Military Review

Vodka pilots do not give!

19
Vodka pilots do not give!



Vodka pilots do not give!

Once at a general gathering, that is, at a meeting of all the chiefs invested with power, the valiant pilots complained:
“We have little intelligence information about the KTO zone, we fly, we fly, and we don’t know there are bandyukas under us, or special forces, (which, given our current legal framework, would be more amusing to say, say,“ monopenisual ”).

- Fuck you information? - the chief of staff of the group was indignant, so you will achieve the planned horseradish flights, and how you find out that in the area of ​​bandyuki, so all screws will be bent to you by x ... m, alright.
- Chief of Intelligence! Provide our winged brothers with information.

HP puzzled this spetsnaz chief's problem, who in turn puzzled the court Khankala detachment, which was located just next to the airbase.
But I forgot, however, the chief Special Forces officer, that the task should be set to a specific person, and not to transfer it to the battalion commander through the half-witted lieutenant who had been on duty at the TsBU that night.

Leteha lost all night in Wolfstein and by morning he forgot everything.
Even with a change of attire, he tried to introduce himself as an agent Blazkovich for, so that he would be ridiculed by others in exactly the same way that Volfstein didn't care about.
The new officer on duty set up, behind the computer of the TsBU officer on duty, and launched Kazakov.

Closer to 11 in the morning, a lieutenant colonel in flight form appeared, exhausted from the heat, strenuously pretending to be the intelligence chief of the airbase.
He trampled on the checkpoint, and tried to penetrate into the territory of the detachment, but was caught and caught, vigilantly time.
After half an hour of admonitions and explanations, the day-to-day understood that some pilot had arrived, but he did not understand why he came to the Yakut nationality.
“Tell your intelligence chief that the pilots arrived for the report,” he begged the soldier.
“Yeah,” said the man of the day, and, exhausted from the heat, went under the fungus to the telephone.
Fifteen minutes he twisted the handle, and at the same time he squeaked relish while the handle was spinning, the information that had to be brought to the duty officer completely disappeared from my head.
Finally, he got through to the duty officer of the Cossacks who staged a riot, so the duty officer was a little nervous.
- Well, what are those deer? - He asked in the pipe.
The soldier Yakut remembered the deer and dreamed, smiled.
“Fuck, what the fuck,” the attendant shouted into the pipe.
- AAAA, comrade lieutenant, then the pilots came for vodka, - blurted the day one.
- What a dick vodka? Pilots? They fucking little alcohol, or what? - the attendant boiled,
- Fuck him, we have no vodka.
He shrugged and moved toward the pilot's scout.
“No,” he said. “They probably sold everything.”

The distraught pilot opened his mouth and decided to stop by later.
Later, the pilot nevertheless achieved some results, the daily telephoned, the duty officer, in turn, called the squad of the detachment, having decided once the pilots came for vodka and for some reason went to the head of the reconnaissance squad, he somehow figured it out.
An unshaven nachoper came, dressed in spite of the heat, in a camouflaged ShPS (fagot cap special forces) and in magnificent TTSs (underpants tank blue).

Learning that the pilots had arrived and even for vodka - the captain of the beginning. the operas did not go ahead, but cautiously scout, but through the mediation of the day-to-day, I found out that the scout pilot came supposedly with the permission of the head of the intelligence group.
- Oh, you, - thought nach. operas The thing is unclean. I will call right now to the higher headquarters, to my directional director, and find out what these things are.

Having phoned, to the special forces duty officer. operas, cautiously, so inquired whether there were any orders for issuing vodka to pilots.
Outweighed on duty in the department as they say in the common people "the headlights did not cut", and also very carefully otmazma, say: "I am the current, the current has acted. Right now, the chef will be interested in him. ”
Captain beg. the operas at the other end of the Zasov apparatus, sensibly reasoned that the thread stretches even higher, and decided that it was necessary to report to his direct chief, or to be more precise, to the chief of staff.

NS pumped "triceps" in the rocking chair, having finished the series he listened to the beginning. the opera and cursing went to ring up the head of the spetsnaz department.
The chief specialist was just sitting in the office and received reports from subordinate units.
And then - here, the pilots came to the spetsnaz detachment, they demand vodka and they say that the head of the reconnaissance group allowed them to take vodka from the special forces.
- “You know what, my friend!
Let the battalion commander better call back on this issue to the chief of intelligence.
I understand that vodka is a personal matter.
If the excess is - then give, but a little.
I can't order you. ”

The reconnaissance pilot standing at the checkpoint squad spat on everything and went to drink diluted alcohol.
Spetsnazovskiy battalion commander, having learned that he needed to call about the ohame pilots, NRu immediately grabbed the pipe and phoned the Chief and indignant in colors and colors, painted as crowds of distraught pilots besieged the checkpoint of the Special Forces detachment, demanding, pleading and begging them to give them vodka when they closed it. .
The chief of intelligence went wild and snarled into the phone:
- VODKA PILOTS DO NOT GIVE!!!
After that I got through to the commander of the air base and expressed everything that he thinks about the pilots and their morals.

