Military Review

Notes of the Colorado Cockroach. Successfully, we drove onto the curb ... Or curb?


Greetings to you, dear and loyal friends! I do not remember where I heard it, but "the time has come for true stories." In a sense, the first month of the year ends, and you can look at the future. How? Watch will be my eyes. Moreover, most of you have already been in the role of cockroaches.

Remember, before the onset of spring, your wife suddenly notices your enlarged belly. And decides to put you on a diet. And she herself, being a heroic woman, decides to support you in this difficult endeavor. It is then that you understand that there is a famine and pies on the street. Fruits and vegetables are not an option, the box office will not pull out.

And you feel yourself like a cockroach when in the middle of the night you make your way to the kitchen to the refrigerator and begin to devour the sausage. And here ... Hear the steps of his wife. Horror in your eyes. Like Don Juan is at the foot of the statue of Commander, right? Where is going? In the kitchen or in the toilet? Caught or even "go on a diet." And the thoughts of the crowd in my head. How to explain your own stay in the forbidden territory. And ... you take the only right decision - a glass of water! Drinking is not eating!

Approximately the same feeling is now in the majority of Ukrainians. Some kind of duality and expectation. Pace? On the one hand, as the TV says, Russia was not returned to members again. On the other hand, again on TV, MEPs kiss and embrace the Russians in a session. Or how do you like this information?

“In the Ukrainian House in Davos, where the World Economic Forum is taking place, the work of the humanoid robot Sophia failed after the question of corruption in Ukraine, Verkhovna Rada deputy Alena Shkrum said. At the most advanced robot in the world, Sophia after the question“ what to do with corruption in Ukraine "the script broke and the processor crashed".

Or the blockade of the next separatist channel. A group of very advanced gunpowder stands with posters at the entrance to the building. And mock them ... representatives of the nationalists. When was it?

In general, we have a time for mixers. Mixed everything and everyone. As one friend says, “Uncle, you’re more careful with the TV. Or from the“ voltage surge, the fan stand will fly away in an unknown direction. ”Today they call this what we call the“ roof ”(the one that goes slowly) .

Here's how to perceive the information that has just appeared on the rating of human freedom? Imported, by the way. Ukraine ranks 132 in terms of this very freedom! A "bloody Mordor" - 129-e. It turns out that in a terrible Russia, people live freer? And a little earlier information slipped through that we are in terms of economic freedom at the 135-th place.

Successfully, we "hit the curb." I remembered one overheard conversation of two avtoledi. "Yesterday I ran so well on the curb. Replaced the 2 wheels - This is nothing. I would run over the curb, I would lose all the 4 wheels."

Remember, I told you that most Ukrainian families live on subsidies? Last year, 8,2 of millions of households asked for this manna from heaven! So, for reference, this is half of all available households in Ukraine. Arithmetic is fine with you. Estimate the number of people in the family and get an interesting figure. Think out further.

Simply put, according to our, cockroach, data, the state paid 55 billion hryvnias for a communal apartment last year, and there should still be 7 billion for gas. Communism? May be. Military ... What tells us in this matter historical the science? In the future - coupon for drawers ...

There is truth, one if not a question, then no answer. You remember my "corruption ties" with the village. So, quietly, but systematically, subsidies are reduced. But the measures for non-payment of communal toughened. Do not pay - disable. And according to the court ... Since the beginning of the year, we have a new specialty - a social inspector. Refrigerators will now be checked. So that the poor have no sausage there ...

Will cut the feeder. In the Rada is already a paper about this. I saw it myself.

"The growth of real incomes of citizens makes it possible to reduce subsidies by 10%." The gas heating subsidy will be at the rate of 5 cubic meters per 1 square meter instead of 5,5. Standards of heat energy consumption for centralized heating to subscribers whose residential houses are equipped with meters are also reduced: from 0,0548 to 0,0431 Gcal. Reduced electricity rates for home heating: from 65 to 51 kWh. Debtors lose the right to subsidy.

I got a question from the Russians. How do we consider the income of the unemployed? To subsidize this very. Chu, we have an unemployed person automatically receives, in the sense we know that he receives two minimum wages. From this and the bodies are dancing. A debtor is anyone who has not paid 300 and more hryvnia ...

