- Excuse me, is this really a club of mysterious people?
- Who knows, who knows, dear ...
Why did I start like this? And everything is simple. Guys, don't try to be smarter than yourself. In the words of my commander in the army: “You are young, stupid and have not seen big ones ...” Well, I hope the bulk of it is clear from the very beginning.
Let us assume that I have realized my own vile essence and will now show you what you really want to see.
Of course, all those photos that I showed are fake. The Security Service of Ukraine and the Ministry of Internal Affairs release only beautiful girls on the streets. They are all employees of these departments. Disguised. And the streets especially for my shooting sweep. And behind my back there are crowds of fascists from nursery to marasmic age and jump, shouting "Moskalyaku to Gilyak"!
In short, today there will be notes that Russians want to see in Ukraine. To calm your heart.
Because the photo will be not only mine, but my friends. Let's just say from the support group. From various places. You are not very interested in the real life of my country in describing who lives in this country. Today you will see "real journalism."
In short, today I will act as a doctor-optometrist. Healer from God. Almost 100 percent cure for patients. I remembered the phrase he said to me after the first reception. "Well, sick, we will bury you ..."
Presented my reaction? And he has such a good face ... Like Count Dracula from American cinema. Or Chubais.
He probably saw my reaction and continued in a stern voice: “No, no. We will not hurry. Let's start with eye drops. Bye ... ”Kind-hearted man. Drops I, of course, prokapal. But more on reception to him did not go. Improved his statistics. Cured, it means.
So it is here. Show, you know, life without embellishment! Natural this ... muzzle! As befits an honest and impartial organism, which can find dirt everywhere.
Well, our situation has escalated to the limit. Including because of the reaction to our elections from abroad. Our ataman chiefs simply cannot understand what, after all, the owner wants. Or the owners. Under whose direction will we go to a brighter future? Who will give the money "for reform"? Who will command NATO fleet in the Sea of Azov?
Recently I heard the performance of the Hydrant on the radio. You know, there are situations when the radio remains the only type of media available to the user. In short, I sit in a traffic jam and listen. And heard. The hydrant openly said that he would not give up power in any case and was ready to start a war with "Putin's agents." Almost confirmed my prediction of events. Burning barn - burn and hut ...
The period of fecal movement in our country has passed into the phase of personal confrontation of candidates. And it is funny to look at the "corners", from where this very analysis rushes. Here, just yesterday, Hydrant and Ze staged a market swearing live on the 1 + 1 channel. In the style of 95 quarter. I can not help telling you.
First threw a piece of feces Hydrant. Gracefully, if you do not turn on the brain, threw it. "I, Mr. Vladimir, with the permission of the presenter, invite you to the debate today in this studio ... Today and here!"
In the boy so. In the best traditions. "What are you doing, kid? Not at all, don't you move your horn? Rowing up, I’m just killing your horns." Well, beautiful! Especially when you know that the enemy is going to France at this time. To Macron, to talk "for life."
The return pipe flew in the same style. It seems, "there is no bazaar, right now the shoes will be cleaned of the Paris dust and 19 are waiting for the arrow on the NSC Olimpiysky. No, Ze said a little more cultured, but in fact ..." Nobody will put our team in position. And now I finished! 19 April at the Olympic NSC. Point. Goodbye".
Meanwhile, defectors continue to appear on the Ukrainian-Russian border. Not from us to you, these are perfectly legitimate to you, but from you to us. It is understandable. We already understand that the strong should always give the best of everything. Anyway, will take away themselves. And you have already forgotten. So your policemen are running towards us. To a fair distribution of material goods.
In short, two policemen from Rostov-on-Don ran over to us. From the persecution of Putin’s totalitarian regime, they fled. Just think, spread the spread of drugs in Rostov through a network of pharmacies. Just think, the narco was beaten half to death. This is a drug addict. Not a human.
In short, we now have two more qualified Interior Ministry officers. Fighters against drug addiction from Russia.
By the way, did you notice a metamorphosis in your own life? Remember, in youth, sleep was perceived simply as the need to rest before new accomplishments. Another amorous campaigns, fun company, going to the beach or to the sauna. It turned out that in a dream you seemed to fall out of reality. Eight hours lost for life ...
And now? Over time, going deeper into what is happening around, you begin to perceive sleep as a boon. He fell asleep and seemed to fall out of this terrible reality for eight hours. The body gives you a break to restore nerve cells in a world where you can do everything. And it all depends on you. Eight hours of good life ...
