Results of the week. “To me, ghouls! To me, Ghouls! ”
Part I. “You call yourself free. Free from what, or free for what? "
Feminism with mothers
Widely known for its “glorious” actions with bare breasts and ridiculous slogans in the spirit of “Women are better than men, even if drunk”, the Femen movement experienced a response from the representatives of the so-called “True Cossacks”. The Cossacks, armed with whips, decided to make a peculiar variant of alaverdy and strike their own “Femen” weapons. This blow resulted in a campaign, during which the entrance to the Femen office’s office was crossed criss-cross (yes, the movement also has an office), and a sign with the following text was attached to the boards: “The way is from the furnace to the threshold ".
During the nailing of the tablet to the boards, the very same feminist activists appeared on the threshold. Apparently, it was the office attendants, because along with them were their attendant wreaths. True, only one “femen-girl” managed to put a wreath on his head, and the second held it in her hand. It must be assumed that “Femen” was in such a hurry to open the door to the draft knocks, that they had forgotten about the shape of XXXX with a bare torso. And they fled to the door, most likely thinking that new customers of their picturesque actions had arrived, brought the Friendship chainsaw, a coin and an envelope with a plan for a new operation.
However, having opened the door, the “on-duty” officers did not see any money or envelopes, but they saw a boarded up doorway in front of them and read the inscription on the sign. After that, from the lips of the champions of either the sexual superiority of women over men, or advertising of breast augmentation drugs, where “before” (from the “before” and “after” photos), you heard words that confirm that “ Femen "nothing human is alien. Several tirades on the great and mighty strengthened the confidence that the girls in the actions work on order, but when they see sexually mature men in front of them, they are ready to forget their feminist ideals for a while ...
Russian mate, he puts all the dots on "e" and has such power that he is able to tell exactly what first of all a simple Russian (Ukrainian) woman can be for a simple Russian (Ukrainian) peasant ...
Advertising obscurantism in Estonia
Several reports came from Estonia during the week that an advertisement with very specific content appeared in one of the local periodicals.
Now, it must be admitted, few people will be surprised with advertising: flapping hygiene products for women, sweaty armpits, hastily rubbed together with some kind of superstrong deodorant and put under the nose of an occasional companion in a trolley bus, diapers for days for those children whose parents apparently forget about the existence of the children themselves and the fact that they have natural needs ...
However, Estonian advertising this time surpassed all that is connected with marketing, and decided to hit, as they say, from the rear. Plain diet pills were advertised. But instead of the usual plots about how “she dropped 20 kg in two days,” local advertisers decided to add a picture of concentration camp prisoners and a slogan to the product being promoted: “There was no fat in Buchenwald!” And the name of a slimming agent was “Tablets from Dr. Mengele "raises certain questions ...
After this advertisement was found in a newspaper, a wave of indignation arose. People could not believe that the Nazi crimes, which had a monstrous scale and character during the Second World War, could become an object used for the promotion of goods. But the creators of this kind of advertising said that there is nothing reprehensible in it, because this is real Estonian humor.
The tops of the Estonian “humor” were shown in another advertisement note, which told about the universality, reliability and efficiency of gas heating, having the image of the gates to the Auschwitz death camp as a background ...
If you believe the advertisers on the word, it turns out that Estonian humor is beyond normal. And if so, then the Estonian "humorists" from advertising should have long been checked in the relevant institutions, where they can tell with precise tests where humor is, and where it is long and forced treatment ...
By the way, if Estonian advertising specialists are so creative in their endeavors, they can be advised to bungle a commercial for well-sifted sand for construction, and to insert a picture of SS veterans marching through the streets of Tallinn ...
Twenty-one - my own master!
The next attack on people with bad habits in Russia was launched by representatives of the largest political force in the country - United Russia. It would seem that even so, poor-unhappy smokers and drinkers have nowhere to put themselves from ruthless care from the state. If you want to watch vodka advertising on TV, it’s called “figvam”, if you want to drag a cigarette into the plane, it’s also “nizya”, and if you are going after 23: 00 to run after the “additive”, then, sorry, friend, you had to stock up early in the evening ...
However, even these anti-human attacks did not stop the deputies in their attempts to make our nation the most sober and non-smoker in the world. During the week, parliamentarian Vyacheslav Timchenko decided to introduce a new idea on how to achieve the goal outlined above. He proposes to raise the age barrier from 18-ti to 21 of the year for those Russians who want to buy alcohol or tobacco products in a particular outlet.
But, citizens, this is what it turns out: a callous deputy Timchenko wants to deprive all high school graduates who went to meet the dawn on the bank of the reservoir, and didn’t grab anything from the holiday table set up with caring hands of fathers and mothers ... getting on the train and forced to buy a bottle of Essentuki No. XXUMX in the station stall. He wants to deprive elementary comfort of all Moscow arrivals who have arrived and have not arrived, who, without buying a fire-breaker, will simply numb up while standing along the roads and highways. And what should students who decide to run to the nearest kiosk for cigarettes at recess? Not only do you have to take at least one hundred meters at a time (the stall should be no closer than an 17 meter to an educational institution), but also, out of breath from an intense run, get a response from the saleswoman “not allowed, little ishsho!” You will have to shoot adult passers-by cigarettes, but if you shoot a lot in the era of the global global crisis ... And while you shoot, the change will end a long time ...
