Episode X of the New Year's fairy tale with a sequel
The part is humorous, kind, festive
All characters, times and places are fictitious. The author is not responsible for anything, these are just his senile senile memories.
When the "knight in the tiger's skin" landed on his "flying carpet" on the Most Main Square of that fabulous country, heads, shoulder straps and stripes flew all over the country. As the "enemy languages" chatted - at least "on a tangent", but "hooked" a couple of hundred.
The head of the chief of the future Chapai abruptly went to the hospital - after all, a military general, the old wounds ached, he needed to restore his health - and somewhere, somewhere, according to an acquaintance, Vladik drove off to be treated ...
The head of Chapai suddenly sharply remembered that he had not been on vacation for at least a couple of past five-year plans - and he drove off to the seas ...
As a result, when our district was required to be represented in high offices on Staraya Ploshchad, Chapai was called to “take the rap”.
For the third time, when the Chief of all Chiefs took Chapai with him (the third time within a month), approximately the same conversation took place after the "rendezvous" in the High Offices...
Secretary of the Big Bang:
- What does this colonel think of himself ???!!! Arguing with Himself! And let's you send this colonel of yours to the Academy out of harm's way? Let the mind-reason pick up there, and we will be calmer.
- Guilty! But I can't do this!
- Why so?!
He returned six months ago.
"It's a pity... It's a pity... Well, at least you can make a general out of him?" And then my Chief is very indignant that all sorts of colonels teach him about life.
- Will be done! Permission to proceed with the execution of the order?
So Chapai became a major general ...
About a year later, another conversation took place with the Chief of the Chief of Chiefs, Chapai, but already in the Foreign Ministry:
- Something there your one-star general imagines himself ???!!! Arguing with the Chief of the American Disarmament Control Commission Himself!!! The American is a four-star general, after all! And he does not consider less than three stars for people! Replace it for me with another one, at least a two-star one! And fast!!! One leg here, the other there!
- Guilty! But I can't do this!
- Why so?!
– There are no other candidates! Guilty!
- It's a pity ... It's a pity ... Well, at least a second star on his shoulder straps can you add ?! And then we look ugly in the international arena.
- Will be done! Permission to proceed with the execution of the order?
So Chapai became a lieutenant general ...
It was reminder. And now it starts...
Story
Chapai after college was sent to serve in the Far Eastern Military District: there he rose to the rank of major. Then, for his character, he was sent into exile from there as a lieutenant colonel in the ZabVO ... Before a very High Check from the Capital itself, just in case of a fire, he was sent to study at the Academy ... in order to avoid and in order ... When Chapai went through "all the circles of hell » study, ZabVO flatly refused to accept him back - for no price in the world! And he was sent to our district headquarters ... sort of away from the kitchen, closer to the Administration. Well, so that Chapai “does not seem like honey,” he was appointed to the “execution position” of the district deputy deputy for the construction and provision of parts of the Strategic Missile Forces. Well, this is when the zamzama is to blame for everything, and they are changed even more often than fashionistas in Paris change their gloves. So that dear readers understand that, having started to fulfill his new official duties, Chapai was already a priori guilty of the fact that in 1812 the French burned Moscow ...
But, as they say, the wrong one was attacked! According to rumors, Napoleon himself tried to escape from Paradise to Hell and dive there in a cauldron of boiling tar - but "the freebie didn't work." Restored everything at my own expense! And Chapai was even given a medal for this ...
Chapai knew how to do two things in his life by and large - make decisions and take responsibility for his decisions. Some decisions were wrong, most of them right - but "all the troubles of the world" could always be blamed on him. He personally got acquainted with the Augean stables and, to the best of his strength and ability, raked them. For this, his superiors both loved and hated him at the same time. He was such an extraordinary person.
Lyrical digression
There were two girl friends. One is beautiful, smart and tall, meter 80, and the second “gray mouse” with a height of “a meter with a cap” is if she wears high heels ... The “tail” had, to put it mildly, an explosive character, and the “gray mouse” was for her a vest in which you can always cry, at any time of the year and at any time of the day. Receive comfort, guidance and an up-to-date plan of action.
When in the 10th grade the question arose sharply, with whom to dance the school waltz "dylde" - after all, I studied ballroom dancing for 5 years. Considering that there were only 20 guys for 5 girls in their senior class - and the “dylda” was taller than all of them, the “gray mouse” suggested an option:
- Listen, my friend! You yourself said that your beloved grandfather rules over all the military schools somewhere ... Let him send a dozen Gulliver cadets to our graduation party, that's business!!!
Grandfather surrendered under the pressure of his beloved granddaughter in just 5 minutes and went on a malfeasance - he called his friend, the head of the school, and very urgently asked in an ultimatum form to meet him halfway - to send his granddaughter to the graduation party with a dozen or two cadets who know how to dance waltz, but not shorties!
“Using a scientific poke method,” the head of the school selected a dozen and a half cadets, handed them a leave, a couple of bouquets “in the teeth” and 10 rubles for each state money with the order: “Well, God forbid you disgrace the honor of an officer!". And they were taken to the school in PAZik ...
