Notes of the Colorado Cockroach. The holiday comes to us, the crap comes out of us!
Greetings, my friends! What a good thing, however, is a holiday. Whose soul may desire 365 days per year. And maybe more. At least I think so. It is not harmful to wish, it is harmful when desires go ashes.
You know, you made me talk about the holiday. Yes, not only to speak, but also to grab the horns with all his might. In one of the comments about the birthday was written. And I have a problem with this matter. Like other cockroaches. We have a long process of birth. Depends on many things. Yes, and with age, these same birthdays more and more resemble the rehearsal of the commemoration.
In short, I decided to celebrate a birthday at the Military Review. Well, and put accordingly the question before the faithful. Table set. Guests to call. Well, and all the rest ... But I did not think about the current level of prowess of the second (Ouch! First!) Half of humanity.
In short, I didn’t really look at it, but the Cockroach was addicted. And I found out that “false shukher”. After all, louse me Zadar, "born", then I, as a creative person 13 April 2015! Bad luck
Thanks Tarakanushka, ogreb for misinformation is not the first number. "By agreement of the parties" cost 23-m. And then the amnesty came, because, dear my friends, the epic of "destruction", "rebirth", rebirth "," degradation "," democratization "and other disasters of my country is written today in 150 (!) Times. So, holiday we still found. What a no, and an anniversary!
But it could happen that you would have to celebrate the commemoration. And twice. I got into a minibus here recently. It is quite normal Kiev bus. 529 number. Food means. And then ... In short, at the intersection of Kharkovskoye Highway and Verbitsky, the doors at the minibus ... flew off the hinges. I almost flew to the pavement. But we, Ukrainians, are handy. The men hung the door on the hinges and then we went.
It is good that I live in the capital. In Odessa, they say, in a minibus they recently decided to make a route themselves while driving the rear wheels recently. The minibus went one way, and they went the other. Independent such.
But it normal. I even know where the wheels went. Towards Romania. Today, everyone is trying to get there, both round and square.
The second time, the car’s little tragic passenger fate did not repeat. To which hand was torn off by a piece of concrete that fell from the bridge. And do not believe where. On Khreshchatyk! I go near Bessarabskaya Square. Eyes around. Night is my time. And then ... Whack about a piece of the balcony. In the sense of a piece of concrete from the balcony and pulled me.
Again, for some reason, Odessa was remembered. Remember, I wrote about the two collapsed balconies on Ekaterininskaya ...
More about the fate of the guy on whom the balcony fell from the hotel Kozatsky was remembered ... Horror. No luck then the guy. Very unlucky ... Last time unlucky ...
For some reason I remembered the case of one of ours. His wife got sick. And unexpectedly. Calling an ambulance. "Save your wife! She suddenly became blind! No, she did not eat anything. Symptoms? Yes, we have a house full of some green men. Very similar to those in the Crimea. Even the walls are located, the enemies! And she sees nothing! "
In short, the doctors came. Only for some reason they took to the hospital not a wife, but a husband. Maybe this is according to new trends in our medicine? I don’t know, to be honest ... Who will disassemble them, these paramedics. Or did the husband have more money on the card?
And I remembered this incident because it happened about the same story. Do not believe it, but I read with my own eyes on the website of our Constitutional Court on Monday. Well, read it yourself:
“The Verkhovna Rada violated its authority when it passed the Law“ On depriving Yanukovich VF of the title of President of Ukraine ". Poroshenko signed this law five months after its adoption. Immediately after signing, on June 19 2015, he filed a submission to the Constitutional Court regarding the constitutionality of the Law of Ukraine "On depriving Yanukovych of the title of President of Ukraine."
Whoever did not understand, the Hydrant signed the unconstitutional law and immediately removed his own ass. Check, judges, the law! "We are not local," we were given to sign, we signed. But 3 has passed. Elections on the nose. Cruel Hydrant in jurisprudence. The head is not only drinking ...
