Military Review

The affair of Hitler lives: a report from hell

31
The affair of Hitler lives: a report from hell



The other day in the imperial Reich Chancellery in Purgatory a landmark meeting was held.

“My Führer, my Führer,” Goering screamed in fright, then, “honestly, I’m not guilty ...”

- Shut up, idiot, - Hitler screamed, - I have not forgotten how you betrayed me in the spring of 45! Why the hell did I humiliate myself for thirty years in front of His Majesty Satan to get you out of the boiling tar and transfer you here to the Reich Chancellery, eh? Are you a little hellish torture? Here, look at Rosenberg and Himmler - they are not for nothing that they eat their own bread! Rosenberg completely fulfilled the task set by me in the great book “Mein Kampf” - the Soviet Union was disintegrated, the living space in the East is being freed ...

Ukrainians successfully destroy each other thanks to our true glorious Aryan Barack Obama, who in 2014, successfully conceived and implemented a coup d'état there ... Schellenberg and Canaris managed to break up the industry in Ukraine so well that in 41 did not dream neither the Wehrmacht nor your praised Luftwaffe! And Goebbels? This is generally a master of super class !!! His thesis about the Russian threat to the occupation of Europe is simply brilliant !!! A video about the heroic forest brothers on the NATO website would have done the honor of Die Dieche Wochenscha itself !!! And what are his ideas about the movement of Ukraine in the EU and the upcoming success of the reforms with a total reduction in wages and pensions, eh? I repeat again and again: you are a dummy, yes, yes, a dummy, Goring!

Hitler struggled fiercely with his fist on a giant table covered with green cloth and ran around the room. His adjutants, Schmundt and Klupke, standing near the entrance, turned as idols, behind the Fuhrer. From the edge of the table where Himmler was sitting, there was a mocking stifled chuckle.

- Brute, - Goering thought wistfully, - again he set me up ... Everything is like in life, even if you don’t die ...

“And Himmler,” continued Hitler, “this is a true master of his craft !!!” He managed to put things so that now the population of Ukraine per year is reduced by half a million people, you understand, you are an idiot fat! And Latvians, Estonians and Lithuanians will disappear altogether in a few decades ... All of them sincerely believe in the atrocities of the Stalinist regime, in which their numbers increased ....

That you do not even Auschwitz and Majdanek, combined, stupid! Is it clear or not? - indignantly spat the Fuhrer to the side, but hit the collar of Goering. Saliva immediately began to boil and burned through the cloth.

“My fy-rrrr,” Goering began, stammering, convulsively twirling his thick neck because of unbearable pain, “it's not me, it's all Borman ... It's all he ...”

“Ahhhhh,” the Führer screamed hysterically, stomping his legs and shaking his head, “shut your mouth, stupid hog, otherwise I’m ordering Schmundt to send you to the pan for three hundred years!” (with these words, the black velvet-silk sparkling tail of the adjutant readily stretched out) ...

Goering fell to his knees.

“Only not this, only not this, my Führer,” he cried, frantically wiping away the tears that rolled down the fat cheeks.

“So, you fat idiot, I ordered you to adequately award the President of Ukraine, Petro Poroshenko, for his devotion to our Nazi ideals.” He, together with the director of the Institute of National Remembrance Vyatrovich under the leadership of our agent Kurt Walker, did an excellent job on complete falsification. stories. A significant part of Ukrainians are now sincerely convinced that the 300 years were under Russian occupation, and Bandera and Shukhevych continuously and Greekly fought with the Wehrmacht !!! And how beautiful our torchlight processions in Kiev ... And what did you do?

“My Führer,” Goring said with relief, shivering, “my Führer, I assigned Poroshenko another military rank ...”

“You are a complete idiot,” Hitler shouted, “you assigned the title of“ corporal ”and awarded Poroshenko with a simple Iron Cross, although he is worthy of a Knight with oak leaves !!!

“But, my Führer,” the Reichsmarshal tried to object, “he has a different nation ... I was afraid that everyone would start to say“ there’s only Jews around ... ”

“Stop the flogging, Goering,” the Führer exclaimed, calming down.

“Obviously, of course, of course, my Führer,” Goring muttered, turning humbly on his knees for Hitler who was constantly running.

“Hm,” said Hitler, in satisfaction, “so ... Canaris, report on the situation in the United States ...”

“My Führer,” began the admiral, taking a pointer and approaching the globe, “must state with satisfaction, based on objective intelligence data, that in the USA, as you predicted, the Fourth Reich was successfully created. Americans sincerely believed that they are one chosen nation of God and are called to lead the world. Under the pretext of introducing democracy, as recommended by Dr. Goebbels, they arrange provocations wherever possible. The Gestapo division in the person of the Central Intelligence Agency successfully created the IG *, whose task is to guide our "new order" in the Middle East, in Europe and the subsequent destruction of Russia. Special merits in this historical process belong to the US Congress. He clearly performs not only all the instructions of the Reich Minister propaganda of Dr. Goebbels, but also actively takes the initiative. In particular, he is trying to strangle the Russian with sanctions, to organize the hungry blockade of Russia and make it one big Leningrad ...

