Military Review

Legends of Kumbysh Island

10
“General effect”


Suddenly out of schedule
A misfortune happened ...
V.Vysotsky


From time to time, the army calls the “general effect” a situation where everything seems to be going on, going in the usual way, maybe well, maybe a little worse, but, in any case, not bad. But it is worth the high authorities to pay their attention here - drain the water! Everything went KOVYRKOM! About one such stories will go the story.

For many years in a row, an anti-aircraft missile division was located on one northern island. What did people do there? Yes, the same as all the Air Defense Forces stationed on a thousand of the same "points" survived. And during a short summer respite they were preparing for a new period of survival.
There was nothing special on that island - sand, woods, swamps. Coast rugged by pourers, goose-duck kingdom, mushrooms and cranberries, and blueberries with blueberries. And another mosquito ringing drowning diesel engines. But this grace is only in summer. In the winter ... But this is not the point.

Some uniqueness of the dislocation of the division was that such an island existence is not uncommon for our erteveshnik brothers. At the same time, the ZRV has always led at least some way to deliver missiles from the technical division. So that, in the event of a battle, after the shooting of the main and spare ammunition, it was possible to bring a new one. Well, or screw it up from there, in a quick way, until the liquefied adversary in response has not rolled the complex into small pieces of iron.
On the island, as you know, one road - by sea. Everything that was needed was delivered to the navigation delivery - flour-stew, coal-diesel, valenki-ZIP-potato-medicine, and sometimes with one steamer. Ka-a-ak will be dumped from the board with such a special conveyor on the sand all this wealth and it’s good if you guess right at the moment of tide. Then there is a chance that at least something to take out and drag off — on the White Sea, ebbs and flows every four hours. Happened, did not have time.
The head of the ZRV division grumbled:
Half of the plants in Northern Norway are already working on your coal! Scientists are learning a new kind of black flounder.
The total supply of abundance was barely enough until the next navigation. Yes, and thoroughly pall, canned concentrates. In the beginning of summer, the extraction of something fresh began. They even carried out a large-scale search of the shore for the collection of cormorants. Returned satisfied, droppings all obdazhennye, with rich trophies.

In such a period, occasionally high guests from the division and army headquarters would hunt and fish. Beauty is an island in the border zone, there are no outsiders.
In addition to us, anti-aircraft gunners, rocket officers, officer wives and small children, no one else was on the island. Hares, swans, black grouses were in abundance, the wolves in the winter sometimes ran. And more - not a soul! And this wonderful piece of land was called Kumbysh Island (accent on the first syllable).
So they existed - they lived in the summer, survived in the winter. And there is no spring and autumn in the North, instead of them - also late and early winters.
In our unit there were two cargo-passenger boats of the Yaroslavets type (one we then safely drowned), which no-no, yes, they threw us mail, fresh vegetables shrubs. Less often, it happened, flew a helicopter.
In addition to the battalion, there was a technical battery attached to Qumbisha. Let the experts not be surprised - the road, I repeat, there was no island, so the storage of additional BCs, assembly, equipment, and other operations on the process stream was carried out not by the technical division, which was located on the “Big Earth”, but its small counterpart. Each unit has its own position, its own equipment, and the residential town has a common - shield barracks, food blocks, well, there are boxes, a stoker, a water tower, and two dos-boards - pretty two-story brick (!) Houses on 16 apartments each. Nothing, you can live. Caulk the windows, insulate the door, release air from the heating system, and tap water from the tap in a thin stream so as not to freeze by chance - live and rejoice! There are worse conditions.

I am telling these details so that the reader understands why any arrival of the vehicle, to hell with it, even with the authorities, becomes, if not a holiday, then an event not ordinary.
Mail, fresh products, new faces mean a lot to people living in isolation, without communication, without any special impressions. On ordinary days, everyone who could - soldiers, children, officers, women, dogs ... came running to the helicopter. But an unusual helicopter flew to the island. More precisely, the “spinner” was just the most ordinary, hard worker Mi-8. The composition of the passengers was unusual. Not ordinary, just to say, there were passengers.

