What you didn't want to know about England

What you didn't want to know about England

At the weekend, the end of the world was approaching - everyone lived like on the last day.


Author Alexey Lukyanenko - in the recent past, a successful Latvian businessman who, like many others, collapsed during the 2008 crisis of the year, was forced to leave for the UK and start his business from the very bottom.


From the author: Any coincidences with real events or people, please consider it an accident.

I never thought I would be in that situation. I often heard that many were leaving, and I knew many who had left. But I never thought I would go by myself.

Most of my life, I had my own, quite successful business, I worked a lot, and did a lot of things, and always found a way out of the most difficult situations. But life decided otherwise. No matter how hard I tried, I could not resist the situation in my country. It took shape ... Or laid down ... For the one and a half years spent in England, I came to the conclusion that it did not come about on its own. And I am writing about it now. And at that time I was going to an amazing country, about which a huge number of books were written and a huge number of films shot. Where amazing people live, about whom they make legends, and write hymns. Where everything is good, and where everyone is happy. Where the best products are produced, and where tolerance and democracy are at the forefront. It is clear that to create your business there, from day one, without initial capital, is utopia. So you have to start a simple worker at some factory. And then we'll figure it out. They say that they have everything there is easier than us. So, go ahead !!!

1. I had to start from the bottom. From the fish factory, on a distant Scottish island in the North Sea. According to information from the Internet, and the number of prizes on their website, this is one of the best salmon plants in Europe. I wonder what happens to others then?


Houses on the island, in which live migrant workers. Photo by the author.


2. I was lucky that there was a Lithuanian in the workshop who had been finalizing the last two weeks. He told me everything, and brought up to date. As a rule, no one teaches anyone anything. You watch and drive in yourself. At first, even if as a result of your ignorance, accidents and stops occur, everyone silently fix everything, but no one says a word. The same happens with the locals. Nobody teaches them either, but we, by ourselves, learn faster. And therefore we are more valuable workers. Plus, among us there are a lot of those who really grind. Although some of ours, if possible, quickly rebuilt, and begin to work on the principle of local. That is, diligently avoid working under any pretext. Sitting in the toilets with the IPhone, hiding in the street, in short, to be where there are no cameras, and it is impossible to prove that you are not doing anything. In the case of catching a slacker, the head supervisor (general manager) gives him a lecture and he answers “sorry” (sorry). It's all.

3. There is a category of local people at the plant who are just there. This is either someone’s children who have nowhere to attach, because they have just finished school and can’t do anything, someone’s brothers, sisters or relatives who don’t want to do hard work and instead sit out their pants here or people pre-retirement age. Last to retire. They usually go around the plant all day with their hands folded behind their backs, or they are carrying something around, such as a coil of rope. They have posts such as a day-time climber (cleaner), and at thirty-minute breaks (breaks), they are cleaned from the hose, and without that, clean walls. Complex equipment, which is all in fat and guts, wash ours. Our wines, in general, worked during the night shift, when it was necessary to wash the entire plant. The local there was a supervisor, although I must pay tribute, he also washed the shop along with all the night lamps. Four people, plus a supervisor for the night, washed all the lines and all the shops. When we came in the morning, it was scary to look at these people. During the day, during work, local youth took ice from bins (large plastic containers), made snowballs and played in them. The assistant supervisor, a woman in years, absolutely unable to organize anything, and very strict with us, just looked at them and smiled. Sometimes they hid behind her during the “battle”, and sometimes they even fell on her with a snowball. All this was visible on the cameras in the office of the supervisor, but he did not say a word to them. The real situation at the plant is the only one working per worker. But they all get the same money.


The harsh nature of the island. Photo by the author


4. We had a young Lithuanian assistant supervisor. She did not understand anything about the work, but she was very beautiful, constantly spinning around the manager and his assistants, opened all the doors and gates to them, and knocked on everyone and everything. Probably why she was made a helper.

5. When you come to work in the fridge, you are given only gloves, a cap, ordinary rubber boots and oilskin (rubberized jumpsuit on the straps, by the way, of Latvian production). In the fridge, usually + 2, sometimes there is a minus, but warm clothes are your personal concern. Over time, if you get a contract, and if you ask, they can give a synthetic winter hat and thermo boots with a thick sole. It's all.

6. If you are sick, or your problems are injured. The Lithuanian, somehow tore his back, and the doctor told him that he had to stay at home for two weeks. When he said this at work, he was fired not to pay for the sick-list, and after he recovered, he was taken back. Because of the interrupted experience, he lost all annual bonuses. I hit the box with my forearm in my right hand two weeks after starting work. When I lifted heavy boxes, the pain was wild. But at that time, I did not have a contract, and I understood that if I could not work, then I would be fired. I bandaged my hand, and when the pain was completely unbearable, I rolled up my sleeve, unwound the bandage and put my hand in the ice. After a couple of minutes it became easier, I again bandaged my hand, and continued to work. All the cold, which was then, for all the time I worked, I carried on my feet, eating medicine right in the shop. Local in such situations immediately go to the hospital, and may not appear for weeks. Just bring a piece of paper from the doctor, and again go home. No one will fire them. They try not to give you a contract as long as possible. Without a contract, you are no one. You work at a reduced rate, and you can be told any day that you are not needed. In addition, you do not have guaranteed payment 30 hours per week if there is no fish. Only contract soldiers have this. Some of our work without a contract for years. Just because there is nowhere to go. I was given a contract quickly, at the end of the verification period. But I think it’s just because it’s very hard to find people in the fridge and they just tried to tie me up. Locals from other workshops openly said that if they were transferred to the chill (freezer), they would not even change clothes. Just go home. Because it is hard and inhuman work. And you can't mock people like that. I had a record. The local worked in our 2,5 shop for an hour, went to drink some water, and did not return. Before that, usually, they kept for about two days.


7. Fridge. Bid without a contract 6,05 pounds per hour, before tax. With contract 6,55. This is the hardest job in the factory. Loading and shipping finished products. There are ours who have nowhere to go. The workshop should have a 6 person. In reality, they were never there. Rather, it was more, when there were no robots. Then all the products were removed from the conveyor through which the boxes were continuously moving, and loaded onto pallets. That is, the fully automated plant, in the 2011 year, at the exit to the warehouse, did not have any equipment other than porters. A team of 6-7 people, daily passed through themselves from 40 to 120 tons of fish, depending on the season. As a rule, ours worked on loading; locals only took ready-made pallets with rokles and took them to the ramp under the forklift fork. I was lucky. A few months before my arrival, put the robots. And the bulk of the boxes went to them. Our hands only got the boxes for the smokehouse. But the people became two times less. For the smokehouse everything was loaded manually in any case, because the boxes were without covers. On bad days, we two or three of us loaded up to an 100 pallet with 21 or 24 boxes for each. One box of fish and ice weighed an average of 25 kg. At the same time, it was necessary to have time to correct the boxes that went to the robots, re-glue curved stickers with bar codes, pull out the boxes if they were stuck on the line, and collect from the floor and repack those boxes that the robot dropped. If the robots stopped, we started to load everything with our hands. The plant could not stand, so the general manager did not care how we would cope. In addition to us, there was a supervisor (manager) in the workshop, and two wisers (assistant managers). These were local. The supervisor received 10 pounds per hour, 8 wizers. They helped us extremely rarely. Basically, they took out the finished pallets with manual loading, and with robots. The rest of the time they chatted and stuck in the phones. One local worked on loading with us. The ego was called David. But he was with a certificate. Only a sick local could go here. Normal here would not go for anything. It was a unique employee. First, we never knew whether it would be in the morning or not. Being late is a normal practice. There were days when the Lithuanians and I were the only ones in the workshop who came on time. We came to 7: 50, and prepared the shop to work. The supervisor pulled on the 8 and turned on the robots. Later he taught me to do it, and began to come even later. David crawled at five past eight, sometimes at half past nine, and could not come at all. Weisers could be late for 10-15 minutes. But they could not drive. Weisers knew how to control the robots. And that was the main argument. In fact, the whole system looks like this, that any fault of a local worker is hushed up and no one pays attention to it. No reproaches. No comments or reprimands. I think because they all understand that they themselves can be in the place of the guilty at any moment. And then no one will say anything to them either. They are all equally irresponsible. And it makes no sense to say something to someone. Today I will redo him, and tomorrow he will redo him. Unlike them, we talked for everything.


Factory landscape. Photo by the author.


8. There were days when only me and David were on the conveyor. When a lot of boxes for manual loading started to go, he turned around and went to the toilet. And when he returned, he took Rokla (a pallet transport trolley) and rode around the workshop. Or sat in the office. One day, I lost my patience, and I told the Viseurs what kind of things they’d do in my country. They immediately drove him to the workplace. But the next day it all happened again. When David was bored with working at such a pace, he took several boxes of fish and threw them at a high speed. One to the wall, one to the electrical panel, one to the finished pallet. And after that, he turned around and left with the words that he would not remove it. I had to collect fish, twist the wires torn from the sensors, clean the ice. If only because it was necessary to somehow walk. And the whole floor was covered with salmon and ice. There were days when he had fun. He put his hands on a moving conveyor belt where it was greased, and when the gloves turned black, walked around the finished pallets and put imprints of his palms on the snow-white foam boxes. I wonder what customers thought when they received such cargo in the USA, Germany or Dubai? In moments of lyrical mood, he made a hole in the foam box and fucked her index finger. After some time, he got a second job in a taxi. He told me that he didn’t go there because of the money, but because there are a lot of girls to be carried there. And they often pay with sex. When it was necessary to choose between overtime (overtime) at the factory, and work in a taxi, he threw everything, turned around and went to work in a taxi. The supervisor, swearing loudly, rushed after him, but he only gained speed and disappeared in the doorway. He didn't care. It is said that David had a few dozen warning messages. We were fired after the third.

9. By the way, the tendency to destroy the boxes was observed not only in David. From time to time our supervisor fell into a rage. He started throwing empty pallets and boxes, breaking them and kicking them. Nobody touched him, just because this place just did not find anyone. And once you get there, you will stay there forever. Unless, of course, you leave yourself. And he had absolutely nowhere to go. In his 40 years he knew nothing more, and the island was rather small, and there were not so many job offers. Local, as a rule, do not want to go to such work as his own, and the emigrant will not be assigned a supervisor.

10. Process, this is the shop where salmon is filleted using a special machine. And then, bones are taken out of it. By the way, it is impossible to tear out bones from fresh, just killed fish. Therefore, it should stand in the refrigerator for about two days. Then the bones exfoliate from the meat, and they can be pulled out of the fillet. Then the fish begin to cut. This is at best another day. Then another day she goes to the mainland. And then also to the store. Therefore, the word "fresh" and "excellent" is not really about him. In addition, people from the process were not very tense with taking out the bones. And when there was not enough ice, the supervisor took it with a shovel from the floor and put it in boxes. Just took from the pile, which was formed under the ice maker. When the fillet box fell off the line in our workshop, nobody carried it back to the process either. It was much easier to turn the box on its side and shove the ice and fish back with a boot. Fortunately, everything was wrapped in a blue plastic film, and the resulting mess could be covered with it.

11. Organic. Wildly expensive products. There were several special farms that grew organic salmon. I don’t know what they did to him there, but once the ship brought a fish, which literally was torn by hands and smelled terribly. We assumed that she died her own death, and her main advantage was that she died without stress, which means wildly good for her health. At other times, she was alive and very beautiful. Nevertheless, it was a couple of days when the ship brought the usual fish, but after a while the boxes with the “organic” sticker started to go out, and then the ordinary went again, although it was all from the same ship.

