite decent salads, soups, cutlets. As stated in the film-agitation, "soldiers get tea, coffee and even cheese."
But the main thing is that the compote is not from bromine - called “antisex” - but from dried fruits. By the way, the question about bromine is still the most relevant in the army. Inferior
perhaps only to interest - how the black briefcase of the president with the nuclear button looks and acts. But this is only a concession to local specifics.
I remember my service in the construction battalion. The end of 80's. Our company was forgotten - it was, however, commonplace - and for four days they did not bring food. No. We only had sunflower oil, which we drank in circles.
“A good way to cleanse the body,” one of the officers responds to my army bike.
“Not a single hungry person has crap,” another argues with him.
On the whole, it is clear that I will not be able to surprise anyone here with my courage: these are all the same military service that must be endured. As it was said. In the statute.
Regiment No. 55555. With this number, only receive prizes. At first glance, this barracks imagines us exemplary. Where else would the military take? However, it later emerged that, as in the "five fives", everywhere in the division. Above the entrance is an anonymous inscription: "Behold the family in part, in the head - the father, in the friend - the brother." There is a slight feeling that now you step over the threshold of the book of the teacher Makarenko “Flags on the Towers”. It is not clear who is sleeping, who is up. There is a preparation of outfits. Brownian motion, but at the same time meaningful. Next to the pouch is a letter box. Cooler, and with water. Leisure room with guitars, turtles, hamsters.
The associative function of the brain rolls out our recent conversation with a teacher in an aircraft modeling circle.
- See the mockup of a parachute rocket from an umbrella? The guys did it themselves. Hamster tied. Beautifully flew. Returned alive and healthy.
- Recently, a donkey was launched on the Black Sea, only on a paraglider to attract tourists. They opened a criminal case on the fact of animal abuse.
- It's not me. But thanks anyway for the warning.
So, the barracks. What kind of press you want: from the strictly obligatory Red Star to the completely optional Men's Health. Above the beds, a plasma TV soars. Equipped with almost all the shelves.
- Diagonal 106, by the way, - confidantly and at the same time proudly advising us counselors.
Linoleum floor. Therefore, it is not necessary, as in the case of the Soviets, from morning to evening to scratch a wooden “takeoff” with mastic with the help of a “mashka” - a metal brush that looked more like a barbell. Wow! And in the washroom also a washing machine!
A psychologist works in every part. All psychologists are not only civil, so are ladies. Soldiers they remind mothers.
“It is precisely for this reason that we are downloading so much information about the atmosphere in the subunits, that there are women here,” the commanders say with frankness that frightens us.
There is a body - there is a matter
And in the modern Russian army there appeared such an innovative concept as a body inspection. Rather, the concept existed since the 1997 year, but the inspection itself as such was not: the procedure did not want to become "a deterrent to the manifestation of non-statutory relations." This is now a system. At least that's how they assured us. Every single day in the evening calibration of conscripts is built in the barracks dressed in the form of "time", that is, panties and sneakers. Bypassing personnel conducts a telescope and zawier - deputy for educational work. Inspection data are recorded in magazines, individual cards.
In this case, the main thing is not to confuse the hematoma with the scuff from the new boots. The regiment commander Gennady Koblik recalls how, in front of his eyes after duty, the fighter stumbled with his foot on the means of protection, fell down, hit the stool and cut the skin on his head.
- We called him an ambulance. He was sewn there a little, just a few seams. There was no concussion. But I reported on this terrible wound to the division commander, we called his mother, told him in detail that it was an accident, not hazing. - The colonel does not dare to speak openly about this, but with his whole appearance shows: bust.
"Tatischevskie" commanders are generally very wary of the latest innovations in Moscow.
Stopped the sets in military schools - where to get a replacement leaving in the reserve? Schools of ensigns have closed - where will the engineering specialists come from? Or there are already heinous offers for conscripts to serve in the region from which they were called. And Saturday and Sunday are going to make the weekend for those who are not in dress. Then who will defend our border with China? There is a population of one and a half people per thousand hectares.
- It remains to brothel them in part to deliver for complete hormonal happiness, - we say more for a laugh.
“They won't, ZATO is here,” one of the officers responds with unexpected regret. Decrypts: - Closed administrative and territorial entity.
Your Mightiness
But everyone here knows each other by sight, and others are immediately visible. Otherwise, how else to explain that, as soon as we passed the checkpoint, the police car stopped near us? We liked the Svetlovsk police officers: they politely checked the documents and, apologizing for the trouble, reported that they had “a day of heightened vigilance” today.
- What happened? - we ask, suspecting that we missed the news message about the next terrorist attack.
- Today is the birthday of the head of the Department of Internal Affairs. Well, and the president of Russia at the same time.
It is immediately clear that Svetly is a military village. Everything here is zoned. Even civil space. On the question of how to pass, the counter will answer: "This is for you in the garage zone is necessary."
The number of inhabitants is considered secret information here. But everyone gladly divulges her: 13 thousand.
The officers say that their village is divided into three districts: the Land of Fools, Center and Prostokvashino.
The country of fools is so far away. What kind of fool would live there? The center is the center. There the caravel on a pedestal is the object of not very modern, not very ancient art. But Prostokvashino - there used to be barracks there, but now the five-story building has been built. But the signs of the rural subculture continue to crow and grunt.
Gobies in Svetly taken to throw in the trash. For trash - fine. From one thousand to four. But we need two witnesses.