"In the submission, Poroshenko notes that depriving Yanukovich of the title of President of Ukraine does not correspond to the 2 article 6, 2 article 8, xNUMX article 2 article, 19 article, 85 article of the 3 article of the Ukrainian Constitution (is unconstitutional). Poroshenko’s argument - under the Constitution of Ukraine, the title of president can be deprived only on the basis of an impeachment procedure, which was not.
In our, cockroach life sometimes happens. When you foolishly get on the stove, and the owner will turn it on. It becomes hot. And not only paws, but also other vital organs. Dupa type. I think that the Hydrant is now with her, a disease, problems.
I remember Tarakanushka's conversation with a friend on the phone in March of this year. You and I understand that spring acts on ladies as if they were cats. They remember the figure. So that means to seduce us. I will give part of the conversation.
"Remember the stupid, the most important part in any diet - it is a healthy sleep! Without this, even the most brutal diet does not work! I know myself. You won’t fall asleep in time - you’ll eat pies all day (in your human, variant)!"
The hydrant did not fall asleep in time. ATO is a damn not finished. Renamed only. And the result? I'm here a knowledgeable person about the situation with weapons told. He is not a killer of any kind, a collector:
"They offered a box of grenades, in which 20 pieces, for 200 dollars. The automatic machine costs 500-1000 dollars. One-time grenade launcher" fly "- 100 dollars. They even offered MANPADS to the ancient," Arrow ", for 3 thousand dollars. True, they clarified that they are not sure whether it works or not, since it has been in the warehouse for twenty years. "
Yes, and the Hydrant with the henchmen is inexpensive. I mean, we don’t have to buy premium weapons. Free democratic market, so to speak. And the price is reasonable. 2-5 000 $. So this, "Well that to us."
“It’s just paperwork, permits, or someone just puts in the money. The cheapest pistol is from the head of the Interior Ministry, the most expensive one is with the president’s signature. But the president will not figure out who he signed the award weapon, they will say, a good person.”
Something I absolutely screwed up your head with serious things. We have a holiday! Need something "easy" to remember. Here at least exposing the famous axiom "do not tram - will travel." In a sense, a tram cannot drive around because it drives on rails. Yeah. And did not try to check?
But we tried. And more than once. In short, they deceived you all this time! Bred! Lies all this. Odessans checked and made such a conclusion.
8 June Odessa tram crashed into a pole! He was driving himself down Vodoprovnaya Street and once ... The driver lost control of the car. Fell asleep, I guess. And you say rails ... I wanted a tram, so he got off the rails.
But after the first incident, Odessans are not used to believing. City such. Specifically-aferistic. Trust but check. Chose tram number 15. Reliable driver was put there. And 20 Jun started the experiment!
Tram rides on Malovskom descent. And Odessa residents are experimenting further. Once - turned off the network. In the sense of electricity. Tram offended, probably. In general, he rushed back on this very descent. Column collapsed, and even the car someone squeezed. Maybe he thought that it was his landlord who turned off the electricity ...
Yes, and organized a "strike" on four tram routes ... Yeah, the tram will go around you. Wait ... Rails, sleepers ... The main thing is the mood! The tram.
Since we started talking about Odessa, I remembered the case. We arrived from Kiev then and walked along the station square with a guide from the locals. A cunning type appeared from somewhere. "Guys, buy yearlings on the cheap. Groshі potrіbnі. Copy of Swiss is accurate" ... And our local class then showed: "I take it all! Axis exact copy of Ukrainian UAH!"
I will not translate. Odessans generally speak Russian. Because a friend immediately realized that he wanted to breed a Selyuk visitor. Well, otshil in Odessa. I even became jealous ... Well, I remembered this incident, as always, for a reason.
Defense Minister Stepan Poltorak proposes to use the possible revenues to the state budget from the fight against smuggling for the purchase of US Patriot air defense systems. He said this during a government meeting on Wednesday, June 20.
