Military Review

Night bombers

It was during the time of the Great and Indestructible. In one of the regiments arrived lieutenant replenishment, and settled them in a hostel for bachelors. By the way, the hostel was not very bad and, most importantly, outside the territory of the unit and next to the flight-technical canteen. But one day a fire broke out in a hostel with a fire in the room next to the characters of the story. Since the tenants at that time were on the flights, the fire detection was overdue. The lieutenants' belongings suffered from the fire and its extinguishing. Casual and ceremonial came into disrepair, and the field was stored in suitcases on the mezzanine and not hurt. The fire victims were resettled in a garrison hotel where tankers and motorized infantry lived.

But then the autumn has come, and her inspection. And then she obeyed aviation "red" general m-r arrived At the end of the day, when building in the parking lot, the commander said that tomorrow the beginning of the final and everyone to arrive at the building in everyday form. The command of the regiment basically knew about the problem with the lieutenants, but the commander was either on vacation or forgot. The lieutenants tried to hint about the problem with the form, but heard something about lumines ...

On the way to the hotel, the lieutenants had a plan to take a tunic from tankers with similar sizes, and use breeches from the field uniform. Remembering the epaulettes, we stopped at a military office and bought. While the process of exchanging tunic jackets for alcohol was going on, night fell. In a quick rebuff and sewing shoulder straps, the guys suddenly found that the buttonholes are black and with tanksand there’s nowhere to take the blue ones. But since the alcohol sharply raised IQ, they decided to screw the birds onto the black buttonholes, and they will not be noticed in the middle of the system.

In the morning, the guys got dressed and could even make fun of themselves - we are now some kind of night aviation. Building, ballet and the team "To the inspection survey." Both lieutenants are in the same rank, side by side, and they are approached by a “red” general, a “red” major with papers and our regiment. The general, unfortunately, was not color blind and immediately found a discrepancy in form. Turning to the lieutenants, he asked sternly, "What is this?" And suddenly one of the lieutenants replies: "The crew of a night bomber." At the regiment, the facial muscles began to form a smile, but the general turned and looked at him questioningly. The commander sharply reduced his facial muscles, and he was only able to moo something. Klikuha stuck to the guys, until they transferred to another garrison, their name was "Night Bomber"!
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  1. svp67
    svp67 1 June 2013 10: 43 New
    Yes, what kind of "miracles" do not happen with "alcohol doping IQ"
    1. papas-57
      papas-57 1 June 2013 20: 56 New
      No, the joke is different - what kind of stupid people do not go to the checks
      1. papas-57
        papas-57 1 June 2013 20: 59 New
        Not inept people, namely DEBILS
        1. dustycat
          dustycat 9 July 2013 21: 53 New
          Yes, no, it's just redfin.
          There was such a great deal of rarity in the military branches ..
          They were quickly driven away from sin into the redfin flocks.
          True, the soldiers in those units were hard. Although, too, the brilliant devotion to the party (all as one especially dedicated Komsomol activists) did not shine with anything more special.
  2. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 10: 47 New
    Yeah ... Where aviation begins, order ends ...
    1. laurbalaur
      laurbalaur 1 June 2013 10: 57 New
      But in no other kind of troops is discipline important during flight work! A funny article, which just did not happen!))))
        FREGATENKAPITAN 1 June 2013 16: 50 New
        Oh .... probably going to sea on tasks "K" does not require discipline at all ..........? This is only in the movie about the revolution, anarchist sailors ....... and on the nuclear submarines, these are not people, these are highly disciplined robots ... for at sea a step to the right, a step to the left ... death (and not one - two, aviators) and a strategic missile carrier with one and a half hundred sailors and the same number of Nuclear Heads ...... and a pair of reactors ....