12. Sometimes engineers forgot to close the street gates in the fridge. They remained open to the street from Friday, and on Monday, it was almost impossible to enter the workshop. Several tons of fish were rotten, the blood flowed from it to the floor, and it smelled so that I wanted to vomit. But I had to work. And the office was frantically thinking what to do. In the end, all this fish was allowed to smokehouse. There are many recipes with various spices and spices that saved the product. Then they began to purse the noses of the girls in the process, which were cutting it into fillets. The most interesting thing is that they didn’t even guess why there was such a stench. But we, during the breaks, brought them clarity, and from this they wrinkled their noses even more. And the engineers, as if nothing had happened, continued to work further.

13. In general, the system of work by the hour is very good for experienced workers, who use it to give their own idleness for full-fledged work. Our supervisor, a lonely man who didn't have to rush home, was sitting in the office until 9 hours of the evening. Even if we were finishing work at 5. Sometimes he left someone with him to go around the workshop, wipe robots, carry pallets from place to place, but this was very rare, and he left only very close ones. In addition, there were cameras in the workshop, and it was not possible to fool around for a long time. But in the office, there was no camera. The supervisor closed the windows of the office with covers from empty boxes, and watched porn. In general, he watched her always. And the most interesting moments, brought to show employees on his IPhone. He never showed me porn. Apparently he understood that something else was included in my list of hobbies. By the way, sometimes, if David was leaning over something to pick up, the supervisor would immediately attach himself to him from behind and pretend that he was fucking him. All local very laughed at this moment.

14. On the process, the clock was stolen differently. The sliced ​​and packed fillets were dumped into a large bin (capacity), all Lithuanians were dismissed from the line ahead of time, and then the supervisor and several local people close to him were left, who put the fish in boxes and sent them to our shop. Of course, it was good for us, because they had small boxes, light ones and they were simple extra hours. I had a case when I made a clock out (electronic mark of the end of working time), and went after my girlfriend to the second floor to go home. She charged empty boxes for tomorrow. This is usually done by the 3-4 person. But none of ours stayed for overtime (extra time), and the British, as usual, left. I was told that it was impossible to remain without the permission of the supervisor, and I went to ask permission to help her. Finding no one, I returned and began to help. I could not sit and watch as she unloads the whole truck. In the morning I was told that in such a situation the supervisor should look at the records on the camera and manually record additional time for me. After all, I worked! Sveta went to him, explained the situation and asked me to add time. Instead of working hours, I told her that he should write at least 30 minutes. But I got nothing. It was not even insulting, but simply disgusting. Against the general background of the scale at which the watch was stolen at the factory, 30 minutes of confirmed time, got him across the throat. I just wasn't local. The local would get everything up to the minute. After all, the camera has a clock.


Boxes with fish. Photo by the author.


15. Svetka's daughter should have had an operation on her eyes. She had congenital strabismus. On the island, such operations did not, so it was necessary to fly to the mainland. The state paid for everything. The plane there and back, a taxi to the hospital and the operation itself. The child lay in the ward with an adjustable bed, a huge TV, computer, internet, toys, books, fruits and yoghurts. My daughter was simply fed to the heap, and my mother lived in a special hotel for parents at the hospital and everything was free there too. When they returned, they were still paid money for gas, because she was driving her car to the airport on the island. The same thing happened the second time when it was necessary to go for a postoperative examination. Only this time, instead of the plane there was a paid ferry.

16. After some time, they began to give us overtime and, after the main time in the fridge, I began to go to the smokehouse. It was the same dispatch (shipping finished products), only packs of fish weighed 150 grams, and they had to be packaged in boxes of 10 pieces. And for the same 6,55 pounds per hour. There was also a refrigerator there, but the work in it wasn’t beat the bedridden. It was especially good on weekends when it’s one and a half hours on Saturday and even two bets per hour on Sunday. A Lithuanian called me there, who had been working there for 7 for years and was doing all the work of the supervisor, who was usually noted in the morning, and left for the whole day on his business. Because he actually performed all his duties instead of the supervisor, the Lithuanian could be at the factory as much as he wanted. Therefore, he always had a good salary. There I saw Kevin for the first time. It was such a local landmark. He was a little crazy. Apparently from birth. There are a lot of sick people there. Apparently this is a problem with DNA. They said that the effect was that for many years they had marriages between relatives. Fathers slept with their daughters, brothers and sisters. And as a result of the process, they gave birth to children. In fact, even now, there you can see people like fabulous forest gnomes. Small in stature, with huge noses, close-set small eyes and small, curled ears. A huge number of people in wheelchairs that make some animal sounds. Sick children. This is some kind of genetic shift. And I have heard more than once that the kingdom has sent a stream of immigrants into the country to dilute the blood. Kevin, apparently, was not the hardest stage. He went to work in 15 for years, got the rights to forklift (loader) and car. By 21, he had already worked for five years in fish factories, he had a red Ford Focus with two white stripes on the body, and his favorite entertainment was to pick up schoolgirls on the road. He was caught and tried for sex with underage girls more than once, but was released every time. Because he was sick. He left the courtroom, and continued to do his favorite thing. And everyone just waited for the next time. I could hardly withstand his bestial look. He always carried some nonsense, although, to be honest, sometimes it seemed that he was not a fool at all. And he just pretends to be him. Once a Lithuanian asked me:

- Do you want to laugh? “Kevin, come here.” He took a 150 gram-pack of smoked salmon, showed it to him, and said:

- Kevin, here are 150 grams of fish. How many fish are in three such packs? - He thought, and after a while answered:

- 350 grams. - We kept our smiles, and the Lithuanian went on:

- And how many fish are in ten such packs?

- Approximately a kilogram. - sounded confident answer.

- And how much will 3 multiply by 7?

- 35 !!!

17. Once in a smokehouse I was told that we would pack fish for a promotion in a trading network. Here, very often there were “pay for one - take two” actions. In the dispatch workshop there was a pallet with cardboard boxes covered in snow. Usually, the bags of fish flew out of the window of the smoke house, but today, they were in cardboard boxes on a pallet. Several workers, took out their contents from the boxes, and glued a sticker with the date for several days ahead. At first I didn’t understand what was going on, but then, when we went into the freezer, pulling out another icy box, I saw a date sticker on it. There stood September 2009 of the year. And in the courtyard was the second half of 2011. The fish was kept in the freezer 2 of the year. And now it was packed for a share, to the store where it costs 25 pounds per kilogram. I asked the Lithuanian what would happen to the one that is smoked now. He replied that he would go into the freezer.

18. Sometimes our employees from other workshops went to the smoke house. Eat salmon. If raw was still sometimes legal, then smoked was immediately fired. Therefore, if you stand with your back to the camera, you can eat it on the sly. Especially on the packaging. But the main thing was not this. There was one recipe where brandy was sprinkled on smoked salmon before vacuum packing. From such a bottle, like pshikayut flowers. Usually, ours became this place, and pshikali times for fish, once in their mouths. The ending of the shift was quite good. And local people didn’t go there, because they don’t even know how to drink pure whiskey, brandy or vodka. For them it is unreal. Although three - four pints (pint - 0,568 liters) of beer per evening, and a couple of glasses of wine upstairs is the norm.

19. When it was necessary to pack a fish in a smoke lamp, the supervisor tried to take ours. Because there it was necessary to have four different recipes, put them in different boxes, before that, putting them in four different cardboard envelopes. But the most difficult thing is to shove the vacuum pack of fish all the time into the paper envelope with the face in the window. In addition, it was necessary to reject packs with broken vacuum. Local did it with great difficulty. They were constantly wrong. And the stores put forward claims, because instead of fish in the packaging window, the reverse side of the foil from the lining was visible, and in some packs the vacuum packaging was completely broken.

20. When cutting salmon, red caviar is thrown along with the intestines. Locals say that you can not eat fish eggs.

21. Masks on the face and nets on the head are worn only when a check arrives.

22. Hard work and uncomfortable living conditions greatly affect the relationships between people. At home, we had constant quarrels and scandals. And it did not add optimism at all.

23. My friend's sister, with whom we lived, once, during another abuse with her boyfriend, said: - If I knew how it would end, I would never have gotten into your new BMW in Riga. "Brought me" reptile to the fish factory on the island. I think they still pay the loan for this car. Although it took a long time bank.

24. The robot sorts the boxes by barcodes, which are pre-glued to them on the scales in the packing workshop. If they are not glued to the center of the box, crooked, or upside down (this also happens), the robot drops the box back. The local, who stands on the scales, glues the stickers at random, and then we re-glue them all the day on the moving boxes. There is no such force that can make him begin to do this humanly. He says “Ok, Sorry” (“Okay, sorry”), and continues in the same vein. I guess this is just an impossible task for him. He just CAN'T. But worse than that, only local, which comes to overtime on Saturday or Sunday. Because he comes drunk, after a night in the pub. And then, the robots just stop, because they can not read that nonsense, which is pasted on the boxes. And yet, a local comrade, can come stoned or devoured by hallucinogenic mushrooms that grow on the island in large quantities.

25. In case of equipment breakdown, engineers try not to repair anything, as long as possible. And come to the call as late as possible. And then, they stand and look, as we, either begin to work manually, or we climb to repair ourselves. Over each window, where the conveyor belt goes, there are electric boards. At one, all the time the switch has fallen. All 6 months of work, we punched him, and the line was turned on again. When the supervisor saw this, he cursed us for our attitude to the equipment. But when he got tired of waiting for engineers for 40 minutes, he began to do the same. On the second electrical panel, a thick stream, water flowed from the cooler (cooler), which stood under the ceiling. It flowed from time to time, when there was filled with a tank with condensate. All that had to be done was to clean the drain pipe that hung on the wall. I asked to do this week. It was wildly scary to stand near the shield, because everything around was wet. And in the event of a closure, the entire workshop would probably have lit up, and with us. When the conveyor chain flew off the cogwheel, we usually stopped the line, threw a chain over two teeth, like a bicycle in childhood, and turned it on again. Troubleshooting took less than a minute. Engineers usually unscrewed all tensioners, removed the gear from the axle, inserted it into the chain, put the wheel back on the axle, screwed it in place, and tensioned the chain with a tensioner. It took about 20-25 minutes. If they, of course, did not forget to bring some instrument. The most interesting thing I saw was that once, when the line got up, an engineer came, opened the shield, looked at it for a long time, and then said that it was impossible to fix this fault. Then he closed the closet and left. We independently found a torn wire, twisted it, and the line started working again.

26. One week we worked Kevin from the smokehouse. He was put to export ready-made pallets from robots. To do this, you need to stop the robot, go to the area of ​​his work, take out the pallet with rokla and turn on the robot again. But Kevin kept confusing the sequence of buttons, even though they were all different colors. And the first thing that happened after pressing the buttons, instead of stopping, the robot took an empty pallet, and with a sweep wore it on top to the full with fish. Cotton was heard, fish, ice and foam scattered in all directions, and then we all, 30 minutes raked the consequences, because it was necessary to collect the broken boards from pallets, pieces of foam, fish and repack all over again in the 24 box. The plant at this time stood. When this was repeated several times, Kevin was forbidden to approach the robots. But that's all he got off with. If I had done this, at least it would have been the dismissal on the same day.

27. There was a very interesting guy from St. Petersburg. Rather, he was born there, but his parents took him to France. He said that they were very rich, that they had a huge hotel on the Cote d'Azur, that he was tired of the sweet life and he decided to taste the weights and deprivations. And that he needs hard work. However, he refused to go to us, and went to light work on the process. Most likely, his parents sent to try what is another life. He was too sad all the time.

28. There were free English courses on the island. State program in college. But this is only in Scotland. In England, these same courses cost 770 pounds.