And if you look further, it turns out that the deputy decided to cut down a branchy business tree on alcoholic cocktails. Well, how many manufacturers of Jaguars and Blazers who are improving our youth will lose, who are fighting for the new generation to grow up strong and strong, spewing the smell of steady fumes with the scent of freshly squeezed chemical dyes in the morning ...
And the young people themselves, a certain percentage of whom have long since switched to cigarette-alcoholic pleasures, will say to Deputy Timchenko: you, Uncle Valera, it’s good - you are an adult, 21 is a year, you know, a long time ago, please treat a cigarette ...
Work is not sugar
While the Kuban governor Tkachev claims a poor harvest in the Krasnodar Territory, which is associated with floods, the yield of the Kursk fields is simply amazing. And it can hit literally.
During the week, farmers of one of the districts of the Kursk region reported that they had harvested sugar beet, which had accidentally mixed with a crop of three dozen shells from the times of the Great Patriotic War. Shells were found in the mountains of beet, unloaded at one of the local sugar factories.
However, 30 shells - this is not the whole crop. Literally the day before this discovery, workers from the same factory found a whole arsenal in the canals for feeding root vegetables: air bombs, mines, hand grenades and fuses.
In this regard, you can safely refer to the leadership of the Kursk region, so that it introduces a new position at the local sugar factory: vegetable engineer, field engineer or sugar manufacturer - an expert in mine explosives. Moreover, if in the near future a note appears in the newspaper that work at a sugar factory in the Kursk Region is not a sweet affair, then you can definitely believe it ...
Kozidavlat and financial losses of Tajikistan
Last week Tajikistan struck with its mathematical calculations. The ambassador of this Central Asian state in Minsk, Mr. Kozidavlat Koimdodov, in one of his speeches, said that Tajikistan should not join the Customs Union, which already includes Russia, Kazakhstan and Belarus. According to his personal (or state) calculations, it turned out that Dushanbe would lose about 500 million dollars if he joined the CU. At the same time, Koimdodov added a remarkable phrase characterizing a very original logic of the Tajik leadership: “And you must first find this money ...”
Indeed, the East is a delicate matter. Based on the words of Ambassador Koimdodov, it turns out that Tajikistan has no 500 million dollars now, as it were, but at the same time he is afraid of losing them. But here a quite reasonable question arises: how can one lose what is not?
This situation looks something like this:
- I wanted to earn money yesterday, but did not.
- Why?
- So anyway, or lose, or spend ...
Apparently, Kozidavlat Koimdodovich Koimdodov in his youth was too fond of imaginary numbers and irrational philosophy, and today these hobbies are manifested in his diplomatic activity. If the top political leadership of the Republic of Tajikistan thinks about the same, then today, it is better for Tajikistan to get out of all the associations, blocks and organizations in which it is a member. And so there is no money, but here you are still with your unions-shmauzami ...
A man like a priest
Last week, a trial began on the sensational case of Abbot Timofey, who not long ago, driving a BMW sports car model with diplomatic numbers from the Maltese embassy, committed an accident in the center of Moscow. It would seem that the very mission of the holy father should consist in the fact that at any time, day and night, he sowed sensible, good and eternal, but on that ill-fated day the sower from Timothy's father came out useless. Still: to ram two cars, even if they are of foreign assembly, is still somehow not Christian.
The trial began with the fact that the holy father unexpectedly announced that he was not drunk at the time of the accident, and that all signatures on the accident report are generally fake and do not belong to him. According to him, no one asked him to undergo a medical test for the presence of alcohol in the blood, which means that despite the smell of fumes, which, according to the testimony of numerous eyewitnesses, came from the lips of the igumen, the DPS officers came to believe in Timothy’s infallibility. I wouldn’t have believed: Timofey is the confessor of the most humble Russian pop singer Philip Kirkorov Bedrosovich ... So, we need to believe by definition ...
That's how it turns out: the church seems to be an independent organization with its own laws and dogmas, but the igumen is also well-versed in legal intricacies. They say, not mine, was not, was not involved, and only the court of God can judge me ...
So God himself ordered to be guided in legal quotes: after all, judging by the traffic police materials, citizen Podobedov (he is Abbot Timofey) managed to take part in more than six dozen road accidents during his driving career. The igumen himself, along with his lawyers, even criticized these documented facts, stating that video cameras hanging on the roads were to blame. They say that if the car is abbot and exceeded the speed, then anyone could sit in it, but not the abbot himself ... With this logic, a new concept may appear in the case file: not the abbot, but a person similar to the abbot.
By the way, Father Timofey, as reported by the owner of the now-broken BMW car, took this car to “ride” without issuing a power of attorney. The hegumen and these words, coupled with the person who uttered them, betrayed anathema, saying that it was a lie, and the power of attorney was in fact ...
In general, here you can say only one thing: Timofey is a savvy priest, which means that the judges need to be careful. Hardly that - so immediately the abbot's anathema and accusation of heresy with all the consequences for the judges' souls ...
Part II. American mosaic
Moscow friend Obama
The American president explained to Mitt Romney and the general public who America is a friend and who is an enemy
If US presidential candidate Mitt Romney calls Vladimir Putin is a "tyrant" and a "threat to national security," Russia considers "the number one geopolitical enemy" and reiterates his desire to "curb Moscow", then his rival Barack Obama wants to be friends with the Russians. Russians are not the same thing as al-Qaida fighters. This thought the American president tried to convey to his constituents, and at the same time to the incomprehensible Mitt Romney and generally Republican stupid.