Today, the situation with our money reminds me of a famous case in one of the zoos. When a visitor looked at a minister standing near a huge crocodile for a long time and finally asked about the purpose of such a risky occupation. “Crocodile got sick - And what? - And I know? The veterinarian has already gotten into it an hour ... "

Many of us do not even know that this very "veterinarian" from NABU has already climbed ... Ukraine transferred to the management of the World Bank a part of its own international reserves in the amount of up to $ 1 billion. But, nothing terrible happened. There are already 53 countries "under control". "Within the limits of the established restrictions, a list of highly liquid instruments has been determined, limits on risk, liquidity and reporting requirements have been established."

For this billion, we will now remotely train our own managers in American universities and receive the results of American economic research! By the way, I learned through my own channels how many people in NABU are engaged in foreign exchange transactions. Well, in order to see the prospect of development of banking in Ukraine. 8 man!

I remember that the Bolsheviks called something like expropriation. Not? And yet, this billion is not removed from our cubic meters of gold? Or are they in the same repository now? Americans are insured. Learn the Russians.

Any notes are obtained ... banking. Anyway. It is not my fault that I talked more often with economic cockroaches during the week. I will continue, in November, our total public debt increased slightly. Well, quite a bit. 2,062 trillion hryvnia.

And you know, this is peremoga for an ordinary Ukrainian! External debt reduced by 0,4%! And the internal rose only by 1,6%. Prime Minister Volodymyr Groysman said that the external debt of Ukraine is 83% of GDP. In terms of each resident of Ukraine, this means 1800-1900 dollars of debt.

I will reveal the mechanism of the scam that our bankers are turning today. To make it clear incomprehensible. Remember, in previous notes, I married the hryvnia for ruble? So here. We reduce external debt by increasing domestic debt. And then ... we bring down the hryvnia. And nothing for us will not be. In addition to a big thank you from lenders and hunters for our state property.

And Groisman lied a little. Infants, schoolchildren, students, retirees will not give back the debt. They do not earn more or already. But for each worker it turns out for 20 000 $.

I tortured you with money. Let me tell you about spies. Detective! So, January 22 at the Borispol airport SBU heroically detained a spy who tried to bring a flash drive to Iran! Imagine? Senior Researcher of one top-secret research institute, a citizen of Ukraine and you.

This is how you need to be a senior researcher to copy the hydroacoustics data of the Hetman Sagaidachny frigate onto a USB flash drive? In the same place completely revolutionary scientific developments! True, Vice Admiral Haiduk has already stated that the frigate is in addition this year. I mean, absolutely. They will write it short so that it does not sink somewhere.

Now the SBU investigators are seeking answers to very serious questions. Why did a senior researcher never learn how to use a computer? Why do Iranians need equipment that allows the ship to jump on the water with shouts of "Who does not jump, that Moskal"? Well, where did this spy find such idiots who agreed to buy such secret data? I would add a question about welding. Were the Iranians interested in the method of welding, which our ships are welded to the pier?

I often read in your comments that something is happening to me. Nothing serious. Just quietly losing my mind. And you for a pull. As a normal organism, the following statement by the foreign minister of a large European country should be perceived:

“We are talking with different federations, I can open this question. But we also speak, I can say with different fan organizations about how they can raise different political issues, either boycotting this championship or clearly expressing their position during their stay in Russia ".

This is about the World Cup in Russia. No, the fact that Ukraine is boycotting the championship in any way is understandable. Well, we did not get to the championship. They have forgotten how to play. It is also clear that Ukrainian football fans will go to Russia by any means.

But the minister with the manners of the yard punks ... Contracting with the punks ... Sorry, but our Ministry of Foreign Affairs divided into prostitutes and those who were "not invited to the sauna." Here I do not like football. But there was a terrible desire to go to Russia for the Championship! Already itching under chitin.

Do you remember the numerous statements about you? Lawsuits and so on. "Russia breaks relations!" The same Klimkin at the press conference:

"As of the end of 2017, if I am not mistaken, we have already denounced 35 various documents with Russia, including intergovernmental, intergovernmental, interdepartmental. 8 of Ukrainian-Russian documents are in line for denunciation. We will consistently continue this work."

