Bloody Pedro's Wild Squadron
President of Ukraine Petro Poroshenko issued orders to the Ukrainian military aimed at stopping the “illegal” detention of ships by Russian border guards following the Kerch Strait.
I wonder what kind of orders?
Solemn flogging in the office of the President of Ukraine
The Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of Ukraine delivered the Minister of Defense:
- Moscow again stabbed the freedom-loving Ukraine in the back! In response to the harmless seizure by our frontier guards of the fishing vessel “Nord”, vile Russians began a total search of our ships passing through the Kerch Strait! This is unheard of! Instead of flying white gulls, our ships are forced for hours — you hear: for hours! - wait for inspection !!!
- Yes! - podtaknul Poltorak.
- What is "yes", what is "yes" ?! - Poroshenko blew up. - Do you know what's going on there ?! Russian border guards land on our ships! And every Ukrainian ship is a piece of our long-suffering homeland! Again the sneaky boot of the invader tramples our land! Today they walk on the decks of our ships, and tomorrow these boots will reach Kiev! How can we let this happen ?!
- No! - snapped Poltorak.
- Ukraine will give any decisive rebuff! - Poroshenko slapped the table with his hand.
- Yes sir! Ukraine will give to anyone! - growled Poltorak.
- So, you are the first and let's! Personally!
- I'm ready right now!
"Dumb, but a devotee, a beast," Poroshenko thought, and, looking at the general, asked:
- What actions do you intend to take?
- I propose to throw out in the center of the Azov Sea a separate airborne brigade of the air assault troops of Ukraine with the order “to defeat or die!”
“Loyal but stupid,” Poroshenko thought with annoyance, but said out loud:
- Fine, prepare an order, let them fly and die.
The brave general turned and left the office.
Dashing tankman on the Black Sea
On the table, the selector squeaked:
- Ban President, Voronchenko is asking for an appointment.
- Let him enter.
Poroshenko gladly looked at the entered vice-admiral: no, it was not for nothing that he entrusted the command of the naval forces to a graduate of the Tashkent Tank School - how elegantly the yesterday's tankman wears a naval uniform! Real sea wolf!
- Pan Supreme Commander! Concerned about the mayhem created by aggressive Russia in the Sea of Azov, I propose to respond blow to blow!
“The storm of the seas and oceans!” - thought Peter Alekseevich with affection.
The admiral went to the window, abruptly pulled back the curtains and gestured for the president to come up.
Petr Alekseevich got up, walked over. An amazing picture opened up to his gaze: the court rocked on the waves of the Dnieper under the window of his residence.
- The squadron "Bloody Pedro"! - Voronchenko announced with pathos. - Starting tomorrow, the squadron will begin raiding in the Black and Azov Seas. From now on, every moskal pelvis, wherever it swam, is a legitimate booty of a squadron. Muscovites will flee in fear only when they see its flag on the horizon!
The president brought to his eyes the binoculars stretched out to him helpfully and saw a banner fluttering above the ships with his head, two bones under it and the inscription “Roshen Pedro”.
- Ukraine is a great maritime power, it should become the mistress of the Black and Azov seas, and all four oceans! - continued Voronchenko. - Russian merchant ships will cowardly cling to the shore, fearing to catch our mariners' eyes! Residents of Murmansk and Arkhangelsk, Sochi and Novorossiysk will be lined by our heroes with an annual tribute! From each campaign our fleet will return, loaded with gold!
Poroshenko enthusiastically considered the squadron. The flagship gave a blank salvo, earned screws, and the ship proudly went up the river. On top of the smeared "Hetman Sagaidachny" proudly shone with fresh paint "Petro Poroshenko." He was followed by boats, tugs and inflatable motorboats. On each stood an admiral and solemnly saluted. The parade was completed by Cossack canoes, gulls and an armada of small size basins.
- Next, my fighting sea bulls! - Poroshenko shouted, - Forward! I order you: seize the Russian ships and submarines! I want to see them "Peter the Great" on the Odessa raid under the Ukrainian flag! We will rename “Moscow” to “Stepan Bandera”, and “Admiral Kuznetsov”, - Petr Alekseevich looked around at the vice-admiral, - into “Admiral Voronchenko”! We will return both the Crimea and the Donbass! The Far East will become Ukrainian again!
Satisfied with himself, he walked away from the window.
- We need to make a statement to the press. Russians still bitterly regret contacting Ukraine, bitterly regret! He said, rubbing his hands happily.
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