Speaking at the Democratic Party convention in the evening, Comrade Obama thoroughly printed a politically ill-equipped candidate and competitor, explaining to him that the enemy of America was Al Qaeda, not Moscow. "My opponent, - сказал Barack Obama is a new man in foreign policy. He wants to bring us back to an era of drastic actions and blunders that cost America so dearly. In the end, you can not call Russia the number one enemy. Russia, not al-Qaeda, if you don’t think in terms of the Cold War. ”
Democratic senator John Carrie joined the president and also ridiculed Romney, a little knowledgeable in geopolitics. Comrade Kerry said bluntly that the Republican candidate is not very clear about foreign policy and therefore can hardly be useful to the country in this area. Senator said: “Guys, Sarah Palin said she can see Russia from Alaska. Mitt Romney speaks as if he saw Russia only in the movie “Rocky 4”.
Beautifully, with humor criticize, you will not carp. But the question is not how and what these critics say and what they will do. And they will do Euro missile defense, and Al-Qaeda, the official enemy of the United States, will continue to fulfill the interests of the United States in the Middle East, including in long-suffering Syria.
As for the object of criticism by the name of Romney, then this one was repeatedly exposed in the sin of double-think. Mentioned above senator carrie these incriminations summarized: “At first, he was against setting the deadline for our troops in the country, saying that we should not leave Afghanistan so quickly. He considered it a tragedy to withdraw troops from Iraq, he said that he would have started the intervention in Libya much earlier. But then he declared that the decision on Afghanistan was right, and the intervention in Libya was too cruel ... ”
Obama's Kremlin friend's speech is full of fantastic promises that only those who are brought up on Hollywood films can believe in, where questions are solved either by a man with weapons like Rocky or God is out of the car. Both the first and second, as it is correct, act quickly - so that moviegoers do not get bored. Comrade Obama sworn in the best traditions of Hollywood for 4 of the year cut on 25% public debt. Meanwhile, the size of America’s debt has recently set a new record, surpassing 16 trillion. dollars.
The current president also promised to reform education and protect the environment. However, these loud promises can be partly attributed to the truthful.
Protecting the environment for Obama will be much easier than before: after all, half of this very environment in America has burned out in the summer. Reforming American education is even easier. If today, fourth-year mathematicians in the States cannot divide 111 by 2 without a calculator, then, in carrying out a reform, in the test it is necessary to replace the number "111" with the number "4". And American students will show brilliant results.
"I have no illusions that this will happen instantly, - сказал the president. “It will take years to solve the problems that have been accumulating for decades.”
No, of course, the US bureaucratic system will not quickly swap 111 with 4, and the trees that the President will plant on the site of burnt forests will not grow overnight. Obama is right: it will take years.
Trees are trees, but the presidential candidate has again climbed into the realm of fantasy, having undertaken to solve all the accumulated problems in a few years. Not otherwise, this is a thick hint to voters: they say, comrades Americans, if I had reigned over you for decades ... The friendship with Moscow declared by Obama is also hardly accidental and makes us think: is Comrade Vladimir jealous of Kremlin?
Hillary - in the presidency!
US Democrats already know who the US will rule in 2016.
At the recent congress of the Democratic Party, Bill Clinton himself pushed the speech. By the way, if American polls do not lie, B. Clinton is one of the most popular US presidents. And not just popular, but one of the best. And not just "one of", but among the top five of the best. is he which usually takes in the national ranking fifth place, second only to Lincoln, Reagan, Washington and Kennedy. So the opinion of Comrade Clinton in America is appreciated and is readily shared in the media.
Putting in a speech, the ex-president, inter alia, as if in passing, noticedthat he is proud of his wife, and also grateful to the Obama team: after all, with these people, America has become stronger, and in the world it has more partners, and fewer enemies.
Regarding the second half of this maxim, we will be allowed to doubt. Syria with Iran - are they partners of America? And in general, since when have the economic sanctions that the US distributes right and left help Obama to get partners and reduce the number of enemies? Sly Bill did not say that only in one thing: he did not speak about the friends of the United States. No one would have believed it - even those unenlightened individuals in the United States did not watch Rocky 4. So we have in the bottom line: partners and enemies ...
As for the first half of a short, but capacious phrase by Comrade Clinton, then there is a tremendous meaning in it. This is not just an additional “PR” of Mrs. Clinton (she herself promotes the full program), but a direct indication to the Americans of a potential presidential candidate who worthily continues the work of Comrade Obama - or rather, his own, because Obama in America is an independent owner of the White House not considered.
In the U.S. there is talk that America is ruled by the great Hillary. The Iraqi solution is its solution. The Syrian decision, if, of course, it soon follows, will also be its decision. Why didn’t Hillary end his long political career with such a brilliant finale - with brass fanfare? In this case, journalists will not have to put forward versions of the wounded Barack Obama, who, like Bill Clinton, writes expressive Hillary. Analysts will not have to wrestle with their thoughts, which is why “we say“ Obama ”, we mean“ Clinton ”. Harmony will come to Washington: Clinton’s vigorous theories will no longer be at variance with the lingering practice of the White House.
Hillary has already informed the public that she liked the text of her husband's speech. (They say that this time Billy wrote the speech himself. Well, at least he hired a speechwriter. That is, he did without the omnipresent wife).
The Democrats understood Comrade Clinton's message correctly. Prominent party leaders immediately declared Hillary had a good chance of being elected in 2016.
