Ukraine will calculate the number of residents of Donbass and Crimea using a satellite

Ukraine intends to conduct a population census in the territories of Donbass and Crimea not controlled by Kiev. According to the Minister of the Cabinet of Ministers of Ukraine Dmitry Dubilet, the census will be carried out by satellite.

According to the minister, the Ukrainian government is currently exploring the possibility of conducting a census of the Donbass and Crimea using satellite imagery. However, he admitted that he did not know what the accuracy of the census would be.

Yes it's true. (...) met with UN representatives who will help us, possibly with this project. This is a very complex project. They carried out a similar project in Afghanistan (...) They tried through satellite imagery and other layers of information to understand at least an approximate amount of the population

- Dubilet said in response to a question from journalists about the possibility of satellite censuses.

At the end of January this year, it was reported that Ukraine conducted a trial electronic census of population, which showed that 37,3 million people live in the country (excluding residents of the Crimea and the unrecognized republics of Donbass). However, the Ukrainian authorities convicted of falsifying the census.

Recall that according to the last census conducted in the Soviet Union in 1989, 51,7 million people lived in Ukraine. In independent Ukraine, a census was conducted in 2001, and it showed that the number of people living in the republic was 48,4 million.

Currently in Kiev they say that the population over the past years has declined slightly, because if you count the population of Crimea and Donbass, then more than 44 million people live in the country.

Comments

[ultra]

The title is in the Krokodil magazine.

[Lexus]

The title is in the Krokodil magazine.

"Dubilet"

[krot]

Country of idiocy!

[SAG]

It’s like aggravation of psychos in the spring ... False start
P. S: Why their innovative president is not a sucker, the idea to make a Facebook census did not occur to me, I do not understand sincerely

[Zoomlion]

With such weather that now, and no wonder

[maxim947]

The question is small, it remains to find a satellite ..

[Tiksi-3]

Quote: maxim947

The question is small, it remains to find a satellite ..

also to wear special hats for the native Crimeans to wear, and how will they distinguish tourists and others?

[BARKAS]

And if in the Donbass the Buryats will light up how they will distinguish.

[Crimean partisan 1974]

And if in the Donbass the Buryats light up ...... yes, at least the blacks, even better, to 5 lard vultures in the guts of the doublet from the state treasury will still throw a lard 2-3

[Lelek]

Quote: maxim947

The question is small, it remains to find a satellite ..

Moreover, such that he could walk inside the houses, ask for a passport and mark the individual in the census register. It seems to the sailors that it can do it. "You are walking along the path, comrades!"

[tihonmarine]

Quote: maxim947

The question is small, it remains to find a satellite ..

I will rent T7

[cost]

tihonmarine (Vlad): I will rent T7

Great choice! Only here, few will help you, try to advertise on Avito
My friend's mother-in-law found a decent T7 there for trips to the country.
The car is a beast - 5 bags of potatoes come in, and the traffic police does not stop at all

[yustas]

And make the satellites of former citizens of Ukraine to distinguish from citizens of Russia)

[Chervonny]

And so jokes are born.

[St Petrov]

Ukraine will calculate the number of residents of Donbass and Crimea using a satellite

to sense the tribe. Madness and ... There is no courage. Just crazy

And so jokes are born.

The headline is a ready-made joke.

Ukraine will count the number of inhabitants of Donbass and Crimea using a satellite - Mykola decided and prepared a catapult

PS Then the Ukrainians go to the topvar and tell them that Mr Putin shows cartoons instead of rockets

[Reserve officer]

Inspired by:
- Well ... Now he has counted you too! ..
- Moo! Why are you roaring?
“The kid kid ... counts!”
- Oh! Now he counted you too.
- Well, he will pay for it!
- ONE is me, TWO is the Calf, THREE is the Cow, FOUR is the Bull, FIVE is the Horse, SIX is the Pig, SEVEN is the Cat, EIGHT is the Dog, NINE is the Ram, and TEN is the Captain Goose!
- They counted us !!!

[Cowbra]

Whom? Ukrainian? Call for a call ... Only first, if I could find him in Baikonur ... Then scrape off the rust ... And shoot a Maidan catapult into space - and you can immediately count it. Or will that be?

