Military Review

Joe Biden. Morning after victory

69

There are legends about forgetfulness, blackouts and the inability of the probable future new president of the United States to formulate his thoughts on his own due to his venerable age. This factor, possibly, can lead to such consequences.


In the early morning of November 4, 2020, Biden sat at a table in one of the offices of the US Democratic Party.

Who am I, he thought tensely, where am I? Why am I here ... "

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, rushed into the office, delighted:

- Joe, this is a victory, we won, this is a victory, Joe, Trump will be overthrown!

“Joe's not here,” Biden said grimly. “I don’t know who it is. If you want to find him, ask Nancy Pelosi, she's around here somewhere.

- Joe, Joe, it's me, it's Nancy, it's me, your Nancy! - The speaker tried to kiss Biden.


But he jumped up in fright from the table:

- Do not touch me, Mrs. I am a stranger to you! He exclaimed, running to the window. - Leave me alone! Where am I, who am I?

Pelosi waved her hands in dismay and ran out of the office. There was a noise outside the door. Someone fell. Shouts of "Nancy is bad!", "Ambulance!", "Doctor!"

Biden glanced out the window and staggered back. In the predawn fog, slightly pink from the rising sun, over the buildings of Washington, very close, he saw a huge cigar of an airship, on board of which the inscription was clearly visible: "GRU of the Russian General Staff." Next to the inscription was a huge portrait of Vladimir Putin. People in green clothes with syringes in their hands descended from the aircraft on several stairs.

Biden rubbed his eyes. The airship was gone. Joe sighed with relief, looked out the window again. Apart from the usual picture of the awakening capital of the United States, he saw nothing.

The doors opened slowly. Hillary Clinton floated into the office, carefully supported by two strong young men.

“Joe,” she said, “I want to congratulate you on this great victory ...

- Oh, Monica, it seems Lewinsky, and you're here! Biden exclaimed happily. - I also want to congratulate Joe Biden, he promised to come, but for some reason he is still not there ...


Clinton smiled sweetly.

- Okay, honey, I'll go look for him. - And left the office.

From the speakerphone on the table came:

- Sir, Boris Johnson is calling you, he wants to be the first to congratulate you on your victory ...

- I will never speak to Russians, never for anything! - Biden waved his hand.

- Sir, but this is the British Prime Minister ...

- Where did he get his Russian name? Biden asked sarcastically. - A real Englishman cannot have such a name ... Besides, Biden is not here, he will come, but when, I don't know ...

In the speakerphone, something grunted several times, and he passed out.

“Who am I, where am I,” Biden thought again, “why do they keep pestering me with this Biden all the time? Don't let me concentrate ... "

Someone knocked on the office. Biden shook his head ruefully, distracted from his important thoughts again.

A man in military uniform with a black padded suitcase entered. An antenna was sticking out of it.


- Am I going to go somewhere? - Biden asked in bewilderment. - Or did you come to visit me? But I didn't invite you. If you have nowhere to stay, drive to your hotel, or eventually drop off your suitcase at the Dulles airport luggage storage ...

- What are you, sir, - the officer replied, - this is the control panel of our nuclear weapons... It is my responsibility to acquaint you with the administration of the US nuclear forces.

And with these words, going up to the table, put the suitcase on the table and opened it.

The blinking of bright bulbs had a bewitching effect on Biden. He clapped his hands happily, but immediately grabbed his head:

- Immediately get out of here to the shelter, - Joe demanded, - I just saw Putin's airship through the window, he's already here! Find the president, he must make a decision immediately! I am an ally of light, not darkness, for now I will be able to detain the Russians ...

With that, he took out a huge Colt from a drawer. The officer ran frightened out of the office, forgetting about the suitcase.

"Who am I, where am I ..." - Biden thought again.
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  1. Comrade
    Comrade 23 August 2020 05: 16 New
    +4
    "Who am I," he thought tensely.