Local residents affectionately call their village “military unit number 89553”. It is easier for them to pronounce this alphanumeric set than to break the language above the words “Light” or “Taman”. Rocket workers in general, we noticed, have a passion for abbreviations. A stranger will never understand what they are talking about among themselves. Here, let's say that this means:
“And you, brother, send us to the branch of the National Association of Civil and Aviation Safety, and then to the PMSD, the SNB and the RHBZ service”?
If you ask for a transcript, they will say: military secret. But in fact it turns out that these are some kind of peaceful units like KECh - the apartment-operational part. We managed to extort only one secret: everywhere we were accompanied by Alexander Vasilyevich, a bright man in civilian white trousers, a walking charisma, the former castle division, everyone was called a “zagteshnik”, it turned out - an employee of the state secret protection department.
Everywhere, in the Light and obviously, and implicitly, like champignons through asphalt, signs of military life burst out.
- Allow me to announce the menu? - asks the cook.
It is stupid, of course, but you have to answer: "We resolve."
Here is the Topol store. Where do without him? It would be strange if it was not. It is good that it is not “Satan” - we have a rocket and with this name, however, according to the American classification.
On another poplar - pyramid - the announcement: “I sell a set of military uniforms, in stock, on the cheap”. What is behind these ink scribbles? The long-awaited retirement? Loneliness of a military retiree?
Here are the nickel-plated urns in the officers' hotel, made by some self-made cuts in the form of cut-off missiles with nozzles.
And everywhere - on all paths and sidewalks - mothers with strollers. Different-age children and teenagers - in sandboxes, on rollers, skateboards. Some city of children. According to the head of the urban district of the Closed Central Administrative District "Svetly" Alexander Lunev, the average age in the village is a little over thirty, and the birth rate is one third higher than the death rate. In Svetly there is everything you need for an autonomous and prosperous existence: music school, art, gym, swimming pool - just do not list. More than half of the graduates of local schools go to the budget departments of universities. But the main thing: the village has an independent budget, and the town-forming enterprise is the Taman Division, which, due to nuclear circumstances, the state will hardly ever be deprived of its attention. Here, every visitor will immediately have a slight sensation of the year of the 1985. Local secret from strangers call their village an island of socialism.
And one more thing. In the Light there is no graveyard. Indeed, what a cemetery in the village with such a name?
M and F
Or here are some officers: some say that the prestige of the army is falling, look, nobody wants to marry the military! They lie. Unmarried in the Light is not enough. Some come with their own samovar. Others start a family on the spot. “After the college I spent two years alone, then I could not stand it - such beauty is around!” - most of the officers answer this question about the reasons for marriage. And local girls have a proverb: “Let it be for the poor, but from Tatishchev”. Do not they know that almost the entire leadership of the Strategic Missile Forces through this division passed.
About the prestige of military service and that prestige is a direct consequence of informational openness, we start a discussion with Viktor Beletsky, a former officer, a local legend. He has his own point of view on the problem:
- Openness? I agree. But this is if there is something to show. Here you have a big dick, and show it to everyone. And if a little - only his wife and, perhaps, his mistress.
Beletsky can be trusted. The officers say about him: “He is in the army more than I live.”
By the way, about wives and maybe mistresses. And also their husbands and maybe lovers. In the "Tatishchevskaya division" we did not find bellied men. They are simply not there, and it immediately catches the eye. It turned out that flat bellies are not an accident, but the result of the order of the Minister of Defense No. 400.
No. 400
According to this document, adopted the year before last, the best officers of the Russian army on combat duty pay a monthly salary to the salary. For example, the military Taman rocket division, it comes to 70 thousand rubles. But in order to receive it, the officer should not have any penalties and must fulfill a lot of various standards, including physical training. Every six months something like exams plus so-called surprise checks are arranged for them.
So they run in the mornings with the soldiers: they burn the fat, and at the same time they control the fighters so that instead of charging they do not smoke around the corner of the barracks.
“I'm behind the fizo with both hands,” said the regiment Gennady Koblik, deeply drawing on a cigarette. On his nightstand there is a mug: "If the colonel runs in peacetime, it causes laughter, if during the war - panic." - But the commanders do not have enough time. It's hard if you got up at five o'clock, and even run afterwards. Here take me. When I come to work at eight, it is already a fasting day. Stop, set aside: by seven thirty.
In the Taman Division, many inertia officers command themselves. A sign of high qualification or - profdeformation?
But not everything is so rosy. On the one hand, the “presidential award” caused a real consumer boom in Svetly and really raised the standard of living of many officer families. On the other hand, Order No. 400 is fraught with internal conflicts. Some receive, others do not. If you want you do not want it, the envy comes out with a worm. There are still wives connected. You can understand them: one 80 husband brings thousands home, another 20. Moreover, this allowance is a very ephemeral thing. Suppose one soldier filled another face, and that’s all - there is no prize from their commander. Therefore, they wipe the staff snot even where it would not be worth it.
- Rather, 2012 would come the year when everyone, as promised, will receive such allowances, - Koblik starts slightly. - And then all this creates social tension, negatively affects the service. Squabbles, sidelong glances. The first year was hard. How are we getting out of this situation? Turn off the recorder ...
Charter of God
Evening. Soldiers in formations are sent for dinner. They sing all the same unforgettable "Kurkova, gunpowder." Some walk silently or silently open their mouths.
- How do you deal with failures, say, to wash toilets? Say, the Koran forbids.