About this case, which happened years in 10 or a little more than before my appointment to Kumbysh, old-timers orally conveyed, as a legend, the old-timers, each time adding new details, slightly accusing, slightly embellishing, omitting something. I will try to restore the main essence of the event.
In the times described, and it happened at the beginning of 70's, two air defense systems were deployed on Kumbishe - С-75, С-125 and another technical battery. Man under a hundred, maybe a little more, fighters, a dozen three officers, families.
The town was a handful of "pre-cut" barracks. The rest of the buildings were also not an example of architectural refinement and construction refinement.
The air defense forces settled themselves "happosobom." And what, most importantly, who can "grab" on an uninhabited island?
Yes, it was still a subsidiary farm (as without it?), For our story is an important detail. Kept pigs pigs, one or two cows, guard dogs. The soldier was caring for the farm, which in the staff book was listed in the column “guide dogs”. In the evenings, he took his dogs to the posts, put them on a chain, picked them up, fed them and locked them in the morning. The rest of the time - the pigs and cattle. He slept there, on the "farm", he had a separate enclosure. Perhaps the happiest man in the division!

In general, the islanders, like many at the “points” of air defense, lived hard, but, in any case, not worse than many.
Both divisions and technical batteries were, in fact, independent units, each subordinate directly to the commander of the Severodvinsk brigade, but the commander of the seventy-fighters division, as the largest unit, was considered the head of the garrison on the island. We will continue to call him that: commander.
Well, now, the story itself.
Somehow the 10-th separate army visited the Commander-in-Chief of the Air Defense Forces Marshal of the Soviet Union PF Batitsky The colorful personality, veterans of the troops remember him well. The participant of the Great Patriotic War, the Hero of the Soviet Union, the organizer of the creation of the rocket and space shield of the country, who did not drift, according to rumors, arrest almighty Beria, he was a thunderstorm for negligent commanders.
Diligent, by the way, too, sometimes got hard from him.
Well, then, one wonders, why the devil carried him to inspect the rank and file and unremarkable unit? Comrade Marshal, because you are the Commander-in-Chief, if you have come to the troops, so is your place in the headquarters, in the army’s command post. If there was a hunt for cheating anyone, at the Military Council you can “stick” anyone. As a last resort, look for an hour in the regiment which or in the brigade - there will be stuttering five more years after your visit. But why in battalions-divisions, then why? The people there are wild, not trained to polish.
It seems that the whole story happened on a day off, when the marshal was offered a break from the labors in the fresh breeze, with a shotgun, and with a wire. This is now the higher ranks are more and more fond of tennis and skiing. It seems that they will soon expect their new hobby - they will learn to photograph.
And at that time the nation and the army were led by a stern, undemanding people. They smell the powder was not new. And where in the summertime you can hunt not for trophies, but in order to relieve the tension? The birds flew over, sat on the nests, come and agree with some hunting!
And on Kumbyshe hunting season, no one ever opened, and there was no one to close it. All year round there season. I say, manners are wild.
Of course, there are quite a few places in the Arkhangelsk region for such a holiday, but flying to Kumbysh is a trifling matter. This is by sea or on ice you can get all day, and by air 30-40 minutes.
Means, it is decided - we go! At the same time, let's see what the troops live there, what difficulties they experience, how they cope with them.
Probably, one way or another, the high leaders thought, getting into a helicopter.
Well, the helicopter is not a motorcycle for you, when I wanted to start, go.
Some preparation for the flight should be, again, to coordinate the span with its own air defense forces on duty.
In general, it is clear that such a person does not fly away incognito. They reported to the island that for the "guests" fly. Well imagine how this could happen. Communication with the guys was only on the radio. For negotiations, a special veiled military aesopian language was used. In addition to the established coded signals, such abbreviated reports and instructions from the Manual on Combat Training and the Combat Manual were used, only allegorical, as it were. And so for other negotiations such idioms were generally used ...
It was believed that stupid NATO, listening to us, can not understand anything. I don’t know how it was cleared up by the enemy, but sometimes we didn’t understand ourselves. There could be a dialogue like this:
38! ... 38! (when I was, the call sign of our division, then my comments in parentheses).
Listening to 38! (the duty attendant answers).
363-th on the link! (one of the call signs of subunits and units commanders changing from time to time).
363-th in the territory. (And where is he to be? Do not sit at all tied at the communications console, and Sunday is still)
... your ... there ... rastuda ... FIND !!
... ...
363-th 38-th in touch!
To you on the edge ..., ugh, damn, on 38, the “dvoechka” flies (“two” any transport, flies, it means - a helicopter).
Got you. Who goes, what luck?
363 is big!
Big? (The division commander? - thinks the commander)
Yes, very big!
So what? What does he need today?
The largest! Most!! 01 is flying !!
01 (Who is this? Army Commander?)
Yes, 01! 01 is big! No, 001-th !! (happy with the found wording and undisclosed military secrets)
001 (Who is this? Minister of Defense? General Secretary? Lord, why do I need this ?!)
001! 001 th to you !! On the big one, on the ba !! (with one star on the chase, the last name begins with the letter “B”)
With one big? On Be? (Major Bogdanov? General Borodin?)
On Be !! Our 01 is with him!
No shit I do not understand! Who flies with whom?
I repeat for the underdeveloped! 001! Big! On the big one! Clear, no? With the coat of arms! On Be !!
Big with big? On the ba with the coat of arms?
… So! ... peretak !! ... 001 th !! The largest!! Our 001! Head flies !!! …Yo Mama…!! MARSHAL !!! …damn you…!! BATITSKY !!! And our commander with him !! As understood, 38? ... How do you understand me, I ask?
Oh ..! ... tons ... rastudy !! Where?! When?!!! (Oh! Looks like he understood.).