For example, the governor of Colorado, Democrat John Hickenlooper, сказал to reporters: “At least half of those who are now called potential candidates for nomination in 2016, will give up their claims if she chooses to be elected. There is no doubt about that. ”
And the deputy chairman of the Democratic Party in South Carolina, Jamie Harrison, said that if H. Clinton goes to the polls, the main struggle will unfold for the vice-president’s place. Clinton will not have competitors within the party. The head of the office of the Democratic Party of South. Caroline Dick Harputlyan said: “I supported Barak in 2008, and now I will wait for her. Talk now only about her.
So, the planetary construction of democracy should be expected around the 2020 year - just when the Russian "tractor" will go into space to meet the terrible asteroid Apophis.
Russians at least with displeasure perceive the speeches and statements of Mitt Romney - a multimillionaire, who, according to well-known people, associate Russian people only with the movie “Rocky 4” and “Magnitsky List”. But whether it will still be when the desperate Mrs. Clinton, who at that time will knock, if I am not mistaken, 2016, will emerge as the 69 presidency ...
Biological threat is sweeping the planet
While the White House was outraged by the Syrian WMD, from California drew a deadly biological threat
The newest biological threat comes from the United States. The deadly virus lives and spreads in Yosemite National Park. Every person who just visited the park is already in mortal risk. Infection is very difficult to diagnose, there is no vaccine against it, and there are already dead ones. As for the park, it is visited by about four million people a year, and California authorities are not going to close this lucrative place at all.
Spread a terrible disease of the mouse and hamsters. Among the dead were three men who had previously spent the night in Yosemite in tents. Eight tourists are in hospitals. 12.000 people from 39 countries that visited the park this summer are listed in the fatal risk zone.
According to scientists, the source of an incurable infection was mouse droppings. Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome leads to pulmonary edema in 6 weeks and then death. They inhaled a bit of dust in the park or shook the hand of a person - and the head: the doctors will no longer help you. The only thing they will be able to do is, by their bad habit, write you a bill for the inspection.
The US Department of Health was worried about the impending global epidemic, but California authorities do not think to close their profitable park. To this day, tourists rest in a tent camp - the epicenter of infection. Many of them have learned about the deadly virus not from Yosemite workers, but from the newspapers. After all, newspaper people in America are also thinking about profits.
The party of the living dead: a new word in the political technologies of the XXI century
Zombies - in every home!
If there were only two presidential candidates in America, it would be boring to live in this very America. This year, the yawning audience was pleased by comrade A. Zombie, who is also running for president of the United States - from the party of living corpses.
Indeed, while the Republican candidate and the Democratic candidate are competing to pronounce the predictable antitheses, the non-speaking dead with a pale, rotten face, for whom his wife is broadcasting on election trips, is an excellent political technology solution. A. Zombies, fighting for the rights of the dead throughout the country, albeit in the context of the advertising for the TV series The Walking Dead, as if hinting to the citizens that all of them are living dead bodies. "Some candidates will win in the democracies, - says A. Zombie's wife, - some - in the Republican, and we focus on the dead states. " Aphorism, however!
A candidate with a room temperature of the body does not shake hands with his voters - he probes their pulse. He knows how to solve once and for all the problem of the unemployed: the walking dead do not need work. In the event of the death of a zombie, his family will be provided with medical insurance. What kind of “Medicare” is there! .. Supporters of A. Zombie recently organized a congress of their party in Tampa, which started a day before the Republican congress, frightened hurricane. Thus, the ghouls showed their courage to America - right against the background of a trembling Mitt Romney with his 230 millions.
Mr. Zombie's wife explained to the public: “My husband is the person who will fight for the appearance of a zombie in every American home, and he will not stop - even if it kills him again”. The key requirement of the “walker” is to give Americans the right to know more about zombie life. “Hardworking Americans deserve the right to go home after a long day, lift their legs and watch a program about zombies on TV, if they want to,” said her husband Patty Morgan-Zombie.
With such atv program A. Zombie’s election platform will undoubtedly succeed. Especially since the other day the United States authorities announced a possible invasion of zombies - quite officially. Report on the upcoming zombie threat has spread US Department of Homeland Security.
The authors of the idea decided that their “creative approach” would prepare people for hurricanes, terrorist attacks, pandemics and earthquakes. It was for this purpose that the ministry started the preparation for the “invasion of the walking dead” and launched the corresponding propaganda. By the whole country, by the way.
At the moment, the Ministry of National Security is giving Americans advice to work out evacuation plans in case of mass “walkers” attacks, to create supplies of fresh water and clothing, to buy medicines and flashlights. By the way, in parallel, British scientists, the most progressive in the world, publicly were made with evidence that the zombie epidemic is quite real.
This raises two questions. First, will not the gullible Americans consider the campaign of Mr. A. Zombie, who intends to make trips around the country and organize parades of zombies in different cities, the very same attack of the living dead, about which the alert ministry warned? And the second one, the main one: in the fall of 1938, when Orson Welles arranged a radio show based on the novel of the war of the worlds of his namesake G. Wells, a terrible panic began in the northeast United States. About a million listeners believed in the Martian invasion of the Earth, considering the radio play a live report from the scene. The Department of Homeland Security had obviously forgotten the lessons of Comrade Wells.
Of course, some Americans just hide in the basement, stocking up with blankets, Coca-Cola, radios and aspirin. But others, even more fearless than A. Zombies, run off to the nearest weapon chipka and pack up with “Saigas”, machetes and chainsaws. And if these brave guys, who heard the propaganda of the Ministry of National Security, begin to actively defend against living corpses invading their cities, story with Breivik can quickly forget.