- For each fighter there is a matzo, - says Sergey Yesenin. - First, you need to have an idea about the subject, to know at least elementary things: what are suras, for example, or ayahs. I do not say to the soldier: Show me where it is written that you cannot clean a point. I talk to him about his religion. And when it turns out that his knowledge of Islam does not extend beyond the words "I am a Muslim", he is inferior, as a rule. And this applies not only to Muslims.
Yesenin is fishing off a Seventh-day Adventist book from the shelf. He says: - They somehow brought one - he refused to take the oath. I sat, thought - decided to invite their pastor from Saratov. He surprisingly easily agreed. He came and said to the fighter: “My dear, I myself served in the Soviet army, the sergeant went to the demob. What is your problem? ”“ Immediately on the oath it says: “I swear”, but we cannot swear, ”the fighter answers. “Say: I pledge. And about the fact that on Saturday we are forbidden to work, so I’ll agree with the commanders. " As a result, the young man took the oath, he does not go on combat duty - he was sent to the rear support battalion.
Such stories each Tatishchevsky officer a Talmud.
- I also had an Adventist, by the name of Belonozhko, - Lieutenant Colonel Alexey picks up the topic. - I climbed into the Internet - and did not find anything about banning weapon. Therefore, he said so: “Imagine your family, children. They were attacked, you have an automatic at hand. Will you use it? ”He did not think long. “Yes,” he says. "Then go to the shooting, learn." And then I realized that he had nothing special to learn: it seems that he was a gangster in civilian life. So that the machine assorted more than others, including Caucasians.
Turn on the man!
Many times I have heard from commanders of other types of troops: if three soldiers from the North Caucasus come together, this is already a gang.
In the Taman Division no drama from this do.
“Yes, they come with installations,” says the rather young major. - They have already been told in their homeland what they should and should not do in the army. But with the skillful organization of work you can remove all the laws. We must use their desire to serve: it happens because they themselves pay money to get into the army. Their hands are often golden - they do this, which the Russians are not capable of.
- Well, this is when they do it for themselves.
- When you are interested. You just need to take them. And then the commander will close the rest room, they have nothing to do - they are young: “Come here, fighter. Take a scrap - sweep. " Plus, such a procedure as disciplinary arrest, began to work systematically, put on stream. Commanders already know how to execute documents, the judges also adapt themselves. Give him a dozen days of "lips" - he begins to think. Because they are not counted in the service life. And now he is running after the commander, asking for the penalty to be lifted, shouting: “I will wash the point”.
- Yes, what a “lip” is now, - senior associates are a little nostalgic about the major. - How was it before? You decided to send the worst disciplinary to the guardhouse - it was enough to disable him, announce him for seven days, write a note about the arrest and tell him "goodbye". And before planting, all personal belongings were taken from him. And in the chamber, except for bedbug friends, no one expected him. He went to bed - he put a handkerchief on his face so that they would not devour him overnight. And now? First, you need to collect a bunch of pieces of paper, take the case to the Saratov court and prove there that he is a scoundrel. And in the guardhouse to him and removable underwear, and a mirror - please! All the amenities you want. He came, he slept for a week - he seemed to be punished.
“We have, if a good winter is given out, he sweeps up all the roads,” a third officer joins. He seems a little sad for the Slavic bazaar. - The guard does not reach. It takes six kilometers on foot to walk to the waist in the snow. Stomp, for example, with Dagestanis, he is already a full-fledged uncle - 24 of the year, looking strong and healthy. And the Russian January cries and mothers, because it cannot move with their feet. A puny Bashkir or Slav - where does that come from! - he doesn’t complain, he scoops in front of you, and he also carries a weekly supply of food with him or the 17-kilogram radio station. Character manifests itself not when a fighter weighs a weight or hits a pear, but when a real man turns on.
Some failure
- We have a car - a miracle! They did it themselves, - psychologist Yesenin boasts. - It gives indices of conflict and cohesion of the group, conflict pairs, sociometric status, that is, the hierarchy: who dominates, who difficult to adapt. Look, the psychologist gives us some smart sheets. There, under the heading "Mutually Denying Each Other," for example, we find a couple of fighters: Anashbaev - Mirzaev. Strange, judging by the names, should be attracted.
“Should, but not obliged,” comments Yesenin. - Look, Zhernov and Makarov too.
- A Mirzaev, I see, generally denies every second. Even Moses. What a scoundrel!
Every month, the psychologists of the division conduct a survey to find out the facts of non-statutory relations.
- There are open and indirect questions. Suppose an open one: “Is there a non-statutory relationship in your unit?” The fighter marks the “No” column. But indirect, following: “Where are the cases of non-statutory relations most often occur - in the household room, in the dining room, in the toilet?” The fighter draws a circle “Toilet”. - Yesenin laughs pretty: he has split a fighter.
- It’s like "Have you stopped drinking brandy in the morning?"
- Yes sir.
- Do you have a PE of a psychological order?
The scientist superstitiously knocks on the table, for some reason twice:
- No, thank God. We have a state of emergency associated with the unauthorized leaving of the part. And each case is individual. For example, a soldier came from an orphanage. He ran there every three months and continues here. He is such a traveler in life. No one beat him, did not humiliate him, did not take the oil.
In this, all the commanders are unanimous: the requirements for the officer corps are rising, and for the privates - no.