29. One evening, a local young guy who worked as a cook in our cantina (canteen) was caught by the police when he masturbated under the window of a house where the girl was changing, forgetting to draw the curtains. All local newspapers wrote about this. However, after that, he quietly continued his work at our factory in the kitchen, and during breaks, when he laid food on his plates, meeting his eyes with someone, he simply smiled shyly.

30. The factory was secretly Jen. She looked very nice, despite the fact that she was already far behind 40. She walked around the shop, and grabbed the hands of all the young men by the member. And the girls stroked by the pope. At the breaks, to everyone who wanted to see, she showed her nude pictures on the phone and complained that she had no boyfriend. One Pole decided to help her. She agreed, and invited him to her home. When he arrived, she called the police and took him away on charges of attempted rape. Once she somehow infuriated one of ours and he threw a fish at her. Jen ran into the office, and he immediately received a warning.

31. Many locals ate in debt all week. Because on Monday they have no money. Friday wages, over the weekend, until the last penny settled in pubs. Therefore, all week they ate into debt, on Friday, after the salary, they gave what they owed, and the difference over the weekend was left in the pub again. They always feel completely calm, because next Friday there will be salary again. And if it does not, the state will still not allow them to die and will pay benefits.

32. If a little snow falls, everything is paralyzed. Schools are closed. Half local does not come to work. And if they came, they leave in the middle of the day, because you have to get home by car while it is light.

33. Our people sometimes “forget” to pay in the store. Take a full stroller with food and alcohol, and take it past the cash register. Even if they are stopped, they say that they have forgotten the wallet in the car, and now they will return. There is no crime on the island. Cars parked with the windows open, with the keys in the ignition, expensive phones and bags lie on the seats. Houses do not lock. On weekends in the morning, while you sleep, the postman enters the hallway and leaves letters and parcels. Once in the store was the wrong promotional price tag for mayonnaise. When at the checkout we were beaten out twice the amount, we asked why, because there was a smaller number on the price tag. The senior shift came, checked the price, we were returned the full amount stamped at the box office, and gave away mayonnaise for free. Because it was their fault.

34. There was such a Gunar. And he had a friend Iveta. They lived together and drank just in black. Having gotten drunk, they constantly fought and found out the relationship. When she went home and saw him sitting on the couch with a can of beer, she just kicked him in the face. And he regularly threw her out of the house. Once a friend came to them, and they began to drink in three. After drinking, Iveta began to speak, and they tied her up and laid her on the sofa. Having managed, the guys went to smoke. In T-shirts and slippers. And Iveta unleashed, locked the door from the inside, and called the police. Later, Delfi will write that a Latvian citizen is arrested in England for forcibly imprisoning his girlfriend. A serious article for them, by the way.

35. The island is constantly raining and blowing strong wind. There are moments when you see your car in the morning, but you cannot approach it. Such a power counter-flow of air. There is almost no sun. Over time, comes absolutely depressed. When there is a strong storm and the ferry does not go to the mainland, there are no products in the shops. Even bread. Therefore, at home you should always keep a supply of cereals and pasta. And in the freezer buns, such as French bread, which can be baked in the oven instead of bread. Sometimes such fog fell on the island, that planes from the mainland could not fly in and sit down. Accordingly, no one could fly away from the island. My friends, a couple from Riga, bought plane tickets from the island to Glasgow, and there they had a plane through Amsterdam to Riga. The island covered with fog, and the guys realized that they might not fly away tomorrow. They decided to sail the ferry into the night. But before that, we went to the airport, and tried to return the money for the plane tickets, because by phone they were told that there would be no flights in the next day. At the airport, they explained that they had two more planes after, to which they were told that the money would not be returned to them, and that the company would provide them with a flight, but .... when the weather improved.

36. The island is much easier to get a house from the government than on the mainland. Enough to come to the self with baggage, and say that you have nowhere to live. It is desirable that you be expelled. If you have a job, everything is solved very quickly. Svetkina sister with her boyfriend, got their home that way.

37. Interesting and unusual for us, the system of renewal of the car when buying. You look at the car, you give the money, you write your address in the necessary column of the technical passport and you sign in, after which you tear off the spine and leave. The previous owner by mail sends the registration certificate to the department, and you receive a new registration certificate by mail. It costs nothing.

38. Ship fish local make 5-6 hours. When only we work on weekends, everything is done for 2,5. The general manager always said on Saturdays and Sundays that if he had an opportunity, he would have recruited everyone from the Baltic states. And at these moments I thought that all these guys would love to live and work at home if we were given such an opportunity. But in our country, fishing quotas were cut and almost all fish enterprises and the entire fishing fleet were destroyed. Just probably need workers in England. After all, their factories are more important for Europe.


Local beach. Photo by the author.


39. When I found a new job, and told about it at the factory, everyone was shocked. It turned out that Dorset County is the place where a huge number of local people want to live. Well, the salary promised to be twice as much, which of course could not but rejoice. In addition, I was driving to a world-famous premium class superyacht factory. Therefore, I collected a suitcase, a computer and bought a plane ticket.

40. Departure delayed for 3 hours. I was sent through another city, so I missed the plane to Southampton, and as a result, the bus from Southampton and the train from Bormouth. I took another plane to Southampton, the bus driver took me on an overdue ticket, and at the station the machine gun printed me a ticket for another time. So I ended up in Pula.

41. The next day I went to an employment agency. It was half Polish. But in Polish, they spoke only with the Poles, and I had to communicate in English. Unfortunately, my English was still very far from perfect. At the fish factory, we talked a little, and the courses were once a week, and not always. All the negotiations with the agency were conducted by my girlfriend, and the Englishman was shocked by how I got to them at all. Everything else, here was a completely different dialect. And if on the island I already understood the language well, then here I did not understand anything at all. My CV was the only trump card. I had a very good experience in fiberglass production, and the yachts that the factory produced were just the same from it. The agent said that with my knowledge of the language, most likely I will not be able to work at this plant. He said that he would call and if they agreed, then I would go to work. In principle, I was already mentally ready to go back. But the agent returned, and said that he was told that there are many Poles in the workshops, and if I understand Polish, they will help me at first. I understood Polish. And the next day had to go to a new job. A guy in tattoos across from me helped me fill out forms. It turned out that we are going to one job. It was Thomas. He was from Scotland.

42. In that workshop, in which we had to go, on this day there was no work for us. And we were taken to another shipyard. She was huge. After a brief briefing on safety, we were taken to the shop. There was nowhere to put things, I was wearing jeans and shoes. At the top of my clothes I pulled on a paper jumpsuit, and paper covers on my shoes. I was allowed to put a jacket and a bag in the office of the supervisor. There were no lockers, like a fish factory, in which personal belongings were folded and the locker was locked. Rather were. But only for those who worked under the contract. Anyone who worked through an agency on a test period was not supposed to do anything. Now I was ready to start work. I immediately found two Poles, said that I was from the Baltic states, and asked for help getting started. They told me to watch what they were doing and repeat after them. At that time I did not know that according to such a scheme they organized all of their own, even those who had no idea about this production. There worked former builders, doctors, musicians from Poland. Yes, someone just was not there! Although of course there were those who worked all their life in this specialty. By the end of the day, Thomas and I were told that we should go to our factory tomorrow. He offered to meet near the bridge in the morning and go to work together.


City Center. Photo by the author.


43. Very good that we went together. There were some Englishmen. There was only one Pole, and when I asked him to help, he didn’t look at me very happily. Then we, of course, made friends with him, but at first he helped me with obvious discontent.

44. But from the local no one helped. It was a survival school. You just said: "Go and do." Nobody said what materials to use, in what quantity and in what proportion. Plus, the Dorset accent affected. And when the British saw that you did not understand them, they were terribly annoyed. Making faces, sticking out tongues and making all kinds of obscene sounds. All this had to endure. Because I needed this job, and I did not want to go back to the island. Most struck attitude to work. The shape of the hull of the yacht was all chipped, to which no one paid attention, and inside the yacht there was a lot of debris and traces of dirty shoes, in which everyone climbed straight in. How much material and tools were thrown into the dustbin is just hard to describe. If we talk about technology, it was the maximum 80 of the last century. Thomas was treated even worse than me. He was made constant tricks, because he was a Scot. Well, I got the same thing, because I came with him, and they thought that I was his friend. By the end of the week, Thomas offered me to move to the hotel where he lived. The hotel was several times cheaper than my hotel, and I moved to a room where the toilet and shower were shared and located on the floor. The room had an electric kettle, a washbasin, a plywood built-in wardrobe with a crossbar painted in white paint, and a small TV with 4 programs on it: BBC 1, BBC 2, BBC 3, and BBC 4. On the very first inclusion, I got on the channel, where political scientists in the studio discussed how immigrants from Poland and the Baltic States are taking jobs from the English population. Then they showed the plot from the London Employment Center. A young clerk in a suit and tie was interviewed. Behind him was a huge hall, in which stood a lot of tables, at which sat a lot of people. Near the walls were machines with coffee and tea. People played chess, read newspapers, drank coffee and talked among themselves. Almost all the tables were occupied. The Air Force correspondent asked the clerk:

- Who are these people?

- These are unemployed. - he reported.

- So you have no vacancies? - sounded the next question.

- What are you - said the clerk - we are inundated with vacancies.

“So why don't you give them to them?”

Answer killed on the spot: - So they do not know how !!! They have no qualifications !!!


Factory workshop. Photo by the author.


45. For the room I had to pay 100 pounds per week. Later I was raised to 120. Before work on foot was 45 minutes, on the 2 bus pound one way. Had to walk. 100 pounds a month for the bus was a bit much for me. In the morning, to get to work for 6: 00, you had to get up in 4: 40. In the evening, having finished in 18: 00, it was necessary to go to the store. There was no refrigerator, so I had to buy food every day. At about half past seven I was at the hotel. To sleep at least 8 hours, you had to go to 20: 40. Roughly speaking, everything about everything was a little over an hour. It is a wash, a meal, a meal for work tomorrow, and, if there is still time, chat with friends and family on Skype. Of course, it was possible to work with 8: 00 to 16: 15, as all the British did, but not only did the move cost half a thousand, I needed money for the coming months. After all, had to rent an apartment. And here, in the south, this pleasure is not cheap.

46. All my food at this moment, consisted of products that should not have been prepared. Tea, buns, milk. I did not drink the coffee that was in the hotel on the table. But on the other hand, I realized that instant Nescafe was drunk not only in Russia. Sometimes, I made sandwiches with sausage and cheese. The same thing I ate at work. I really wanted hot food, but in the pubs it was expensive for me, there was nothing to cook at the hotel, and I sometimes went to Burger King and ate a burger with potatoes, I hated fast food all my life, but the food was warm and it was good .

47. The first salary pleased. At that time, the plant was bursting with orders and we worked on 12, and sometimes on 14 hours a day. I still ate all nonsense. But on the first payday, I really got drunk. Just took a bottle of brandy with fruit and passed out. Fortunately, there were two days off.


Living room. Photo by the author.