Our army knew how to select commanders with a certain business and strong-willed qualities.
To themselves they loved to say:
I am the commander. Dumb but brave!

Here is this brave man and turned around.
By the arrival of the Commander-in-Chief, whatever one may say, one must prepare, for whatever purpose he flew.
And what can you do when the helicopter is already in the air and, look that, it will be here now?
Clearly, the case, garbage podsobrat, marafet in the barracks to bring, to look at the fighters - who wash face to face, who to shave, and who to fill, but where to go, away from sin.
For an active nature, and others were not appointed to that island, it is a usual thing. Five minutes later, all the personnel, except for the shift shift (always one of the divisions was on combat duty), was built, after two minutes the tasks were set and soon everyone rustled, inducing brilliance and cleanliness. The elder team with the cook will prepare a nice dinner for the guests (it means that the weekly norm of the stew can be turned into a pot), they suddenly want to show a paternal interest in the diet. So used to treat from the heart.
How many people, commander com?
Who knows? How many gets into the "turntable"? Cook so much! Surely, it will not be less.
So what else? ...
Habitually unwound the flywheel of the army showing off in half with the ability and desire not to lose face.
Although, what kind of window dressing is there, they didn’t paint the grass, in fact?
Oh, commander, you would stop at this.
Well, what is so special about Commander you can see? Yes, any sensible verifier from the division in ten minutes you have so many flaws that you will report a month for the elimination!
But no, the active nature has not calmed down.
Realizing that the warriors who had spread out in the works — not the most attractive picture for the commanding gaze, decided to meet the marshal with the personnel standing in the ranks, and there it will be seen later.
Gives the command to all to gather at the barracks on the parade ground on a short siren signal. Usually the siren was turned on when announcing readiness No. XXUMX, so that all those who are in the classroom, housekeeping, resting, etc., would drop everything and fly to their positions in accordance with the combat crew. Now we have decided to give only a short beep when the helicopter with the Commander-in-Chief approaches. At the lighthouse (and now there is a structure of thick bars and channels), they drove the lieutenant with a fighter - to look out for the aircraft and wave when it appears. At the siren got someone in the rank of not lower than the captain. Operation "Bagration", the right word!
But the captain himself was sick of it. A minute later he finds someone less busy. That case had even more. In short, after five minutes, the siren was already on duty, a fighter throwing away a broomstick.
Finally, a dot appeared in the blue sky, growing, approaching, a characteristic roar with a whistle is already heard - it is the same, the “spinner”.
Swingers waving.
The warrior rushes to the siren, tears the hilt, the siren howls ... What happened to her, damned, happened? Whether the boyina too much zeal showed and broke the switch, something else in her tin gut overdidled, and only siren, as usual - loudly, for a long time, invitingly, anxiously.
Have you seen the declared “readiness-once” in the air defense unit? This is a song! Apotheosis! The quintessence of all our arduous being.
Here are just a few away and some more, why the hell knows where they were, the men were crawling, half asleep, lazy, some kind of inhibited.
Well, what to do if there are not enough people even for two full-time duty shifts? Of course, a fighter often walks without sleep.
But then the siren boomed. And everything changes in an instant. All, as the wind blew, saigas from everywhere jump our warriors. Doors of garages - unbuttoned - fly out TZM-ki, rush, raising dust, to the position, cannot be overtaken by the runners!
From the headquarters and the officers' houses, they hurry to someone like: lieutenants - at a moderate gallop, elders - a business-like trot, captains and rare majors here are wistful jogging. And in the midst of all this minute purposeful zapoloshnosti commander goes (dignifies).
Another minute and everything was quiet, work went! The units hummed, the equipment started to sing, the camouflage flew away ..., and so on. Who was he will not forget.
At the moment of all this hustle and bustle, there is another important change. Replaced internal outfits, and if necessary - and the guard. Soldiers go to the outfit according to the schedule, but the second-hand operator or potato-cleaning second number of the starting calculation is placed at the nightstand or, as they say in the army, replaced by fighters from the living quarters who use their “habitats”. However, the cook rarely breaks away from his main job - war-war, but then he will want a hot soup of hot soup. Do not touch and the firemen - they who have replaced the boilers? It turns out that the outfit changes either the baker, which also rarely happens, or the guard of the service dogs is the inhabitant of the "farm", and simply - the pig. By the way, if someone grinned, do not! Very necessary in those conditions specialty. They said that then a young man from the Baltic States, who grew up in a village or somewhere on a farm, was caring for a cattle. Very diligent such, silent. And neat, by the way.
