ON THE SOURCE OF ANECDOTES
Once I wrote an article about some suspicious fuss with jokes around the remnants of the Russian car industry. One reader wrote to me in the comments about the validity of these my suspicions:
“Sorry, Yuri Ignatievich, I am also a teapot, but here’s what I’ve come across in the Independent Military Review (I’m giving excerpts only):
“Yes, it was precisely anti-Soviet jokes, where the Kremlin’s inhabitants of heaven were often the main figures, foreign apologists of the bourgeois way of life and thinking assigned the role of shock troops, who were charged with the task, if not to destroy the Soviet power, then to undermine its foundation, stain the facade, and there , you look, plaster will fall down first, and then the walls ...
Under the pretext of fighting the ideological expansion of the West in one of its outposts - in the anti-Soviet magazine "Continent", published in Paris - as a result of a multi-stage sophisticated combination, two Lubyanka agents were introduced ...
The process of “anecdotesting” or “anecdotating” was secretly captured on videotape and sent from France to Moscow, to Dzerzhinsky Square, and then to the Kremlin ...
So, January 1984 of the year. Paris. Editorial Board of Continent. Conference hall amphitheater. On the electronic display are burning letters that make up the phrase: “The most important art for us is the creation of political jokes.” In the hall - about twenty people. Someone is sitting, someone is walking in the aisles between the rows. All those present - former members of the Writers' Union and the Union of Journalists of the USSR, at different times and on different roads, reached Paris.
On the meeting filmed by a hidden video camera, one question was on the agenda: “Why did Brezhnev meet the guests, leaders of foreign countries at the airport, at the plane, and Chernenko meets them in the Kremlin?”.
Whether the conclave met on Monday, or the "magicians of the political anecdote" were hangover, but the creative process did not go well at first. The presenter, “toast-master” of the Paris masquerade, formerly known Soviet writer, laureate of the Leninsky Komsomol award, Mikhail Kheyfets, in vain calls the assembled non-print word masters to gather their thoughts and offer their answers to the question. Finally, having lost his temper, he screamed hysterically: “So what are we going to load our computer with today ?!”.
Indeed, all the proposals of the participants of anti-Soviet gatherings, that is, the answers to a given topic, however unexpectedly absurd they were, are recorded on a magnetic tape, which is subsequently processed using an electronic machine, the forerunner of a modern computer. The machine spits out the fruits of its electronic inferences an hour after loading “ore” into it — replicas of wits in exile.
Computer spitting in the form of punched cards is immediately decrypted by retired cryptographic officers who previously served at NATO headquarters in Brussels. In conclusion, the answers issued by the machine are considered by the high priests of "Continent". "
The question arises - what, after the restructuring and destruction of the USSR, these masters of the anecdote were left without work, and this Heifetz now asks for alms on the Champs Elysees?
Sorry to repeat, but here is a similar example. In the 70s, the Israeli secret services created the organization Union of Council for Soviet Jews in the United States to export Soviet Jews to Israel. The literal translation of this organization "Union of Soviets for Soviet Jews." The organization acted very successfully, for example, the Israeli Prime Minister 06.12.07 thanked the Soviet Jews for the collapse of the USSR: “Speaking at a ceremony on Wednesday the 40 anniversary of the beginning of the struggle for Jews living in the USSR for the right to leave for Israel, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said that the victory they won in this struggle was one of the reasons for the collapse of the Soviet Union. ” And ex-minister Nathan Shheransky declared: "... the victory won by Soviet Jews in the struggle for the right to leave," significantly pushed the Soviet Union to disintegration and thereby changed the world order. "
So, the Jews won, the USSR is already 20 years old, no, the Jews can go anywhere, and the Union of Council for Soviet Jews is not going to curtail their work. The organization is headed by director Micah Naphthalene, the main staff of its leaders is divided into two parts: based in the United States and located in the territory of the former USSR. In the former USSR, employees of Union of Council for Soviet Jews run 9 directors of foreign offices: in Bishkek, Riga, Tbilisi, Lviv, Almaty and four directors operate in Russia - one in St. Petersburg and three in Moscow. All these directors are operating underground in the CIS, their organizations and the directors themselves do not show their connection with their Jewish-racist masters in the United States, and all bureaus in Russia have secret names with official activities that are lent. In St. Petersburg, the bureau of Union of Council for Soviet Jews has the name “Harold and Selma Light Jewish Center for Human Rights”, and in Moscow, the Moscow Bureau for Human Rights, the director of this bureau, Alexander Brod, “protects” the FSB and the Prosecutor General’s Office and Putin appointed him a member of the Public Chamber to represent the people of Russia.
Why? Probably, because the USSR is already a past stage, but Russia has not yet been destroyed, therefore the Union of Council for Soviet Jews is still needed. But for the same reason — Russia has not been completely destroyed — we also need those who compose anti-Russian jokes. Is not it?
From the anecdotes, it simply sticks out that Russian cars are of very poor quality and there are commentators who prove with foam at the mouth that this is the case. I repeat: this can be regretted, but one cannot get anywhere, - the mass of the ignorant to the people by quality means a blunt increase in engine power and “bells and whistles”. Meanwhile, the main quality of the car - the ability to take you from point A to point B with minimal cost.
