Military Review

Night bombers

21
It was during the time of the Great and Indestructible. In one of the regiments arrived lieutenant replenishment, and settled them in a hostel for bachelors. By the way, the hostel was not very bad and, most importantly, outside the territory of the unit and next to the flight-technical canteen. But one day a fire broke out in a hostel with a fire in the room next to the characters of the story. Since the tenants at that time were on the flights, the fire detection was overdue. The lieutenants' belongings suffered from the fire and its extinguishing. Casual and ceremonial came into disrepair, and the field was stored in suitcases on the mezzanine and not hurt. The fire victims were resettled in a garrison hotel where tankers and motorized infantry lived.


But then the autumn has come, and her inspection. And then she obeyed aviation "red" general m-r arrived At the end of the day, when building in the parking lot, the commander said that tomorrow the beginning of the final and everyone to arrive at the building in everyday form. The command of the regiment basically knew about the problem with the lieutenants, but the commander was either on vacation or forgot. The lieutenants tried to hint about the problem with the form, but heard something about lumines ...

On the way to the hotel, the lieutenants had a plan to take a tunic from tankers with similar sizes, and use breeches from the field uniform. Remembering the epaulettes, we stopped at a military office and bought. While the process of exchanging tunic jackets for alcohol was going on, night fell. In a quick rebuff and sewing shoulder straps, the guys suddenly found that the buttonholes are black and with tanksand there’s nowhere to take the blue ones. But since the alcohol sharply raised IQ, they decided to screw the birds onto the black buttonholes, and they will not be noticed in the middle of the system.

In the morning, the guys got dressed and could even make fun of themselves - we are now some kind of night aviation. Building, ballet and the team "To the inspection survey." Both lieutenants are in the same rank, side by side, and they are approached by a “red” general, a “red” major with papers and our regiment. The general, unfortunately, was not color blind and immediately found a discrepancy in form. Turning to the lieutenants, he asked sternly, "What is this?" And suddenly one of the lieutenants replies: "The crew of a night bomber." At the regiment, the facial muscles began to form a smile, but the general turned and looked at him questioningly. The commander sharply reduced his facial muscles, and he was only able to moo something. Klikuha stuck to the guys, until they transferred to another garrison, their name was "Night Bomber"!
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  1. svp67
    svp67 1 June 2013 10: 43
    +9
    Yes, what "miracles" do not happen with "alcoholic doping IQ"
    1. papas-57
      papas-57 1 June 2013 20: 56
      +1
      No, the joke is different - what kind of stupid people do not go to the checks
      1. papas-57
        papas-57 1 June 2013 20: 59
        -8
        Not inept people, namely DEBILS
        1. dustycat
          dustycat 9 July 2013 21: 53
          +2
          Yes, no, it's just redfin.
          There was such a great deal of rarity in the military branches ..
          They were quickly driven away from sin into the redfin flocks.
          True, the soldiers in those units were hard. Although, too, the brilliant devotion to the party (all as one especially dedicated Komsomol activists) did not shine with anything more special.
  2. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 10: 47
    +4
    Yeah ... Where aviation begins, order ends ...
    1. laurbalaur
      laurbalaur 1 June 2013 10: 57
      12
      But in no other kind of troops is discipline important during flight work! A funny article, which just did not happen!))))
      1. FREGATENKAPITAN
        FREGATENKAPITAN 1 June 2013 16: 50
        +5
        Oh .... probably going out to sea on tasks "K" does not require discipline at all ..........? This is only in the movies about the revolution, anarchist sailors ....... and on the nuclear submarine, these are not people, these are highly disciplined robots ... because in the sea a step to the right, a step to the left ... death (and not one -two, aviators) and a strategic missile carrier with one and a half hundred sailors and the same number of nuclear heads ... and a couple of reactors ...