“The district policeman calls me from a neighboring village:“ Take your own, he’s sitting here with me, ”says the regiment Koblik. - We take him, find out why he ran away. He replied that he was homesick. As a result, the commander receives a penalty - did not get into the soul. So, loses surcharges. It happens that the commanders are wrong, I do not argue. But the committees of soldiers' mothers are often out of the blue. If an officer has humiliated him, he didn’t give the soldier the norm, I will punish such a person, it will not find it enough. Or hazing, when the older call torments the younger, - here, too, we must understand. And the cuff, shouted somewhere ... My father flogged - nothing terrible happened. Kids in kindergarten fighting. Why are healthy men here can not, if something is not shared?
Zamkomdiva on educational work, Colonel Nikolai Lishai is included in the conversation immediately, as he hears the phrase "committees of soldiers' mothers." At this point, his face can not be called good-natured:
- Moms really just blackmail commanders. Although we just do not do for them! On oath the film is shown, we acquaint with the immediate
commanders of their sons, exchange phones. But they still cause a panic. Although the Strategic Missile Forces are raspberries, not the army. Bullets don't whistle Tanks no need to repair. Sit yourself on guard, learn English at the institute.
He reinforces his irritation with a story about a fighter from Krasnodar, who got into the hospital with a cold — the mother was alarmed, decided that he had been beaten, wrote a complaint to the military prosecutor’s office.
- When everything turned out, she apologized. But the paper has already gone through instances. I had to write a bunch of different explanatory from scratch.
***
Everything was so nervous after this rant, including us. They rushed to smoke. There is no better way to calm the nerves than to undergo a psychological test. Psychologist Sergey Yesenin is testing us, like all rocket men, on his miracle machine with the help of the famous Luscher color test. Five minutes later, the result is ready. There it turns out a lot of complex formulations. Among them are the most understandable: "an unusual situation, knocking out of a rut" and "unsatisfied sensuality."
The Tamansk division of the Strategic Missile Forces for combat power is considered the largest missile force in Europe. On its armament are the famous intercontinental ballistic missiles "Topol-M" of mine-based. Thanks to their charges, the strategic parity of forces is preserved in the world, and our country’s neighbors continue to reckon with our country. The correspondents of “RR” have figured out how the Tamani rocket men are serving and whether their finger on the nuclear button is trembling.
- Show the rocket, well, show the rocket, the photographer “RR” whines for the second hour, addressing the officers. He knows that very close, just a hundred meters away, behind that barbed wire fence there is a lid covered with a camouflage net, and under it in a mine with a depth of 40 meters He is “Topol-M”.
“Well, our regime, it’s said: regime,” the officers answer the second hour to the RR photographer. And then suddenly they say shortly: “Yes, go to Google, we ourselves are looking at everything”.
Flash left
I often dreamed about nuclear war in adolescence - the state agitprop said. It was not that nightmares, rather - horror films: some kind of fiery clot, like a ball lightning, rushes through the window. But it was still painful to wake up - what if all the Soviet people were already dead outside the window? In the village of Svetly, not far from Saratov, where the Tamansk division was stationed, it was probably learned how to cope with such fears, after all, the settlement was the goal of an adversary.
“We don’t need any psychological trainings,” argues Olga Grigorievna, deputy head of Svetly’s administration on social issues, and part-time — an officer’s wife with experience. - What is there to be afraid of? We will immediately end, but the rest will have to suffer from radiation sickness.
Her trained fatalism will be envied by a kamikaze.
- And why did you think that the Light Strike would be dealt in the first place? - Asks psychologist divisions Sergei Yesenin. - They will not bullet in an empty place. Our missiles are already gone - in response to their launches. The enemy will strike earlier, for example, at the Balakovo NPP. And it’s better not to take it into your head at all, ”concludes the head specialist.
We talk to him at the point of psychological assistance and rehabilitation. Suddenly, somewhere on the parade ground, there is a nasty, alarming lowing of a siren. Yesenin does not turn his head: training alert.
In short, what does not kill us, we get used to it.
Thirty-five Hiroshim
To New York, the Topol-M rocket flies 30 minutes. And no matter where it flies. “30 minutes and everything” - that's what they say. There is something mystical about this formulation.
According to tradition, the power of the rockets in the “Tatishchevskaya division” - this is its popular name that arose when the village was called Tatishchevo-5 - is measured by fronts of the Second World War. Everything is simple here: one product - one front. Or Hiroshima. And for some reason, Nagasaki is not measured. They say: Topol-M is like thirty-five Hiroshim.
“Divide everything by anything,” warns our guide, Lieutenant Colonel Alexey Gusakov. - The military love to exaggerate everything, so I know: all my life
in the army.
Unconditional conditioned opponent
The Russian Defense Minister is holding a meeting on staff reductions. “What are the suggestions?” Asks. One of his deputies responds: "I think it’s necessary to start a reduction from the states of Ohio and Nevada."
It is - who did not understand or did not serve - a joke. But in every joke there is a place for the team "That's right!".
No matter what the generals say about “redirecting our military doctrine,” the main conditional adversary was and still is America. And our 47-tonne Topol is the small that we can oppose. Remember the textbook already: “You dream to get to America - go to the rocket forces”? Perhaps, the General Staff considers it differently or somehow along a different trajectory. But it is enough to score the words “Russia” and “United States” into one of the most popular Internet search programs (vice versa), and then immediately loudly jump on the monitor the most popular user request: “war”. Because the people understand everything.
I tell officers heard in another division of the Strategic Missile Forces history about one rocket. During the Cold War, he sat for many years on the same “point” somewhere in the wildlands of the Krasnoyarsk Territory. He was convinced that his own rocket, which had become his, was aimed precisely at the United States. Then the iron curtain collapsed, he retired from the army, became an exit, arrived with his wife in New York.