[subbtin.725]

At this time, he climbed into the cellar for a can of cucumbers, wrote everything was gone, didn’t fall into accounts, the satellite flew away.

[astepanov]

Quote: subbtin.725

I didn’t fall into the accounts, the satellite flew away.

It's nothing, they have satellites with equipment for determining pregnancy - they see through the earth. And you can also connect with American partners via satellite, they will learn about the population of Crimea through Wikipedia, and the Rada will make adjustments.

[Qwertyarion]

. According to the minister, the Ukrainian government is currently exploring the possibility of conducting a census of the Donbass and Crimea using satellite imagery.

Causes antires and such isho cut:
How do you women go there--
In trousers or without?

[Stalllker]

Still on the pictures Google maps calculated

[Chervonny]

If it doesn’t work with the satellite, they’ll also count on Google’s pictures.

[NF68]

On the head will be considered?

[Scharnhorst]

If I were a sultan (cabinet minister), I would finance a satellite program and put the money in my account in a Swiss bank, and I would take the results of the census in Crimea from Rosstat open sources! I sell the idea for inexpensive.

[Svarog]

Yes it's true. (...) met with UN representatives who will help us, possibly with this project. This is a very complex project. They carried out a similar project in Afghanistan (...) They tried through satellite imagery and other layers of information to understand at least an approximate amount of the population

Is treatment with a satellite weak?

Dubilet said in response to a question from journalists about the possibility of satellite censuses.

Doublet-speaking last name ..

[tihonmarine]

Quote: Svarog

Is treatment with a satellite weak?

It can be treated if the brick on the head of the Dubilet is dropped.

[knn54]

Maidan was worse than Chernobyl ...

[Victor March 47]

"Currently in Kiev they say that the population has decreased slightly over the past years, because if you count the population of Crimea and Donbass, then the country is home to more than 44 million people."

If you count the population of the Ukrainian diaspora in Canada, Germany, Poland, plus those who went to the coven, it turns out that the population of Ukraine has grown by 25 .... 26 million.

If the ministers work outright idiots, Yaycepianists as presidents, then it becomes clear why this country is falling to hell.

[Victor March 47]

Quote: subbtin.725

At this time, he climbed into the cellar for a can of cucumbers, wrote everything was gone, didn’t fall into accounts, the satellite flew away.

The satellite will distribute shortcuts on which a bar code will be printed, which residents will glue on the head, so as not to fall into recounts. And on a signal transmitted by radio, leaving everything to go out onto the street.

[slipped]

judging by the picture they will be considered through GLONASS

[Prisoner]

Fool ticket! This is the level of the Ukrainian leadership, both professional and general intellectual. Have come home!

[New Year day]

Sin from the wretched laugh, but they do not know the measure

[Chassis]

Quote: Silvestr

Sin from the wretched laugh, but they do not know the measure

Laughter through tears .. I would put it that way. I won’t be surprised if the population on the outskirts begins to chip. So as not to scatter ..

[Alexga]

Damn, how already this idiots got!

[evgen1221]

Despite the absurdity of an undertaking, someone will work on it.

[Crimean partisan 1974]

-something will work on this .... the surname in the post is printed, DUBLET, 5 lard vultures from the treasury are allocated for the census, of course the census will not be any, so the pennies will remain with someone ?? 7 is correct, the doublet will be on the faucet

[Victor March 47]

Quote: Red

And so jokes are born.

This is how doublets are born.

[Lord of the Sith]

I would also say using drones))

And I would add to my Western partners - give pennies))
Why, a good Ukrainian startup

[Piramidon]

Quote: Lord of the Sith

I would also say using drones

And that will be much more accurate, especially if you have already checked in indelible paint with a mark.

[Karacupa]

Well, the cadres in Kiev have populated .. And how interesting it will be to rewrite 4-5 million of their citizens who work, hide in Russia?

[Dmitry Potapov]

Merry country, merry president. I pray that they will not transfer this technology to the states.

[Lamata]

and I’ll hide in the house, and the satellite will give you the United States or who?

