Bloody Pedro's Wild Squadron

Дикая эскадра кровавого Педро

President of Ukraine Petro Poroshenko issued orders to the Ukrainian military aimed at stopping the “illegal” detention of ships by Russian border guards following the Kerch Strait.

I wonder what kind of orders?

Solemn flogging in the office of the President of Ukraine

The Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of Ukraine delivered the Minister of Defense:

- Moscow again stabbed the freedom-loving Ukraine in the back! In response to the harmless seizure by our frontier guards of the fishing vessel “Nord”, vile Russians began a total search of our ships passing through the Kerch Strait! This is unheard of! Instead of flying white gulls, our ships are forced for hours — you hear: for hours! - wait for inspection !!!

- Yes! - podtaknul Poltorak.

- What is "yes", what is "yes" ?! - Poroshenko blew up. - Do you know what's going on there ?! Russian border guards land on our ships! And every Ukrainian ship is a piece of our long-suffering homeland! Again the sneaky boot of the invader tramples our land! Today they walk on the decks of our ships, and tomorrow these boots will reach Kiev! How can we let this happen ?!

- No! - snapped Poltorak.

- Ukraine will give any decisive rebuff! - Poroshenko slapped the table with his hand.

- Yes sir! Ukraine will give to anyone! - growled Poltorak.

- So, you are the first and let's! Personally!

- I'm ready right now!

"Dumb, but a devotee, a beast," Poroshenko thought, and, looking at the general, asked:

- What actions do you intend to take?

- I propose to throw out in the center of the Azov Sea a separate airborne brigade of the air assault troops of Ukraine with the order “to defeat or die!”

“Loyal but stupid,” Poroshenko thought with annoyance, but said out loud:

- Fine, prepare an order, let them fly and die.

The brave general turned and left the office.

Dashing tankman on the Black Sea

On the table, the selector squeaked:

- Ban President, Voronchenko is asking for an appointment.

- Let him enter.

Poroshenko gladly looked at the entered vice-admiral: no, it was not for nothing that he entrusted the command of the naval forces to a graduate of the Tashkent Tank School - how elegantly the yesterday's tankman wears a naval uniform! Real sea wolf!

- Pan Supreme Commander! Concerned about the mayhem created by aggressive Russia in the Sea of ​​Azov, I propose to respond blow to blow!

“The storm of the seas and oceans!” - thought Peter Alekseevich with affection.

The admiral went to the window, abruptly pulled back the curtains and gestured for the president to come up.

Petr Alekseevich got up, walked over. An amazing picture opened up to his gaze: the court rocked on the waves of the Dnieper under the window of his residence.

- The squadron "Bloody Pedro"! - Voronchenko announced with pathos. - Starting tomorrow, the squadron will begin raiding in the Black and Azov Seas. From now on, every moskal pelvis, wherever it swam, is a legitimate booty of a squadron. Muscovites will flee in fear only when they see its flag on the horizon!

The president brought to his eyes the binoculars stretched out to him helpfully and saw a banner fluttering above the ships with his head, two bones under it and the inscription “Roshen Pedro”.

- Ukraine is a great maritime power, it should become the mistress of the Black and Azov seas, and all four oceans! - continued Voronchenko. - Russian merchant ships will cowardly cling to the shore, fearing to catch our mariners' eyes! Residents of Murmansk and Arkhangelsk, Sochi and Novorossiysk will be lined by our heroes with an annual tribute! From each campaign our fleet will return, loaded with gold!

Poroshenko enthusiastically considered the squadron. The flagship gave a blank salvo, earned screws, and the ship proudly went up the river. On top of the smeared "Hetman Sagaidachny" proudly shone with fresh paint "Petro Poroshenko." He was followed by boats, tugs and inflatable motorboats. On each stood an admiral and solemnly saluted. The parade was completed by Cossack canoes, gulls and an armada of small size basins.

- Next, my fighting sea bulls! - Poroshenko shouted, - Forward! I order you: seize the Russian ships and submarines! I want to see them "Peter the Great" on the Odessa raid under the Ukrainian flag! We will rename “Moscow” to “Stepan Bandera”, and “Admiral Kuznetsov”, - Petr Alekseevich looked around at the vice-admiral, - into “Admiral Voronchenko”! We will return both the Crimea and the Donbass! The Far East will become Ukrainian again!

Satisfied with himself, he walked away from the window.

- We need to make a statement to the press. Russians still bitterly regret contacting Ukraine, bitterly regret! He said, rubbing his hands happily.
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  1. +9
    19 July 2018 05: 50
    will regret bitterly!
    We still regret that we contacted an independent .....
    1. 0
      19 July 2018 18: 42
      it’s necessary to finish with non-dead, otherwise they already made a rocket, it will only get worse.
  2. +2
    19 July 2018 06: 42
    in 1654 it was necessary to think the quietest ... since 1939 to think of Stalin .... what to do with these irresponsible, and what to do
  3. +8
    19 July 2018 06: 48
    Thanks to the author - from the bottom of my heart and for the high spirits. (I will post it on social networks - there are many friends who are not members of VO, they will read with pleasure and appreciate it)
    1. +7
      19 July 2018 07: 03
      Please accept my sincere thanks for your assistance in distributing my texts. hi
      Thanks to you, "the rumor about me will pass over the whole of the great land ..." Do not forget just to indicate the author and the source site - support the author and the site.
      1. +2
        19 July 2018 07: 23
        Worth reading should be a wider audience. I have a lot of subscribers in social networks - and there the progression will go. You as the author are indicated. And on my page, hundreds of curious people climb on a day - they will read who is serious. Thanks again.
        1. +1
          19 July 2018 07: 32
          Come to me in LJ ( or on KONT (, there is this good above the head.
          1. +4
            19 July 2018 14: 44
            This means that the inspection must be carried out more thoroughly with a partial disassembly of the compartments and assemblies for the purpose of concealing explosives. the Sumerians are capable of anything. Therefore, 2-3 weeks at least for inspection. And turn to pick up ... let them be recorded for inspection in advance. Well, it’s not for me to teach the government the basics of bureaucracy ... laughing
  4. +11
    19 July 2018 07: 16
    Written from the heart, thanks to the author. Especially pleased
    Yes sir! Ukraine will give to anyone!
    1. +3
      19 July 2018 07: 33
      It's nice that the passage did not pass unnoticed.
  5. +5
    19 July 2018 08: 47
    Count Dyakulo is not for you !!!
    This is a lump !! I would even say titan thoughts and the father of pan shit democracy laughing chill his swing wassat
  6. +1
    19 July 2018 09: 43
    for some reason, I remembered Henry "kings and cabbage" the navy of the republic of Anchuria, and his only battle ......
  7. +3
    19 July 2018 11: 11
    - Ukraine will give any decisive rebuff! - Poroshenko slapped the table with his hand.
    - Yes sir! Ukraine will give to anyone! - growled Poltorak.