When all the cadets were taken to dances, the “gray mouse” was bored on the sidelines ... Where are the Gullivers, and where is she ?! A very shy Giant sat down next to him to be bored ... During the conversation of the “losers”, it turned out that, by and large, they have the same problems. And when the “white dance” was announced, Chapai offered himself as a “victim” ... To the skeptical question of his future wife:
- How do you imagine it?
Chapai bent down, stood in a pose for a waltz, picked her up in his arms and danced the whole dance with her ... The sensation was deafening!!! But no one was able to approach the “gray mouse” then - even if Chapai was then just a sophomore, but the whole school remembered his first year of study with a shudder ... They met the dawn with the whole graduation class, and at his graduation party he made “gray mouse ”a marriage proposal, and his proposal was favorably considered. True, Chapai had to first sign an unconditional surrender and surrender to the mercy of the winner, but it was so, the little things in life ...
Chapay
Actually, Chapai received his “klikuha” with the light hand of our Chief of Staff ... The clerk and him there solved their affairs in the office of the Headquarters of the unit, and then a call from the checkpoint about an unscheduled emergency ... Well, the chief of staff of the unit in his hearts cursed:
- Again, this Chapai brought on our heads !!! Again it will chop heads with a saber! ... uuuuu
The clerk of the unit then “in secret to the whole world” blabbed what the Chief of Staff had said ... And no one else called him other than Chapai in conversations among themselves. Even officers.
Why "Chapai"? When he became a major general, he began to walk in a general's hat, in the winter also in a general's cloak, and when he said something there before the formation (well, though not on solemn occasions), he used to walk back and forth and in especially emotional moments of his speech, he waved his right hand, confirming his words about what he would do with those who disobey his orders ... Very naturally, we all imagined a saber in his empty hand.
There was a special joke one winter, when he unscheduledly visited our unit with another dressing... He gave the whole unit a second breakfast, gathered the unit to line up on the parade ground... Frost - minus 30 for sure at least. The wind was so small it blows you off your feet. The soldiers are standing normally - in felt boots, sheepskin coats, winter hats and warm work gloves. He arrived in a very bad mood and immediately “on the spot” “fell in love” with the unit’s superiors:
- What a mess!!! Why are the soldiers' ears on their hats not lowered and tied?! Do you want them to chill in the hospital?! Who will work for them?
All the soldiers of the unit unanimously lowered their ears and tied them up. Chapai looked at the officers - but there was like a complete mess in their clothes - whoever had time to put on what they went out to build on the parade ground. The range was from the summer uniform of the political officer and the deputy commander of the unit to the sheepskin coat with felt boots at the deputy commander ... Chapai silently commented on the clothes of our officers with a glance and began to “cut circles” along the parade ground, “explaining the policy of the party and government” (I mean it) to the situation that our unit is not coping with the high confidence placed on it in the construction of the “shield of the Motherland”.
After half an hour of his fiery speech, finally, so to speak, Chapai, well, that's real soft he reminded me that there was an order in the district - when the temperature is below minus 25, everyone should wear felt boots - and pointed to his own, regardless of rank and title ... But since the “walruses” gathered here, well, he’s not a dictator - something there - they want to be tempered, their right ... He will not captivate them next time ... in a couple of days. After all, a healthy mind in a healthy body!
The lesson has been learned! After 4 or 5 days, the entire unit was on divorce at the next dressing in a reinforced form of winter clothing - starting with the unit commander!
I saw Chapai in my closet more often than I stood on the carpet at the head of the unit for my doorposts. This bye management will call... bye I will have free time for this ... and Chapai sniffs to my closet, and I am already looking for the fifth corner, so to speak, "without leaving the cash register."
He really was for all of our part in the direct and literal sense as native father. When necessary, he will love, when necessary, he will punish, and when necessary, he will even issue an award. It was “our lifesaver in the most extreme case” in the literal sense ... When you fly in a big way - well, there are two years of disbat and above - you could always come to bow to him, repent, and if there was no betrayal Motherland - you became "his personal slave" and "leader of socialist competition." True, one could immediately forget about self-propelled guns on women - but 2 years is not a period, and one can be patient. It just somehow turned out that the most valuable specialists from the soldiers were at the same time the most malicious "self-propelled gunners for the female sex." Youth, hormones are seething, and literally across the road there are 5 women's hostels with 3000 girls aged 17-30 ... Only a blind person could pass by in a self-propelled car and not notice them. And then they were not called up to the Army, even to non-combatant troops.
In particular, in the situation described in "Now you're in the Army." Bears and generals - it is his personal merit that the author remained alive and well. Still great grateful!
Two years later, when he was transferred to our district from the Academy, he achieved by his work on our part that our part was awarded the Challenge Banner of the winners of socialist competition at the end of the year. And it was in the appropriation that he did not lift a finger on a finger. He was simply called to the carpet and asked:
- There is an opinion that at the end of the year in our district it is necessary to hand over the Transitional Red Banner of Unit 123456. What is your opinion, is it worth it?
- Totally agree with you! Deserved!
- Well, then you yourself go and hand them over. And I don't have time...
The rest of the adventures of Chapai and Electronics in the Army will be described in the following parts of the Tale.