* “To me, ghouls! To me, ghouls! "- A phrase from the movie" Viy. "
Feminism with mothers
Widely known for its “glorious” actions with bare breasts and ridiculous slogans in the spirit of “Women are better than men, even if drunk”, the Femen movement experienced a response from the representatives of the so-called “True Cossacks”. The Cossacks, armed with whips, decided to make a peculiar variant of alaverdy and strike their own “Femen” weapons. This blow resulted in a campaign, during which the entrance to the Femen office’s office was crossed criss-cross (yes, the movement also has an office), and a sign with the following text was attached to the boards: “The way is from the furnace to the threshold ".
During the nailing of the tablet to the boards, the very same feminist activists appeared on the threshold. Apparently, it was the office attendants, because along with them were their attendant wreaths. True, only one “femen-girl” managed to put a wreath on his head, and the second held it in her hand. It must be assumed that “Femen” was in such a hurry to open the door to the draft knocks, that they had forgotten about the shape of XXXX with a bare torso. And they fled to the door, most likely thinking that new customers of their picturesque actions had arrived, brought the Friendship chainsaw, a coin and an envelope with a plan for a new operation.
However, having opened the door, the “on-duty” officers did not see any money or envelopes, but they saw a boarded up doorway in front of them and read the inscription on the sign. After that, from the lips of the champions of either the sexual superiority of women over men, or advertising of breast augmentation drugs, where “before” (from the “before” and “after” photos), you heard words that confirm that “ Femen "nothing human is alien. Several tirades on the great and mighty strengthened the confidence that the girls in the actions work on order, but when they see sexually mature men in front of them, they are ready to forget their feminist ideals for a while ...
Russian mate, he puts all the dots on "e" and has such power that he is able to tell exactly what first of all a simple Russian (Ukrainian) woman can be for a simple Russian (Ukrainian) peasant ...
Advertising obscurantism in Estonia
Several reports came from Estonia during the week that an advertisement with very specific content appeared in one of the local periodicals.
Now, it must be admitted, few people will be surprised with advertising: flapping hygiene products for women, sweaty armpits, hastily rubbed together with some kind of superstrong deodorant and put under the nose of an occasional companion in a trolley bus, diapers for days for those children whose parents apparently forget about the existence of the children themselves and the fact that they have natural needs ...
However, Estonian advertising this time surpassed all that is connected with marketing, and decided to hit, as they say, from the rear. Plain diet pills were advertised. But instead of the usual plots about how “she dropped 20 kg in two days,” local advertisers decided to add a picture of concentration camp prisoners and a slogan to the product being promoted: “There was no fat in Buchenwald!” And the name of a slimming agent was “Tablets from Dr. Mengele "raises certain questions ...
After this advertisement was found in a newspaper, a wave of indignation arose. People could not believe that the Nazi crimes, which had a monstrous scale and character during the Second World War, could become an object used for the promotion of goods. But the creators of this kind of advertising said that there is nothing reprehensible in it, because this is real Estonian humor.
The tops of the Estonian “humor” were shown in another advertisement note, which told about the universality, reliability and efficiency of gas heating, having the image of the gates to the Auschwitz death camp as a background ...
If you believe the advertisers on the word, it turns out that Estonian humor is beyond normal. And if so, then the Estonian "humorists" from advertising should have long been checked in the relevant institutions, where they can tell with precise tests where humor is, and where it is long and forced treatment ...
By the way, if Estonian advertising specialists are so creative in their endeavors, they can be advised to bungle a commercial for well-sifted sand for construction, and to insert a picture of SS veterans marching through the streets of Tallinn ...
Twenty-one - my own master!
The next attack on people with bad habits in Russia was launched by representatives of the largest political force in the country - United Russia. It would seem that even so, poor-unhappy smokers and drinkers have nowhere to put themselves from ruthless care from the state. If you want to watch vodka advertising on TV, it’s called “figvam”, if you want to drag a cigarette into the plane, it’s also “nizya”, and if you are going after 23: 00 to run after the “additive”, then, sorry, friend, you had to stock up early in the evening ...
However, even these anti-human attacks did not stop the deputies in their attempts to make our nation the most sober and non-smoker in the world. During the week, parliamentarian Vyacheslav Timchenko decided to introduce a new idea on how to achieve the goal outlined above. He proposes to raise the age barrier from 18-ti to 21 of the year for those Russians who want to buy alcohol or tobacco products in a particular outlet.
But, citizens, this is what it turns out: a callous deputy Timchenko wants to deprive all high school graduates who went to meet the dawn on the bank of the reservoir, and didn’t grab anything from the holiday table set up with caring hands of fathers and mothers ... getting on the train and forced to buy a bottle of Essentuki No. XXUMX in the station stall. He wants to deprive elementary comfort of all Moscow arrivals who have arrived and have not arrived, who, without buying a fire-breaker, will simply numb up while standing along the roads and highways. And what should students who decide to run to the nearest kiosk for cigarettes at recess? Not only do you have to take at least one hundred meters at a time (the stall should be no closer than an 17 meter to an educational institution), but also, out of breath from an intense run, get a response from the saleswoman “not allowed, little ishsho!” You will have to shoot adult passers-by cigarettes, but if you shoot a lot in the era of the global global crisis ... And while you shoot, the change will end a long time ...