“In the Central Park, he moved with the dignity of a demiurge of the highest composition: there, like a ballistic charge or a certain monad, the feeling came that he gave life to all these idle rich people,” I complete my novel.
My interlocutors respond without irony:
- And not only them.
Or is it such a specific strategic missile humor?
- Is it possible to find out where the missile is heading?
- It used to be possible. Approximately calculate - for the intended area, for the approximate trajectory, the amount of fuel in the rocket. And now, no, in the hands of the rocket men only numbers and ciphers. Refuel with a margin. Maybe fly to the US, and maybe to Poland.
Last year, one of our television broadcasts to the West, filmed in the "Tatischevskoy Division" film. There, the officer on duty at the launcher assures, as a small, civilized Western public: “We have no maniacs here who have decided to destroy the world. And people who want to feel the rulers of the world, too. "
Whose finger over the button?
From time to time TV crews come to the Taman Division. Different and from everywhere. They came, for example, from Bashkiria. The journalist tried everything the soldier: say yes tell me what is your motto. He held on for a long time, then he decided to laugh: “After us - no one.” The journalist believed it. It is rightly said that those who served in the army do not laugh at the circus.
A telechurch ten years ago, Vladimir put
Posner He arrived with a group of Air Force. The group was interested in many things, but because of the back of this much, the only question stuck out: “Isn’t idiot the Russian officer who raised his finger over the nuclear button?”
Lieutenant Colonel Sergey Gusakov is taking us in an old German car, but on the other hand - business class. Sounds Serbian music, something a la Bregovich. Trying to shout over gypsy squeaks, he recalls how the shooting took place:
- The commander calls me, orders me to be a character. Two times the porch in my house was repainted.
By that time, some people in the division had already watched a film about the life of a simple American rocketman. The plot and the pictures there are classically advertising. The rocketman's cottage, his totally white-toothed family, the poisonous green lawn, all together, including the dog, fry sausages.
Change frame.
The civilian rocketman sits in a new jeep. Going to work. At the checkpoint he waves his hand to the guard - they do not check his documents.
Change frame.
The rocketman changes into a military uniform behind a curtain in order to change his colleague on the launcher.
For some reason, Sergei's white panties, which flashed on the screen like a lightweight erotic dove, were the most memorable for Sergei and his colleagues in all this simple plot. They were given these pants.
- Better answer, why are we all so modest? And the Americans, judging by the film, no one guards the rocket.
- They have a desert. A little security cameras will work - a helicopter arrives. And we do not have a helicopter. Why is he in the woods? We have electrical fence. True, it is still saboteurs never caught. You go along - more and more gophers come across fried, hares hang on a wire. I have a photo on the phone. Show?
The director of a posner film named Leslie, as it turned out later, once served in English intelligence. Previously, foreigners in general came to the Taman Division as if to work - all kinds of commissions, delegations. Under the program of arms reduction, control, and more. Tatischevtsy recall these checks with deadly sarcasm.
- You look at the list of checkers, and there only Boris and Da Anatolia are with Vladimir.
- Like this?
- Well, our people, only the former. According to the protocol they put the translator. And you talk to them and see that they need a translator in FIG. The eyes are so tricky - it’s immediately obvious that everyone understands it anyway.
Pioneer dawn
Speaking of shorts. Those cowards who are now issued to conscripts will be delighted at any small wholesale boutique. They are, of course, not white, but fashionable. Recruits get them to the military before being sent to the unit along with sets of summer and winter uniforms, including felt boots.
In general, the current conscription service - at least in the Taman Division - gives the impression of a pioneer camp, even if it is a strict regime.
Start with the fact that the service lasts a year. As they say, the soldiers do not even have time to get scared. Fired day to day, no delays. They entered the quiet quiet afternoon: someone who is not dressed, can sleep for an hour after eating. The food itself is worthy of a separate discussion - not düner kebabs, of course, but quite decent salads, soups, cutlets. As stated in the film-agitation, "soldiers get tea, coffee and even cheese."
But the main thing is that the compote is not from bromine - called “antisex” - but from dried fruits. By the way, the question about bromine is still the most relevant in the army. Inferior
perhaps only to interest - how the black briefcase of the president with the nuclear button looks and acts. But this is only a concession to local specifics.
I remember my service in the construction battalion. The end of 80's. Our company was forgotten - it was, however, commonplace - and for four days they did not bring food. No. We only had sunflower oil, which we drank in circles.
“A good way to cleanse the body,” one of the officers responds to my army bike.
“Not a single hungry person has crap,” another argues with him.
On the whole, it is clear that I will not be able to surprise anyone here with my courage: these are all the same military service that must be endured. As it was said. In the statute.
Regiment No. 55555. With this number, only receive prizes. At first glance, this barracks imagines us exemplary. Where else would the military take? However, it later emerged that, as in the "five fives", everywhere in the division. Above the entrance is an anonymous inscription: "Behold the family in part, in the head - the father, in the friend - the brother." There is a slight feeling that now you step over the threshold of the book of the teacher Makarenko “Flags on the Towers”. It is not clear who is sleeping, who is up. There is a preparation of outfits. Brownian motion, but at the same time meaningful. Next to the pouch is a letter box. Cooler, and with water. Leisure room with guitars, turtles, hamsters.
The associative function of the brain rolls out our recent conversation with a teacher in an aircraft modeling circle.
- See the mockup of a parachute rocket from an umbrella? The guys did it themselves. Hamster tied. Beautifully flew. Returned alive and healthy.