    Living Dead.
    1. Thunderbolt
      Thunderbolt 23 August 2020 05: 37 New
      0
      Quote: Comrade
      "Who am I,

      Nose .... / by gogol / request)))
      1. Temples
        Temples 24 August 2020 08: 06 New
        +1
        Stepan Bulbenko, quit smoking.
    2. Revolver
      Revolver 23 August 2020 07: 42 New
      +9
      Quote: Comrade
      Living Dead.

      Worse if he becomes a dead corpse. Kamala Harris is also a female Canis Lupus Familiaris. If she grabs power, then everything that Macaque Obama did in comparison will be perceived as innocent jokes.
      1. Temples
        Temples 24 August 2020 08: 09 New
        0
        Do you really think the US is run by a man in the white house?

        Didn't the presidents who sat there after Carter prove to you otherwise?
        1. Revolver
          Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 26 New
          0
          Trump is not the type to let them dictate what to do and how to do it. Obama - yes, he "consulted" with all sorts of Soros on foreign and economic policy and Sharpton-Jackson-Farrakhan on social policy. The Bushy, both dad and son, were completely independent figures, and even more so Reagan. Clinton? Well, he thought with that head between his legs. And in the days of Carter, I still studied in a Soviet school, although, according to the stories of local Americans, he did not listen to anyone's advice, acted to the best of his understanding of issues, and understanding was like a gulkin's genital organ.
          1. Maverick78
            Maverick78 26 August 2020 19: 45 New
            0
            In the United States, the president is not a boss, but a hired manager. Only it is not the people who choose him, but certain forces. The president may be one of these very forces, but he hardly has the right not to listen to them.
    3. siberalt
      siberalt 23 August 2020 07: 45 New
      +3
      Marasmic baida in the era of a pandemic. I wonder if this is the end of the US history or another perversion of world capital?
    4. Fedor egoist
      Fedor egoist 23 August 2020 11: 51 New
      +5
      Get out of here immediately to the shelter, - Joe demanded, - just now I saw Putin's airship through the window, he's already here!

      Meanwhile, Putin's airship:
  2. Pessimist22
    Pessimist22 23 August 2020 05: 20 New
    -10
    We need to pull ourselves up economically to compete with the United States, we have a GDP like South Korea.
    1. Thunderbolt
      Thunderbolt 23 August 2020 05: 46 New
      -5
      draw at least rough strokes of how Russia pull up 10 times. I don't see such trends and hints from the word at all. The steady decline of our economy is an example of this. And what is there to talk about if California alone covers our budget. Let's declare war on California ...? This is the idea. We will be at war with America BY THE STAFF. Today we'll crush Texas, tomorrow some Kentucky ... So we'll win! bully
      1. Pessimist22
        Pessimist22 23 August 2020 06: 11 New
        +3
        I am not strong in the economy, so at my level, but I know for sure that if you invest in some goal, then the result will be, for example, I built greenhouses for myself, but I invested money, but I have income from this, and China at one time invested money and specialists in electronics, now half the world with Chinese phones and other components, you need to learn from them. Although our capitalists consistently receive profits from the export of raw materials, why should they risk their assets by investing in some high-tech and risky enterprises.
        1. Free wind
          Free wind 23 August 2020 06: 37 New
          +6
          It doesn't always work. You may remember Chubais, as he presented the newest laptop for schoolchildren, black and white, weight 6 kilograms, and the price of 35 pieces. Well, the fucking faces of our dear leadership.
        2. Revolver
          Revolver 23 August 2020 07: 28 New
          +1
          Quote: Pessimist22
          now half the world with Chinese phones and other components

          And I live in the other half, and it's quite normal without Chinese phones. In general, Koreans and Taiwanese are doing better, I am quite satisfied with my Samsung S10. By the way, how will Huawei now manage if Google has blocked their access to Android and other services?
        3. Boris55
          Boris55 23 August 2020 08: 05 New
          -5
          Quote: Pessimist22
          ... for example, I built greenhouses for myself, but I invested money, but I have income from this, and China at one time invested money and specialists in electronics, now half the world with Chinese phones and other components ...