How is the change of attire? Yes, just! The outfit knocks knives off the belts, from the sleeves of bandages and from the barracks. And to meet them - our livestock breeder, who came running from the barnyard. That's the whole shift, three seconds. The keys to the gun, by the way, were not transmitted.
So, according to “false readiness №1” all the personnel rushed to the position. Commander, I think, this time I also developed a decent speed. Still, the thought of a helicopter hanging nearby, with the Commander-in-Chief aboard, added to everyone agility and enthusiasm.
Turned on, held CF, there is a report:
"So-and-so" (call sign) is ready, three, six ...!
The division of the 125th system, the technical battery, too, did not stay with reports. At the CP brigade - a slight shock. No, of course, they knew about the flight of the Commander-in-Chief towards Kumbysh and enthusiastically listened to the broadcast, waiting News. But such a sharp development of events was somehow not expected. In gives the marshal! And if you look, how "in the trenches" should meet the Commander-in-Chief of the troops? In the parade? With regimental music and expanded banners? Yes, full of what orchestras and ceremonies? Naturally, the ringing of armor and the sparkling damask! In short, the tension grew. The team was sure that Batitsky on the spot decided to personally check the combat readiness of the units. On the island, it was believed that all teams go from above in a literal and figurative sense. It happened more than once that the command of a division and army made overflights during training and exercises - they checked camouflage, evaluated false positions ...
In short, they turned on, looked around, reported, waiting. Leave them while to fight the invisible, see what is on the shore.
Meters in 400-x from the town on the sandbanks themselves built a temporary pier - a rather ugly construction of logs, and a little distance was a helipad of bonded metal strips. The pilots flew here more than once and knew where to land. Protarahtev over the town and letting the inhabitants know about the arrival, the "turntable" disappeared behind the pines, sitting down.
The marshal with his retinue climbed out and stood, kneading, waiting for the "meeting committee." On the one hand, the sea licks the shore, on the other - the coniferous forest pours over the pitch spirit, white sand under its feet, all sorts of seashells, starfish, just to the side, the seal “sunbathes”. Somewhere behind the line a diesel engine mutters dully, which means that human life is warming somewhere here. And the soul of the arrived generals is filled with goodness and tenderness. Not often, you see, it is possible here and so, calmly, broadly, in a simple way ... oh!
However, it takes five minutes, then another five, where is the commander? Why does not he meet, does not fly up smartly, does not report, does not appear? Where is everyone? And the peace of mind begins to give way to an easy (for now!) Perplexity.
And no one, we know, in the town and no. Everybody believed the familiar howls of a siren who had fallen asleep, and they, like regimental stallions, at a signal from the pipe, were smashed to the fighting posts. Now they frantically scan the airspace, deploy technical flow, waiting for target indications, further commands.
Their condition can be understood. Already, when the marshal arrived, readiness was declared, we must wait for the development of events. Well, what should the Commander-in-Chief, for example, raise the duty link from any aerodrome and check the work on control targets? “Gobies” and rubbish on the territory, of course, will not add shine to the certification of the commander, but they will tear up the target in the presence of the MOST, like a blotter! Sit down. Are waiting.
But there was, there was (!) A man who with all his soul strove to the shore! Some assistant sergeant, captenermus - storekeeper, violently turned the handle, starting the truck. Picking around in the distance and ear, having heard about the imminent arrival of the helicopter, and then seeing him, he decided that it was his turn to take part in the general celebration of life. Once a helicopter appeared, it means they brought something to devour.
The car finally started up. It was the "mistress" so we always called the side truck used for household needs. “Zakhar”, “cleaver”, “Semera” (just like that - without “K” in the last syllable) where and as soon as this miracle of the domestic automobile industry was called, the good old ZIL-157, the side grandson of the noble Studebaker. Indeed, the old and really reliable as a cleaver, this truck dragged coal and firewood, products and cement in its broken-down bodywork — anything that you couldn’t carry, roll, or fire. All the same, they did not go further than the island, so everything that should have been screwed, latched and welded, was unscrewed, fell off, was lost.
A brave “boarder” throws his “crooked starter” into the cockpit, jumps behind the wheel, “sticks” one of two serviceable gears and, jumping over the bumps, aches along the forest path towards the shore.