“Josef, my friend,” said the Führer affectionately, approaching the place where Goebbels was sitting, “you again and again prove me your infinite loyalty, just like in April 45, I think it will be a well-deserved reward for you the abolition of all hellish torture for a millennium and the issuance of fifty grams of water after the meeting!

(Goebbels fainted from joy).

“Gentlemen, I think that the US Congress fully deserves to be accepted as a full member of our Hitler Youth,” Hitler declared, stroking his magnificent sheepdog Blondie on the head, “we will still be on the Volga ... And you, Goering, I warn: get down to business, you are on the verge of the last lap of the netherworld, Goering, you hear, you brainless ass!

- My Fuhrer, I will do everything I can! I swear, my Führer - stretched out and unsuccessfully trying to pull in a huge belly, snapped Goering, sighing with relief ... I will provide congressmen tomorrow with brown shorts and drums!

No one knew that the Russian resident shepherd dog Blondi, under the guise of which the experienced Soviet intelligence officer Stirlitz, aka Maxim Isaev, had already managed to inform the Kremlin.

The report was shot with a hidden camera and recorded by the correspondent of the newspaper “Nicht hell capituliren” Gustav von Hryundig

* IG - an organization banned in the Russian Federation
Author:
Originator:
http://www.worldandwe.com/ru/page/delo_gitlera_zhivet_reportazh_iz_ada.html
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  1. 210ox
    210ox 3 November 2017 05: 45 New
    +2
    "Von Stirlitz, or how hedgehogs reproduce" is resting! Have fun in the morning .. wassat
    1. Uncle lee
      Uncle lee 3 November 2017 06: 09 New
      +7
      Goering did not get anything, but he tried ...... good I didn’t see the potential in Petruchio!
      1. Grandfather
        Grandfather 3 November 2017 06: 20 New
        +2
        No one knew that the Russian resident shepherd dog Blondi, under the guise of which the experienced Soviet intelligence officer Stirlitz, aka Maxim Isaev, had already managed to inform the Kremlin.
        Bulbenko ... You overdid Isaev into a dog redid ...
  2. izya top
    izya top 3 November 2017 06: 03 New
    +8
    how beautiful our torchlight processions in Kiev

    1. Ace Tambourine
      Ace Tambourine 6 November 2017 02: 59 New
      0
      It seems to me alone that DAM looks like Adolfus?
  3. rotmistr60
    rotmistr60 3 November 2017 06: 49 New
    +4
    The author did not work in vain. Topical and consistent with realities.
    Gentlemen, I think that the US Congress fully deserves to be accepted into our Hitler Youth as a whole
    To the very point. American politicians rightfully deserve this.
  4. midshipman
    midshipman 3 November 2017 06: 57 New
    +9
    Dear Stepan, I read with interest. But I think it's worth discussing a few questions. From 1978-1989, I had 19 enterprises and research institutes in Ukraine subordinate to me; about 90 thousand specialists worked there. Many enterprises in Kiev, Khmelnitsky created from scratch and brought to design capacity in just 3 years. (6 GU MCI USSR). Now there are no such enterprises. Only one research institute was able to relocate to Russia.
    Recently I looked at statistics: the cost of food in Ukraine and in Russia is almost the same (strange); the cost of one kilowatt hour el. energy in Ukraine is 6 times cheaper than in Russia (strange). I think our government should analyze this situation. I have the honor.
    1. avia12005
      3 November 2017 07: 00 New
      +8
      The answer is simple. All the assets of almost all regional Russian producers of electricity and heat are located offshore. For example, Novosibirskenergo. In the literal sense, they are profiting from the heating of our northern country, so they withdraw money.
    2. Lganhi
      Lganhi 3 November 2017 07: 07 New
      +1
      Are you ukrotroll? Actually, 1 kW / h in Ukraine costs 1,68 hryvnias, which translates to about 3,5 rubles in rubles.
      http://index.minfin.com.ua/tarif/electric/
      In Russia, the price is different in each region, but in our houses without gas, kW / h costs 3,5 rubles, in houses with gas 5 rubles. In Irkutsk, they say, kW / h is generally 1 ruble. But there electricity is cheap due to the fact that all the electricity in the Irkutsk region is produced at hydroelectric power stations.
      1. Sergey-svs
        Sergey-svs 3 November 2017 08: 07 New
        +2
        Quote: Lgankhi
        In Russia, the price is different in each region, but in our houses without gas, kW / h costs 3,5 rubles, in houses with gas 5 rubles. In Irkutsk, they say, kW / h is generally 1 ruble. But there electricity is cheap due to the fact that all the electricity in the Irkutsk region is produced at hydroelectric power stations.