- Recently, a donkey was launched on the Black Sea, only on a paraglider to attract tourists. They opened a criminal case on the fact of animal abuse.
- It's not me. But thanks anyway for the warning.
So, the barracks. What kind of press you want: from the strictly obligatory Red Star to the completely optional Men's Health. Above the beds, a plasma TV soars. Equipped with almost all the shelves.
- Diagonal 106, by the way, - confidantly and at the same time proudly advising us counselors.
Linoleum floor. Therefore, it is not necessary, as in the case of the Soviets, from morning to evening to scratch a wooden “takeoff” with mastic with the help of a “mashka” - a metal brush that looked more like a barbell. Wow! And in the washroom also a washing machine!
A psychologist works in every part. All psychologists are not only civil, so are ladies. Soldiers they remind mothers.
“It is precisely for this reason that we are downloading so much information about the atmosphere in the subunits, that there are women here,” the commanders say with frankness that frightens us.
There is a body - there is a matter
And in the modern Russian army there appeared such an innovative concept as a body inspection. Rather, the concept existed since the 1997 year, but the inspection itself as such was not: the procedure did not want to become "a deterrent to the manifestation of non-statutory relations." This is now a system. At least that's how they assured us. Every single day in the evening calibration of conscripts is built in the barracks dressed in the form of "time", that is, panties and sneakers. Bypassing personnel conducts a telescope and zawier - deputy for educational work. Inspection data are recorded in magazines, individual cards.
In this case, the main thing is not to confuse the hematoma with the scuff from the new boots. The regiment commander Gennady Koblik recalls how, in front of his eyes after duty, the fighter stumbled with his foot on the means of protection, fell down, hit the stool and cut the skin on his head.
- We called him an ambulance. He was sewn there a little, just a few seams. There was no concussion. But I reported on this terrible wound to the division commander, we called his mother, told him in detail that it was an accident, not hazing. - The colonel does not dare to speak openly about this, but with his whole appearance shows: bust.
"Tatischevskie" commanders are generally very wary of the latest innovations in Moscow.
Stopped the sets in military schools - where to get a replacement leaving in the reserve? Schools of ensigns have closed - where will the engineering specialists come from? Or there are already heinous offers for conscripts to serve in the region from which they were called. And Saturday and Sunday are going to make the weekend for those who are not in dress. Then who will defend our border with China? There is a population of one and a half people per thousand hectares.
- It remains to brothel them in part to deliver for complete hormonal happiness, - we say more for a laugh.
“They won't, ZATO is here,” one of the officers responds with unexpected regret. Decrypts: - Closed administrative and territorial entity.
Your Mightiness
But everyone here knows each other by sight, and others are immediately visible. Otherwise, how else to explain that, as soon as we passed the checkpoint, the police car stopped near us? We liked the Svetlovsk police officers: they politely checked the documents and, apologizing for the trouble, reported that they had “a day of heightened vigilance” today.
- What happened? - we ask, suspecting that we missed the news message about the next terrorist attack.
- Today is the birthday of the head of the Department of Internal Affairs. Well, and the president of Russia at the same time.
It is immediately clear that Svetly is a military village. Everything here is zoned. Even civil space. On the question of how to pass, the counter will answer: "This is for you in the garage zone is necessary."
The number of inhabitants is considered secret information here. But everyone gladly divulges her: 13 thousand.
The officers say that their village is divided into three districts: the Land of Fools, Center and Prostokvashino.
The country of fools is so far away. What kind of fool would live there? The center is the center. There the caravel on a pedestal is the object of not very modern, not very ancient art. But Prostokvashino - there used to be barracks there, but now the five-story building has been built. But the signs of the rural subculture continue to crow and grunt.
Gobies in Svetly taken to throw in the trash. For trash - fine. From one thousand to four. But we need two witnesses.
Local residents affectionately call their village “military unit number 89553”. It is easier for them to pronounce this alphanumeric set than to break the language above the words “Light” or “Taman”. Rocket workers in general, we noticed, have a passion for abbreviations. A stranger will never understand what they are talking about among themselves. Here, let's say that this means:
“And you, brother, send us to the branch of the National Association of Civil and Aviation Safety, and then to the PMSD, the SNB and the RHBZ service”?
If you ask for a transcript, they will say: military secret. But in fact it turns out that these are some kind of peaceful units like KECh - the apartment-operational part. We managed to extort only one secret: everywhere we were accompanied by Alexander Vasilyevich, a bright man in civilian white trousers, a walking charisma, the former castle division, everyone was called a “zagteshnik”, it turned out - an employee of the state secret protection department.
Everywhere, in the Light and obviously, and implicitly, like champignons through asphalt, signs of military life burst out.
- Allow me to announce the menu? - asks the cook.
It is stupid, of course, but you have to answer: "We resolve."
Here is the Topol store. Where do without him? It would be strange if it was not. It is good that it is not “Satan” - we have a rocket and with this name, however, according to the American classification.
On another poplar - pyramid - the announcement: “I sell a set of military uniforms, in stock, on the cheap”. What is behind these ink scribbles? The long-awaited retirement? Loneliness of a military retiree?
Here are the nickel-plated urns in the officers' hotel, made by some self-made cuts in the form of cut-off missiles with nozzles.