Arriving, having warmed up, having breathed high and looking round, they understand that the meetings will soon not wait and decide to go towards housing by a cohesive generals team. And the road is one here, do not get lost, the wood is less than half a kilometer. Moved to the forest.
And then the rumble, the roar and the crash come to the ears of everyone. The noise of an unknown mechanism, clearly having the ability to move, was approaching. As you understood, that “hostess” also had problems with a silencer. Rather, the problem was only one - there was simply no “Glushak”!
The earlier bewilderment is replaced by surprise.
The noise is closer, closer and behold, “rattling fire, glittering steel became ...”, with rattling and banging, chattering and clanging, swinging hood lids, ringing loose glasses, crushing a stunted shrub, burst out of the thicket Kumbyshanskaya “mistress”. Throwing sand, famously brakes near the bewildered commanders, finally covering them all with a blue cloud of thick and caustic exhaust.
I suppose that the commander of the army accompanying the Commander-in-Chief gnashed his teeth against the quiet rage, but the Marshal outwardly remained calm. He even joked: “Well, they say, well done what, the car filed with the ladder. For me - just right! ”.
Veterans remember the incredible obesity of P.F. Batitsky. Needless to say, over the years, our marshal has become overweight. The fact that, except in the "Seagull", he could not fit, they knew everything. And then Pavel Fyodorovich got up on the footboard (how could it not have fallen off only?) Next to the driver:
Come on, take it, son, show what is here and where!
The stunned capter, with some kind of attempt, hooked down a lower gear, and the Marshal of the Soviet Union rode on the steps of the filthy ZIL to the location of one of several thousand military units subordinate to him.
After a couple of minutes, the “mistress”, with the roar of a torpedo bomber going into the attack, rolled up to the barracks. Marshal jumped off the footboard (phew, did not fly away!), Looked around.
The storekeeper evaporated immediately, knowing that for such a thing the most tender thing the commander would do to him would be to dissolve in the barrel with the oxidizer.
Without waiting for the group to arrive, the Marshal personally inspected the garage boxes, the bathhouse, other services, and the territory. To the inspection were presented: shabby huts, rust, rot, sheds and curved kits curved. Waiting for the accompanying breathless, he went with them to the barracks of the division.
Here they were waited by the next strong impression. The palette of feelings and experiences that representatives of high spheres experienced for the last half hour supplemented every minute with fresh colors. Now the state of the whitening of gray hair, past lights and waters of the generals, can be called astonishment.
According to the Charter of the internal service of the USSR Armed Forces, the daytime nightstand was confronted with a belt hanging down under the weight of three bayonet knives — according to the number of outdated workers. On his left sleeve proudly alel two bandages. The inscription on the top signaled those who had entered, that they would now deal with the actual. The bottom one, wearing upside down, refuted his initial status with the inscription “Company on duty”.
All this is nonsense, real life, and even more so, military service, rarely repeated favorite movies. The remarkable point of the moment was that our "duty-day" was all, well, that is, entirely, from heels to caps smeared with manure! The face, hands, cotton and boots of this gloomy son of an amber edge were covered with a good layer of natural fertilizers and exuded an indescribable amber in the surrounding space.
The most complex or incomprehensible, at first glance, phenomena most often have very simple explanations. It seems, and here everything is very simple to explain. We remember what everyone did before the siren howled? POSSESS ORDER! This was also done by our hero at the site assigned to his care. And, jerking on the substitution of attire, slipped and plopped. There was no time to change clothes, wash, clean. When he, having given acceleration with the pandel, was first sent “to the bedside table”, they immediately and intelligibly explained that on such a signal his only and main task was to change his attire in one minute and guard the barracks until he was replaced.
The fighters who called for that from Central Asia, that from the western outskirts of the Union, had one common feature - they memorized simple actions firmly and did not experiment with other options.
So, the third picture. The same and a pig.
Commander and retinue with genuine interest looked at this marvelous. Kumbysh turned out to be rich for surprises! Representatives of the army administration were already very bored, anticipating how such an acquaintance with local sights could soon end. The commander boiled, but silently. The commander was unkindly unruffled.