        That's right, in Russia the price for electricity is different everywhere and is set by the government depending on the economic condition of the region, but the presence of a hydroelectric power station in the region has absolutely no significance. yes In our Samara region, the price for 1 kW / h is 2,69 rubles. in houses with electric stoves, but powered by their Zhigulevskaya hydroelectric station.
        1. Sling cutter
          Sling cutter 3 November 2017 08: 34 New
          +7
          Quote: Sergey-svs
          In Irkutsk, they say, kW / h is generally 1 ruble. But there electricity is cheap due to the fact that all the electricity in the Irkutsk region is produced at hydroelectric power stations.

          Bullshit !!!!!
          Quote: Sergey-svs
          in Russia, the price for electricity is different everywhere and the government is appointed

          Pricing is based on "market value", that is, depending on the structures to which the generation belongs.
          Quote: Sergey-svs
          but the presence of a hydroelectric power station in the region has absolutely no significance.

          That's for sure! Patamushta, the price of kW at HPPs and NPPs is equal to the price of TPPs and fuel oil !!!
          The irrepressible greed of the country's owners explains this fact Viktor Vasilyevich Kudryavy.
          In the most difficult years for Russian energy, V.V. Kinky (1994-1998). was Chairman of the Board of Directors of isolated energy systems of the Far East. From 1998 to 2001 He was elected three times to the post of Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Russian energy holding. Which was removed by Kasyanov in favor of Chubais' reforms. High professional, man of honor and duty, V.V. Kudryavy was one of the main public opponents of disintegration reforms of the electric power industry, lobbied by the team of AB Chubais and American consulting companies.
          1. Lganhi
            Lganhi 3 November 2017 09: 02 New
            +1
            I specifically looked on the Internet:
            Tariffs for electricity for the population living in Irkutsk and urban settlements of the Irkutsk region in houses equipped with gas stoves
            Single-rate electricity tariff 1.01 rubles per 1 kWh
            The tariff for electricity, differentiated by two zones of the day
            day zone (from 7 to 23 hours) 1.162 rubles per 1 kWh
            night zone (from 23 to 7 hours) 0.672 rubles per 1 kWh
            Tariff for electricity, differentiated by three zones of the day
            peak zone (from 7 to 10 and from 17 to 21 hours) 1.313 rubles per 1 kWh
            half-peak zone (from 10 to 17 and from 21 to 23 hours) 1.01 rub for 1 kWh
            night zone (from 23 to 7 hours) 0.672 rubles per 1 kWh

            Tariffs for electricity for the population of the Irkutsk region living in rural areas
            Single-rate electricity tariff 0.707 rubles per 1 kWh
            The tariff for electricity, differentiated by two zones of the day
            day zone (from 7 to 23 hours) 0.813 rubles per 1 kWh
            night zone (from 23 to 7 hours) 0.471 rubles per 1 kWh
            Tariff for electricity, differentiated by three zones of the day
            peak zone (from 7 to 10 and from 17 to 21 hours) 0.919 rubles per 1 kWh
            half-peak zone (from 10 to 17 and from 21 to 23 hours) 0.707 rub for 1 kWh
            night zone (from 23 to 7 hours) 0.471 rubles per 1 kWh
            http://energovopros.ru/spravochnik/elektrosnabzhe
            nie / tarify-na-elektroenergiju / 2985/40992 /
            In the countryside at night, kW / h costs only 47 kopecks! Curly-haired live!
            1. Sling cutter
              Sling cutter 3 November 2017 09: 14 New
              +3
              Quote: Lgankhi
              Curly-haired live!

              Most likely infa is outdated ... The fact is that in addition to generation, there are also networkers, and then marketers !!!
              And another such fact, was Victor Naumov at VO my Friend in the World, and here NVV and Babr, so he said to me a couple of years ago that they have kW and something for two rubles.
              It is a pity that he is no longer with us ..... He was a great man!
              And now there’s no one to ask ....
              1. Lganhi
                Lganhi 3 November 2017 09: 19 New
                +1
                Prices for July 1, 2017. You are not able to follow the link?
          2. Sergey-svs
            Sergey-svs 3 November 2017 09: 15 New
            +2
            Quote: Stroporez
            Pricing is based on "market value", that is, depending on the structures to which the generation belongs.