48. Thomas found another job. According to him in Italy. At the Ferrari factory. May be so. I dont know. He would have gone anyway. On this he was led by constant conflicts with the British. The British really ate it. He went to the supervisor and said that they have racism at the factory. The panic began. Racism in England is a terrible thing. This is a criminal article. When you are employed, you sign a paper that you will tolerate and respectfully treat members of another race, nationality, and sexual orientation. Actually it is only paper. The British consider themselves to be the highest race, and the fact that they do not tell you this out loud does not mean that this cannot be shown by their actions and actions. Thomas was immediately transferred to another workshop. Across the road. But there he did not last long. When we were going home, he always told me that there were very angry and aggressive people here. And what he had heard about it, but came face to face for the first time. Honestly, I also felt the difference. People in Scotland are more friendly and kind. Even to us. There was no such thing. Leaving, Thomas left me a microwave. He bought it for 40 pounds literally before his departure, and in the evenings he invited me to warm up some ready-made food we bought at the store. He asked for a pound 10 microwave, but I pushed him 20. In the end, she worked only two days. Food in the microwave was disgusting, but it was at least hot. In general, the British are so lazy that the majority of people at home do not cook anything. The most popular places for them are fast food and take away (restaurants with ready-made food), and the shelves with ready-made dishes for microwaves are of immense size in any store. Once I read that the English do not have their own kitchen. It probably is. All their dishes are Chinese, Indian and Taiwanese cuisines. A huge amount of curry in any meal over time begins to cause a gag reflex. I very carefully selected my food for the evening, but for me there were really only a few dishes edible.

49. One evening, the hotel manager knocked on my room. After a couple of days, she said, the hotel owner arrives with a check. It is impossible that the room was something that says that you live here for more than three days. No pajamas, washed socks on the battery, and no food. Maximum lemonade and biscuits. Well, and all the more, no microwaves. It was a disaster. At the beginning, I didn’t even know what to do. But, on reflection, I found an option. On my bed was a cape that hung down to the floor. Without thinking twice, I tucked the microwave under the bed, and there also folded the products and the bulk of things. Checkout went great. But I left the microwave under the bed. Of course, it was not very convenient to warm the food under the bed, but it was a way out. A little later, I learned that this hotel worked with my employment agency, and all those who came from other cities, the agency settled there. The owner of the hotel, apparently, did not even guess that people live there for months, and it is not accepted to come without warning. Most likely, the manager agreed with the agency without the knowledge of the owner. In addition, for 5 weeks lived, paying a weekly number, I received a check only once.

50. On the ground floor of the hotel was a pub. I went there sometimes to connect to the internet. The hotel router was so weak that the signal did not reach the second floor. In general, the Internet and mobile communications in England, is a separate conversation. Every evening, a crowd gathered in the pub, but on working days, as a rule, everything was quiet and decent. The most interesting thing happened on the weekend. It all started on Friday. But it was the quietest day. The people were buzzing until late, but it was a faint hum. Live music was played on the Saturday after 7 evenings, but on Saturday it could be tolerated. After all, Sunday is ahead, and you can sleep even the whole day. The worst began on Sunday. There was a feeling that this was the last day in their lives, and the global flood would begin tomorrow. Therefore, the people came off to the fullest. Visitors boomed until 2 hours of the night. And on one Sunday night, at about hours at 12, everything abruptly subsided, and there were shouts in the street. I looked out the window and saw people carrying a decently dressed drunken body out of a pub with no signs of life. After a few minutes, the body tried to get up, but the attempts were in vain. Soon the ambulance arrived, loaded it into the car, and drove away. The rest returned to the pub and continued the fun until half past two in the morning. AS? Explain to me how it is possible after this, the next day to go to work and execute it within the framework of human norms?

51. After that, I stopped wondering that in our workshop in the mornings there are inadequate people. With shining eyes, hanging snot, falling asleep, crouching somewhere, and going to the opposite side instead of the one to which they were told. In addition, they confused materials and chemicals, and the brigadier, who, like all of us, understood why this was happening, looked away and tried to make them work easier. Well, so that nothing is spoiled. By the first break, these people, if you can call them that, came to their senses, and began to moan, how bad they feel. Rather, the end of the working day, to return home and lie down in bed. However, after lunch, apparently finally sobering up, they waited for the end of the working day even more. To quickly go to the pub again.

52. In general, they moan all the time. Every morning begins with a groan. If you ask how are you, they answer that badly. That I had to get up early, that yesterday there was a lot of beer, that they went to bed late, that they were very sick. From time to time they throw an instrument, and run to the toilet to spit. As a rule, these are the main causes of morning suffering. They count the hours and minutes until the end of the workday, and almost never remain on overtime. Overtime work only we.

53. Once at work I felt bad. It rarely happens to me. But apparently the food from the microwave has done its heinous business. I was terribly sick, and I said that I feel bad. The British immediately said that they did not need to eat kebabs. And then they let me go home. It was very nice to get out of the shop and close my eyes from the sun. After all, I saw him only at the breaks. In the morning he was not there yet, and in the evening he was not already. By the way, for the fact that I left in the middle of the day, some bonuses were removed from me.

54. In the meantime, my friend, sitting on an island, was looking for options with a flat. I do not know how in the center of the mainland, but here in the south, finding accommodation right away is almost impossible. You come to work, act on it, and you naturally need to live somewhere. To get housing for rent through the agency is impossible. Because you do not have a permanent contract and you work as a temporary worker. Accordingly, the rent you do not give. All you can do is search for accommodation through private ads in newspapers or in Polish stores. They have a bulletin board and there are offers of rooms. But even if you find something, you need to make a deposit several months in advance, and come to terms with the fact that in the near foreseeable future, for 70-80 pounds a week, you will find a communal kitchen, a shared shower and a shared toilet. And the room will be the size of a dog kennel. Based on the fact that a friend had two children, we needed a two-bedroom apartment. Firstly, there were four of us, and secondly, she wanted to apply for state housing. And everything is very simple there. If you deliberately take off a small area (and a minimum is stipulated in a question with children), then you will not only be given nothing, but will also be punished for fraud with the state. It is believed that you deliberately do this in order to get extra points and raise your status in the queue for housing. Among other things, there is another problem. Here, few people want to rent an apartment or house, a family with young children. According to their laws, it is impossible to put small children on the street, even if their parents do not pay rent. Therefore, agencies and landlords (property owners), as a rule, refuse families with small children. They'd rather let someone with a dog or cat. Because it is possible to drive out with a dog or a cat, but not with children.

55. Nevertheless, Sveta was looking for options on the Internet, called up, and it was my responsibility to walk and see another version. One day, I had to see two apartments from one agent. The blessing was not far, the apartments were in the same house, and in the evening I went to watch. An agent arrived at Rainge Rover. They're all on the Rage Rovers. Real estate in the UK is a good business. Prices are exorbitant, so no one is in need. Although for the most part, the apartments are very small and cramped. Before that, I didn’t understand how a two-room apartment could be smaller than 50 square meters. And there are most of them. The agent showed me two apartments, in each of which there was only one bedroom. They were in the same house, and both were on the top floor under the roof. I even find it difficult to name their area. In my opinion 20 meters. In general, they have a lot of such small rooms and apartments with slanting ceilings, where entering the room, you should bow your head to one side. In the bulk, they are in a terrible state. The owners of houses divide them into countless separate rooms in order to squeeze the maximum profit out of rent. I saw rooms where only a table, a wardrobe and a bed were located. And the bed was already standing under the sloping ceiling, and it was even problematic to sit on it normally, without hitting my head. In general, I looked at what they showed me, and I did not even have comments. Not to mention the price. But I was particularly impressed by the boilers. And in that and in other apartments, they stood in a bedroom, and on the floor. Apparently those who put them, put them as it was more convenient for them to work. Honestly, I can not imagine how you can sleep with a heating boiler in one room, and can not imagine how you can live there with a small child. After all, the boiler, this is the first where he will climb. I asked the agent how about apartments with gas heating, because gas is much cheaper than electricity. If in the winter you pay for gas 30-40 pounds per month, then for electric heating bills reach 200. He asked where I was from, and when he heard the answer, he told me that in Scotland, from which I came, the situation really looks like this. But in England, just the opposite, electricity is much cheaper than gas. He lied to my eyes. In general, I refused. A couple of days later, Sveta found another option. Closer to work, with a patio, with parking space, gas heating and two bedrooms for 600 pounds per month plus bills. Accounts made up about two hundred more. Local tax, Internet, water, electricity and gas. The apartment was 40 meters, and maybe less. Looking at the size of our bedroom, I caught myself thinking that in Latvia in the last rented apartment I had such a kitchen.

56. Only later, after a while, she told me what it cost her to get this apartment. How much she listened to the reproaches for her bad English, although she was very good with her, how many times the agents did not answer the phone, how many times they promised to call back or write and did not do it, it simply could not be conveyed. As for myself, I knew only one thing, that while she fought with them, I went to the hotel for the second month. The agency has been preparing the contract for a month. First, they demanded a deposit for us in one month, then for two, then they asked for a financial guarantor, then they checked us through some company. After that, I was given an act of reconciliation of the condition of the apartment, where all the scratches were rewritten. I had to fill it in, add more defects, and bring them back for signature. For two days I did it with the help of my Lithuanian friends, but nobody came to check what we added. And then, I was invited several times for keys, and each time they were not given them, talking about how they understood my difficult situation, and promising that I would leave the hotel and move to their wonderful apartment. I refused to overtime, ran to the agency, and every time I realized that I did not earn money again, did not receive the keys. But, finally, a significant day came when the agency reported that today is accurate. A woman co-owner of the company told me to come after work, and her partner will give me the keys after signing the contract. I arrived at the appointed time, just in case, taking with me a Lithuanian who spoke good English and volunteered to help me. The solidly dressed partner was alone in the office. When we entered, he asked who we were, and why we did not make an appointment. They say he has an important meeting, and he can not waste time on us. We said that, generally, we were assigned, and we do not understand his reaction. An important gentleman, with a disgruntled look, began to poke around in the papers and look for a contract that I had to sign. There was no contract. Apparently he forgot to prepare. He began to copy the contract on a copier, but then the cartridge ended. During the conversation, I apologized for my bad English, and I received a sharp reply, that in any case its Polish is worse than my English. I said I'm not Polish. To which he asked where I was from, and when he heard the name of the country, he asked where it was located. Apparently, he did not know where the Baltic Sea is located, so he was satisfied that it was the former republic of the Soviet Union. In general, I very often came across the fact that at the word Latvia the British ask if this is far from Poland. I signed the papers and got the keys. It was a moment of happiness. I rushed to the supermarket and bought all that is possible. From food to pans and pots. My God, how delicious the bacon and eggs were, fried in a normal kitchen !!!

57. Meanwhile, work was in full swing at the plant. Orders was a lot. The London Boat Show has just ended. The plant worked 24 hours a day. We worked from 6 in the morning to 6 in the evening. And in the evening 6 came the night shift and worked until 6 in the morning. Fortunately, now the apartment was closer than the hotel, and it took only 25 minutes to go to work. Therefore, it was possible to sleep a little longer. There was also a normal shower, a wide bed and a fridge with a normal meal.

58. My brigadier, his name was Eric, for the third time asked me where I came from and where I had worked before. Hearing the answer “from the Shetland Islands from the fish factory” for the third time, for the third time he genuinely was surprised and sympathetically shook his head. Looks like a decent guy. Total 35 years ... Older workers frankly mocked him. The first time I did not understand why. Then I understood. When he went to the warehouse for something, he forgot what he was on the way. He worked for several years with the same model of the yacht, and could not remember the simplest things. Every time he was asked the type of material used, or the dimensions of the part, he went to look at the drawings. Even if it was one single piece in the case, he could not remember its flow chart. For comparison, it took me only two months to memorize the main production parameters of our model. Over time, the new employees stopped going with questions to him, and began to contact me. Because with me it was not necessary to wait. Eric was very offended at first, but then he realized that now he could walk around the shop even more, and we began to see him even less often. Sometimes in the morning, he could simply not come to work, and not appear another week and a half. He almost never remained on overtime. During the year of my stay at the plant, he worked with us only four times. And, frankly, it would be better if he did not work. After all, redoing something for someone is always harder than doing it from scratch. In general, he disappeared all the time, and we were looking for him to get to the warehouse for tools and materials. It all ended with the fact that we made a duplicate of the key to the warehouse, and secretly went there for everything necessary. We did not have time to look for him in the corners and toilets. We had to work. One morning, the supervisor entered the workshop and asked:

- Eric today there? (it was not already the 4 of the day).