        By the way - Severomortsev Mariners with Northern Fleet Day !!! smile
        1. romanru4
          romanru4 1 June 2013 17: 13
          +4
          Well, banging Sushka at some object with human casualties is also unpleasant. In addition, to prepare one good pilot is the same as building a new medium-sized plant. Here we had in mind not the combined-arms saldophonism among officers, but the internal discipline of the TOTAL personnel of aviation regiments. Whatever you do in the regiment, but everyone has one task - flying. In contrast to the plow regiments, where yabut for a hook and a small piece of bread, this is unimportant if you are not doing your job and there are no state of emergency in the regiment. If you relate to your direct official duties with all your heart and soul, then you can forgive a self-propelled gun to the nearest gash .... Well, they will reproach me like me .... back in 1978 in Germany. wink
        2. laurbalaur
          laurbalaur 2 June 2013 11: 34
          0
          By the way, unconditionally happy holiday! And in no way did not want to offend other types of troops, it was just that the article was about aviation, so he emphasized. And besides, he himself was directly related to her, beloved!)))
      2. romanru4
        romanru4 1 June 2013 16: 57
        +1
        And here you are absolutely right! This is the main commandment of our service (work) at the airport! The number of take-offs should equal the number of landings. Everything else is secondary!
        1. Shturmovik
          Shturmovik 1 June 2013 20: 26
          +1
          As one squadron commander said: "Where the plane took it there and put it!"
  3. ded10041948
    ded10041948 1 June 2013 11: 05
    +8
    As always and everywhere - the main thing is a quick and clear report, and what kind of "bullshit" you blurted out, the inspector (especially with "other people's" shoulder straps) will not always figure out, but he will not clarify - he is the inspector and therefore the smartest and knows everything and understands. At one time, one such inspector ordered me to start a diesel power plant "from a pusher"!
    1. Letnab
      Letnab 1 June 2013 13: 07
      +2
      I believe that at work I often encounter such miracles, they work miracles ... God forbid ...
    2. sergeschern
      sergeschern 1 June 2013 21: 13
      0
      I met this: "Start the compressor from the pusher!" What clowns in the SA weren't
  4. individual
    individual 1 June 2013 14: 05
    +5
    Army humor and parables about "smart to smart ...", one shoulder strap from the ensign and bring a bucket of electricity to loans. They dilute the hard life of real men in the armed forces.
    It is neither good nor bad - it is life!
  5. Old warrant officer
    Old warrant officer 1 June 2013 14: 14
    11
    The presence of humor and ingenuity is a sign of life!
    1. Col.
      Col. 1 June 2013 18: 17
      +1
      Quote: Old Warrant Officer
      The presence of humor and ingenuity is a sign of life!