          Obviously, you invested money in the wrong place, it was necessary in electronics laughing

          Quote: Pessimist22
          Although our capitalists consistently profit from the export of raw materials,

          Why shouldn't we trade what is lying under our feet and what Americans are chasing with tomahawks around the world? Do you want to say that we should not drive raw materials, but a processed product with high added value? Do potential buyers have money to take the finished product, or will it be more profitable for them to take raw materials from the Saudis? And by the way. Oil and gas revenues account for 1/3 of the country's total budget.

          I will not talk about our achievements, they are already known to everyone (for the same kronovirus).
        4. your1970
          your1970 24 August 2020 09: 06 New
          +1
          Quote: Pessimist22
          China at one time invested money and specialists in electronics,

          A little bit wrong - В Western firms invested money, technologies and ideas in China due to the fact that only there at that time there was a cheap labor force and political stability.
      2. The leader of the Redskins
        The leader of the Redskins 23 August 2020 08: 03 New
        -7
        People! What have I just read ?!
        The author listed all the American politicians he knew, and mixed them in a bunch like an Olivier salad and tried to make the main ingredient a jester. Should it be funny? Why isn't anyone laughing? Joseph Biden has been in politics for too long not to know why he is in it. And the political apparatus of the United States is so refined that a person who comes to it cannot change anything drastically. He can only slightly "add up" in one direction or another. And that's all.
        And I advise the author to write monologues to Petrosyan.
        1. mark2
          mark2 23 August 2020 09: 14 New
          +3
          the political apparatus of the United States is so refined that a person who has come to it cannot change anything drastically

          Honed? This is so now called, but about Russia and the USSR they said that it was stagnation)
        2. Revolver
          Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 33 New
          +2
          Quote: Leader of the Redskins
          Joseph Biden has been in politics for too long not to know why he is in it.

          He knew by nature. But then Dementia came to him. Or maybe Alzheimer himself.
      3. aleksejkabanets
        aleksejkabanets 23 August 2020 09: 35 New
        11
        Quote: Thunderbolt
        draw at least rough strokes of how Russia pull up 10 times.

        In about the same way as the economy of the USSR was tightened from 1945 to 1953. After all, the economic losses from all this "perestroika" are comparable to the losses of the USSR in the Second World War. That for this I will not write, otherwise they will be prosecuted for extremism.
        1. Revolver
          Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 36 New
          0
          Quote: aleksejkabanets
          That for this I will not write, otherwise they will be prosecuted for extremism.

          Not what, but who, specifically Stalin and Beria. But Stalin is under a granite slab on Red Square, and there is no way to get him out of there, and Beria is buried in no one knows where.
      4. paul3390
        paul3390 23 August 2020 13: 42 New
        +3
        And do not list what exactly California produces with this money? Apart from services, stock fraud and numerous IT? What can you touch? Have you ever seen a lot of products with the inscription Made in USA? Except for bucks, of course ...
    2. Cottodraton
      Cottodraton 23 August 2020 10: 43 New
      0
      In order to improve economically, it is necessary that some "expert economists" with VO improve their grammar first. At least.
    3. Lelek
      Lelek 23 August 2020 18: 11 New
      -2
      Quote: Pessimist22
      We need to pull ourselves together economically to compete with the United States ...


      We were late with the "advice". We are doing this and quite successfully.

      In addition, the "Europeans" are calling for de-dollarization, which could be a loud "drumhead" for the US "domination".
  3. Andrei Nikolaevich
    Andrei Nikolaevich 23 August 2020 06: 14 New
    14
    I laughed at the article. But Leonid Ilyich was a pity. Old man. Front-line soldier. But the old man was not sent to rest. Eternal memory to him.
    1. Revolver
      Revolver 23 August 2020 07: 35 New
      +7
      Quote: Andrey Nikolaevich
      Leonid Ilyich - sorry

      And I'm sorry for Andropov. If only Brezhnev was sent immediately after the stroke to a well-deserved rest, to write "Malaya Zemlya" and other memoirs ... Even with pomp, the presentation of marshal's epaulettes, the star of the Hero of both, and even the Order of Victory. Maybe Andropov, had he had more time, and would have put things in order, but it turned out right according to Count A. K. Tolstoy: "You look, the land is abundant, there is no order."
      1. Boris55
        Boris55 23 August 2020 08: 08 New
        +5
        Quote: Nagan
        Maybe Andropov, had he had more time, and would have put things in order ...