The man in charge of a “duty-day” person, located in a stupor, was close to a swoon, but he was still standing on his feet. Turning into a statue, he glazed at one arbitrarily chosen point, did not react to anything, did not blink, and did not even seem to breathe. Attempts by those who came to draw attention to themselves with questions like: “Where is the commander? Where is the staff? What is going on here at all? ”Even more led him to detachment from reality. The sudden appearance of subjects never before seen, the huge figure of their leader, the roaring bass, the melting of red and blue stripes, the gold sewing of buttonholes and hats had only one plausible explanation — the Martians appeared in the barracks. A poor stock of Russian words has evaporated. The language of the distant homeland was completely forgotten. And he did not know the Martian language!
The Martians, who filled the corridor, moved, making loud noises, moving their hands, and not a single living soul came to help him. Half an hour ago, the weasel affectionate cow was breathing noisily and warmly in his ear, sly eyes blinked, friendly pigs nodded and nimble little pigs in their palms. Everything is at home on a farm. And then - on, you - the Martians! The foreman, when instructed, said that it was necessary to protect the barracks. But the foreman did not say that she would have to be protected from such unexpected newcomers! ... ... Or did he speak ?!
The generals, seeing that the dumbfounded "day-duty" did not soon reconnect with reality, decided to go further into the sleeping room. Since the Commander-in-Chief was filling the entire corridor gap with him, it would be necessary to remove from this path this grimy monster with two armbands and three bayonets. The soldier did not react to human speech, someone from the retinue pulled him aside, at this moment our poor farmer sighed convulsively, sobbed and, unexpectedly for everyone, ... he cried quietly. The smell of manure, which had already become familiar to the steam room, was immediately interrupted by a different, sharper one.
Everything! Today impressions were enough.
The commander turned and went out. He was sad. And when the marshals are sad, what are they doing? Right. They make everyone cry. God save us all from meeting the sad marshals! Since there was still no one who was personally responsible for the staging of this performance, the very first one — deafening and stunning — was hit by the “main caliber” by those who brought it here ....
In the meantime, at command posts, both at the higher level and at the “underlying” ones, they understood that no one declared “readiness-once”. There was no time to find out who started this carousel. The commander, gathering all those who should be in such cases to be near, rushed to the town.
Search the Commander for a long time did not have to. The rumble of victories was heard from afar. The marshal has already finished “working on the squares” and now he has precisely and precisely finished off the survivors:
You…! ... by the deadline ...! Report ...!
You ...! ... execute! ... by the deadline ...! ... I will personally check!
You ...! ... provide ...! ... Under personal responsibility! ...
You ...! … under control...! ... term ...! ... PERFORM !! ... report to me! Personally!
On the disheveled "natives" the "001 on Be" also had enough charges ....
Having completed the rout, the marshal wearily waved his hand:
I can't see you anymore! Feed my car!
The commander looked around dazedly. What car? Where from ?! Surely Glavkomovskaya "Seagull" on the external suspension was brought here?
What car, commander in chief?
My !! - barks Commander.
Some of the retinue darkly nods in the direction of a lonely "mistress":
You have managed to meet the marshal here on this ravine. Get on!
The commander and his "zamy" rush to the specified scrap metal.
Back off! The Chief Commander growls. Where is my driver? You can only drive to the first ditch!
Headlong rushed to look for the capter who had hid somewhere. Searched, searched ... Found! He grabs the crank.
The clever clunker, having regretted the unfinished owners, started from the second or third turn. Marshal rises next to the driver on the bandwagon (oh, just do not fall off, dear!).
Take me, son, from here! My eyes would not look at it all!
Rumbling and spitting smoke, the “hostess” crawled to the helicopter. Following, sadly wandering off and seeing off ...
"Debriefing" by the army commander then, of course, was carried out. And got, I suppose, all the sisters - by the earrings. The main thing is different. Organizing conclusions, party commissions, courts of honor, penalties, registration cards - all this can also be considered a reaction of an irritated superiors to the negligence of subordinates. This time it was different.
As early as next week, the landing party of builders landed on the island. They opened the tents, set up the kitchens, stuck the rappers, pulled the roulettes. Ponds arrived with engineering equipment, one after another went barges with materials.
Before the “white flies” they were picking the ground, kneading concrete, breaking-building. ... They built new vaults, caponiers, boxes, shelters, a canteen. Stretched and insulated new heating mains. And officer families moved into comfortable houses, in 1-, 2- and 3-room apartments. And they lived there, replacing each other, many more Kumbyshan generations. No worse than many. Well, some even better!
Here it is - "Marshall effect"!