And everywhere - on all paths and sidewalks - mothers with strollers. Different-age children and teenagers - in sandboxes, on rollers, skateboards. Some city of children. According to the head of the urban district of the Closed Central Administrative District "Svetly" Alexander Lunev, the average age in the village is a little over thirty, and the birth rate is one third higher than the death rate. In Svetly there is everything you need for an autonomous and prosperous existence: music school, art, gym, swimming pool - just do not list. More than half of the graduates of local schools go to the budget departments of universities. But the main thing: the village has an independent budget, and the town-forming enterprise is the Taman Division, which, due to nuclear circumstances, the state will hardly ever be deprived of its attention. Here, every visitor will immediately have a slight sensation of the year of the 1985. Local secret from strangers call their village an island of socialism.
And one more thing. In the Light there is no graveyard. Indeed, what a cemetery in the village with such a name?
M and F
Or here are some officers: some say that the prestige of the army is falling, look, nobody wants to marry the military! They lie. Unmarried in the Light is not enough. Some come with their own samovar. Others start a family on the spot. “After the college I spent two years alone, then I could not stand it - such beauty is around!” - most of the officers answer this question about the reasons for marriage. And local girls have a proverb: “Let it be for the poor, but from Tatishchev”. Do not they know that almost the entire leadership of the Strategic Missile Forces through this division passed.
About the prestige of military service and that prestige is a direct consequence of informational openness, we start a discussion with Viktor Beletsky, a former officer, a local legend. He has his own point of view on the problem:
- Openness? I agree. But this is if there is something to show. Here you have a big dick, and show it to everyone. And if a little - only his wife and, perhaps, his mistress.
Beletsky can be trusted. The officers say about him: “He is in the army more than I live.”
By the way, about wives and maybe mistresses. And also their husbands and maybe lovers. In the "Tatishchevskaya division" we did not find bellied men. They are simply not there, and it immediately catches the eye. It turned out that flat bellies are not an accident, but the result of the order of the Minister of Defense No. 400.
No. 400
According to this document, adopted the year before last, the best officers of the Russian army on combat duty pay a monthly salary to the salary. For example, the military Taman rocket division, it comes to 70 thousand rubles. But in order to receive it, the officer should not have any penalties and must fulfill a lot of various standards, including physical training. Every six months something like exams plus so-called surprise checks are arranged for them.
So they run in the mornings with the soldiers: they burn the fat, and at the same time they control the fighters so that instead of charging they do not smoke around the corner of the barracks.
“I'm behind the fizo with both hands,” said the regiment Gennady Koblik, deeply drawing on a cigarette. On his nightstand there is a mug: "If the colonel runs in peacetime, it causes laughter, if during the war - panic." - But the commanders do not have enough time. It's hard if you got up at five o'clock, and even run afterwards. Here take me. When I come to work at eight, it is already a fasting day. Stop, set aside: by seven thirty.
In the Taman Division, many inertia officers command themselves. A sign of high qualification or - profdeformation?
But not everything is so rosy. On the one hand, the “presidential award” caused a real consumer boom in Svetly and really raised the standard of living of many officer families. On the other hand, Order No. 400 is fraught with internal conflicts. Some receive, others do not. If you want you do not want it, the envy comes out with a worm. There are still wives connected. You can understand them: one 80 husband brings thousands home, another 20. Moreover, this allowance is a very ephemeral thing. Suppose one soldier filled another face, and that’s all - there is no prize from their commander. Therefore, they wipe the staff snot even where it would not be worth it.
- Rather, 2012 would come the year when everyone, as promised, will receive such allowances, - Koblik starts slightly. - And then all this creates social tension, negatively affects the service. Squabbles, sidelong glances. The first year was hard. How are we getting out of this situation? Turn off the recorder ...
Charter of God
Evening. Soldiers in formations are sent for dinner. They sing all the same unforgettable "Kurkova, gunpowder." Some walk silently or silently open their mouths.
- How do you deal with failures, say, to wash toilets? Say, the Koran forbids.
- For each fighter there is a matzo, - says Sergey Yesenin. - First, you need to have an idea about the subject, to know at least elementary things: what are suras, for example, or ayahs. I do not say to the soldier: Show me where it is written that you cannot clean a point. I talk to him about his religion. And when it turns out that his knowledge of Islam does not extend beyond the words "I am a Muslim", he is inferior, as a rule. And this applies not only to Muslims.
Yesenin is fishing off a Seventh-day Adventist book from the shelf. He says: - They somehow brought one - he refused to take the oath. I sat, thought - decided to invite their pastor from Saratov. He surprisingly easily agreed. He came and said to the fighter: “My dear, I myself served in the Soviet army, the sergeant went to the demob. What is your problem? ”“ Immediately on the oath it says: “I swear”, but we cannot swear, ”the fighter answers. “Say: I pledge. And about the fact that on Saturday we are forbidden to work, so I’ll agree with the commanders. " As a result, the young man took the oath, he does not go on combat duty - he was sent to the rear support battalion.
Such stories each Tatishchevsky officer a Talmud.
- I also had an Adventist, by the name of Belonozhko, - Lieutenant Colonel Alexey picks up the topic. - I climbed into the Internet - and did not find anything about banning weapon. Therefore, he said so: “Imagine your family, children. They were attacked, you have an automatic at hand. Will you use it? ”He did not think long. “Yes,” he says. "Then go to the shooting, learn." And then I realized that he had nothing special to learn: it seems that he was a gangster in civilian life. So that the machine assorted more than others, including Caucasians.
Turn on the man!
Many times I have heard from commanders of other types of troops: if three soldiers from the North Caucasus come together, this is already a gang.
In the Taman Division no drama from this do.