        You forget that it was he who sent Chubais with Gaidar and others like him to Switzerland.
        We are still reaping the fruits of this.
        1. Essex62
          Essex62 23 August 2020 17: 25 New
          +5
          Now, of course, we do not know the truth, but by all indications it was Andropov who conceived all this "perestroika". It is not realistic to change the formation in the state when the "Bodies" are working if they do not do it themselves. The fact of the link between Southeast Asia and the shopkeepers, hucksters and thieves cannot be found now, but it suggests conspiracy theories.
        2. Reptiloid
          Reptiloid 24 August 2020 04: 13 New
          -1
          Quote: Boris55
          Quote: Nagan
          Maybe Andropov, had he had more time, and would have put things in order ...

          You forget that it was he who sent Chubais with Gaidar and others like him to Switzerland.
          We are still reaping the fruits of this.
          And while Brezhnev's health was deteriorating, who was instead? Andropov was. So there was plenty of time
  4. Free wind
    Free wind 23 August 2020 06: 17 New
    +4
    What was it? The head doctor did not close the door to the office and the patient made his way to the laptop.
    1. Cyril G ...
      Cyril G ... 23 August 2020 07: 35 New
      +3
      So for at least a week, the invasion of psychos. Instead of being injected with sedatives, they are given access to VO ..
  5. Odysseus
    Odysseus 23 August 2020 06: 25 New
    +3
    All this is very cute and funny in places, but, alas, it has little to do with reality. Presidents of the leading capitalist countries do not have to shine with intelligence, especially if they represent the forces that dominate society. Biden is a globalist candidate, at the moment it is the strongest force in the world, so he can completely forget his name.
    But the article is in the right "trend" and logically reflects the fear of the "Russian elites" before the coming of Biden.
    The great battle between globalists and imperialists in the elections promises to be hot in general, but in our land a lot depends on them.
    Trump, as you know, is ours. For him, the main enemy is the PRC, and the Russian Federation is quite satisfied with it as a dependent regional power and a platform against China.
    But the globalists agree to maintain relations with China on the principle of labor (PRC) -capital (USA) and are ready to agree with it. And they are only interested in the Russian Federation as a convenient horror story and a cash cow. Accordingly, they will be much tougher to hit on the main national treasure of the Russian Federation - the capital of patriots stolen from Russia and brought to the West. This, of course, is completely awful, how can you live in London and fly to Courchevel?
    So everyone needs to resolutely rush to Trump hoping for a great miracle.
    1. Maverick78
      Maverick78 26 August 2020 19: 52 New
      0
      Globalists are not satisfied with China. It's just that Russia is economically and ideologically much weaker than China. They hit the "weak link" And China has long been dissatisfied with the role of a "factory for the USA" They want to be their own factory, which operates in its own interests.
  6. Vladimir61
    Vladimir61 23 August 2020 06: 34 New
    +6
    Cool! That is, from the "Military Review" we pass to the "Military Crocodile"?
    1. Xnumx vis
      Xnumx vis 23 August 2020 08: 09 New
      +2
      [quote = Vladimir61] Cool! That is, from the "Military Review" we pass to the "Military Crocodile"? [/ Quote laughing Laughter - Humor, the strongest weapon in existence .. am Ideological weapons fight the enemy more than effectively. So that everything is in the subject
      1. depressant
        depressant 23 August 2020 09: 58 New
        +5
        By the way, immediate and tough investigations were carried out based on the materials of "Crocodile" with adequate consequences under the approval of the people. Sometimes one even got the impression that first - a non-public investigation of the phenomenon by law enforcement officers, the development of a political opinion, what to do with it, a plan, how to do it, and then - publication in "Crocodile". This was followed by open law enforcement or political action, no longer surprising. The citizens were prepared and approved.
        1. Free wind
          Free wind 23 August 2020 11: 09 New
          -4
          Madam, what are you talking about. In the crocodile there were 10 pages about vile Americans, how the Vietnamese hammer them, about vile Europeans. And a couple of pages about alcoholics, dry cleaning, coat pocket tore off. and about the canteens, what investigations were carried out there. love
          1. depressant
            depressant 23 August 2020 12: 53 New
            +4
            About drunks was, of course! ))
            But there was also about the so-called "slugs", and about the bureaucrats - a sea of ​​caricatures. There was a lot of things, I don't even remember, but I looked and read with pleasure.
            1. your1970
              your1970 24 August 2020 09: 16 New
              0
              Quote: depressant
              But there was also about the so-called "slugs", and about bureaucrats - a sea of ​​cartoons.