            This is not true! stop Electricity prices are set by the authorized executive bodies of the constituent entities of the federation, and the tariff for final consumers consists of energy transport services, sales and other services. yes If the price depended only on the Wishlist "local hucksters from generating companies", then the price for 1 kW / h, we all would have already had 100 rubles, or maybe more!
            1. Sling cutter
              Sling cutter 3 November 2017 09: 28 New
              +3
              Quote: Sergey-svs
              Electricity prices are set by authorized executive bodies of the federal subjects,

              Well so, so, and then
              Quote: Sergey-svs
              Tariff for end consumers consists of energy transport services, sales and other services. yes

              Pralna good And hto regulates intermediaries-offshorechoffoff? wink
              Our Virginia Islands Sales Manager! But the city. Water channel in Cyprus !!!
              Prikinte, what is it finally withstrategic objects !!! sad
            2. Doliva63
              Doliva63 3 November 2017 18: 45 New
              +6
              Electricity prices are set by the regional energy commission based on the Wishlist of the guaranteeing suppliers, taking into account the cost, profitability and probable losses. That is, once a year they send their Wishlist to the REC, she considers, if she does not find a catch, then she agrees. And that’s it. And as she considers it, this is a separate song.
  5. Lganhi
    Lganhi 3 November 2017 07: 01 New
    +1
    laughing . Well written. Neighing from the heart.
  6. Sergey-svs
    Sergey-svs 3 November 2017 07: 05 New
    +9
    Thanks to the author! good Neighing from the heart, already the mood improved. yes The only thing that is regrettable is that the main traitor and Judah, Mr. Gorbachev, who sold the USSR for 30 pieces of silver (the Nobel Prize), still erases his earthly existence, and does not burn in hell. negative Although Hitler would have pulled him out of boiling resin and awarded him the Knight's Cross with oak leaves!
  7. Masya masya
    Masya masya 3 November 2017 07: 14 New
    +6
    Interesting, with sparkling humor ... but I'm sad somehow ...
    Hitler's case lives on

    And you can't argue ...
    1. igordok
      igordok 3 November 2017 07: 51 New
      +1
      Quote: Masya Masya
      Hitler's case lives on

      This is how Hitler is portrayed in the German and American versions of Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus
    2. novel66
      novel66 3 November 2017 08: 45 New
      +7
      greeting! love good to be sad, each Hitler has its own gas canister. with friday! drinks
      1. Masya masya
        Masya masya 3 November 2017 09: 03 New
        +5
        Hello, Roman! love
        Quote: novel xnumx
        For each Hitler there is a can of gasoline.

        then, for the canister ... drinks
        laughing
        1. novel66
          novel66 3 November 2017 09: 07 New
          +4
          It was Friday yesterday ....

          why is it monday today?
  8. inkass_98
    inkass_98 3 November 2017 07: 32 New
    +4
    "At Hitler’s headquarters all malacholny" ©
  9. parusnik
    parusnik 3 November 2017 07: 57 New
    +2
    I am amused in the morning, but the saddest thing is that Hitler’s business lives and wins .. Not until the forest was cut in 1945 ...
  10. Cruel beaver
    Cruel beaver 3 November 2017 08: 59 New
    +2
    author zhzhot! laughing
  11. atos_kin
    atos_kin 3 November 2017 11: 16 New
    +3
    The Führer forgot something to note the merits of the famous irreconcilable fighter against the Stalin era, the builder for the people’s money of the memory center for the destroyer of the Soviet Union and the walls for the srach, which had not been beaten up by the "bloody ghoul" of the best assistants of the great Reich, who had occupied the modest pet of the oligarchs and the real Kremlin for a long period of time portigenosse.
    1. viktorch
      viktorch 7 November 2017 15: 22 New
      0
      we have every second of them on a television box and in a thought sitting, except for every first one, with very rare exceptions, and we don’t understand whether they just earn money or really ghouls,
      I think so when it’s necessary to blaze them all to the wall indiscriminately, colors and fractions, one hell is the enemy of the people.
  12. BecmepH
    BecmepH 3 November 2017 12: 00 New
    0
    Quote: Lgankhi
    Are you ukrotroll? Actually, 1 kW / h in Ukraine costs 1,68 hryvnias, which translates to about 3,5 rubles in rubles.
    http://index.minfin.com.ua/tarif/electric/
    In Russia, the price is different in each region, but in our houses without gas, kW / h costs 3,5 rubles, in houses with gas 5 rubles. In Irkutsk, they say, kW / h is generally 1 ruble. But there electricity is cheap due to the fact that all the electricity in the Irkutsk region is produced at hydroelectric power stations.

    He is also a narcissistic narcissist. Note that in all posts the midshipman always indicates how many subordinates he had and how many enterprises he led))) "I have honor" ... how pompous)))
  13. Dead duck
    Dead duck 3 November 2017 14: 21 New
    +7
    “Hitler’s case lives” ... this Lenin’s case lives, despite its body.