We asked jokingly:

- And who is it?

The supervisor sighed, laughed, and left. I think Eric was a relative from the office. Because he was never told anything that he would not get up.

59. Steeper than him was just another brigadier. When he filled out the working papers, which, by the way, there was an insane amount in the workshop, he wrote the word “bot” instead of “boat”, and he wrote off the name of our company from the logo on his working jacket.

60. In general, there were many incomprehensible people in the company. There was one Englishman. William. Small and red. He constantly came to check our branch. Sometimes he spoke at rallies, and said that we should work well and throw out certain garbage in certain baskets, depending on their coloring. He could say nothing more. The rest of the time he walked around the shop, and scared everyone with his gaze through large square glasses. Everyone tried to avoid him. It was the boss. Once I asked who he was. I was told that a former simple worker, just his dad, once sat in the head office. And then, he also got into the office. Because I went to the same church with the head of personnel of the enterprise. And then William was missing. Later we learned that he went to work for another company. HR manager. There he was offered 60 thousand pounds a year, against 50 in our company. I immediately remembered the fish factory. There, too, everyone arranged for warm places of their friends and relatives. Mental and professional qualities, in this case, had no meaning.

61. In the first few months, a lot of new people came. Then there was a permanent set through the agency. After me came another man 8. Of these, there was only one Pole. When he came, he was shocked by the mess and long-obsolete technology. He did not understand why, at such a well-known enterprise, everything is still done manually. Even at his small factory in Poland, everything was much more modern and better organized. And then he drank himself, and one fine day, he just didn't come anymore. The rest were local. Only one of them resisted. And that, only because he had 17 years of service. There was another Englishman at the age. He did everything disgusting and he was transferred to another shipyard. The rest were young. They lasted the least.

62. We had another interesting friend from the locals. His name was Jack. He came to work for 40 minutes. True, until you got a contract. Then he began to come for 5 minutes before the start of the working day. He had a green minibus, which he occasionally broke. Jack never said what happened, but then I realized when he put it near my house. Returning a few hours later, he could barely stand on his feet. All this time, Jack sat in the pub. And the bus left away because if the owner of the pub sees that the driver is drunk he got behind the wheel, he is obliged to call the police. As the bus was far away, and the owner of the pub saw nothing, Jack got behind the wheel and quietly drove home. The police repeatedly caught him, took the bus, put him under arrest, wrote out huge fines, but this was not a reason to stop drinking. Every evening, he regularly drank two liters of cider. And during the weekend, all this, in addition, was well flavored with beer and wine. It was amazing, but it was the only Englishman who remained at overtime all the time. His countrymen disliked him for it, and called fucking masochist (fucking masochist). Just before I left, I learned that this masochist worked not because he loved work, but because he had many thousands of fines for drunk driving, and he had to put them out. Having a large salary, he always walked like a ragged, and he never had any money. When he finally had his rights taken away, he was already working the night shift for another shipyard. Now, in the evening, he began to drink only a liter of cider. And after that, I went to work. And if earlier, he drank after work, but now it worked out. He was 51 year. True, he looked at 60. In England, in general, many people look older than their age. I think it affects the constant alcohol and constant smoking. There was a case when they asked me for a document when buying strong alcohol. You can buy it there after 25 years. I laughed, but I was pleased to realize that by their standards, I look like 40 in my 25. One day, Jack and I worked together. And we had to cut into three parts, 6 pieces of glass mat for each. Jack thoughtfully said: "three parts ... 6 pieces for each .... it will be 21." And he began to cut off. I said nothing. But what was his surprise when we did everything and three pieces left !!!! At that moment I remembered Kevin from the fish factory. And I realized that with mathematics they are very hard for everyone. Even those who do not have help.

63. Finally, a friend arrived. She brought all of our belongings, and normal dishes and linens appeared in the house. She immediately met a neighbor from the lower floor. An Englishwoman who lived with her son and was considered a lonely mother, despite the fact that her boyfriend regularly visited her. After a couple of months, the neighbor lost the car, which all the time stood next to ours. When we asked where he was, it turned out that the car was in the penalty area, and in the coming year, she would not need it. Because she was deprived of her rights for a year in a drunken state. Apparently the owner of the pub managed to call the police. Very soon, Sveta began, from time to time, to treat her neighbor with our food, completely uncharacteristic for England. Good and I and she cooked well. Many of our say that the British do not eat what we eat. It is not true. They eat, and how, but only when you give them all this hot and on a plate. Also praise. Neighbor always said that we need to open your restaurant. And once, when I cooked fried sauerkraut with boiled potatoes and baked pork leg, her boyfriend devoured everything that was on the plate while she went for the second fork. The most exotic dish for her was fried mushrooms. She did not understand how to go to the forest, collect wild mushrooms and cook them so tasty. If you are talking about mushrooms in the UK, you should always add the word normal to the word mushrooms (mushrooms), otherwise your companion will think that it is about hallucinogenic mushrooms that are constantly eating addicts, and will think that you are doing the same .

64. Upon the arrival of a friend, we were struck at the thought of our own business. Really did not want to go to the factory, and I wanted to earn more. We have carefully studied the market and realized that there is a direction that amazingly falls under local features, and most importantly, there is no such thing. Food business. What could be better than fried potatoes for the local population? She is eaten in large quantities here. In Latvia, we have repeatedly seen a spiral potato on a stick, deep fried. In England, there was only one company involved in this, and then far beyond London. There is! We thought. Only we will do all the more cunning. We will make our point mobile. And we can always be in the center of any holiday. There was not enough money to start. Registration for small business and certificates for working with products, here you can get without leaving home. I also had to go to the local government and get permission to trade. Sveta went into self-government. She told our idea, showed pictures and an Englishwoman came into indescribable delight:

- What are you great! - she said. - Our county welcomes everything new and interesting. This we really do not have.

In the bank, our idea was also liked by the loan manager. There was only one formality - a business plan. In England, a business plan is a brief description of what you want to do. You yourself can write these a couple of sheets, and count a few basic figures on the calculator. The business plan was made in one evening, and he struck down a bank employee on the spot. Affordable price, brilliant idea, 400% profitability. Plus, my permanent contract with the plant, fully guaranteed loan repayment. Expenses, incomes, and even taxes were calculated to a penny.

- Who did this? the manager asked.

- My partner - Svetlana answered.

- What did he finish?

- Nothing. Just a lifetime engaged in business.

- This is a brilliant business plan !!! - she summed up the conversation - We have these for the year can be counted on the fingers.

We were promised to call back in three days. The answer was unexpected.

- You are denied.

Of course, they had every right not to explain the reasons for the refusal. On the one hand it was insulting. And on the other, we were pleased. Because after a few days, they wrote to us from the local government that we would not have been able to trade "from the wheel". All they could do for us was to rent our stalls on the beaches. And on the bus, we did not have the right to approach the beaches. In this situation, the whole idea lost its meaning, because we planned to work ourselves. And in the stalls it was necessary to plant people, pay them wages, and rent to self-government. And this is not penny expenses.

Later, the Poles explained to me that we were not given a loan because we have been in England for just a year and a half. In reality, you can get something there only in years through 5 or 6, provided that you work and do not sit on the manual.

65. Absolutely amazing personality lived behind a nearby fence. I still do not know his name. When he was sitting on the street, lit a cant with marijuana, I always wanted to jump out the window. There was nothing to breathe in the house, and it was quite difficult for children to explain why it smells so unbearably. Apparently, this was how the wind rose was located, that all the smoke came to us. The neighbor all the time lived in the garage, which was converted into a living room, and its inner wall, which went out into the courtyard, was completely out of double-glazed windows. Thanks to this, we could see what he was doing there. It was a young English family man. His wife with a small child lived in the house, and he only went there to spend the night. The rest of the time he was self-fulfilling in the garage. The first thing he did in it, it equipped a wall for boldring (climbing the wall). After some time, apparently having mastered it, he installed the same panels on the ceiling. And after another podkur, climbed and hung on the ceiling, like an Australian sloth. Somewhat later, I heard some sounds from the garage. Peering over the fence from the second floor, I saw that he, with his friend, dragged drums and guitars from somewhere, and now they begin to comprehend all the beauty and power of musical art. They rattled and knocked, pulling a terrible howl from musical instruments. It lasted almost a week. But soon, apparently resigned to failure, they threw this venture, and the tools disappeared without a trace. The next project was a gym. In just a couple of hours, the entire garage was lined with exercise equipment, pears were hung from the ceiling, and now, in the evenings, a young man squeezed a barbell, shook his triceps, and then beat the bag for a long time. The culmination of all was the roar of the wound outboard motor. They dragged him from somewhere, brought an empty dumpster from the street, poured water into it and tormented him for half a day trying to start it. In the end, the engine started. With a sense of accomplishment, they silenced him, laid him on the ground, covered him with a rag, and left him to lie down for the whole winter. Looking at this, I always thought, well, okay, you don’t take care of your family at all, that’s your business, but who pays for this whole banquet? After all, looking at you, who come in clothes stained with paint, I understand that you are some kind of simple hard worker who can only buy all this on credit. And most likely, it all cost much more than I asked in the bank for my business. I'm just a stranger here.

66. By the way, there are many hard workers walking around the streets, in spattered clothes and shoes. They do not dress in the morning from clean to working, having come to work, and from worker to clean at the end of the working day. Both in the morning and in the evening in dirty working clothes, they go out and get on a city bus, car or bicycle. At first I did not understand how it was possible. And then I understood. This is laziness, terry laziness, and, perhaps, partly the lack of proper upbringing. Personally, I always had the strength and desire to change clothes and go home in human form.

67. Three test months passed, and I stood in anticipation of the contract. I had no complaints, so all the chances to get it were there. The Lithuanian finisher who came later got a contract. With finishers eternal problem. They have more delicate work, and a good finisher is always hard to find. Well, in this area, they are difficult to find in principle. I was given a contract a month later. I do not know why. The supervisor explained this by saying that four supervisors had to sign the agreement to my contract. Three have signed, and the fourth was somewhere away. Probably rested, what else do they do ...

68. After some time, the Lithuanian finisher, broke up with his girlfriend and found another. But she lived very far away. In Boston. In general, this is probably the center of the Lithuanian diaspora in the UK. What he told me on arrival back simply struck my imagination. In general, he himself was impressed a lot, because all the time he lived in the south, and the situation in the south was completely different. Compared with other regions, we have very few Balts here. Basically, the Poles, well, a little bit others. And in Boston, he saw a whole Lithuanian settlement. The first thing that surprised him was the number of strong bald guys in tracksuits, with gold chains around their necks, traveling around the area on a BMW. According to him, he was not left with the feeling that he was returning home to Lithuania, where you were walking down the street, and they could take money and a mobile phone away from you at any time. And still there were people who were collecting bottles and aluminum beer cans. The last straw was the moment when they sat with a girl in a cafe. A ragged tangler entered him, who, having heard the Lithuanian speech, approached their table and asked:

- Tell me, are you from Lithuania?

After receiving an affirmative answer, he fell to his knees, and kissing the hands of my friend, began to lament, as he was glad to see fellow countrymen, and began to ask for food. The Lithuanian returned in shock. He did not expect to see anything like it. According to him, such a density of homeless people per square kilometer, he did not even see in Lithuania.