              Yeah .... You could open a magazine for 1967 and 1977 - and lo and behold! And here and there there were feuilletons about pilferers and bureaucrats ...
              It's like executions in China for corruption - they shoot for preventive purposes - to restrict at least a little ... They couldn't win in 20 years, and they won't ...
              "Heavenly Network" was able to return to China less than 2% of the money taken abroad by corrupt officials ...
              Fight for fight ...
  7. Revolver
    Revolver 23 August 2020 07: 15 New
    +1
    This is the case, if not worse. It's a pity the locals do not understand Russian, and my English is not enough to translate it for them. That is, there is no problem to convey the meaning, but I cannot style and mood.
  8. Eug
    Eug 23 August 2020 07: 44 New
    0
    As for me, if Biden wins, he will soon be removed from the helm. Therefore, we need to take a closer look at the vice president. Her team will actually manage - in case of Biden's victory in the elections, of course.
    1. Revolver
      Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 39 New
      0
      Quote: Eug
      Therefore, we need to take a closer look at the vice president.

      Puppy mother
  9. Pravodel
    Pravodel 23 August 2020 07: 45 New
    +1
    It's funny, really funny, I read it with pleasure.
    If anecdotes and other shot stories are being made about a great country, then the decline of a great country is definitely visible and is not far off. Remember the Union. How many anecdotes were circulated about Brezhnev, Chapay, Petka in the period before the collapse ...
  10. Aleks2000
    Aleks2000 23 August 2020 09: 03 New
    -2
    What is that?
    It looks like a satire of 40 years ago, but longer, without explanations and accusations, and somehow less clever (although she did not be smart either)
  11. nikvic46
    nikvic46 23 August 2020 09: 55 New
    +2
    In general, with a later age, a person often leaves for the Astral. An aggressive enemy is dangerous, but even more dangerous, who, along with aggression, has a panic mood. Remember how the Minister of Defense, shouting "Russian tanks", jumped out the window.
    1. Channels
      Channels 23 August 2020 10: 06 New
      -2
      Quote: nikvic46
      Remember how the Minister of Defense, shouting "Russian tanks", jumped out the window.

      Remember how .. Now something like this can also start in the West .. laughing
    2. Free wind
      Free wind 23 August 2020 13: 21 New
      -1
      Well, not the Russians are coming, but the Reds, and he was treated a little after that. Well, no one saw and does not know how he wound up, and what he was shouting was a duck.
  12. Channels
    Channels 23 August 2020 10: 05 New
    -2
    This is where the senile people are in power! And then our liberda just fell off, it's time to change, etc.
  13. AB
    AB 23 August 2020 10: 57 New
    +2
    And this country in the 80s laughed loudly at our Politburo ... Zadornov, as always, was right. Bravo America!
  14. Ronald Reagan
    Ronald Reagan 23 August 2020 11: 10 New
    +2
    American "people's candidate". It would be popular with local parasites. laughing
  15. Yura
    Yura 23 August 2020 12: 09 New
    +1
    Feuilleton - fire.)))
  16. iouris
    iouris 23 August 2020 13: 03 New
    +1
    And what will happen in the Kremlin the next day?
  17. German Titov
    German Titov 23 August 2020 16: 18 New
    +1
    Quiet American, whom many people want to make a "lobotomy" of the SVD. Better from "BURA".
  18. Prisoner
    Prisoner 23 August 2020 16: 31 New
    +1
    And will this grandfather be completely nedokuknitsya before the elections? It’s not that very little, very, very, very little left. Putin had to pick something younger for them. laughing
    1. Revolver
      Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 43 New
      0
      Quote: Captive
      Putin had to pick something younger for them.