We will not be friends with the aggressor, but we will not stop buying gas and other necessities? How is your head, dear readers? We learn from overseas owners. Our word is firm. He gave, he took back. Ugh ...

No, well, I need to tell you something cheerful for the tone. In short. Lviv. Street Basement. It is worth in a woodlice drunk man. He actually was going to go home. On your Lexus. And there is no car! Hijacked irody. What to do?

I called the police. Wrote a statement about the hijacking. The police began to work ... Not for long. Until the next street worked. "It turned out that the man was intoxicated and simply forgot that he had left his vehicle on Lazneva Street." The police are great. Penalty for a false call. They caught a taxi and sent the man home. It happens.

Everything. Finishing torment you. Dangerously. The editor says I write a lot. Long And you understand how this can end. I've remembered Alfred Nobel. The one who invented dynamite and in whose honor the award is presented. Also did not heed the advice. As a result, blew up the family business, killed his brother and several assistants.

So see you in February. Winter to finish rolled. A bear in Kiev is difficult to catch. Again I will live the winter without a fur coat. Smile and everything will be fine. Scientists of cockroaches estimated that one smiling physiognomy raises the mood from 50 to 1000 to oncoming individuals! True, I recently doubted it. Smiled in the subway beautiful girl. And she gave me a place ... Strange, right?
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  1. AnpeL
    AnpeL 29 January 2018 10: 13
    Scientists of cockroaches calculated that one smiling physiognomy raises the mood from 50 to 1000 oncoming individuals! True, I recently doubted this. Smiled in the subway to a beautiful girl. And she gave me a place ... Strange, huh?

    And how old is the respected CT? Of course, if a girl gives you a place in transport, then flirting with her is already apparently useless (
    1. domokl
      domokl 29 January 2018 12: 06
      winked And maybe it's in the face face? There are people who are even inferior in transport even in school years laughing How there, on clothes meet ...
      1. your1970
        your1970 29 January 2018 12: 29
        "Yes, I’m not smiling in the mirror in the morning !!!" © Three heroes
    2. Angler
      Angler 29 January 2018 16: 16
      Plagiarism. This is a poem by Igor Huberman. However, applied to the place.
  2. BAI
    BAI 29 January 2018 10: 20
    And then ... bring down the hryvnia.

    Prior to the Russian government, the ruble constantly fells.
    In line for the denunciation of another 8 Ukrainian-Russian documents.

    And the Stockholm arbitration obliged to buy Russian gas. What are they doing in this Europe?
    1. 210ox
      210ox 29 January 2018 20: 29
      Let’s better deal with our problems than giggle at the problems of our neighbors ..
  3. Egoza
    Egoza 29 January 2018 10: 20
    Oh cockroach! Thanks for the notes, banking. But do not believe the scientific conclusions. They, these very scientists, are already going to rallies under BP! when was this? Not when they went to the Maidan - it was welcomed. Well, now why should they go out? they were vacated, every fifth was reduced, they found time for domestic scientific activity - they work only three days a week. They want a salary? Ahhh, well, this, as soon as and right away. In 2030 year. If NASU will still exist by then
    1. domokl
      domokl 29 January 2018 10: 26
      According to the Ukrainian science law, funding of scientists is at the level of 1,7% of GDP. However, "in life" last year was, if not mistaken, 0,47%. Podderzhdalis called
      1. Egoza
        Egoza 29 January 2018 10: 34
        Quote: domokl
        Supported called

        An interesting fact - the Decree on the establishment of the Ukrainian Academy of Sciences was signed exactly on the birthday of the respected B. Paton. And although he is like Koschey the Immortal, it seems that NASU will also die on the day of his death.
        1. atos_kin
          atos_kin 29 January 2018 11: 00
          Quote: Egoza
          on the day of his death, NASU will also die.

          If the NASU does not include the institution of national memory.
        2. tol100v
          tol100v 1 February 2018 06: 59
          Quote: Egoza
          - The decree on the establishment of the Ukrainian Academy of Sciences was signed exactly on the birthday of respected B. Paton.