Thank you, Comrade Marshal of the Soviet Union! "
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  1. Aleks tv
    Aleks tv 12 August 2013 08: 01 New
    +9
    Urzhil while reading, as much as a tear knocked out.
    It was just something similar in ZABVO.

    Here it is - "Marshall effect"!
    Thank you, Comrade Marshal of the Soviet Union! "


    I sincerely thank the author for a good, real army humor!
    good
  2. pensioner
    pensioner 12 August 2013 08: 27 New
    +6
    Masterpiece!! Thank you so much to the author !! He laughed heartily!
    And I also remembered the "general's effect". We decided to start production of urban cleaning machines at our plant. Such vacuum cleaners on wheels. We made 2 pieces. They ran it in, licked it and put it in the hangar. At the appointed time, the regional governor and the city mayor arrived at the plant, accompanied by a crowd of journalists and hangers-on. Central TV filmed a report on this event. They opened the hangar gates and ... one device flatly refused to start. They laughed. They brought in another. this vacuum cleaner left and started cleaning the area. The governor and the mayor and the television crew are quietly driving behind this vacuum cleaner in a convertible. After the garbage container was full, the driver of the vacuum cleaner drove up to the empty one for exchange, picked up the full one with a manipulator and ... the chain breaks ... The show was over. The governor condescendingly patted one of the program manager, uttered something like: "Nothing, nothing. Everything will be fine with you!" and left.
  3. RoTTor
    RoTTor 12 August 2013 14: 31 New
    +5
    [b] Super! And the truth is - he himself then served in this air defense army and in the same engine, but in aviation.
    A small addition: the island of Kumbysh, young lieutenants, natives of big cities, who studied in big cities, especially did not like - worse than the wilder “points”. Because from this uninhabited island, the lights of two cities inaccessible to the islanders were visible - the capital of the North, Arkhangelsk and the closed city of Severodvinsk, which were especially bright in autumn and spring, when it was almost impossible to get out there.