      That's for sure! Judging by the epaulettes in the photo, the incident occurred in the naval aviation. Immediately I remembered one warrant officer who served in my department. He came from somewhere in the Poltava region and once decided to go to his small homeland in uniform (naval aviation). There, in a remote Ukrainian village, they had never seen such a uniform, and they began to ask him, especially the girls, where, they say, do you serve, Kolya? Take it and blurt out: "at the headquarters of the military beekeeping"! Believe it!
  6. Doctor
    Doctor 1 June 2013 15: 08
    13
    Once in the YUGV ... the 1st platoon of the 2nd reconnaissance company was on foot to the shooting range along a country road ... Autumn, light rain, mryka. In the distance we saw an old Magyar leading a horse with a cart under the knots. The horse was covered with a blanket. As it should be - the command: “Take to the right!” But when the Magyar came close, everyone saw that instead of a blanket, the horse was covered with an officer's greatcoat with a major's shoulder straps! Just our ORB commander, m ... a rare man, was a major. here letoha issued! "Platoon, on the left! Attention! Comrade Major! The platoon blah blah blah is sent to conduct planned shooting exercises! Platoon commander Lieutenant Pupkin! Magyar did not break the topic and, bulging at us, hurried to dump quickly. Following him is the wild laughter of thirty healthy muzzles ... Discharge ... Curtain ...
  7. Sirocco
    Sirocco 1 June 2013 15: 33
    11
    All the jokes are from life, and the army is a kind of Men's Club, where you can immediately see what a person is. Respect to such pranksters)))) I remembered the tale about the general who arrived with the check, in the last part, going to the barracks, the general saw on the bedside table, whose hat was worn obliquely - crookedly (and this general had a peculiarity when referring to whom or lean forward slightly) So, he turned with such a bow, to the soldier, straighten, he says, sonny hat, behind the half-pans, everyone waved, supposedly correct, they nod their heads. Seeing the soldier’s misunderstanding, he repeated the request, after which the soldier turned the hat on the general’s head. There was both laughter and sin. laughing
  8. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 15: 45
    +7
    Al works in a military school. The head of the TCO department was Major I ... c. A man capable, but creepy drunkard. His nickname was Rudder. So, his subordinates stole a sign in the garage. When a tired RUDDER went to bed in his cabin (and the first time he was tired already at 10-11 hours) this sign appeared on the cabinet door. And everyone passing in surprise read:"Remember the driver! Transfer of the STEERING to an outsider is a matter of jurisdiction!". And only the initiates knew what was happening ...
  9. ilya63
    ilya63 1 June 2013 19: 41
    0
    the incident was in a military town in one of the zakvo units, ensign adapted the catapult simulator to perform abortions (the hospital was in Tbilisi, and the lady was not famous for anything), and 80 rubles is normal, different miracles, but this is life
    1. Shturmovik
      Shturmovik 1 June 2013 20: 29
      +1
      Such a case was in Beketovka.
  10. Ivanovich47
    Ivanovich47 1 June 2013 19: 59
    +4
    He began service in 1969. on Sakhalin, there is a village called Ado-Tymovo. Graduates of military schools (including myself) arrived in full gear. But a dozen more "two-year students" came with us. What were they not wearing! They are simply Makhnovists. And we, personnel, began to sculpt golden stars on field shoulder straps. They brought their uniforms to look extravagant, like during the civil war (of course, like the White Guards). We really liked it. They called each other second lieutenants. But a new commander came and stopped this outrage. So ingloriously ended our experiments with the military uniform of officers of the Soviet army.
  11. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 20: 07
    +5
    Were in the field after college. Passed the exams. We burn notes on the military commissar, we puff in a tihushka. We ran into the commander's tent, which after the exercises had not yet been removed and saw the bunks. And on their backs there are plates "p-k Sh ... n", "Mr. P ... y", etc. The thought worked instantly. They took them off, caught 2 stray dogs (there were a lot of them) and hung them around their necks. To the bitch "Mr. P ... y", and to the healthy, shaggy dog ​​"p-k Sh ... n". We laughed and forgot. In the morning, a solemn formation. Our officers are all in parades. "Comrades officers!" - they are us, blah-blah-blah ... And then these dogs run out onto the parade ground, and they follow the teachers and start to fuck. It was then that I saw for the first time: how it happens when a senior in rank has a subordinate. All neighing. We are 3 companies. They cannot understand "What's going on." When they saw the head of the department, the colonel gave the command "Take it off!" 300 people 15 minutes caught 2 dogs. It was fun !! The whole celebration was ripped off for them. The head of the department spat and left without waiting for the end ...
  12. ded10041948
    ded10041948 2 June 2013 03: 05
    11
    I recalled an anecdotal incident that occurred at the military department of Kharkov State University:
    A special course in the material part of small-caliber anti-aircraft artillery was conducted by two friends - the captain. The men were with a healthy sense of humor and we, tortured students, often got it from them for the joy and amusement of the rest of the platoon. but one day "a dump truck with gingerbread overturned on our street." It was in the spring of 1968. We were already gnawing the granite of army science with might and main (each had two workbooks in which we conscientiously wrote down secret and Soviet secret information that the department officers tried to hammer into us) when we were warned that in the next lesson we would fill out a questionnaire. Therefore, you must bring your passport, military ID (or certificate of registration) and Komsomol ID. In a parallel group, but a boy studied in my platoon. Small in stature, puny, with a typical Jewish appearance. (I do not specify the surnames on purpose, since the attitude of the officers towards the students was quite loyal, and the student subsequently reached considerable heights in science. Therefore, I do not want to put people in an uncomfortable position. We will call the officers "L" and "F", and the student - "S" .).
    In the next lesson, the following events occur:
    We are handed out questionnaire forms and they begin to explain. how this "sheet" is filled.
    L: The first line is "Surname". Everyone writes in their own name legibly. Don't spy on your neighbor!
    And so on for all points and lines with explanations "for especially talented". At about 20-25 minutes we crawl to the item "Military ID". Everyone opens their documents and more or less successfully writes down the soldier's number, when and by whom it was issued, where it is registered.
    "S" sits, looks thoughtfully at the ceiling.
    F: Comrade cadet (there are no students at the department, we are cadets!), Why not write?
    S: I don’t have it!
    F: Here ... students! After all, they said to bring it!
    S: And I do not!
    L: Lost it! You’ll go to the draft board, pay a fine, you will know how to lose documents!
    S: I didn’t lose, they didn’t give me away!
    A somewhat puzzled dialogue of the captains with the use of profanity and the conclusion: "Razdolbai military enlistment offices, nicherta do not work"
    L: Okay, let's move on. Now we fill in the item "Passport"
    Again, everyone is rewriting passport data.
    "S" sits, looks thoughtfully at the ceiling.
    F: Comrade cadet, why not write?
    S: I don’t have it!
    F: Here ... students! After all, they said to bring it!
    S: And I do not!
    L: Lost! You’ll go to the police, pay a fine, you will know how to lose documents!
    S: I didn’t lose, they didn’t give me away!
    F (stunned): How was they not betrayed? At 16 they should have betrayed!
    S (almost crying): But I don’t!
    F (in a state of quiet hysteria): What is not there?
    S: 16 years old.
    L (knocked down): How many are there?
    S: 15 and a half (this child prodigy went to school at the age of 6, and even managed to finish it externally, jumping, in my opinion, from the second to the fourth and from the fifth to the seventh grade, he entered the university at the age of 14 with a decent ponytail) .
    Intermission, the curtain falls! The captains have the condition of those sentenced to death: the "child" is admitted to the Soviet secret literature!
    The platoon slides from laughter under the tables!
  13. slacker
    slacker 22 June 2013 22: 10
    -1
    The bike for the four. With a minus.
    1. Uruska
      Uruska 13 July 2013 11: 12
      +1
      The bike is vital.
  14. Uruska
    Uruska 13 July 2013 11: 06
    +1
    Yes, I myself laughed like a regiment ...