        By the way - Severomortsev Mariners with Northern Fleet Day !!! smile
        1. romanru4
          romanru4 1 June 2013 17: 13 New
          Well, banging Sushka at some object with human casualties is also unpleasant. In addition, to prepare one good pilot is the same as building a new medium-sized plant. Here we had in mind not the combined-arms saldophonism among officers, but the internal discipline of the TOTAL personnel of aviation regiments. Whatever you do in the regiment, but everyone has one task - flying. In contrast to the plow regiments, where yabut for a hook and a small piece of bread, this is unimportant if you are not doing your job and there are no state of emergency in the regiment. If you relate to your direct official duties with all your heart and soul, then you can forgive a self-propelled gun to the nearest gash .... Well, they will reproach me like me .... back in 1978 in Germany. wink
        2. laurbalaur
          laurbalaur 2 June 2013 11: 34 New
          By the way, unconditionally happy holiday! And in no way did not want to offend other types of troops, it was just that the article was about aviation, so he emphasized. And besides, he himself was directly related to her, beloved!)))
      2. romanru4
        romanru4 1 June 2013 16: 57 New
        And here you are absolutely right! This is the main commandment of our service (work) at the airport! The number of take-offs should equal the number of landings. Everything else is secondary!
        1. Shturmovik
          Shturmovik 1 June 2013 20: 26 New
          As one komeska said: "Where did the plane take it there and put it!"
  3. ded10041948
    ded10041948 1 June 2013 11: 05 New
    As always and everywhere - the main thing is a quick and clear report, and what kind of "bullshit" you blurted out, the inspector (especially with the "foreign" epaulets) will not always figure out, but will not specify - he is the inspector and therefore the smartest and knows everything and understands. To me, at one time, one such inspector ordered a diesel power station "from the pusher" to start!
    1. Letnab
      Letnab 1 June 2013 13: 07 New
      I believe that at work I often encounter such miracles, they work miracles ... God forbid ...
    2. sergeschern
      sergeschern 1 June 2013 21: 13 New
      I met this: "Start the compressor from the pusher!". What kind of clowns in the SA were not
  4. individual
    individual 1 June 2013 14: 05 New
    Army humor and parables about "smart to smart ...", one shoulder strap from the ensign and bring a bucket of electricity to the loans. Dilute the hard life of real men in the armed forces.
    It is neither good nor bad - it is life!
  5. Old warrant officer
    Old warrant officer 1 June 2013 14: 14 New
    The presence of humor and ingenuity is a sign of life!
    1. Col.
      Col. 1 June 2013 18: 17 New
      Quote: Old Warrant Officer
      The presence of humor and ingenuity is a sign of life!