"For example, these $ 4 billion would be enough for us to buy five divisions of Patriot air defense systems and completely close the border with Russia."
What kind of 4 billions in question, you already understand. We found a new source of funding. Smuggling! According to the estimates of the Minister of Internal Affairs Arsen Avakov, the state can receive in addition 70-100 billion hryvnias from the fight against smuggling!
I only care about one thing. Will the 5 divisions of the Patriots be enough for us? Can I buy fifty right away? And what, where $ 4 billion, there and $ 40 billion. Money is free. In short, "I take everything! The axis is exactly the copy of Ukrainian grivna!" No, not hryvnia. "American American groszy".
Well, tell me what to do if Russia just climbs out of its skin to defeat us? Imagine, your FSB tried to steal secrets from the Security Service of Ukraine! And not somehow with the help of James Bond, but with the use of super technologies!
Detained in the spring of Russian spies. And they have music recorded on a flash drive. On fools calculation. And in our SBU do not keep fools! We immediately understood everything. Penetrates, therefore, the agent in the SBU. Inserts this very flash drive into the computer and that's it. All information is immediately transferred to the Kremlin! And most importantly, there are no traces in the computer! They said in the SBU: “It is known that they transported these devices even through the line of demarcation. When checking it turned out that a person just listens to music and didn’t pay attention to it. In fact, this program was specially developed for Russian agents. It was difficult to calculate them because the device left no marks on the computer. "
The head of the computer forensics lab at Cyberlab, Sergei Prokopenko, in general, revealed all the technology of your spies. Sly you are. “Russian experts often develop all kinds of programs, for example, for cyber attacks, they are known for this. And it’s very difficult to recognize this program. A man put a USB flash drive into a computer and listens to music. He passed through a checkpoint and didn’t cause suspicion. At the same time he stole all the secret information. the program runs only with a certain command, even not all devices can start work. Everything is really cleverly done. "
Now news without humor. We have a terrible epidemic. So, you also need to think about it. You know yourself, the border is closed.
The Center for Public Health of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine reports: "Since the beginning of the year, 21 894 people - 8857 adults and 13 037 children fell ill with measles. During this time, 11 people died from measles complications: seven children and four adults."
"Most people have measles in Lviv (total 3428 people: 1042 adults and 2386 children), Transcarpathian (total 2633 people: 475 adults and 2158 children), Ivano-Frankivsk (total 2422 people: 698 adults and 1724 children), Odessa ( total 1880 people: 924 adults and 956 children), Kiev (total 1560 people: 965 adults and 595 children) and Chernivtsi (total 1202 people: 398 adults and 804 child) areas. "
There you have it ... The Indian vaccine did not give us a ride. Mows people measles. Honestly, I did not want to insert this news into a holiday article. Only here there is such a word - it is necessary. Many of you, my friends, live on the border or with us. Please be careful. What the hell is not joking when God sleeps ...
Of course, my friends from Siberia told me that their beavers, foxes and other animals are so cunning that they pretend to be hats in winter in order not to freeze. But it’s still far from ours. Not our animals, but our people. They don't even pretend. Just doing. And questions from others does not arise.
Can you imagine a bank robber who does not hide that he is a robber, at the head of the security service of this very bank? A team of HIV-infected doctors in the center for AIDS prevention? Maybe you have an idea about the smuggler, who is charged with protecting the border? And do not laugh. This is quite possible in Ukraine.
"To the head of the Nikolaev remand prison, a preventive measure was chosen in the form of a night house arrest for two months. The decision was made by the Central District Court of Nikolaev on June 21." Roman Tsybul was to choose a preventive measure in the form of house arrest until 19 August 2018. He should be at home from 20.00 to 8.00, "says the court ruling."
This is how it is. From 8 in the morning to 8 in the evening guards the prisoners, and from 8 in the evening to 8 in the morning the prisoner himself. Self service. Yes, and for what to plant something? Moreover, such a bread post to deprive. Just think. Well, he carried the forbidden items to the convicts. Well, they walked around the area freely. Well, women there and other drugs were. So this is a concern for the health of those arrested!