And if you look further, it turns out that the deputy decided to cut down a branchy business tree on alcoholic cocktails. Well, how many manufacturers of Jaguars and Blazers who are improving our youth will lose, who are fighting for the new generation to grow up strong and strong, spewing the smell of steady fumes with the scent of freshly squeezed chemical dyes in the morning ...
And the young people themselves, a certain percentage of whom have long since switched to cigarette-alcoholic pleasures, will say to Deputy Timchenko: you, Uncle Valera, it’s good - you are an adult, 21 is a year, you know, a long time ago, please treat a cigarette ...
Work is not sugar
While the Kuban governor Tkachev claims a poor harvest in the Krasnodar Territory, which is associated with floods, the yield of the Kursk fields is simply amazing. And it can hit literally.
During the week, farmers of one of the districts of the Kursk region reported that they had harvested sugar beet, which had accidentally mixed with a crop of three dozen shells from the times of the Great Patriotic War. Shells were found in the mountains of beet, unloaded at one of the local sugar factories.
However, 30 shells - this is not the whole crop. Literally the day before this discovery, workers from the same factory found a whole arsenal in the canals for feeding root vegetables: air bombs, mines, hand grenades and fuses.
In this regard, you can safely refer to the leadership of the Kursk region, so that it introduces a new position at the local sugar factory: vegetable engineer, field engineer or sugar manufacturer - an expert in mine explosives. Moreover, if in the near future a note appears in the newspaper that work at a sugar factory in the Kursk Region is not a sweet affair, then you can definitely believe it ...
Kozidavlat and financial losses of Tajikistan
Last week Tajikistan struck with its mathematical calculations. The ambassador of this Central Asian state in Minsk, Mr. Kozidavlat Koimdodov, in one of his speeches, said that Tajikistan should not join the Customs Union, which already includes Russia, Kazakhstan and Belarus. According to his personal (or state) calculations, it turned out that Dushanbe would lose about 500 million dollars if he joined the CU. At the same time, Koimdodov added a remarkable phrase characterizing a very original logic of the Tajik leadership: “And you must first find this money ...”
Indeed, the East is a delicate matter. Based on the words of Ambassador Koimdodov, it turns out that Tajikistan has no 500 million dollars now, as it were, but at the same time he is afraid of losing them. But here a quite reasonable question arises: how can one lose what is not?
This situation looks something like this:
- I wanted to earn money yesterday, but did not.
- Why?
- So anyway, or lose, or spend ...
Apparently, Kozidavlat Koimdodovich Koimdodov in his youth was too fond of imaginary numbers and irrational philosophy, and today these hobbies are manifested in his diplomatic activity. If the top political leadership of the Republic of Tajikistan thinks about the same, then today, it is better for Tajikistan to get out of all the associations, blocks and organizations in which it is a member. And so there is no money, but here you are still with your unions-shmauzami ...
A man like a priest
Last week, a trial began on the sensational case of Abbot Timofey, who not long ago, driving a BMW sports car model with diplomatic numbers from the Maltese embassy, committed an accident in the center of Moscow. It would seem that the very mission of the holy father should consist in the fact that at any time, day and night, he sowed sensible, good and eternal, but on that ill-fated day the sower from Timothy's father came out useless. Still: to ram two cars, even if they are of foreign assembly, is still somehow not Christian.
The trial began with the fact that the holy father unexpectedly announced that he was not drunk at the time of the accident, and that all signatures on the accident report are generally fake and do not belong to him. According to him, no one asked him to undergo a medical test for the presence of alcohol in the blood, which means that despite the smell of fumes, which, according to the testimony of numerous eyewitnesses, came from the lips of the igumen, the DPS officers came to believe in Timothy’s infallibility. I wouldn’t have believed: Timofey is the confessor of the most humble Russian pop singer Philip Kirkorov Bedrosovich ... So, we need to believe by definition ...
That's how it turns out: the church seems to be an independent organization with its own laws and dogmas, but the igumen is also well-versed in legal intricacies. They say, not mine, was not, was not involved, and only the court of God can judge me ...
So God himself ordered to be guided in legal quotes: after all, judging by the traffic police materials, citizen Podobedov (he is Abbot Timofey) managed to take part in more than six dozen road accidents during his driving career. The igumen himself, along with his lawyers, even criticized these documented facts, stating that video cameras hanging on the roads were to blame. They say that if the car is abbot and exceeded the speed, then anyone could sit in it, but not the abbot himself ... With this logic, a new concept may appear in the case file: not the abbot, but a person similar to the abbot.
By the way, Father Timofey, as reported by the owner of the now-broken BMW car, took this car to “ride” without issuing a power of attorney. The hegumen and these words, coupled with the person who uttered them, betrayed anathema, saying that it was a lie, and the power of attorney was in fact ...
In general, here you can say only one thing: Timofey is a savvy priest, which means that the judges need to be careful. Hardly that - so immediately the abbot's anathema and accusation of heresy with all the consequences for the judges' souls ...
Part II. American mosaic
Moscow friend Obama
The American president explained to Mitt Romney and the general public who America is a friend and who is an enemy
If US presidential candidate Mitt Romney calls Vladimir Putin is a "tyrant" and a "threat to national security," Russia considers "the number one geopolitical enemy" and reiterates his desire to "curb Moscow", then his rival Barack Obama wants to be friends with the Russians. Russians are not the same thing as al-Qaida fighters. This thought the American president tried to convey to his constituents, and at the same time to the incomprehensible Mitt Romney and generally Republican stupid.