      That's for sure! Judging by the epaulettes in the photo, the incident occurred in naval aviation. I immediately remembered one ensign, he served in my department. He was from somewhere in the Poltava region and once decided to go to his small homeland in uniform (naval aviation). There, in a remote Ukrainian village, they never saw such a form, and they began to ask him, especially the girls, where, they say, are you serving, Kolya? He take and blak: "at the headquarters of the military beekeeping"! Believe it!
  6. Doctor
    Doctor 1 June 2013 15: 08 New
    Once in the south east ... the 1st platoon of the 2nd reconnaissance force was walking on foot to the shooting range along a country road ... Autumn, light rain, flicker. In the distance, they saw an old Magyar leading a horse with a cart under the prisoners. .As expected, the command: “Take right!” But when the Magyar came close, everyone saw that instead of a horse blanket the horse was covered with an officer’s overcoat with the epaulettes of a major! Just our ORB commander, m ... rare, was a major. And then the flyer gave out! "Platoon, on the left! Attention! Comrade Major! The platoon blah blah blah is sent to carry out planned exercises ! S shooting platoon commander Lieutenant Doe Magyar topic and not rides, bulging eyes on us, hurried quickly svalit.Vsled him - wild laughter thirty healthy ... mugs Discharge ... Curtain ...
  7. Sirocco
    Sirocco 1 June 2013 15: 33 New
    All the jokes are from life, and the army is a kind of Men's Club, where you can immediately see what a person is. Respect to such pranksters)))) I remembered the tale about the general who arrived with the check, in the last part, going to the barracks, the general saw on the bedside table, whose hat was worn obliquely - crookedly (and this general had a peculiarity when referring to whom or lean forward slightly) So, he turned with such a bow, to the soldier, straighten, he says, sonny hat, behind the half-pans, everyone waved, supposedly correct, they nod their heads. Seeing the soldier’s misunderstanding, he repeated the request, after which the soldier turned the hat on the general’s head. There was both laughter and sin. laughing
  8. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 15: 45 New
    Al works in a military school. The head of the TCO department was Major I ... c. A man capable, but creepy drunkard. His nickname was Rudder. So, his subordinates stole a sign in the garage. When a tired RUDDER went to bed in his cabin (and the first time he was tired already at 10-11 hours) this sign appeared on the cabinet door. And everyone passing in surprise read:"Remember the driver! Passing the STEERING wheel to an outsider is a matter of jurisdiction!". And only the initiates knew what was happening ...
  9. ilya63
    ilya63 1 June 2013 19: 41 New
    the incident was in a military town in one of the zakvo units, ensign adapted the catapult simulator to perform abortions (the hospital was in Tbilisi, and the lady was not famous for anything), and 80 rubles is normal, different miracles, but this is life
    1. Shturmovik
      Shturmovik 1 June 2013 20: 29 New
      Such a case was in Beketovka.
  10. Ivanovich47
    Ivanovich47 1 June 2013 19: 59 New
    He began his service in the year 1969. on Sakhalin, there is such a village Ado-Tymovo. Graduates of military schools (including myself) arrived in full outfit. But a dozen and a half "two-year-olds" came with us. What they were not wearing! Just Makhnovists. And we, personnel, began to sculpt golden stars on field epaulets. They brought their uniforms to make them look extravagant, as during the Civil War (naturally, like the White Guard). We really liked it. They called each other lieutenants. But a new commander came and stopped this disgrace. So ingloriously ended our experiments with the military uniform of officers of the Soviet army.
  11. pensioner
    pensioner 1 June 2013 20: 07 New
    Were in the field after high school. Passed the exams. We burn the notes on the military commissar, we go to a quiet place. We ran into the commander’s tent, which after the exercises had not yet had time to remove and saw the bunks. And on the backs of them are the signs "п-к Ш ... н", "Mr. П ... й", etc. The thought worked instantly. They shot them. They caught 2 stray dogs (there were a lot of them spinning) and hung them on their necks. To the bitch "Mr. P ... nd", and to the healthy, shaggy dog ​​"nr. Sh ... n". They laughed and forgot. In the morning the ceremonial building. Our officers are all in disarray. “Comrades officers!” - these are us, blah blah blah ... And then these dogs run out to the parade ground behind the train and start to fuck. It was then that I first saw: how it happens when a senior in rank has a subordinate. We laugh all. Us 3 companies. They cannot understand "What is happening." When they saw the head of the department, the colonel gave the command "Remove!". 300 people caught 15 dogs for 2 minutes. There was fun! They tripped all the triumph. The head of the department spat and left without waiting for the end ...
  12. ded10041948
    ded10041948 2 June 2013 03: 05 New
    I recalled an anecdotal incident that occurred at the military department of Kharkov State University:
    A special course on the material part of small-caliber anti-aircraft artillery was conducted by two friends, the captain. The peasants were with a healthy sense of humor, and we, tormented students, often got joy and fun from the rest of the platoon from them. but one day, "a dump truck with gingerbread rolls rolled over on our street." It was in the spring of 1968. We were already gnawing at the granite of army science (each had two workbooks in which we scrupulously wrote down secret and up-to-date secret information that the officers of the department tried to hammer into us) when they warned us that in the next lesson we would fill out a questionnaire. Therefore, it is necessary to bring with you a passport, military ID (or registration certificate) and Komsomol ticket. In a parallel group, but in my platoon a boy studied. Not tall, puny, with a typically Jewish appearance. (I do not indicate surnames on purpose, since the officers ’attitude toward students was quite loyal, and the student subsequently reached considerable heights in science. Therefore, I don’t want to put people in an uncomfortable position. We will name officers“ L ”and“ F ”, and student“ C ” .).
    In the next lesson, the following events occur:
    Forms of questionnaires are given to us and they begin to explain. how this "sheet" is filled.
    L: The first line is "Last Name". Each legibly enters their last name. Do not spy on the neighbor!
    And so on for all points and lines with explanations "for especially talented". Somewhere in the 20-25 minute we crawl to the item "Military Ticket". Everyone opens their documents and more or less successfully writes down the number of the soldier, when and by whom it was issued, where it is registered.
    "C" sits, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling.
    F: Comrade cadet (there are no students at the department, we are cadets!), Why not write?
    S: I don’t have it!
    F: Here ... students! After all, they said to bring it!
    S: And I do not!
    L: Lost it! You’ll go to the draft board, pay a fine, you will know how to lose documents!
    S: I didn’t lose, they didn’t give me away!
    The somewhat puzzled dialogue of the captains with the use of profanity and the conclusion: "Gouging military commissariat, nicherta do not work"
    L: Okay, let's move on. Now fill in the item "Passport"
    Again, everyone is rewriting passport data.
    "C" sits, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling.
    F: Comrade cadet, why not write?
    S: I don’t have it!
    F: Here ... students! After all, they said to bring it!
    S: And I do not!
    L: Lost! You’ll go to the police, pay a fine, you will know how to lose documents!
    S: I didn’t lose, they didn’t give me away!
    F (stunned): How was they not betrayed? At 16 they should have betrayed!
    S (almost crying): But I don’t!
    F (in a state of quiet hysteria): What is not there?
    S: 16 years old.
    L (knocked down): How many are there?
    S: 15 and a half (this child prodigy went to school at the age of 6, and even managed to finish it externally, jumping, in my opinion, from the second to the fourth and from the fifth to the seventh grade, he entered the university at the age of 14 with a decent ponytail) .
    Intermission, the curtain is falling! The captains have the condition of those sentenced to death: the "child" is admitted to Soviet secret literature!
    The platoon slides from laughter under the tables!
  13. slacker
    slacker 22 June 2013 22: 10 New
    The bike for the four. With a minus.
    1. Uruska
      Uruska 13 July 2013 11: 12 New
      The bike is vital.
  14. Uruska
    Uruska 13 July 2013 11: 06 New
    Yes, I myself laughed like a regiment ...