Yes, and the Colonel did not take the hryvnia, or there gold-diamonds. He honestly said that he took coupons for gasoline. The salary is with him ... Yes, and the car in the zone must be refilled. This is a detention center. Prisoners must be taken to court, but there is no gasoline. Well, do not lead the same across the city on foot and in chains?
“Militiamen established that the colonel of the internal service set up a mechanism for obtaining unlawful benefits from imprisoned criminal authorities for unimpeded transfer of prohibited items to them and ensuring uncontrolled movement to the cells of the detention center. For his“ services, the man demanded gasoline coupons ”.
Okay. You need to tell about our economic efforts as well.
I'll start with a refutation of himself. Remember, I wrote about drought, which will not allow our farmers to grow a normal crop? So, I was wrong! So in the Ministry of Agrarian Policy and Food I was told on Tuesday. And Ukrgidromettsentru not believe!
This in other countries drought affects plants. It's just time for mass tanning in our plants! Holiday season, so to speak. Especially since it had already rained in June. So, on average, there is no drought in Ukraine. Simply, on average, the rains were a little less than the norm.
"Due to the fact that the precipitation has already begun, we expect that in general, the gross yield of early and late grain will be approximately at the level of last year."
True, by foolishness I also looked into the Ukrainian Hydrometcentre. And there such incompetent people turned out to be. Or maybe they did not think that I had a talk with the deputy minister. In short, as follows: “According to the Ukrgidromettsentr, at least 25% of Ukraine’s territory is now in a state of drought. Meteorologists believe that this year’s crop of winter wheat will be less by 8-10% from last year due to drought and will be around 23,5 million tons ".
And now I'll hit you. I mean, surprise. In short, I will talk about our underground industry. Not sex, not a casino. Production! NOT LEGAL! So you understand that not everything is so simple with us.
At the plant in the Bugsky district of the Lviv region, on an industrial scale forged toilet paper, napkins and paper towels of a famous brand. Malefactors made paper products by means of four industrial machines of the delivered raw materials.
Criminals face punishment - a fine or deprivation of liberty for a period from 3 to 6 years with the deprivation of the right to occupy certain positions or engage in certain activities for up to three years or without such and with confiscation and destruction of the relevant products and tools and materials manufacturing.
And How? Can you now guarantee that somewhere in the Chernihiv region the American Javelin complexes or the German Mercedes are not being counterfeit? Vodka something out yours, "Beluga", release. So, the industry has not disappeared. We just transferred it to the "underground". To the enemy did not guess ...
And here I have personal observations about this. I began to notice long ago that this toilet paper somehow does not work well. But on the other hand, it is good that they do not add sandpaper to reduce the cost of production. Now I’ll definitely carefully examine all the rolls in search of the inscription “Beware of counterfeit”. Or is it time to go to the press, like in the good old days?
That's it. Again came, control service, about ... blessed, in a sense. And professional. This is me about Tarakanushka. I tell. Loves my half to sunbathe. Well, they are hiding with friends from the people on Lake Telbin. This is in our Dnipropetrovsk region.
So here. They are returning recently in the state of groggy. Not women, but angels. They are silent. Eyes bulging. Everyone is happy. Good. Some time Then I want to eat. And they remain in this very greggy. This boxers quickly come to life. But then compensation begins with a shout and a cry.
"Here you sit here! And your wife just had a little bit of a snake gobbled up!" Yeah. In Kiev. Snakes that can swallow my Tarakushka ... Yes, not every anaconda will master it. In short, I found out. Hope for idle life disappeared like the morning mist.
Well, there were two there are two pions. Or a boa. Little at all. Meters for 3-4. So not local. In the sense of "big-scale" they. Boss or lost or walk released. And what was yelling ... at me.