In the evening, at the airbase, everyone who got drunk in the eyes of the commander was slapped by a stranger.
Including reconnaissance pilot, drunk diluted alcohol.
The strict commander told him:
“You, Lieutenant Colonel, instead of eating a Khanka, would take reconnaissance from the special forces ...”

In the morning a half-sober lieutenant colonel stood at the checkpoint of the detachment at eight o'clock.
The last soldier, the Yakut, who has not yet changed, having seen the pilot - twisted the handle of the phone:
- Comrade Lieutenant! Pilots again for vodka came ...
Author:
Originator:
http://www.e-reading-lib.org
19 comments
Information
Dear reader, to leave comments on the publication, you must to register.

I have an account? Sign in

  1. sashka
    sashka 24 May 2013 10: 45 New
    0
    Not funny..
    1. Svist
      Svist 24 May 2013 11: 14 New
      +1
      Read for the interest of this author. I liked his works. There are very interesting and funny. Army life as it is.
      1. sashka
        sashka 24 May 2013 11: 20 New
        -2
        Also advise Petrosyan to see .. Not funny ..
        1. Svist
          Svist 24 May 2013 11: 24 New
          +3
          I won’t advise Petrosyan ... smile
        2. Canep
          Canep 24 May 2013 11: 34 New
          +4
          Quote: Sasha
          Also advise Petrosyan to see .. Not funny ..
          Who served in the army does not laugh at the circus. sad
          1. sashka
            sashka 24 May 2013 12: 22 New
            -2
            Quote: Canep
            Who served in the army does not laugh at the circus.

            That's right .. You can’t be proud of it .. Everything is too serious .. And I love to laugh. I'm rolling up already .. It's funny to laugh at sick people ..
  2. ural70
    ural70 24 May 2013 10: 47 New
    +8
    I read almost all the works of the Highlander (Andrei Zagortsev). Army life is shown both in peaceful conditions and in conditions of war, as it is. Everything is read in one breath, and I reread several works (Special Sailor, Special Officer Group) more than once.
    1. Greyfox
      Greyfox 24 May 2013 13: 58 New
      +1
      A special officer group is just a masterpiece! Now he seems to be writing the second part, excerpts were posted on the Web.
    2. fadys
      fadys 1 June 2013 23: 59 New
      0
      and the City caught me.
  3. rpek32
    rpek32 24 May 2013 11: 10 New
    +6
    Laughing in a voice. Thanks to the author good
  4. AK-47
    AK-47 24 May 2013 11: 21 New
    +2
    An unshaven noper came, dressed in spite of the heat in camouflage ShPS (special forces pidorka hat) and in magnificent TTSs (blue tank panties).

    ++++++++ Colorful!
  5. Altor86
    Altor86 24 May 2013 11: 33 New
    +2
    Good humor, author +++
  6. lelikas
    lelikas 24 May 2013 11: 41 New
    +2
    So the pilots got their Pokrovsky. drinks
  7. smershspy
    smershspy 24 May 2013 11: 43 New
    +6
    Lord! Laughing like a boy! I agree with Altor86!
  8. vovich
    vovich 24 May 2013 12: 14 New
    +7
    Andrei Zagortsev is perhaps one of the best writers on the military topic.
    1. albanech
      albanech 10 June 2013 17: 30 New
      +2
      You can’t but agree!
  9. Earnest
    Earnest 24 May 2013 12: 28 New
    +7
    To those who write: “Not funny” ... This is really not funny, the author did not try to amuse you. The truth of life, it is this: "The sergeant told the soldier, the soldier said the pea jacket, the pea jacket did not have legs, but the report was not delivered." As if the same thing did not happen outside of army circles)). It's just that in the army such situations develop rapidly, absurdly and unpredictably, and are investigated with the same characteristics. After all, no one will be surprised by the story, a snippet of which I will cite: the internal gate of the KP position of the missile regiment, at the division’s ZKP located in the same place, is trying to get past the division’s headquarters. A vigilant guard monkey told him: "And captain Deev said - do not let anyone in." I think it’s not necessary to continue.
    Zagortsev writes for people like me - who do not need to continue.
    1. pensioner
      pensioner 24 May 2013 14: 07 New
      +5
      Quote: Earnest
      The truth of life, it is this: "The sergeant told the soldier, the soldier said the pea jacket, the pea jacket did not have legs, but the report was not delivered"