Speaking at the Democratic Party convention in the evening, Comrade Obama thoroughly printed a politically ill-equipped candidate and competitor, explaining to him that the enemy of America was Al Qaeda, not Moscow. "My opponent, - сказал Barack Obama is a new man in foreign policy. He wants to bring us back to an era of drastic actions and blunders that cost America so dearly. In the end, you can not call Russia the number one enemy. Russia, not al-Qaeda, if you don’t think in terms of the Cold War. ”
Democratic senator John Carrie joined the president and also ridiculed Romney, a little knowledgeable in geopolitics. Comrade Kerry said bluntly that the Republican candidate is not very clear about foreign policy and therefore can hardly be useful to the country in this area. Senator said: “Guys, Sarah Palin said she can see Russia from Alaska. Mitt Romney speaks as if he saw Russia only in the movie “Rocky 4”.
Beautifully, with humor criticize, you will not carp. But the question is not how and what these critics say and what they will do. And they will do Euro missile defense, and Al-Qaeda, the official enemy of the United States, will continue to fulfill the interests of the United States in the Middle East, including in long-suffering Syria.
As for the object of criticism by the name of Romney, then this one was repeatedly exposed in the sin of double-think. Mentioned above senator carrie these incriminations summarized: “At first, he was against setting the deadline for our troops in the country, saying that we should not leave Afghanistan so quickly. He considered it a tragedy to withdraw troops from Iraq, he said that he would have started the intervention in Libya much earlier. But then he declared that the decision on Afghanistan was right, and the intervention in Libya was too cruel ... ”
Obama's Kremlin friend's speech is full of fantastic promises that only those who are brought up on Hollywood films can believe in, where questions are solved either by a man with weapons like Rocky or God is out of the car. Both the first and second, as it is correct, act quickly - so that moviegoers do not get bored. Comrade Obama sworn in the best traditions of Hollywood for 4 of the year cut on 25% public debt. Meanwhile, the size of America’s debt has recently set a new record, surpassing 16 trillion. dollars.
The current president also promised to reform education and protect the environment. However, these loud promises can be partly attributed to the truthful.
Protecting the environment for Obama will be much easier than before: after all, half of this very environment in America has burned out in the summer. Reforming American education is even easier. If today, fourth-year mathematicians in the States cannot divide 111 by 2 without a calculator, then, in carrying out a reform, in the test it is necessary to replace the number "111" with the number "4". And American students will show brilliant results.
"I have no illusions that this will happen instantly, - сказал the president. “It will take years to solve the problems that have been accumulating for decades.”
No, of course, the US bureaucratic system will not quickly swap 111 with 4, and the trees that the President will plant on the site of burnt forests will not grow overnight. Obama is right: it will take years.
Trees are trees, but the presidential candidate has again climbed into the realm of fantasy, having undertaken to solve all the accumulated problems in a few years. Not otherwise, this is a thick hint to voters: they say, comrades Americans, if I had reigned over you for decades ... The friendship with Moscow declared by Obama is also hardly accidental and makes us think: is Comrade Vladimir jealous of Kremlin?
Hillary - in the presidency!
US Democrats already know who the US will rule in 2016.
At the recent congress of the Democratic Party, Bill Clinton himself pushed the speech. By the way, if American polls do not lie, B. Clinton is one of the most popular US presidents. And not just popular, but one of the best. And not just "one of", but among the top five of the best. is he which usually takes in the national ranking fifth place, second only to Lincoln, Reagan, Washington and Kennedy. So the opinion of Comrade Clinton in America is appreciated and is readily shared in the media.
Putting in a speech, the ex-president, inter alia, as if in passing, noticedthat he is proud of his wife, and also grateful to the Obama team: after all, with these people, America has become stronger, and in the world it has more partners, and fewer enemies.
Regarding the second half of this maxim, we will be allowed to doubt. Syria with Iran - are they partners of America? And in general, since when have the economic sanctions that the US distributes right and left help Obama to get partners and reduce the number of enemies? Sly Bill did not say that only in one thing: he did not speak about the friends of the United States. No one would have believed it - even those unenlightened individuals in the United States did not watch Rocky 4. So we have in the bottom line: partners and enemies ...
As for the first half of a short, but capacious phrase by Comrade Clinton, then there is a tremendous meaning in it. This is not just an additional “PR” of Mrs. Clinton (she herself promotes the full program), but a direct indication to the Americans of a potential presidential candidate who worthily continues the work of Comrade Obama - or rather, his own, because Obama in America is an independent owner of the White House not considered.
In the U.S. there is talk that America is ruled by the great Hillary. The Iraqi solution is its solution. The Syrian decision, if, of course, it soon follows, will also be its decision. Why didn’t Hillary end his long political career with such a brilliant finale - with brass fanfare? In this case, journalists will not have to put forward versions of the wounded Barack Obama, who, like Bill Clinton, writes expressive Hillary. Analysts will not have to wrestle with their thoughts, which is why “we say“ Obama ”, we mean“ Clinton ”. Harmony will come to Washington: Clinton’s vigorous theories will no longer be at variance with the lingering practice of the White House.
Hillary has already informed the public that she liked the text of her husband's speech. (They say that this time Billy wrote the speech himself. Well, at least he hired a speechwriter. That is, he did without the omnipresent wife).
The Democrats understood Comrade Clinton's message correctly. Prominent party leaders immediately declared Hillary had a good chance of being elected in 2016.