True, there is another way. One that the entire civilized world attributes to you. Russian world goes to nirvana with the help of alcohol. Civilized by drugs. Ukraine is moving by leaps and bounds to civilization. So we decided to close another loophole for the Russian world.
In short, everything! Drink your own disinfectants now! We refuse the drug "Ethanol 96"! That same alcohol. We will disinfect marijuana. "We are talking about" Ethanol 96 ", a solution for external use 96% 100 ml, series 051016. Produced by LLC Kilaff, Ukraine."
Someone else doubts that Ukraine is not Russia? Then I will tell you ... about you. The fact that the Rada of Ukraine is engaged in hell knows what, indisputably. They sit there as in an aquarium, and sit. The only bad thing is that people are sometimes remembered. Then really nothing good to wait for. And you?
Gentlemen, Russians, start en masse to change to bicycles or horses! Are you law-abiding citizens? And on the nature of the cars leaving. To the water on the machines make your way. And the car wash on the beaches. And the sand, on these very beaches, is all directly saturated with oil, which flows from the engine of your washbasin of the 2016 model of the year.
What, I "jumped off my mind"? Well no. This is your Duma adopted such a law. To not get closer to the water than on 200 meters! I haven’t been in Russia near the river for quite a while, there is one, but it has been postponed in my memory that the roads in places of rest just go along the rivers. Meters in 20-30 from the coast. And there are no more roads! Particularly pleased with the item on roads with hard surface. Live smartly, the Russians. Straight Germany some. All - cook 4500 rubles for breaking the law. Although I would have been imprisoned for ten years for such an attitude to nature.
Only now it is not clear, were you allowed to collect branches in the forest or not? And then in Germany in the forests boring. Cleaner than in our city parks. Do you have the same in the taiga? Or maybe this is a fake of our propaganda. I do not want to dig. Just asked and that's it.
And yet, I'm sorry, but it turns out that, according to your law, I am struck by the stupidity of your summer residents. Don't you understand that if you fry kebabs in your own summer cottage, you can make a big fire? And you will remain in the ashes. Do you think you should take care of this? Special law to accept?
In short, "kebabs" and other "flat-cutters", the fence will no longer save you from the wrath of the state! Prepare 3000 rubles from each nose as an educational measure to prevent fires! But it seems to me that for most people it will be easier to cook the bats with lard and crack in the dry bones of nature in a dry bread. Your laws! Taken by your Duma!
Interestingly, they probably communicate with ours via a closed channel. And they participate in capitalist competition, who will come up with some kind of law. We are clearly losing so far.
You reproach us that we are entangled in three pines. We want the best, but it turns out everything is like a urologist, who decided to cut the tonsils. And who are your rulers? Taking these laws here? You have many rivers and lakes, where you can relax without breaking the law?
Perhaps, you together burn down a grass in the spring? And do not pick up trash in the forest at the end of your picnic? Maybe you really have such cars that you can’t let it out on the road because of the ecology? Who is the most litter - a family on a picnic or a KamAZ with industrial waste in the nearest fishing line?
There will be burned. There will be those who litter. Were, is and will be. It's like our inadequate with torches and softened brains. Those same 10%. But the rest is normal! The rest of the people! And they act humanly. Brought a package with food. Carry a bag of trash. This is normal for a person.
Of course, all these inspectors, inspectors, district police officers and others "in office" are grateful to your Duma for such laws. Now you can family on some "cottage from the grandfather" in six hundred square meters on nehilye money to dissolve. Or a grandmother for burning old leaves on their own site. But for most of you, I’d like to see when you’ll carry trash 200 meters into your car. Or put the bags in the bushes?
Although what I mean. Today is the time when most concepts are turned upside down. Whether upside down, or from head to toe. Have you noticed that today it has become fashionable to exhibit your own stupidity, lack of education or nearness for show? On the whole, so to speak, the Internet? “What did the author want to say here?” How can a simple man in the street understand all the letters and syllables that these hacks bring down on them? You chew us, put it in your mouth, push it all into the stomach with your hand. And there we are ... But you push on your stomach a little bit, the author, do not force us to recycle ...
Have you noticed the panic in Estonia? Not from yours tanks and airplanes. About the fear of a Russian attack on Estonia, even jokes are not composed. Panic from the great ukrov! We are worse than you. The leader of the Conservative People’s Party of Estonia, probably, put on his pants from fear of us.