“Yes, they come with installations,” says the rather young major. - They have already been told in their homeland what they should and should not do in the army. But with the skillful organization of work you can remove all the laws. We must use their desire to serve: it happens because they themselves pay money to get into the army. Their hands are often golden - they do this, which the Russians are not capable of.
- Well, this is when they do it for themselves.
- When you are interested. You just need to take them. And then the commander will close the rest room, they have nothing to do - they are young: “Come here, fighter. Take a scrap - sweep. " Plus, such a procedure as disciplinary arrest, began to work systematically, put on stream. Commanders already know how to execute documents, the judges also adapt themselves. Give him a dozen days of "lips" - he begins to think. Because they are not counted in the service life. And now he is running after the commander, asking for the penalty to be lifted, shouting: “I will wash the point”.
- Yes, what a “lip” is now, - senior associates are a little nostalgic about the major. - How was it before? You decided to send the worst disciplinary to the guardhouse - it was enough to disable him, announce him for seven days, write a note about the arrest and tell him "goodbye". And before planting, all personal belongings were taken from him. And in the chamber, except for bedbug friends, no one expected him. He went to bed - he put a handkerchief on his face so that they would not devour him overnight. And now? First, you need to collect a bunch of pieces of paper, take the case to the Saratov court and prove there that he is a scoundrel. And in the guardhouse to him and removable underwear, and a mirror - please! All the amenities you want. He came, he slept for a week - he seemed to be punished.
“We have, if a good winter is given out, he sweeps up all the roads,” a third officer joins. He seems a little sad for the Slavic bazaar. - The guard does not reach. It takes six kilometers on foot to walk to the waist in the snow. Stomp, for example, with Dagestanis, he is already a full-fledged uncle - 24 of the year, looking strong and healthy. And the Russian January cries and mothers, because it cannot move with their feet. A puny Bashkir or Slav - where does that come from! - he doesn’t complain, he scoops in front of you, and he also carries a weekly supply of food with him or the 17-kilogram radio station. Character manifests itself not when a fighter weighs a weight or hits a pear, but when a real man turns on.
Some failure
- We have a car - a miracle! They did it themselves, - psychologist Yesenin boasts. - It gives indices of conflict and cohesion of the group, conflict pairs, sociometric status, that is, the hierarchy: who dominates, who difficult to adapt. Look, the psychologist gives us some smart sheets. There, under the heading "Mutually Denying Each Other," for example, we find a couple of fighters: Anashbaev - Mirzaev. Strange, judging by the names, should be attracted.
“Should, but not obliged,” comments Yesenin. - Look, Zhernov and Makarov too.
- A Mirzaev, I see, generally denies every second. Even Moses. What a scoundrel!
Every month, the psychologists of the division conduct a survey to find out the facts of non-statutory relations.
- There are open and indirect questions. Suppose an open one: “Is there a non-statutory relationship in your unit?” The fighter marks the “No” column. But indirect, following: “Where are the cases of non-statutory relations most often occur - in the household room, in the dining room, in the toilet?” The fighter draws a circle “Toilet”. - Yesenin laughs pretty: he has split a fighter.
- It’s like "Have you stopped drinking brandy in the morning?"
- Yes sir.
- Do you have a PE of a psychological order?
The scientist superstitiously knocks on the table, for some reason twice:
- No, thank God. We have a state of emergency associated with the unauthorized leaving of the part. And each case is individual. For example, a soldier came from an orphanage. He ran there every three months and continues here. He is such a traveler in life. No one beat him, did not humiliate him, did not take the oil.
In this, all the commanders are unanimous: the requirements for the officer corps are rising, and for the privates - no.
“The district policeman calls me from a neighboring village:“ Take your own, he’s sitting here with me, ”says the regiment Koblik. - We take him, find out why he ran away. He replied that he was homesick. As a result, the commander receives a penalty - did not get into the soul. So, loses surcharges. It happens that the commanders are wrong, I do not argue. But the committees of soldiers' mothers are often out of the blue. If an officer has humiliated him, he didn’t give the soldier the norm, I will punish such a person, it will not find it enough. Or hazing, when the older call torments the younger, - here, too, we must understand. And the cuff, shouted somewhere ... My father flogged - nothing terrible happened. Kids in kindergarten fighting. Why are healthy men here can not, if something is not shared?
Zamkomdiva on educational work, Colonel Nikolai Lishai is included in the conversation immediately, as he hears the phrase "committees of soldiers' mothers." At this point, his face can not be called good-natured:
- Moms really just blackmail commanders. Although we just do not do for them! On oath the film is shown, we acquaint with the immediate
commanders of their sons, exchange phones. But they still cause a panic. Although the Strategic Missile Forces are raspberries, not the army. Bullets don't whistle Tanks no need to repair. Sit yourself on guard, learn English at the institute.
He reinforces his irritation with a story about a fighter from Krasnodar, who got into the hospital with a cold — the mother was alarmed, decided that he had been beaten, wrote a complaint to the military prosecutor’s office.
- When everything turned out, she apologized. But the paper has already gone through instances. I had to write a bunch of different explanatory from scratch.
***
Everything was so nervous after this rant, including us. They rushed to smoke. There is no better way to calm the nerves than to undergo a psychological test. Psychologist Sergey Yesenin is testing us, like all rocket men, on his miracle machine with the help of the famous Luscher color test. Five minutes later, the result is ready. There it turns out a lot of complex formulations. Among them are the most understandable: "an unusual situation, knocking out of a rut" and "unsatisfied sensuality."
- Igor Naydenov
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