      I remembered. I come to work in the morning (military school) and I see a leak on the ceiling (April month) + a huge piece of plaster on the field. Our beloved decanter broke the road (very elegant work). I'm calling the deputy on the rear. I explain the situation. I'm waiting. A major from the training department comes running. "Where does it flow?" I show. "Now we solve the problem!". Runs away. To save energy - I’ll say that a few more came running to me with the same question. But the title is lower and lower. We stopped at the ensign, the elder of the battery. He says: "Climb onto the roof. Find the place of the leak. Its fences. Cadets will come to throw snow." Climbed up. Found. Fenced off. Came with shovels 10 hedgehogs. not to the roof, to my office. I took them to the roof and relaxed. In vain. That ensign flies up (it flies into my office too), shouting "Take cadets off the roof! (As if he himself couldn’t) They will damage the tar with iron shovels!" He climbed off. Then lunch, then this, and then it stopped dripping. After lunch, the major came in (the very one from which it all began). He looked at the ceiling (from which he no longer drips) and said "Well done. Solved the problem!". What happened to me ...
  10. pogis
    pogis 24 May 2013 13: 06 New
    +1
    Read on health! Http: //artofwar.ru/z/zagorcew_a_w/indexdate.shtml
  11. pensioner
    pensioner 24 May 2013 13: 55 New
    +2
    Since childhood, fond of aviation. With great pleasure I read everything that comes across. Six months ago, at an air forum, I attacked the Eid Io .. you in Aviation branch. work in the office lasted about 2 weeks. We laughed so much (and we were 4ro) that they came from below asking: “What happened?”, and then they neighing with us. The story is from there. Be sure to look there - you will not regret it.
  12. bubla5
    bubla5 24 May 2013 14: 52 New
    +3
    And when young fighters were sent to headquarters with a bucket for menstruation, it was probably also funny
    1. pensioner
      pensioner 24 May 2013 17: 16 New
      +2
      Well ... in the Navy, too, to fig people, people anchored files with anchors .. And now they’re sure, they are.
  13. _palych_
    _palych_ 26 May 2013 18: 16 New
    0
    a "special group" is something, even though you shoot a movie and the rest of Zagortsev’s stories at the level are read interestingly
  14. Nikolay K
    Nikolay K 27 May 2013 13: 38 New
    +1
    Hello everyone! I remembered the topic:
    Once, in the late 80s, I had to fly to my unit from the Krayny airport. To our misfortune, among other things, junk, we drove two barrels of “sewed” from the “central delivery”. Even before loading, the MI-8 crew began to suspiciously fly their nose in the wind. We visited from all sides. Stupid excuses, such as: "technical fluid", "fuels and lubricants", "go steering wheels" - did not roll. From the tenth sunset, the flyers knocked out a laconic confession: - "Hydrashka" ...
    The battle for a daley broke out! We already knew well the recklessness of our helicopter pilots, one invention of WMD like “rubber bomb”, what was it worth?
    Not sorry for the alcohol - I just wanted to survive. We held the defense: "prepare the hose, wipe the container - we will mold at home." See now and drink later ..? Yes, so no one has yet allowed himself to “mock and mock” them. The attack continued: “to fly for a long time”, “we are not homeless, we also want to live”, “do not mess - penguins!” etc. You take it in our redoubts, it was punched by the argument: "We have on your RC, you still have to mark the flight list sober ... and we fly to Barnaul - Pour it!" The first "dose" was issued - the so-called "flask", those 800 gram jars of Bulgarian green peas.
    It raced! Then the sentence of the crew commander admonished us: “You are stupid because you yourself are sober!” Flew dashingly and cheerfully, as they say - "you will not drink skill." We said goodbye violently, we were safely shipped to the Urals, together with the property brought. The senior car was horrified by the crew.
    And on the RC, with the flight list, the youngest ran, i.e. radio operator. He was not supposed to drink, but he did not fly a helicopter either.
  15. Liasenski
    Liasenski 28 May 2013 12: 25 New
    0
    Belarus, Stoves, 1992 year. On the bedside table is an orderly from the Asian republic. The phone rings. The receiver is picked up and the phrase sounds into it:
    - Well, yes, the nightstand is listening, yes !!!
  16. Roman Polanski
    Roman Polanski 31 May 2013 00: 38 New
    0
    The army is always confused)) a very interesting story!
  17. slacker
    slacker 22 June 2013 22: 17 New
    0
    Posted a second time. Already not funny.
  18. dustycat
    dustycat 9 July 2013 22: 19 New
    +1
    There were always problems with these nationalities.
    He stood on our bedside table once.
    With sin, in half, we learned the phrase The company duty officer on the way out.
    Worth it.
    And then he fails the deputy polygon on the drill.
    What is there in this poor fellow from the sight of stripes is closed - science does not know.
    But the phrase he issued.
    Comrade the company chief eats the company; no company; the whole ear for lunch. Smyrna! Ravnays! Razoidis! What do you stand with your eyes with your eyes? Chloapesh is quiet at Kama Gawar!

    In general, he issued the entire stock of learned commands and Russian words.
    The next rank of captain of the Komrota passed by the unit as well as the next by the major of the castle commander.
    But the handwriting of this fighter was calligraphic - in Russian, under dictation, he wrote without errors and the letters are even as in the recipe.
    By demobil all the chocks themselves bought sergeants.
    And only to this only the corporal’s order was signed.
    A very annoying title for those who are in the know.