      Specifically, Biden was selected not by Putin, but by Xi.
  19. Roman1970_1
    Roman1970_1 23 August 2020 17: 06 New
    -1
    It is impossible to write more nonsense
  20. RADIOACTIVE
    RADIOACTIVE 23 August 2020 18: 05 New
    +1
    Only do not show this to the Americans, otherwise sanctions and all that, another reason for them
    1. Revolver
      Revolver 25 August 2020 07: 45 New
      +1
      Quote: RADIOACTIVE
      Only do not show this to the Americans, otherwise sanctions and all that, another reason for them

      At least one American, in my face, has read it. And approved.
  21. Wizzzard
    Wizzzard 23 August 2020 20: 26 New
    +2
    A joke of humor ... But as a result, it may not be funny for everyone - both for us and America (working, "middle class"), if the Clintonists (and Biden from their cage) come to power. Donnie thinks like a businessman, so you can talk to him in business language. Clintonists are aggressive ideologues and "pushers" of globalization, by any means. They - young and old - crippled ideology. Business language does not work with them.
  22. Wizzzard
    Wizzzard 23 August 2020 20: 33 New
    0
    Quote: Boris55
    Quote: Nagan
    Maybe Andropov, had he had more time, and would have put things in order ...

    You forget that it was he who sent Chubais with Gaidar and others like him to Switzerland.
    We are still reaping the fruits of this.

    And most importantly: pulled out of the provincial half-life Misha Gorbacheva... By the way, and Andropov was sympathetic to the disside (well, he will chide sometimes).
    So what else is that figure. This puzzle will not be formed soon for us ... Well, he was the head of the KGB, so what? and Yakovlev was the chief ideologist in the Politburo. But, as it turned out from his own words, he worked for the collapse of the USSR.
  23. Wizzzard
    Wizzzard 23 August 2020 20: 37 New
    +2
    Quote: Odyssey
    Presidents of leading capitalist countries do not have to shine with intelligence

    Absolutely right. Reagan's IQ was at 90 with a penny (i.e. below average). But the system helped him build a powerful team of advisors and analysts. Then the elderly Reagan flushed the young Misha down the toilet. Alas, together with our great country ...
  24. LAUGH
    LAUGH 23 August 2020 20: 38 New
    +1
    Sad and sad again. A fairy tale in such a publication ... And I told you. Are you being serious?
  25. Wizzzard
    Wizzzard 23 August 2020 20: 41 New
    +1
    Quote: AB
    And this country in the 80s laughed with all its throat over our Politburo ...

    Yes. And in the Politburo they sat Gorbachevs, Yakovlevs, Shevardnadze ... The team is not at all funny (in terms of goals and results) ...
  26. 1536
    1536 25 August 2020 17: 18 New
    0
    In Russia, as if with bated breath, they are waiting for what sahib will replace the old one? The bamboo stick used to bludgeon the natives will remain the same.
  27. Alecsandr
    Alecsandr 28 August 2020 09: 15 New
    +1
    It always amazes me how people of this old age strive for power with all their might. Power is probably really delightful. How to trust such people with a nuclear suitcase with a button. There are already signs of senile dementia, and they puff and climb by hook or by crook into power. Someday such an old man will be able to drag the whole of humanity with him to the grave.