69 Meanwhile, at the next rally, which necessarily took place every Friday, our supervisor announced that the company would pay for college tuition for anyone wishing to purchase NVQ. This is a national vocational qualification. In general, it is very good to have such a piece of paper. Depending on the category, you can claim a higher salary with it, and work with composite materials in the aerospace and military industries. The proposal was met with the roar of indignation. The oldest workers began to resent that some amateur theoretical theorists from the college would train great masters who had worked in this specialty all their lives. I was surprised, but the Lithuanian, who was standing next to me, said that they simply could not read and write and did not want to screw it up. The overwhelming majority of local people snorted, and stated that they didn’t need it, and I agreed, because it was offered to everyone, despite poor knowledge of the language. In the most difficult cases, language courses were promised at the expense of the company. A little later, on reflection, I told my brigadier that I probably wouldn't pull my studies. I received the answer that the main thing is not the language, but the fact that I know my work very well. Moreover, it is not necessary to go to college, everything will happen in the workplace, during working hours. People from college will just stand by, take pictures and ask questions. And you will have to work and explain what you are doing, and why this is so. As a last resort, he said, you can always go to any of the team and he will help you explain or write what you need. “Okay,” I said. And the day of the preliminary test. We were all summoned to the dining room, and distributed four tasks. Two in mathematics and two in language. Apparently, college teachers wanted to make sure that future students can read, write, and add double-digit numbers. I could use the translator on the phone. I do not know for what class these tasks were, but I solved them in a matter of minutes. The rest of them were somehow delayed. The language was more difficult, but there I did almost everything. But the most surprising thing was that I passed my papers at the same time with many Englishmen. It was not clear to me how such simple tasks could be done for so long, besides in my native language. After the tests, we were given thick black stationery folders, in which there was nothing but color inserts. The teacher raised the same one over her head and said that we would be the same. There will be detailed phased descriptions, and photos of all technological processes. Actually, there were 70-80 sheets. I even somehow cringe. Nothing, said the brigadier. They themselves will write and photograph everything. You will only have to show that you can do it. And then there were two more classes. Completely different people arrived, sat us in the dining room and began to ask a lot of questions. It was necessary to first describe in detail some process orally, and then put it all on paper. These were already tasks that I, naturally, could not do. I was given some kind of yellow piece of paper on which the conclusion was written that I needed additional classes in English. Nobody went to the shop, and no one photographed anything. We were offered to photograph ourselves, but given the fact that we have hands all the time in sticky resin, this was not possible. Therefore, one by one, everyone started to refuse. Before the third lesson, I also went to the supervisor, and said that it was too difficult for me. So ended my attempt to obtain a national qualification ...

70. There was another bright personality in our team. This is Stephen. He always had a red face because he was constantly drinking. No matter how much he earned, he never had any money. One day, on Tuesday, he began to make wild cries, gallop around the ship like a monkey, and clap his hands on the bottom. I asked what was going on, and received a response from a colleague:

“He has no money for cigarettes.” And when he doesn’t smoke, he has a roof .- When Stephen had cigarettes, he constantly started to smoke during working hours. But one day he forgot that we had cameras installed and got caught. A disciplinary sanction, of course, was not the worst punishment for him, but the most surprising thing was that a couple of weeks after this incident, he was appointed fire marshall (fire inspector) because the previous one was transferred to another shipyard. After some time he was also transferred to another shipyard. The supervisor is tired of being recorded for overtime and Saturdays, and never comes to them.

71. There was a day when a distinct smell of marijuana appeared in the whole workshop. Someone quietly went out to smoke, and hid in a cold warehouse. Apparently the comrade did not know that the intake of the main fan, which pumped fresh air into the workshop, is located right above his head. In the workshop, everyone looked at each other and laughed. The brigadier also laughed with us.

72. In order to keep the yacht clean and there was no debris from the soles of shoes between layers of fiberglass, before going down into it, you should wear blue protective rubber overshoes on working shoes. And when you go out, they must be removed and put on a special shelf, which is located near the ladder. Many Englishmen put on these galoshes on working shoes in the morning at the locker with clothes, and took them off in the evening, or only when they were replaced with new ones. They walked into them all over the shop, went to the toilet, to the dining room, and even went outside. And when they went home, they took off their work shoes with galoshes. And she stood near their lockers. In my opinion, they did not understand the purpose of these galoshes. Or maybe they thought it was to keep their work shoes clean.


The working process. Photo by the author.


73. One morning, when it was necessary to throw out the garbage, I had swung over the dustbin, but suddenly I saw a blue-red British union jack (British state flag) and two red-and-white England flags on its bottom. I hesitated. The brigadier was standing nearby, and I called him.

“Listen,” I said, “I don't think this is very good.” After all, this is the national flag. Plus two flags of England.

- So what? - He said, - There are no football fans here.

I threw the garbage in another basket. At this moment a Lithuanian approached me.

- What's new? - he asked.

I silently showed him the finger in the trash.

- No x ... myself! - he said, - How so?

I told him that I, too, did not understand how it could be. We agreed that this is not done in our countries. Again the brigadier approached.

- What bothers you so much? - he asked.

We said that the flag is a state symbol, and we treat such things with respect, no matter what country it is in.

“C'mon,” he laughed, and went to the warehouse.

- What do we do? - I asked the Lithuanian.

He went to the office of the supervisor and said that we could not work, because we could not throw garbage at the national flag of Great Britain. The supervisor was taken aback at first, then told to remove the flags from the trash bin and bring it to his office. What was done. A few hours later, apparently having received the appropriate instructions, the brigadier seized the moment, and again spoke to me on the theme of state symbolism.

“So why did you react like that?” - he asked.

I once again explained to him that there is a concept of state symbols, and that we are accustomed to take this seriously and with respect. After that, a long lecture began that nothing really terrible had happened. That Great Britain is a very democratic country, that in the end, no one burned these flags and nobody outraged them, and that one shouldn’t even bother about it. He told me that if we were located north of London, then there are areas in which two nationalist parties won, and that there could even be a face for such a thing. And the south is so tolerant that even no one will pay attention to it here. In general, he pretended that he cleared my brains, and I pretended that I understood everything. On that and went. And then in the store, I saw rugs that lay in front of the entrance doors to wipe my feet. They were in the form of the flag of Great Britain. After that, I was not surprised at anything.

74.All more or less intelligent craftsmen from local to workshop are people of pre-retirement age. There are almost no young people. In reality, there is no one to replace these masters. The only replacement is us. Emigrants Or as they say fucking immigrants (fucking immigrants).

75. A former Lithuanian girl who worked in a hotel said that the Englishwoman’s boss complained that because of Balts and Poles, her son, after graduating from school, could not find work for 7 years. Our people, the Lithuanian woman answered her, come and find work during the week.

76.Polyak, who worked with me, several years ago injured his leg in another factory. The injury was so serious that he kept his leg in a cast for 9 months. He sued the company 50 thousands of pounds, but for some time, up to this point, had no income. The state gave him an apartment in a social house and a benefit. There were three more apartments in the house. In one lived a social family with a bunch of children, in the other some drunks, and in the third there lived an Englishman who had been unemployed for 20 for years and lived solely on welfare. He slept until one o'clock in the afternoon, then went to be noted on the exchange. He called her not a job center (job center) but a joke center (comic center). On the way back, he bought a couple of cans of beer, a cant of marijuana, and went home to watch TV. When you enter the local government, where benefits and benefits are calculated, a poster hangs at the entrance: “We invest in people”. Involuntarily you begin to wonder in whom they, in the bulk, invest.

77.Litevets told how you can sit on the manual for years. The main thing to work a year. Then it is necessary for you. Then you can become unemployed and go to the exchange. You start paying. And you are waiting for job offers. When they give you a referral for an interview, you take it, come to the employing company, and pretend to be a complete moron. Naturally, they tell you that you are not suitable. You say:

- Ok, but please write this on the direction.

After that, go back to the exchange, and show them the inscription on the direction of the interview. Next time you do the same. The exchange continues to pay benefits and look for a job for you. He said that one of his friends gets a thousand a month and has been living for four years already. Litovka plow in a hotel for a thousand a month, sometimes cleaning up to 50 numbers per day.

78.At the factory issued an order not to use knives with locking blades. We were shown a knife, with a retractable blade, which must be kept all the time, otherwise it drops back into the handle. Absolutely not adapted for our work design. Apparently the one who promoted them to the company did not represent the nature of the work. But they still began to buy. Apparently they were supplied by someone's relative.

79. After the summer vacation, we realized that we had no orders. All scattered in other shipyards. I first got to 5 shipyard. I worked there for a week. I was assigned to a Pole who had worked there for a very long time. He always said that I slow down the pace of work. This is all despite the fact that so, there was basically nothing to do. It was a painful week, because there was no place to hide there, but there was nothing to do. One morning, we sat for an hour and rubbed with sandpaper the same place on the deck. Actually, what we did here in a day could be done in an hour. Here I first saw a queue in the toilet. Later I understood why. When I asked the Pole what else to do, he said that if I have internet in my phone, then I need to go to the toilet for 20 minutes. And there were a lot of sufferers there. As for himself, he went there every hour. Their brigadier approached me and asked why I was not doing anything. I replied that I had nothing to do and asked for a job. He told me "if there is no work, look busy". That means taking a broom and sweeping the floor. The main thing is to take a broom. Because the broomstick is small, and there are a lot of workers who have nothing to do. Then there was a rally. Looking at the huge workshop, it seemed to me that the maximum 20 man worked there. But when the rally was announced, another 40 man got out of some kind of cracks, and a huge crowd gathered. The supervisor mumbled something unintelligible, everyone applauded and went to break. Then there was the shipyard 2, where they make the largest production models, the length of 40 meters. Everything was very strict there. Perhaps this is the only place in the company where there is at least some order. But even there, everyone works very slowly. I was given a full-day job that could be completed in 40 minutes. And I painfully stretched her. I also met a Lithuanian who lived in England for 12 years, of which 6 was in Pula. When I told him that here in the south is quiet and calm, not like in Manchester, where you can get a baseball bat on the head, if you speak with an accent, he asked me if I went to clubs and discos here. I said no. He laughed and said:

- And you go. This is certainly not Manchester, but you can snatch it here.

Then there was the shipyard 4. On it, at this time, did the largest composite yacht in the world by the individual order. And only the British worked here. I had to glue the inside of the fuel tanks. It was a terrible job. You climb through a small hatch inside a huge, but very small in height container, and crawl there like a worm through holes in partitions. Huge fans blow from above, there is a mask on the face, and from the lighting there are several paws of daylight. Let's just say the place is not for those who are claustrophobic. This yacht was announced at the beginning of the year, but the summer was already ending, and she still stood without the upper deck, not to mention the equipment and interior decoration. We were given a huge amount of overtime, because time was running out already. When I was transferred to another shipyard, the brigadier thanked me for the work, and said that he was holding his fingers with a cross to get me back. Fingers cross, it's like we keep fists. And he kept them for one simple reason. Because I worked very quickly and well, and time had to be caught up. Then there was the shipyard 3. There I made forms with the Poles. And then they returned me to my factory. The scattering of people made it possible for the supervisor to filter out a certain number of idlers. They simply did not call back. And of those who returned, a team was formed, which together with six people, easily performed what nine people had done before. True, there were only two Englishmen now. In addition to them, there were three Poles, and me. At the same time, expelled all those who worked through the agency. These were those who had a temporary contract and worked on a test period. Some of them have been working for 5 for months instead of three. All said goodbye. A week later, they took it back. For a new verification period. This is very beneficial for the company. Because the contractor to expel hard. A temporary worker can be expelled at any time without giving a reason. They are simply told that they may not come tomorrow.


At work. Photo by the author.