          So "Sagaidachnogo" according to B. Paton’s technology was welded to the pier! Although not for this, he invented it!
  4. svp67
    svp67 29 January 2018 12: 34
    Successfully we hit a curb ... Or a curb?
    When in Ukraine it is determined that what curbs or curbs are laid along the roads there?
    We will not be friends with the aggressor, but we will not stop buying gas and other necessities? How is your head, dear readers?
    Bad with our head, oh how bad. Since we can’t understand how it turns out that our business is being squeezed and pressed there, and it occupies the third place in terms of investments in Ukraine, losing the first two to Cyprus and the Netherlands, to two offshore zones, where again Russian capital is darkness .. So explain why this is happening.
  5. Razvedka_Boem
    Razvedka_Boem 29 January 2018 14: 11
    Very sad cockroach ..
  6. asp373
    asp373 29 January 2018 14: 52
    You, of course, come to the mundial to us, but first look at the ticket prices, and then at the conditions for their purchase. There, the Dnieper and Kharkov punks will have to be thrown off by the whole city for one ticket
    1. Mih1974
      Mih1974 29 January 2018 17: 05
      repeat Well, then for Chulovekov the price of tickets is enormous, but for the Cockroaches, it’s the familiar local Taarkans, “warmed up, robbed .. oh - picked up, warmed up” (c). That sho - let it go in a roundabout way, otherwise the Gestapo will obviously "rewrite" them all who do not go into the country of the aggressor for gas. Then they will heat it up and carry it out to the required ones, and steam it in the bathhouse and pat it with vodka and mushrooms. Call fat - dumb (if it even ended in Ukria), so sho mushrooms, sausage, herring for a Belarusian boiled bulb. good

      So sho - keep your cockroach in good shape to us in the "Mordor". If the vorogi or Zhona, on the way back with a “smell”, catches up with an honest eye to respond - “the vorogs, forcibly poured and stuffed, offered to sell the homeland, but I’ll never exchange it for their vodka” laughing good
    2. Mih1974
      Mih1974 29 January 2018 18: 04
      Little additions: bring the right Khokhlyatskoe Salo to us in Mordor good from the "crony reserves", and if you are on the Gestapo's customs, you will pester with the question "why are you taking our national treasure to the aggressor?" answer - it’s with a snowstorm, you want to "build the enemy". laughing lol
  7. Mih1974
    Mih1974 29 January 2018 18: 19
    In his Decree of June 27.06.2017, 22 No. 40, he examined many situations related to the maintenance of housing and the provision of services to apartment owners. But the most important clarification of the court is contained in paragraph XNUMX.
    That kind of info came across, there’s something about "immediately lowering and shutting down the utility room," and sorting it out, going around and around in different ways and more importantly, "switching off utility services could not endanger people's life and health." good Oh how, that is, if the "main tenant" was in debt, then the food statement was that "they say I’m to blame, but the children have nothing to do with it and don’t dare threaten their health by turning off the gas, the light or what else."
  8. Bosch
    Bosch 29 January 2018 20: 36
    Who is this opus for?
  9. shinobi
    shinobi 29 January 2018 23: 04
    It seems that the cockroach is jiving, but for some reason I do not want to laugh at all.
  10. Razvedka_Boem
    Razvedka_Boem 30 January 2018 17: 48
    Not on this topic .. But they delete my comments in another thread without explanation .. VO has already dropped .. A possible ban is indifferent, because here everything is not as before ..
    But Pasaran!
  11. Suhow
    Suhow 31 January 2018 23: 27
    From fresh, the Ukrainian prosecutor Lutsenko had flown south just after his boss and left 52000 euros ... Stating that this is the average annual income of an average Ukrainian. He is a female dog, and who are we then ??? In general, they decided that scho ne Ukrainians are homeless. Out of this, there are 450 deputies + ministers, well, some oligarch businessmen, some pre-merchants, artists are Ukrainians, and the rest are homeless.
  12. jonht
    jonht 1 February 2018 09: 00
    Thank you, as always with humor.
  13. Scud
    Scud 1 February 2018 13: 14
    Add a little.
    In Zaporozhye, 51 born dies at 100.
    Exactly heavenly or underground hundred.