This chud, as it seems, was called Estonian in Russia in the Middle Ages, hid behind us, those who came to work for them. We also have refugees from Ukraine! We have no place for Asians! Got a game. Now we will settle these swamps. It is scary to live at home, and there Europe While we are there a little. But nothing, on the Baltics we just have enough. Martin Helme, the one whose disarray with his pants just cries:
"In the case of Ukraine, we cannot close our eyes to the fact that many of them are Russians from the east of Ukraine, the Russian-speaking community. We have a lot of Russian-speaking people here, and if we continue to import them, we will soon find ourselves as Estonians outnumbered. It’s not okay, and I’m not interested in doing business differently! "
Probably, this Martin also reads "IN". This is me about the article of your authors about closing the border for Ukrainians. Do not believe it, but we have a lot of reprints on the Internet. And most ... support the authors! Not because it is true that they agree. Just because such a move by Russia can sober up our leadership. And then you say one thing and do another. Or money does not smell? Your kindness, neighbors, reminds of a good dog lover who stops the tail with a pet in small parts. To accustom to the idea of a short tail.
Probably, it's time to talk about something really fun. Only for Russians. Ukrainians have forgotten how to laugh at such things. You know, like in the movies. One on the screen fell down the stairs, rolled somersaults and fell into a cow cake. Everybody laughs. In addition, who just got into this cake.
So, in the village of Khlebodar, Odessa region, masked unknown persons made a daring robbery. They entered the agricultural enterprise. They tied up the guard and ... They took tons of sunflower seeds, fertilizers and toxic chemicals! To be honest, from the memory of my stormy youth, I thought that seeds are necessary for okhmureniya our beauties.
Then really thought. Okay, ozmuril. We sat on the bench. Tried hay in the hayloft. And what's next? Apply toxic chemicals for sweeping after hay? Brrr. Or, on the contrary, fertilizers to feed? The prospect is also not pleasant. Something oddityans Odessa.
But they were normal people just recently. In February, broke into the house. Beat the master. Forced to say where the hryvnia are. Robbed. Classic! In March ... They broke into the house. Tied up man. Threatened his wife and three children, the youngest 3 of the year. They took 500 000 hryvnia and left. But they did not take toxic chemicals!
As my friend from Odessa said: “It’s necessary to throw it out. He took it and died in the midst of universal health.” And this is Odessa. And they tell me in all seriousness. No risk? I just start to like you guys. But as a person, not often, but who is in Odessa, I will inform you in confidence - you will not hear anything like that there now ...
Delving into photos that were not included in my previous notes, I saw a few photos that you definitely will not find in Russia. This is a photo of our mayor. Yes, Kiev mayor Vitali Klitschko. Do you expect Tarakan to tell another joke about the mayor's vocabulary? About his linguistic delights? Not. Today I will not.
Today is about something else. Do you know that our Vitaly goes to work by bicycle? Not for photojournalists or advertising of healthy lifestyles. Just because he likes it. Many times I saw this rather amusing picture. Klitschko is surrounded by ... one small-sized security guard (compared to the protected one, of course) rolls through Kiev streets.
Or the mayor of the capital of Ukraine runs surrounded by the same guard 10 kilometers on a half marathon. So together and fled. This athlete with the face of a boxer who is looking for an opponent, and a guard who was thinking about the finish and going to the cafe. In the center of the capital and among the heaps of armed ATO veterans.
Interestingly, is there a mayor in Russia who, like this, with one security guard, goes to work by bicycle among the city’s population who loves his love? No, i guess. There are no heavyweight boxers among your mayors. Although, as I have learned, Putin’s former guards are at least four. Themselves now under the protection and defense live.
By the way, I received an answer to the question that tormented me long ago - who is stronger? Boxer or representative of martial arts?
Boxer is definitely stronger. Therefore, it can be like this, without fear of anyone, to roll around Kiev, easily go into cafes and talk to people. Maybe a little naively counting on a full understanding, but nonetheless. And these representatives of the eastern martial arts for the movie "cue" scream much. How was it in the poem, remember? "With a cry ..."
Now someone will say: "No, look at this patriot at my expense." And rightly say. Because now I will talk about Kharkov. More precisely, about how Kharkiv citizens relate to the new heroes of Ukraine. In the center of the city, in the Youth Park, a monument was erected to the heroes of the UPA. And so cleverly established that no one could spoil. In 100 meters from the Kiev district police department.
Think it helped? Some vandals, hello to the guys from the Law Academy and the "Giant", threw a monument to garbage. Moreover, they whispered to me in secret, at the very top someone passed the tests. As our candidates for hydrants. Their photographers bag covered. In my artistic taste, vandals are not to blame. Monument and the truth looks like a trash ...