"Ugh, I don’t understand, you love snakes for yourself, and love them to your health. But why drag them everywhere behind you? As for me these are not the animals that cause love for everyone, or a feeling of emotion."
"Is this a joke? What are the snakes in the lake, the people have completely lost fear (the owners of snakes)? Let the houses keep them."
"And if it crawls somewhere or lays eggs, not very aware of how they do it all, but on Telbine only a snake population was not enough."
This is just a small part of the quotes from their conversation cited as an example. But, using his ability to get out of delicate situations, women were reassured. He said that they promised snakes to catch and put on sausage. True now the sausage house will not. But rest ...
And I want to finish today with really interesting and funny news. Remember the old saying: "Goose pig is not a friend"? As if with a hint. The Ukrainian pig does not give Russian sala, so, we are going on an unprecedented action to bring our pig and your goose closer!
A month later, the Kiev subway will be covered with posters with the image of ... a goose! So far I have only seen nine posters. On the posters, Gus will talk about the rules of conduct in the subway and will remind you of politeness while traveling. The fact is that today in our subway is very difficult to drive.
People came a lot. And understanding that the subway is not a bus and will not wait for all passengers at the station. They enter the car and stand like sheep. Do not enter do not exit. And our youth do not particularly bother. With a run in the back ... And pushing. So for these "Kiev" and came up with this very Goose.
Native and understandable for the villager. And the letters do not need much. Lubok, in short. Back to the roots. Or Americanization? All in pictures. Letters do not need to learn.
True, I have seen this face before. In any transition T-shirts with this matershinnik can be bought. On the other hand, the image of a goose seems to hint, i.e. directly indicates passengers of the Kiev metro looking at these posters: you are stupid, fat geese, i.e. biomass. Well, the hint seems to be quite transparent, but who looks and sees ...
While writing, an interesting thought appeared in my head. It seems to me that the main merit of our government in reformatting people is that we are now convinced that Europe is where we talk about it more. Do not, namely, they say!
People often ask me why I have so many gaps in the text. This is a concern for readers. Everyone can insert their own ads there ... And I have two ads.
First and foremost. I determined the "eater of fat", ugh, the winner of the competition. He became ... But no. Well, I can not. So much humor you have that I just can’t recall the most impressive expressive creations.
Basil (paratyron) special thanks for good poems! Even far away, we were and remain one people. And on Pushkin's laurels, we do not claim. We write with our heart, not with words. Yes, Vasily?
Moscow bring fire to Ukraine glory?
But the envious dream is vain and deceptive.
The fire does not melt the Russian state,
The unity of spirit and love is worth it.
Love to connect with fire - glory to Russia!
So, the Kremlin - the fire, and Ukraine rafting!
But such masterpieces as "Nostalgia" (Eugene-Li 17), "Bender-flaming Kremlin" by Michael-MihNNXX, however, it is not clear why Bender than he did not like this city. But let's change the letter to A and everything fell into place, "Gift grill for the Moscow Capture Day, the Ukrainian Armed Forces with a memorial inscription on the Kremlin wall" from Alexander (Gepirion), "We will make this Kremlin Ukrainian" from Alexander (ustas-Crimea) in general indifferent do not leave.
As, however, and posh poster from Alexei (Lelicas) "The Kremlin does not fry childish." Right now on the banner somewhere.
And the winner, I think, should be Comrade Pischak with the beautiful name "Mangall of the Svidomitsky Dream." Moreover, the fellow countryman sees from afar ... So I ask you to write to the editor and wait for the parcel from Novoposhty.
One more thing. Perhaps, as long as possible, you will soon be able to communicate with me and a few of ours in the video format. At least we are working in this direction.
In the meantime, all with our (where am I without you) holiday. Now heading for 500!
There are many happy moments. The smiles of constant. Joy from loved ones. Fulfillment of desires and life, life, life. In all its manifestations. With joys and difficulties, with grief and happiness, with love and hate ... We will live!
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