    The transportation problem of Marshal Batitsky was a headache: he couldn’t fit in the commander’s UAZ, somehow he could get into the bus of the flight crew, which almost had to be removed from the door.

    In general, in the wild garrisons of the 10th Air Defense Army there was one advantage: the two-division and army authorities appeared there twice a year: to hunt geese and mushroom berries.

    If the commander was a normal person, the young officers maintained a straight back and brought up initiative, in contrast to the poor "hey-colonels" from the large headquarters, who were always in a pre-infarction-pre-stroke state because of the fear of not pleasing their superiors and going to serve in the troops.

    Another invaluable advantage: in the irreplaceable districts of the North, where it was cold, but it was “year-for-year” and “ruble for ruble”, human relations were wonderful: no one envied anyone, they didn’t squabble for a good replacement, because the region is irreplaceable.

    But if the commander was a bastard and bastard, life at such points became generally unbearable - both for soldiers and officers. But this is a sad topic. Do not spoil the cheerful mood from this one. [/ b]
    1. Aleks tv
      Aleks tv 12 August 2013 14: 52 New
      +4
      Quote: RoTTor
      because the area is irreplaceable.

      Yes, RoTTor, I agree with you.
      I still have the best, remembering the service at the points, we lived together, better than in the cities.
      Although it was wild and difficult, but good nostalgia ...
      Only hiking for lingonberries and lumps of which are worth ...
      The family was afraid to go there, and then ... many were afraid to leave for the "wild" mainland, strange of course, but this happened quite often.
      The hunter himself.

      Once again - thanks to the author for the army slang, it has been developed only for many years.
      drinks
      1. RoTTor
        RoTTor 12 August 2013 18: 06 New
        +4
        Thank God, over the years, normal people have bad memories, including about "everyday life", "officer's all-around - slop, water, firewood", etc. fade and fall into the nooks of memory, but good, cheerful and bright ones remain.
  4. Modus
    12 August 2013 21: 58 New
    +4
    Thank you all for your feedback and good words!
    There are 2 more chapters that are sequels to these "Legends".
    If administrators skip, I’ll try to place them here.
    1. Aleks tv
      Aleks tv 12 August 2013 22: 32 New
      +1
      Sergey, I shake my hand sincerely.
      I myself write sometimes, a little and here I post, I know how it's not easy, especially in the army genre.
      drinks
      It’s funny when civilians don’t understand the essence ...
      laughing
      1. Modus
        14 August 2013 19: 35 New
        +1
        THANKS, Alexey!
        1. 505506
          505506 10 October 2013 09: 15 New
          +1
          Thank! In 1990, fate brought to the island of Matua (Kuril Islands), only two days, but ... Now when I read about similar points, laughter through horror. And how many were there.
          1. Modus
            10 October 2013 19: 38 New
            0
            That's for sure, Roman.
            Thanks for the response.
  5. 311ove
    311ove 27 August 2013 16: 42 New
    +2
    Thanks for the good mood! I remembered my youth in places "nearby" on the Kola Peninsula ....
  6. Modus
    27 August 2013 20: 08 New
    0
    Thanks for the response, Andrew!
    There are 2 parts to the continuation of these stories.
    Yours faithfully,
  7. Polina Yurievna
    Polina Yurievna 29 December 2013 16: 36 New
    +4
    I am the same officer's child who lived in one of two white-brick houses)) I remember my mother put us to sleep in fur coats in winter, and covered the windows with a mattress, because the pipes were bursting from the cold. The rats in the bathroom did not even move when they tried to expel them from the gap between the wall and the cauldron with a mop. Borsch was cooked in buckets, because they did not know when the light would be cut off yet. I remember that tame seal that often lay on the shore. Probably all my life I will remember THAT bread brick and a soldier who always talked to me and smiled when they sent me to the bakery, he was either Georgian or Armenian .. the forest was on fire, a volleyball court, scrambled eggs on stones, a lonely stove in the middle of the barracks, a dog named Hetman and a bunch of plywood parcel boxes of soldiers that stood in our hallway. I remember my dad pointed to the sky and said: "Look, daughter, this is the northern lights! Maybe in life you won't see this anymore .." And yes, I flew in MI-8)))