We, especially in this period of accelerating the understanding of misunderstanding stories, decommunized 52 thousands of place names. I did not think - Vyatrovich. “As a result of decommunization, a lot has been done: 52 has thousands of place names, 987 settlements have been renamed. More than 2,5 thousands of monuments to the leaders of the totalitarian communist regime have been dismantled, most of them are monuments to Lenin.
Think everything? We have no monuments left? Think we calm down? Naivety is one of the Russian traits. You believe in what you really are. And we must believe in what can be. In short, we will now fight not with communism, but with colonialism!
As our Vyatrovich said: "We are clearly talking about the aggressor country, which uses its imperial past in order to restore its influence on Ukraine." I now wonder, we will dig the subway? Or DneproGES disassemble? The pipe will definitely be. Anyway soon will not be needed ...
Lyrical is a digression. Especially for those who now begin to say that we are barbarians. We, yes, barbarians. I admit. One side. On the other - diligent students and your younger brothers. Studied and repeated for you, nothing more.
Well, how? Remember? Moscow, Lipetsk, Zelenograd ... Well, we just surpassed our teachers.
Relaxed? And I will "mobilize" you again. Are you aware that Russia is becoming the main space again? Is this your main cosmonaut, Dmitry Rogozin? So, nothing from myself, everything from Roscosmos.
The whole world knows that the ISS is coming Station Station in 2024. I have exhausted my station resource! But not for you. Your Rogozin says ... that the station is not completed! You will finish building what is already "over" to 2028 of the year! Three modules there prisobachite. It is planned to launch at least three more modules - the MLM module (a multifunctional laboratory module, also known as "Science"), the nodal module with docking nodes, and the science and energy module (NEM), which will provide the Russian segment with a sufficient amount of electricity.
I remember that Russian is all on the shoulder or on the knee? But then what? Jules Verne, along with the Strugatsky brothers:
"We want to create an external board at the station after the withdrawal of the MLM module, maybe after the withdrawal of the NEM, to work on satellites to treat them. If we make a base from the Russian segment of the ISS for developing new solutions, the crew automatically becomes an engineering team, and the entire the project gets a second wind. "
Ah yes Dmitry, ah yes Pushkin ... God forgive me, Alexander Sergeevich. Imagine, Colonel Ivanov is collecting a satellite in orbit. In apprentices lieutenant colonel Petrov and major Sidorov. Moreover, due to his youth, Sidorov flies periodically on the Soyuz to Baikonur for tools and spare parts. In the event that on Earth again the storekeeper in Progress did not put it.
One pleases. You, dear and dear friends of my heart, are lucky. And no luck at the same time. We have a lot of hearts. I had a heart attack, but alive. Until...
Imagine, I come recently (when I last rode to the godfather) to the South Station. And stumble ... on the head! Huge such, three meters high. From perforated metal ... And you know, all around say that this is Gogol's head! I, in my stupidity, did not recognize the classics. But people will not lie. In short, a heart attack. This, like his, myocardium.
I asked mine what kind of ... work of art? It turns out that Gogol’s head was made of perforated metal for a performance at the opening of the festival in 2008, artists Alexey Nuzhny and Vitaly Sedorenko. More than 10 has been developing its own layer of festival mythology around the head.
This year, the group of fastovsky artists Colo team, led by Anton Shompeli and Alexander Kharchenko, reborn the installation specifically for Gogolfest in Mariupol. Now let's see if the Republicans will survive. I will secretly advise the veterans from Mariupol to take a little bit. Need to save people.
Well, I think today all my opponents are excited. I re-educated. Became almost non-Russian. Inside He retrained from an employee of the Rada and the Security Service of Ukraine to an employee of the Duma and the FSB. And what, the water supply is the same everywhere. Even pipes are everywhere in inches.
To you, those who have a head for thinking, and not for hair and food, my next wishes of happiness and love. The main thing is love. There will be love, and everything else will appear. The enemy is afraid of us, while we look into his eyes with contempt and a grin. Will live!
PS Thanks to ours from Russia for the provided photo materials. I think no one noticed the substitution. And the views of the Russian modern cities fully correspond to the wishes of the readers.
Do not be offended, wishing to see Ukraine the way your media draws it. It is exactly the same as your Russia, you just go over the corresponding angle. Everywhere, if desired, you can find dirt, mountains of garbage, the homeless in the garbage, and so on. Confident on 146%.
Let's look at reality honestly and objectively. Sincerely.