I wrote that during Soviet times, Soviet cars were quite willingly bought in the West. The question arises - it turns out, there were fools in the West who did not understand the advantages of high-quality Renault over low-quality Zhiguli? Let's talk about fools and what fools mean by the mysterious word "quality."
Look at the quality of the first part of the literacy or the general culture of man. There are literate people who have gained knowledge in school or in practice, giving them the opportunity to understand the structure of the car - people who are able to perform at least elementary repairs themselves, to operate the car without accident and economically. And there are, so to speak, blondes, who have memorized words in school, without understanding what these words mean, they absolutely do not understand how the car is constructed, or how to repair it in the elementary case. Accordingly, for a literate person, some kind of minor breakdown is just an annoying nuisance, but for a blonde it is a tragedy. Hence, for an uncultured person, quality is when nothing ever fails, even if you stupidly do everything necessary to make it break.
Is it possible to build, say, “Zhiguli”, which will never break? Yes, elementary! Soviet planes, by the way, were more reliable than Western ones, our spacecraft fell less often than American ones, well, what problem was it to make a car unbreakable? But for this, this car had to be greatly expensive in production, and the more reliable you want to make a car, the more disproportionately the costs for it would grow. Want to make reliable wiring? No problem - silver contacts with gold plating. Do you want to keep literate mode in motion? No problem - put the computer. I somehow had a Zaporozhets, I don’t even remember how its engine worked - I never paid attention to it. And Yury Luzhkov read something like that, it turns out, he paid attention to it. Spent a few days to disassemble the engine and to adjust the weight of all moving parts. He assures that after that the engine did not rustle, but rustled. Could this be done at the factory? Yes, there are no problems, only for this it was necessary to buy scales and put more workers into the conveyor and, accordingly, raise the cost of the car. Not to mention that these workers could, instead of this debugging, needed only by Luzhkov, build, say, apartments that everyone needs. It was possible to put on the design of the car especially strong alloyed and expensive steel, especially strong, therefore, expensive materials.
Grabin had in his memoirs that the Main Artillery Directorate of the Red Army (fools or enemies?) Demanded that his barrel gun withstand 10 shots. Grabin used especially alloy steel and achieved the required survivability. After the war, with great difficulty they found a cannon that went through the whole war and survived. She managed to make a total of 000 thousand shots. And if they had put the barrel simpler with a survivability of 3,5 thousand shots, then they would have managed to strengthen the armor tanks, also in need of alloying!
It was possible to build cars with reliability, like those of the West, but why? To satisfy blondes USSR? And who said that cars were built for them? And blondes, by the way, had nothing to be offended - trams were built for them. Do blondes have any complaints about trams, buses, subways?
Soviet cars in the USSR were sold at prices three times higher than the cost, respectively, they are likely to be very inexpensive in the West. Accordingly, those cultural people in the West who bought them had, in addition to Soviet passenger cars, the opportunity to buy an apartment, relax on holiday on the Cote d'Azur, etc., etc. Well, while Western blondes were forced to buy Renault or "Mercedes".
And now the other side of the question. Man descended from the animal and the animal instincts in it are preserved, in particular, the instinct is not to be the last in the pack. It is clear - otherwise the sexual partners will not pay attention to you. However, a person, still a person, and for him the way not to be the last in society is to win a place for himself with intelligence, efficiency, high moral qualities. And if this is nothing, if you are a stupid and lazy parasite? Then it remains to declare oneself as the animal claims - externally, that is, to show off. Declare yourself at the expense of something that others do not. It’s good to buy a Ferrari, but no, you can dye your hair green. Watch “Rollex” you can buy yourself, build an estate, in the end, pull your pants down below your knees. And current cars are no longer a means of transportation - they are a means of showing off useless people. The main amount of their costs is not intended to move a person from point A to point B, the bulk of the cost - show off.
This, of course, concerns not only the car, but almost everything. Sowing, before perestroika, common sense flashed through - they started talking about the packaging of goods, and even that, from the point of view of environmental protection. There was information that in Sweden milk in stores began to be delivered in tanks, and the Swedes buy it in bottles. But soon everything died down.
Today the price of a box of chocolates is half the cost - the box itself. In cigarettes, the cost of packing is 70%. Who needs it? They will say it is convenient! Not. This is, above all, mean! If we spent the resources of the planet on our own, even a comfortable life, it still didn’t go anywhere, but we spend them on a show-off and garbage, and this is extremely mean to future generations.
Finish the issue of car quality. Quality is what the consumer needs, and no more. Everything else is a deterioration in quality. In the USSR, a passenger car for commuting to work, and, especially on a visit (how to drink ?!) was completely unnecessary, since we had excellent public transport. In general, the purpose of the car was rest. The wild coast of the Crimea or the Caucasus, and, especially fishing and hunting. In short, our cars were designed for off-road trips. And here you need to know that for a Western person, off-road is a dirt road without a hard surface. And even their military equipment is designed mainly for such "off-road" (it is appropriate to recall the Germans in the 1941 year). And in the Russian sense “road” is where the Russian wants to go. And our cars, especially Zaporozhets, Moskvich and, of course, the Niva are SUVs, and imported SUVs are out-of-asphalt.
In short, for a blonde with a show-off, our cars are a bucket of nuts, and for an intelligent man with a penchant for satisfying hunting excitement, this is what the doctor has attributed.
True, I wrote all this about Soviet cars, and I’ll be careful not to say anything about Russian ones.