80. But the most outstanding person on our team was Paul. This is the youngest and most memorable Englishman. He was 27 for years, and every night he went to the pub to drink 3-4 pints of beer. The British, among themselves, called him fucking alcoholic (fucking alcoholic). When one day in the process of work, a conversation began about who had some religion, Paul said: “My church is a pub, my God is alcohol” (“My church is a pub, my God is alcohol”). During the work, he always screamed some cries, similar to the baboon’s cries, sang in a bad voice to the singers on the radio, but the most interesting thing was that when he started a song that he liked a lot, he apologized, said that this was his favorite song, he put tool on the floor, and started out like a dog, fucking the nearest jutting corner of the hull of the yacht. Apparently, positive emotions from listening to the song were associated with sex. Later, in addition to songs, he began to fuck the details of the ship that were to be made. If he was given something to laminate, for example, to glue the resonator of the muffler, he first fucked him, then began to do it. Also, he constantly fucked stringers and motor foundations, before starting to work with them. Our neighbor had two golden retrievers. Bitch who was 8 years old and male, who was 4. From time to time the bitch climbed onto the dog and began to rape him. As a joke, we asked the neighbor what she was doing, and she very seriously explained to us that in this way she showed her superiority and that she dominated him. I think that in Paul this was also somehow connected with the manifestation of superiority over the details of the ship. One day we were standing with him near the yacht in the workshop, and Paul, deep in thought, told me:

- I guess I need to go to the doctor. It seems to me that I have something wrong with my head ...

In spite of everything, the foreman constantly consulted with him in technical matters, and believed that he was the most intelligent and responsible employee in our team.

81. Interesting fact. If you have done a good job well, then it will automatically be dumped only on you in the future. For example, it is very difficult, before painting a form, to stick four strips of paper tape along the entire length of the sides of a twenty-meter yacht exactly on it. This is done when in order, a case of several colors. Many specially glue the tape crookedly, so that they are no longer forced to do it. I foolishly stuck well. The brigadier patted me on the shoulder and said:

- Well done. Now you will do it always.

It turns out that it is easier to pretend to be a fool, and then you will do only simple and easy work.

82. In general, the British, basically, only 40 hours work. It is extremely rare that they remain on overtime. A lot of work is unprofitable. The state’s family security threshold, a little more than 30 thousands. If you earn less than 17 thousand a year, the state pays you the difference. If you exceed the income level in 17 thousand per year, you are no longer paid benefits and benefits. That is, work is not profitable. With the condition that the locals, as a rule, live in their homes, this money is enough for them. Plus, the state pays them as poor, they have free medicine and much more. And we pay crazy rent for housing, high insurance, and therefore have to work a lot.

83. During the working day, everyone who has an Internet connection on the phone constantly gets into it and checks their chats. One day, the teams were divided, and we did something with the Poles all day. And the British, all day, sat, chatted with the brigadier and played with the phones. When the main working hours were over, the locals went home, and we were offered to stay and do their work, which they did not even begin. It turns out tomorrow, according to the schedule, it was necessary to remove the hull of the ship from the mold. The Poles and I exchanged glances and said that we could not stay. In the end, how much could it endure? Then the supervisor asked, maybe we can go out in the morning 6? That is, 2 hours before the main time. We looked at each other again and said that we could not. Then a panic began. We were persuaded, asked, but we stood our ground. The supervisor, with great difficulty, persuaded two British to remain. But they still did nothing. Because, as a rule, no one is left for overtime from the manual, so you can just sit in the ship. We deliberately moved the schedule so that they felt that most of the work at the plant was up to us. The effect lasted no more than a day. Then they began to take our recycling for granted again.

84. One of the Poles, who worked for us at the shipyard 3, said that there he worked all the time during the night shift. There were never supervisors and foremen at night. Workers simply left a list of what needs to be done overnight, and the bosses went home. Night lads somehow, for several hours, quickly did what they wrote, and then dragged the laptop into the closed bow compartment of the yacht, where there was no camera access, and watched movies until the morning. And someone just slept. One day, he came and said that the bank gave him a loan to buy an apartment. A small two-room apartment in an industrial area, he bought thousands of pounds for 115. He had to pay 24 for 585 pounds per month. The total amount of the total, out almost 170 thousand excluding accounts. He sighed, and said that it was better than paying 1000 pounds a month to rent the same two-room apartment, and give money to nowhere.

85. An interesting case was in the bank. Sveta read on the forum that the Lloyd's debit card, before leaving the UK, you need to activate the country to which you are going. To do this, go to the bank, and ask for the activation with the country, date of departure and date of return back. Three times I went to Latvia, and all three times we went to the bank for this service. Each time, the bank employees asked to show a card, enter something into the computer, check our address, drive in the country, date and smile politely. For the fourth time, the senior manager made big eyes and told us:
- Why do you need to open access? You have a green card. She works around the world. If you had a gray one, then it has a limited coverage area. Only UK. And now it needs to be activated before going abroad. And you, I do not understand why go here.
Now, attention question. All previous bank employees did not know about it? Or they do not distinguish colors?

86. What absolutely kills outright is the quality of mobile communication and the Internet. It is very hard to get a phone call, they also dial you up with difficulty, the Internet works with constant interruptions. If you speak via Skype with a video, during a half-hour conversation, the router has to be rebooted three or four times. At the same time, we paid 24 pounds per month for the Internet, and the mobile connection, despite the fact that we didn’t speak much, and sometimes called to Riga, less than 40-50 pounds for one number never went out.

87. One night there was a very strong wind, and in the morning, going to work, I found a fallen section of the fence in the yard. Now we had a passage to the neighbor's yard, and the gate was twisted and at one corner lay on the ground. In connection with the bias, the gate opened and closed with great difficulty. Since the agency should deal with these matters, we photographed the accident and sent them an e-mail with photos and a letter. The repairman drove a week and a half. Neighboring cats and dogs had an excellent opportunity to walk in our yard, and we waited. Then he arrived. What he did, I do not know, because I was at work, but after a while the section fell off again, and the gate was not opened again or closed. I swore, took my instrument, screwed the section into place, inserted a spacer into the gate, and it all worked. And, by the way, it works to this day. It was a moment of truth. I realized that the majority of the local population can not do anything. Neither build a quality ship, nor pack fish, nor repair the fence. Sometimes they even call an electrician to change a light bulb in a lamp.
88.And then, in the morning snow fell. It was a 5 or 7 sanitimeter. And it melted in two hours. But he paralyzed the whole city. Schools did not work, half of the English did not come to work, and courier mail did not deliver parcels all day. The supervisor allowed to take half a day off for those who go home far. All the locals were very happy, because it was another reason not to work.

89. Despite the fact that at the plant, everyone already treated me very friendly, from time to time I found on my table in the dining room a banana peel and other garbage that was thrown on or under my table. Apparently this was done on the sly, until no one saw. However, someone did it. And the one who did this knew that it was my table, and it may well be that he even smiled in my workshop and shook his hand in the morning.


Work desks staff. Photo by the author.


90. One of the Poles had a hand injury. It has long been somewhere else damaged. The injury was on the wrist, and over time the hand began to hurt very much. It became harder for him to work, and he decided to make an appointment with a doctor. This is the type of our family doctor. He signed up and went. Having received no intelligible answer, he signed up for another doctor. Also family. He sent him on an x-ray. The turn on the x-ray was about two weeks. After an X-ray, he again went to this doctor. He looked at the x-ray and said he needed an orthopedist.

- Go home, we will call you back and say when you can come to the orthopedist.

Two weeks passed. Pole could not resist and went again.

- Well, sit at home. - told him - We told you that we would call.

- So how much longer do I have to sit, and who will pay me my salary? - he asked.

- Do not know. - answered him, - But we can write you a hospital for another couple of weeks.

He went to work in a rage. Those words and interjections that he used, I will not give here. It all ended with the fact that he said that he would go to do the operation in Poland. Because here, probably, you will die rather than cure you. My friend from Riga, when his tooth ached, went to the dentist and asked to remove it. The doctor said that you need to do an x-ray. There was no X-ray in this clinic. The guy was sent to another. There it was necessary to wait about two weeks. He spat, poured the diesel into his minivan, called for work, that he would not be there for a couple of days, and rushed to Riga. In Riga, he did everything for half an hour. But what to say, if an English family doctor, in the month of January, enrolls a child for an orthopedist, only for May? When we were outraged at work about this, the British shrugged their shoulders and said that there were probably too many sick people in the UK. Apparently the way it is. Many sick and few doctors. In truth, normal doctors are either our immigrants or Indians. Local experts treat any disease with paracetamol.

91. As it turned out, once a year you can take six paid weeks due to stress or depression. Of course, this is all done with the consent of the supervisor. I did not hear this from the emigrants, but the British occasionally used this “service”. When they were completely bored with going to work, they went to the office and said that they were depressed. They were sent unconditionally to rest. The Pole, who went to the hospital for surgery, was absent for about a month. Upon returning to work, he was immediately summoned to a disciplinary commission. They said that you can not be absent for so long.

92.In 4 class middle school (middle school), in the first half of the year, in math at home, set the score to 20. After the new year, score up to 40. The multiplication table, there really does not really know anyone. But in the third grade, all students right in the school are presented with a calculator. This is another reason not to learn it. The division system looks like this: 15: 3. I'm not saying that this is again the multiplication table, which you need to know by heart. The number 15 is written on a piece of paper. It is circled, and three legs are drawn to the mug. This is 3. And then dots are sequentially placed in front of each leg until you reach 15. All that remains is to count the points opposite one leg. This is the correct answer. At first I thought the child was engaged in nonsense. I even asked, what did she invent? To which he received the answer:

- This was explained to us at school how to divide the numbers.

I was shocked. After a couple of seconds, I asked:

- Can you split 200 into 10?

“Oooh, this is a difficult task,” an eight-year-old daughter of my friend replied, “But I will try.”

She wrote a figure of two hundred, circled, added 10 legs, and began to dot and count.

“For God's sake, stop,” I asked, “I can't look at it.”

One of the Poles, who had a 14-year-old daughter, thought that it might be possible to return to Poland. And he sent his wife and daughter to explore, see what and how, because they have lived in England for more than 6 years. When they arrived in Poland, the first thing went to school. After a few lessons, my daughter ran out in tears, and told her mother that she would never stay here. Still, it was necessary to determine it in class for a couple of years back. And the worst thing is that all her classmates laughed at her. Brother of the Pole, moved to England and brought his 12-year-old daughter. She was assigned to class by age, but she began to complain that she had nothing to do there. Mathematical problems that her co-ordinates solved minutes using 20, she did in a minute and a half. The girl was transferred to the class above. But even there she sat and looked at the ceiling, because the situation almost repeated itself. Since it was already impossible to transfer even higher, it was left as is. My daughter completely lost interest in learning. There was also a Pole whose son graduated from an English school. The boy has been studying it for the last 8 years. I asked him:

- So how?

“Foolish fool,” he replied.

I don’t know how in high school, in junior they do anything but study. They sing, dance, draw, swim, go on excursions, some dogs, chickens, bunnies lead to them. But in fact, children do not know basic things. For example, filling out a diary for tomorrow, they ask every day what tomorrow is. No wonder. Indeed, in the third grade, at school, they read a fairy tale about three piglets. Another interesting option is notes for the teacher. If you can not do your homework, well, or do not want to, you need to write a note that you can not do it. And the child himself writes a note. And when he comes to school with this note, there are no sanctions for unfulfilled homework. In my opinion, this is the same as writing “I am stupid,” and refer it to the teacher.