For example, the governor of Colorado, Democrat John Hickenlooper, сказал to reporters: “At least half of those who are now called potential candidates for nomination in 2016, will give up their claims if she chooses to be elected. There is no doubt about that. ”
And the deputy chairman of the Democratic Party in South Carolina, Jamie Harrison, said that if H. Clinton goes to the polls, the main struggle will unfold for the vice-president’s place. Clinton will not have competitors within the party. The head of the office of the Democratic Party of South. Caroline Dick Harputlyan said: “I supported Barak in 2008, and now I will wait for her. Talk now only about her.
So, the planetary construction of democracy should be expected around the 2020 year - just when the Russian "tractor" will go into space to meet the terrible asteroid Apophis.
Russians at least with displeasure perceive the speeches and statements of Mitt Romney - a multimillionaire, who, according to well-known people, associate Russian people only with the movie “Rocky 4” and “Magnitsky List”. But whether it will still be when the desperate Mrs. Clinton, who at that time will knock, if I am not mistaken, 2016, will emerge as the 69 presidency ...
Biological threat is sweeping the planet
While the White House was outraged by the Syrian WMD, from California drew a deadly biological threat
The newest biological threat comes from the United States. The deadly virus lives and spreads in Yosemite National Park. Every person who just visited the park is already in mortal risk. Infection is very difficult to diagnose, there is no vaccine against it, and there are already dead ones. As for the park, it is visited by about four million people a year, and California authorities are not going to close this lucrative place at all.
Spread a terrible disease of the mouse and hamsters. Among the dead were three men who had previously spent the night in Yosemite in tents. Eight tourists are in hospitals. 12.000 people from 39 countries that visited the park this summer are listed in the fatal risk zone.
According to scientists, the source of an incurable infection was mouse droppings. Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome leads to pulmonary edema in 6 weeks and then death. They inhaled a bit of dust in the park or shook the hand of a person - and the head: the doctors will no longer help you. The only thing they will be able to do is, by their bad habit, write you a bill for the inspection.
The US Department of Health was worried about the impending global epidemic, but California authorities do not think to close their profitable park. To this day, tourists rest in a tent camp - the epicenter of infection. Many of them have learned about the deadly virus not from Yosemite workers, but from the newspapers. After all, newspaper people in America are also thinking about profits.
The party of the living dead: a new word in the political technologies of the XXI century
Zombies - in every home!
If there were only two presidential candidates in America, it would be boring to live in this very America. This year, the yawning audience was pleased by comrade A. Zombie, who is also running for president of the United States - from the party of living corpses.
Indeed, while the Republican candidate and the Democratic candidate are competing to pronounce the predictable antitheses, the non-speaking dead with a pale, rotten face, for whom his wife is broadcasting on election trips, is an excellent political technology solution. A. Zombies, fighting for the rights of the dead throughout the country, albeit in the context of the advertising for the TV series The Walking Dead, as if hinting to the citizens that all of them are living dead bodies. "Some candidates will win in the democracies, - says A. Zombie's wife, - some - in the Republican, and we focus on the dead states. " Aphorism, however!
A candidate with a room temperature of the body does not shake hands with his voters - he probes their pulse. He knows how to solve once and for all the problem of the unemployed: the walking dead do not need work. In the event of the death of a zombie, his family will be provided with medical insurance. What kind of “Medicare” is there! .. Supporters of A. Zombie recently organized a congress of their party in Tampa, which started a day before the Republican congress, frightened hurricane. Thus, the ghouls showed their courage to America - right against the background of a trembling Mitt Romney with his 230 millions.
Mr. Zombie's wife explained to the public: “My husband is the person who will fight for the appearance of a zombie in every American home, and he will not stop - even if it kills him again”. The key requirement of the “walker” is to give Americans the right to know more about zombie life. “Hardworking Americans deserve the right to go home after a long day, lift their legs and watch a program about zombies on TV, if they want to,” said her husband Patty Morgan-Zombie.
With such a
The authors of the idea decided that their “creative approach” would prepare people for hurricanes, terrorist attacks, pandemics and earthquakes. It was for this purpose that the ministry started the preparation for the “invasion of the walking dead” and launched the corresponding propaganda. By the whole country, by the way.
At the moment, the Ministry of National Security is giving Americans advice to work out evacuation plans in case of mass “walkers” attacks, to create supplies of fresh water and clothing, to buy medicines and flashlights. By the way, in parallel, British scientists, the most progressive in the world, publicly were made with evidence that the zombie epidemic is quite real.
This raises two questions. First, will not the gullible Americans consider the campaign of Mr. A. Zombie, who intends to make trips around the country and organize parades of zombies in different cities, the very same attack of the living dead, about which the alert ministry warned? And the second one, the main one: in the fall of 1938, when Orson Welles arranged a radio show based on the novel of the war of the worlds of his namesake G. Wells, a terrible panic began in the northeast United States. About a million listeners believed in the Martian invasion of the Earth, considering the radio play a live report from the scene. The Department of Homeland Security had obviously forgotten the lessons of Comrade Wells.
Of course, some Americans just hide in the basement, stocking up with blankets, Coca-Cola, radios and aspirin. But others, even more fearless than A. Zombies, run off to the nearest weapon chipka and pack up with “Saigas”, machetes and chainsaws. And if these brave guys, who heard the propaganda of the Ministry of National Security, begin to actively defend against living corpses invading their cities, story with Breivik can quickly forget.
* “To me, ghouls! To me, ghouls! "- A phrase from the movie" Viy. "
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