Dear Mom!
Tomorrow our company is sent to the Camp Ledzhen training ground in North Carolina. They used to prepare marines for our victorious wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now they will prepare for a victorious war with Russia. These rashenz were completely impudent: they intervened in our elections, and also took away Crete from Ukraine, as our corporal Jones told us. We will practice, and then we will show these drunks what the United States Marine Corps is.
As I arrive at the place, I will definitely write to you.
Your son, Cody.
***
Dear Mom!
Here we are in place. There is a forest around here. This is good, since all Russians also live in the forest, as our corporal Jones told us. In the middle of the forest there is a real village.
It used to be Iraqi, and now it has been converted into Russian, only in some places there are palm trees. But Corporal Jones said that the Russians in the Black Sea also have palm trees, so everything is fine, because soon we will be there. Not far from the village stands the barracks, where our company was stationed. Tomorrow we were promised a surprise, and I will tell you about it.
Your son, Cody.
Dear Mom!
Wow! Imagine, we will have a real extras! It turns out that the naval department scored Russian-speaking extras to represent Russian soldiers and civilians of the village. By the way, in Russian "village" is "derevna".
Everything will be like a real Hollywood blockbuster! Your son is now Bruce Willis! Really cool?
There are about thirty statisticians, all emigrants. Drivers, builders, sellers, IT specialists, a pair of teachers, several women, and one even with a small daughter of about five.
For someone, a hundred bucks a day is good money, and someone went just out of curiosity.
The men were dressed in Russian jackets made of cotton, boots and caps with a star, while the women were dressed in wide colored skirts and wrapped in large scarves - just like in real Russia. The guys and I just laughed, looking at these clowns.
Tomorrow we begin training. Be sure to talk about impressions!
Your son, Cody.
***
Dear Mom!
It was just great! Three of our platoons broke into this tree from three sides like a hurricane. We quickly put muzzles into the ground a dozen extras with decommissioned non-working AK, dispersed and began to sweep. Two stood on the sides, I knocked the door, quickly threw two grenades into the house, ran off, after which the guys fired inside the holder through the windows.
The women mistresses shouted in Russian, “Save!”, Everything was in smoke, some Russian music sounded and smelled badly with manure. Lord, and how do these Russians live in such conditions? Yes, they are just pigs!
In general, we had fun great. Corporal Jones, for jokes, gave a queue to singles over several statisticians - they were frightened, but we almost had a little tummy laughing.
Your son, Cody.
Dear Mom!
Today we practiced the tactics of the anti-partisan struggle. Male extras hid, and we had to find them. In order not to waste time and not to search houses stinking with dung, Corporal Jones suggested a great idea. We drove all the mistresses into the barn and announced through the loudspeaker that if the “guerrilla” extras did not come out after three minutes, we would set fire to the barn.
No one came out.
Then Corporal Jones brought the girl-statistician, took the teddy bear from her, cut off his head with a tactical knife and shouted that the girl was next.
It seems to me, ma, that Jones overdid it.
The girl burst into tears, and then one statistician came out - some puny type with glasses. He silently walked over to our corporal and punched him in the jaw with the butt of a decommissioned non-working AK. Butt, as it turned out, still worked quite well. The beautiful white teeth of our corporal glittered in the sun and fell about two meters from the place where the corporal collapsed.
We all stood as thunder struck, ma. Only a savage without honor and conscience could take and strike a US armed two-meter marine in the face. And then that girl came up to the insensitive body of the corporal and a couple of times happily kicked him in the ribs. Where did they recruit them all - in the jungles of Siberia?
The boyfriend of our corporal shrieked, snatched his Colt, loaded with live ammunition, and began to shoot puny. But did not get, because of the tears he flowed mascara.
But from all the cracks extras rushed at us with some terrible cry "Rr!" - or "Yura!". I did not have time to really hear, as something hit me hard on the helmet, and I lost consciousness. When I woke up, it was already dark and no one was around. I will get out of this damned base. I'll write to you tomorrow, otherwise my tablet is already blinking and something is disturbingly moving in the bushes. I'm scared, ma. I want to go home to California.
Your son, Cody.
***
Dear Mom!
In search of Russian-speaking extras for exercises: what is NATO preparing for?
Comrade stockcore stock put me in the dress on the toilet, and I have a minute to write to you. I serve well. Corporal Jones is also in order, he stands on the nightstand and shouts loudly "Shminno!", If the commander in the barracks is comrade senior reserve lieutenant or comrade foreman.
All day now we have a list of minutes. The painting of the grass, the sweeping of the tracks with shaving brushes, the drill with songs. I have already learned the song: "A soldier has a day off, buttons in a row."
US Marines during construction
One of the three platoons is always dug on the parade ground. The norm is five minutes, a trench in a full profile, who does not fit in - goes to inflate the Humvee wheels without a pump. But it's still better than pumping it with a hand pump tank rollers to make the tank ride softer.
I have good for you news! The Marine Corps Command finally finishes secret negotiations with extras, and they will release us all in exchange for a subscription, which extras will not tell anyone how thirty civilians captured two hundred Marines. They were still promised to pay, and that girl would be given three teddy bears and five Barbie dolls. She, by the way, made friends with Corporal Jones and often wore him candy when he cried on his nightstand. The Russians turned out to be good people - we are all alive and well, thank them for that.
So soon I have demob! I have already begun to sew gilded heellets in camouflage and finished the demobel album.
See you soon!
Your son, the spirit of the first month of service, Cody.