Higher Mathematics. Photo author


93. On all containers with alcohol is the daily limit of use. For example, in forty-degree drinks, for men, it is 100 grams per day, for women 75. Apparently, this is considered the norm. But if you count, it is from 27,4 to 36,5 liters per year, excluding weekends and holidays, when alcohol flows like water. If you look at the statistics, the use of alcohol in the UK is almost on par with Russia. At the same time, Russians are considered drunks, and the British are a great nation. I do not condone anyone. Just juxtapose the facts.

94.And then I decided to leave. Tired of fooling around and depicting work. Tired when your boss is really dumber than you. Tired of getting money and just moving it from place to place. Take at the factory and spread the bills. Tired of this society of burping and farting at the table, and talking only about football, beer, boobs and penis size. In addition, the situation led to the fact that orders at the plant became less and less. Then there was a shortage of materials. Then, there were rumors that the plant has multimillion debts. Then, the foreman said that there were no orders, because the reputation was lost due to poor quality and customer attitudes. And then, it was rumored that the shipyard in Southampton, a state-owned enterprise producing warships, was closed. And I realized that now or never. I realized that now there is still a chance to try again. To revive the business, to do what you liked, despite the difficult situation in my country. To try one more time. Because if I don’t try it now, in a couple of years you can not start. In the end, in slavery, I always have time to return. No wonder my foreman told me goodbye that my hands will always be needed here. “It’s a pity that I’m not the head,” I thought.

95. During the working day of many workers on various issues, the supervisor calls to his office on the speakerphone. Our young English immediately portray that the caller goes to the office to do a blowjob supervisor. They portray an imaginary penis, which they stuff into their mouths, and make throaty sounds. Perhaps this is subtle English humor. At least they are funny. When the supervisor summoned me to say goodbye on the last day, the young Paul portrayed the same thing. And then I repeated it when I left the office and returned to the workshop. There was a pause, and the whole crew was standing together near the ship.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe when you go to the office, they give you a member, the supervisor personally extended a hand to me and thanked me for the good work. And wished good luck.

The workshop exploded with wild laughter, and Paul didn’t approach me that day anymore.

96. There was one decent guy among the English. His name was Colin. He did what he installed in the hull of the yacht interior walls. Fairly accurate work, and not everyone could do it normally. Of course, at one time he, too, mocked me greatly, but then we became friends. When there were a few days before my departure, Colin approached me and asked:

- Did you know about this company before?

“Yes,” I replied. “When I used to work in Russia, I was sitting in my office and watching her website. There were magnificent yachts that I admired and always wanted my production to reach the same heights.

- So how? Seen enough? - He asked, - now you understand what kind of shit?

- Well, about ... - I tried to smooth out the situation a little.

“You saw this production from the inside,” he said to me, “and now you know that what looks great on the Internet is not always so. Now you know that these are ancient, long-obsolete models, technologies of the last century, and that no one wants to improve it or change it in any way. All the brilliance of these ships is induced at the end of the line, by a special team of people who repair, rub and polish them to insanity in order to hide all the flaws and defects. We are sailing by inertia, and we hold only by the name earned by previous generations. And who knows how long this will be enough for us.

I just shook my head back.

“You're lucky,” he said, “in three days you will leave here.” And I still have to work until retirement. I hate this place.

On the last day, when we queued around the electronic time tracking system to mark our departure, many said goodbye to me, shook hands, wished good luck, and one Englishman said:

- I wish you all turned out. But if you fail, come back.

Colin, who stood next turned and said to him:

- Are you crazy? What do you want a man?

And turning to me he smiled, winked and said:

“So I won't see you here anymore.”

By the way, the same thing, I was told by one of the risers at the fish factory on the last day. It was a young guy, the only one who read books at the breaks instead of smoking weed. The Poles at the shipyard, a couple of days before leaving, also said that it would be better for me to go home.

“People like you are not needed here.” You work too well. And they use it. - they told me. By the way, laugh with laughter, but instead of me, from next Monday, they took two.


External gloss hides internal decay. Photo by the author.


97. Shortly before I left, there was a sensational история with a hanged-up nurse who was played by two DJs from an Australian radio. She worked in the department where the pregnant wife of Prince William lay. DJs introduced themselves as queen and prince, and began to inquire by telephone about the health of the princess. The nurse did not suspect a trick and told everything on the air. In the beginning, a beautiful idea was filed that the nurse did not survive the shame, because it revealed the secrets of the royal family. And only later, it became known that she was simply harassed at work. She was an Indian woman, and she was simply tortured with jokes, that she was coming and she didn’t know the language well, and that if she knew him better, she would have understood everything at once, and would never have been deceived by the leaders. In general, the girl was driven to suicide. I repeatedly encountered at work when you literally poked your nose at the fact that you were a visitor, and even once, late in the evening, on the street, three drunken youngsters stuck to me asking me if I was an Englishman or not. But I behaved aggressively and they fell behind. A girl with such a situation is more difficult to handle.

98.A some time later, in Birmingham, a nine-year-old schoolboy hanged himself, who was hounded by Asian classmates. Mother repeatedly appealed to teachers with complaints that he was threatened and bullied, but no one did anything to remedy the situation.

99. Before my very departure, the Prime Minister of Great Britain declared that the state would reduce the amount of aid to immigrants. What will be deprived of benefits, assistance in paying for housing and something else there. He also identified the groups with which this assistance will be cut. Again, these were ill-fated Balts and Poles. The most hard-working group among all foreign visitors. And all the other emigrants will not be affected, because these are their former colonies, and the British have moral debts to them, because they once colonized them. Therefore, they can continue to live at the expense of the state treasury and our taxes. And we will look for a second or third job to pay for the rent of apartments and rooms, utility bills, so that in no case tax revenues stop, and their real estate agencies, insurance and energy companies have not deprived of their incomes.

100. Three days after my dismissal, when I was sitting at the airport, a Lithuanian called me and said that today 250 had been fired. Anyone who worked through the agency and was on a test period. Many of them were fired for the second time in half a year. “I think I'm on time,” a thought flashed through my mind. And then, when I was already in Riga, the first shipyard was closed.

101. From time to time, Latvian news channels report that another Englishman has been caught writing to the historic buildings of the Old Town, and sometimes even to the Freedom Monument. And every time, they are looking for some kind of trick. From abuse of national symbols to secret operations to discredit the country. And having got to England, I understood what was the matter. And no one guessed that the answer was easier. They do the same at home. Get out of the pub and piss on the nearest corner. For them, it’s a natural state rather than malice. It is their normal environment, and having got drunk in Latvia, they behave just like at home.

102. Once upon a time, while still living in Riga, I went to Livu water park with my sons. There were five Englishmen who behaved by our standards absolutely inadequate. They did not wait for the green light on the roller coaster, jumped into the pipes for five people in a row, rode their stomachs in front of their heads, did not take the inflatable circles, in general they did what they wanted. Rescuers rushed like mad to catch them, but they were not given. The rest of the visitors were in a state of quiet horror and discussed whether they were drunk or stoned, because normal people in the water park usually follow the rules of behavior and safety. And, at least, the personnel obey. In the end, they were caught, and asked to leave the water park. The British made huge eyes and refused. In general, it all ended in a wild scandal and the mood was spoiled by everyone. The secret was revealed to me after many years in the UK. I went to the local water park. And what do you think I saw there? There they did it all and sundry. For two hours in the water park six times less than ours, I observed three incidents. One of which was a woman who had hit the stone floor with her head. They brought her ice, sat beside her, and that was it. Two other incidents were easier. There is red and green light on the pipes for pro forma. There are no sensors on the pipes. All red-to-green switches occur only in time delay. And what's the difference, only the one who wants to look at them looks at the bulbs. And who does not want, just jumps into the pipe, as he pleases, and goes down. What seemed wild and unacceptable to us is, in fact, mundane and absolutely normal for them. And this is a fact.

103. Impresses the number of monotonous homes. When I bought a book with photos about Dorset, the vast majority of the pictures there were about nature. And this is not surprising, since the cities are very monotonous, and there are almost no outstanding architectural monuments. I do not take into account London. It is like Moscow and Russia. There is Moscow, and there is Russia.

104. Women in the UK have no motivation to maintain a relationship with their partner. If she is left alone with the children, the state pays her almost everything. Starting with child benefits, to pay for rental housing. In some cases, it can easily receive housing itself from the state, which will be paid by the state itself. In fact, without a man, she becomes a completely wealthy person. It will not be a shy, but it will not die of hunger either. On the one hand, this is good; on the other hand, a woman always has an iron argument in any dispute: “I don’t like it, it’s from here.” The golden mean for a family is when one works, and the second sits with the children. Then the state provides assistance in the form of benefits and benefits. But this is only part of the total income. If a couple breaks up, the one who stayed with the children gets everything in full and in much larger sizes. Well, a boyfriend or girlfriend, you can sometimes just lead. True quietly, so as not to get caught, otherwise they will be deprived of benefits.

105. Summing up, I would like to express my subjective opinion about the situation as a whole. Being in Latvia, we see the English Island as a kind of fabulous place. Where we are loved, waiting and only dreaming to meet us, kiss us at the ramp and give us our favorite work for a lot of money. There we are waiting for affordable housing, cheap cars, friendly people, and unprecedented growth prospects. This is a great myth, created by I do not know by whom, but in principle I guess. I guess who and why left and right handed out loans here, why people were given the opportunity to insert their heads into the loop, and then they took this rope and took them to the workplace. Only not around his home, but somewhere in Europe. Why was this murderous economic situation created, why are plants and factories compared to earth? And I will say why. Because the rapidly aging Europe is not able to stretch out its production facilities and maintain its retirees who are accustomed to a good and prosperous life. Europe needs labor and taxpayers. How to attract them? Very simple. It is necessary to open the labor market, and take countries to the Eurozone, where there are still few and big-headed cadres, and then create an intolerable economic situation within these countries. This is not difficult. It is only necessary to promote several necessary decisions in Brussels, at the request of some "highly developed" countries, which have received a great number of idlers from their former and present colonies. And now they grabbed their heads, because those who have never worked for themselves, and do not plan to start it on arrival. Its labor is gradually retiring, and there is no one to replace it. Therefore, we must promise something to us, given in a bestial state, and we ourselves will run to them. And we will gratefully kiss their hands. To work for themselves and for them in their factories, pay taxes, enrich their property owners, paying unprecedented rentals for poor housing, pay unrealistic insurance, give big money for communications, communications and electricity. In the end, someone has to do it. And, of course, to keep with their taxes all the alleged unemployed, to whom they are suffering from their previous colonization. In the fourth "Die Hard", Bruce Willis rescued the United States, where computer scientists brought down the country's economy. One day, at some feast, I joked:

- I know how to bring down the UK economy.

- So how? - they asked me.

- It is necessary to make so that in one day all emigrants did not come to work. This will be the end.

Everyone laughed. But in fact, in our company, half of the Poles actually worked, plus the Balts. And let's assume what will happen to the plant, if half of the people from 1800 do not come in the morning?

106. I understand very well that many people, here with us, are brought to a terrible state, and that they have to go there, because there, after paying all the bills, at least there is money left to eat, get dressed, and maybe even buy some inexpensive machine. Although in England, I knew our guys who, after paying bills and paying a monthly rate on a loan taken once in Latvia, lived in a family of four people on 8 pounds a week. I do not agitate anyone and I do not dissuade anyone, I just told my story so that those who are going there have a real idea of ​​the situation, and not a pink mist in the head, after our songs of praise and not of our compatriots in the forums , according to the principle “Every frog praises its own swamp”. After all, nobody writes about the difficulties and problems. Everyone just boasts that they now live in England and that’s cool. Cool - with respect to Latvia, with respect to England, this is already a controversial issue. Therefore, in any case, it is necessary to realize that we are strangers there, and to be ready to meet the new hard life with dignity.
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