[master 52]

But do Ukraine still have satellites or did they use a Google map?

[prior]

"Ukraine will calculate the number of residents of Donbass and Crimea using a satellite"

To increase accuracy, the calculation will be carried out at night, when the bulk of the citizens are sleeping, but not moving.
There was one question left, where to get the satellite.

[Lamata]

buy from china

[Alf]

Quote: prior

To increase accuracy, the calculation will be carried out at night, when the bulk of the citizens are sleeping, but not moving.

It cannot be considered at night, after night the population increases according to the law of nature.

[Lamata]

Well, they’re not amoeba, they don’t reproduce by budding.))))

[Sapsan136]

And on the territory remaining under the control of Kiev, the population does not want to count? According to some reports, from 30 to 28 million people were left there, all the rest fled to where they are not going to return, and the process continues ...

[Duck]

How will the census of the inhabitants of the Russian Crimea by Ukrainian figures from the satellite:
1. you allocate a couple of billion billion hryvnias from the budget,
2. you sit in your office for a month, pretending to be visible and picking your nose, simultaneously sawing the allocated money,
3. you take the data from Rosstat, you give them out for your super-accurate super-satellite,
4. voila, you're done.

[wow]

And "Dmitry Debilet" has a companion! ???

[Igor Borisov_2]

All residents of the LDNR should be shaved on their bald head and tattooed with a barcode as in "Hitman"

[Amateur]

However, he admitted that he did not know what the accuracy of the census would be.

Inspired.

A kid who counted to ten

[orionvitt]

Minister of the Cabinet of Ministers

An interesting post. Minister of what? Minister of the Census of Crimea, or Minister of Satellites for Counting.

[artifact]

I wonder what the next time they will come up with a way to "cut" money !?

[Ros 56]

Clowns are better for a magnifier, but only round.

[sergo1914]

They need to practice on ants, practice the technique.

[Alf]

Well, then what?

[Terenin]

According to the Minister of the Cabinet of Ministers of Ukraine Dmitry Dubilet, the census will be carried out by satellite.

I have no doubt that if you direct the satellite camera at the Minister of Dubilet himself, then the screen will display - zero!

[Moreno]

And the last name is Dubilet ...

[yustas]

Most likely they were completely sealed in the maternity hospital, but their parents did not notice)

[awg75]

the incredible idiocy of the Ukrainian authorities no longer surprises. so this country is necessary. not a bit sorry for them. download further.

[petrol cutter]

"Ukraine intends to conduct a population census in the territories of Donbass and Crimea that are not controlled by Kiev. According to the Minister of the Cabinet of Ministers of Ukraine Dmitry Dubilet, the census will be carried out using a satellite."
What is the essence of this event? ..
They further considered that ?!
In the afternoon, I am again at the factory in the workshop.
I must say in the damned Soviet times, the workshops were built in such a way that no satellite could see what was happening inside. How do you count me? The people for details / tool runs here and there.
In general, a master runs seventy-two times a day between shops. You count him seventy two times?

[Victor March 47]

Quote: Rich

tihonmarine (Vlad): I will rent T7

Great choice! Only here, few will help you, try to advertise on Avito
My friend's mother-in-law found a decent T7 there for trips to the country.
The car is a beast - 5 bags of potatoes come in, and the traffic police does not stop at all

And most importantly, when they appear in the bazaar, prices fall at times.

[Silver Fox]

schizophrenics are sitting there.

[iouris]

So. Shas I will count you! I can see from above USE!

[lvov_aleksey]

I want to find out what kind of satellite Ukraine has, let it count it from the Russian Federation too ?!

[sgr291158]

Rushing in them.

[Crimean partisan 1974]

understand at least the approximate population .... oh, what an insidious doublet, plus or minus a million, but I determined the amount myself and assigned 5 lard vultures from the treasury, normally, 4 lard is not even out of thin air but out of vacuum, quantum mechanics is resting

[DOKALEX]

Darn!!! Space Forces?

[Egor53]

And the census in Ukraine itself will be carried out using a 6-inch tower protractor.

[Egor53]

The wrong country was called Honduras. (Arkady Borodkin from KVN)