    Ukraine will give to anyone laughing
  8. The comment was deleted.
  9. +1
    19 July 2018 12: 25
    Filiton is frankly weak. The subsequent discussion is the author’s attempts to promote himself on third-party sources.
    1. +3
      19 July 2018 16: 53
      1. How we can, and create, like some.
      2. In response to criticism: here I will not shoot myself!
      3. The main principle of promoting your name as a brand is “Nobody but you!”, So do not hesitate to engage in self-promotion! bully
      1. 0
        20 July 2018 12: 51
        Yes, and do))) Well, I do not mind)))
  10. 0
    19 July 2018 13: 59
    The question arose, but will the site post a similar counter-content qidul? Or, what is an achievement for a bull, Jupiter is not appropriate?
    1. +1
      19 July 2018 16: 55
      For this there are other sites that are happy to post "counter-content cydulka", but are unlikely to publish this opus.
      1. 0
        19 July 2018 17: 13
        But what about freedom of speech? By the way, and you did not try to slowly increase the level. After all, scribble for hamsters is a shaky foundation. Glory is doubtful, a thin layer of oil. Tomorrow, television will announce a sharp change in course - and instead of fame - zilch. I'm not talking about sandwiches.
        1. +1
          19 July 2018 19: 40
          1. On freedom of speech. I offered my materials to some Ukrainian sites. They praised, but refused to publish: it is you who can write anything in Russia, and such courage can cost us dearly in Kiev.
          2. I have other things. "Transfer for Sergey", "Seryogina Nastya" - drive in the search. There are essays on historical topics - search and find, there are plenty of them on the Internet.
          3. I have enough of my glory, I don’t need extra. And not for the sake of fame, I am writing. And about the sandwiches - I'm not writing articles, I feed.
          4. By the way, again about the level. What is easy to read is not necessarily easy to write. Is there a lot of political satire on the internet? Do you think they do not write it just because they disdain the base genre? Yeah, right now.
          1. 0
            19 July 2018 20: 15
            How to spell what is being read, I know.
            As for satire, here, on the site, in three, at least, sections, which is not a comment, then a satire.
            Regarding your work - excuse me for being blunt, you are not pulling at Sumarokov and Griboedov. Especially Satiric, because he is above the grasp, embracing, so to speak, all worthy satires of his high-flying satire. You have something like more hamsters get fun. Maybe, of course, I don’t understand satire and you showed the world a model of a miraculous monument ... Everything can be.
            1. +2
              19 July 2018 20: 51
              I do not claim the laurels of Sumarokov and Griboyedov (satirists ?! is this you serious?) There are plenty of serious analysts without me, and people sometimes just want to laugh. Someone smiled reading my opus - well, thank God.
              Went through 4-th item, but what about the previous three?
              1. +1
                19 July 2018 21: 27
                The first - laughed, the second and third took note.
                The fact that the mention of Sumarokov and Griboedov as satirists has surprised you suggests that you are still very far from the real understanding of what satire is.
                About the overabundance of serious analysts - this is satire. And if you wrote that there are a lot of them on the site - this is a satire at the level of Griboedov. By the way, he was also a composer.
                1. +1
                  19 July 2018 21: 45
                  It was funny when my article “Notes of the Ukrainian nationalist from the Crimea” 2 hours hung not - that was funny.
                  Hope item xnumx. You will not only take note.
                  Griboedov was also a diplomat.
                  My opuses do not pretend to anything serious.
  11. +1
    21 July 2018 17: 25
    weak attempts request although ... the navy is even funnier what
  12. 0
    22 July 2018 02: 34
    Fear Moskal Ukrainian troops!
  13. 0
    22 July 2018 12: 35
    “Hetman Sagaidachnogo” has long had a problem with the 100 nose gun mount - it cannot be fully used - it can be turned around only once ... The recoil device refuses ... the hydraulics are flowing ... .... Spare parts are only in St. Petersburg .. An attempt to put 76 there mm the OTO-Melara gun mount failed ... In general, he is only able to carry the flag ... As a radar, he uses the Furuno FAR-2117 / 27 purchased by the volunteers. Pleasure yachts are equipped with these radars .... And private fishing boats ... That's something like that ...
  14. 0
    23 July 2018 20: 12
    In Ukraine, there is the most advanced submarine fleet in the world:

  15. VB
    25 July 2018 11: 01
    "Poroshenko is preparing to fight because Russia is against him. If Donbass residents now received US passports, all of Ukraine would be in ruins, and Poroshenko’s gang would be in Guantanamo. Russia chose parmesan and jamon in front of its compatriots." Good quote

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