Results of the week. Ambassador nafig!
Old Man and Baroness
Having taken a good walk at the Pancake Week, the Belarusian leader stepped in and arranged “after-shrove festivities on all four sides” to the ambassadors of Poland and the European Union, refusing to accept the next portion of EU sanctions against Belarus. Those who know the character of Alexander Grigorievich can easily draw in their imagination a picture of how not only the stuffed winter burned in his backyard, but also the straw stuffed ones of the very European envoys (Leszek Sherepka and Mayra Mora) whom the President of Belarus decided to send to their Foreign countries. But the Belarusian leader couldn’t even think that the ambassadors being expelled would go down to what the “dark” general is doing in his country - before calls with frequent sobs to the most important observant of European norms both in the European Union and beyond, Baroness Ashton. The words that “it is not good to snitch!” Froze on the lips of Alexander Lukashenko while the euro-baroness already gave the order to return all without dismantling the heads of the EU diplomatic departments from Belarus under its parent wing. And the ambassadors of the European Union countries, as it should be, in single file, set off towards their nurse to finally tell what terrible hardships they experienced while riding in black Mercedes cars on the dusty roads of Belarus. Of course, not everyone was happy with the decision of her mistress: for example, the Slovenian ambassador to Minsk was very personal: the embassy well heated by Russian gas, the new Minsk refrigerator, his own portrait against the background of BelAZ, generous funding not only from Brussels, but also in the form of grants from the Belarusian-Slovenian construction deals ... In general, the Slovenian ambassador was packing her bags reluctantly ... But what can you do - the baroness is indignant and stomping her feet: if you want, you don’t want to, but you have to go there in Brussels - maybe air bad, maybe this age ... In general, there was a lot of problems, and then Lukashenka got caught up with a hot hand - well, the simple British High Representative of the EU went to chop it off.
And Alexander Lukashenko began to prepare for a new stage of cooperation with his Western partners. One of such preparatory steps can be considered the proposal received from the Belarusian leader to hold the world cycle track championship in the next 2013 year in the Republic of Belarus. Why? The decision is really weighted. Alexander Grigorievich will be given to all the ambassadors on a bicycle, and they will ride around in a circle - even if they are clicked from Brussels, they will not go far - everyone in sight, so to speak, everything - before the eyes ... Ah, yes, Alexander Grigorievich! Head!
The difficulties of the Japanese-Russian translation
The end of February - the beginning of March. Melt water The beginning of flowering cherry blossoms closer. Brave samurai descend from the mountains to warm their mortal bodies in the valleys. Fukushima peacefully smokes ... In general, the breath of spring is felt in Japan. And, despite the next spring exacerbation among Japanese nationalists, the official samurai decided to try to experience some rebirth. It was expressed in a kind of warming of relations with Russia. Gathered, it means, pundits and politicians and wondered: how, they say, give us a little oil to Moscow, otherwise they have 4 in March on the nose - everything, you know, maybe - suddenly and we will get something in the form of the South Kurils ... thought-thought and thought up. The thought came to them that: let's stop calling the Kuriles “illegally occupied” and let us say “occupied without legal grounds” - temporarily, of course ... The Russians, they say, don’t understand Japanese anyway. For the time being, our hieroglyphs, which we will simply swap in places, will translate into our language, you see, and they themselves will believe that we are extremely friendly, and that Ituru and Shikotonami will not pretend to anything else. The Russian translators, just in case, before transferring the new Kuril status, looked at the Made in Japan cards, and saw that the South Kuril Islands were painted in their national colors as the Japanese remained and therefore did not bother with the translation - After all, everything is clear - even the dictionary from the top shelf did not have to get.
In general, the Japanese decided to use the difficulties of translation to put down the vigilance of Moscow and a possible increase in the area of Japan. However, in Moscow, too, not all interpreters boiled in boiling water in order to so easily peck at the bait. The partnership in the South Kuriles is a useful thing, of course, but you don’t need to remove the best tools for peaceful cooperation from the islands, including air defense systems and military bases. After all, the Japanese can change their hieroglyphs and back places ... Come on then send these children to the Land of the Rising Sun back home.
Operation Un and the Other Adventures of Hillary
Finally, the words "Great Pilot" found their sacred meaning. And it happened last week in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. The new leader of the North Korean people decided that with its nuclear program, the West can not only be intimidating, but it is also possible to make good money on this program at the expense of the same West. So far, not in the form of "living" money, but in the form of American food, but for today's North Korea - not the last option either. The young Sun of the nation can become the next North Korean, who effectively circled around the finger of the "friends" of the Korean people in Washington. The thing is that Comrade Kim Jong-un, offered the Americans a good deal. You - we have more food, and we will immediately stop conducting nuclear tests. weapons. We are here, you know, every single day we test these weapons, test them ... - during the day we are so full of these nuclear warheads, that in the evening we will immediately go to bed and sleep with our teeth against the wall. Hillary Clinton from such a proposal, apparently, jumped in her office in joy and, perhaps, uttered an even more impressive phrase than the one she gave out after the news of the death of Colonel Gaddafi. For a better idea of Ms. Clinton's reaction to Kim Jong-un's proposal, we can recall an episode from the movie “Operation Y” (in our case, “Operation Un”), when the hero Yuri Nikulin happily accepted news about the proposed 300 rubles for the "robbery" of the warehouse. True, then there was a hero Yevgeny Morgunov, who put out more exaggerated demands to the organizer. However, the Americans have not yet found their “Experienced”, and foodstuffs are already being packaged in holds and containers. It remains to wait until these cargoes reach the shores of the DPRK, and after that Comrade Kim will tell Washington. The great struggle of modern times begins: the American hamburger against the ideas of Comrade Kim Il Sung.
And with Mrs. Clinton story does not end ...
There you are, Grandmother Hillary, and St. George’s Day, the world community thought after Mrs. Secretary of State announced that the United States had no idea what the oppositionists in Syria were. That is, endless resolutions were being prepared, opposition forces were declared, almost by no legitimate authority in the country. And here - here you are ... Someone thought maybe Mrs. Clinton had the wrong piece of paper in her hands, maybe it’s the intrigues or unsuccessful jokes of her text maker, because while reading the text, the State Department Head herself showed some nervousness and concern. As they say in the jokes about our dear Leonid Ilyich: “So you wrote to me here ...” Well, if Hillary herself gave birth to this text, then it’s not at all clear what policy Americans are going to pursue further about Syria. To give the go-ahead to military support of the opposition, many of whose members the State Department accuses of having links to al-Qaeda, is too much even for inconsistent Americans. To stop viewing the Syrian opposition as a legitimate force - now it will also look strange for the oppositionists, who are already used to walking around under the stars and stripes.
The referendum held in Syria on the adoption of a new constitution also added intrigue. Even the opposition's "democratic" attempts to threaten those who would come to the polls failed. The Syrians showed they wanted normal change, not more carnage, by voting in favor of a new constitution with 89 percent of the vote.
Realizing that the situation is at a standstill, the "right" Syrian opposition decided to dissociate itself from the "wrong" opposition. Someone hastened to forge swords into plowshares, and someone opened his “plowshares” with tripled strength. And now the split is observed not only in the camp of the Syrian opponents of Bashar al-Assad, but also among those who called themselves “Friends of Syria”. Who now support, apparently, is carefully considered in the White House and the State Department.
Realizing that this situation plays into his hands, the current president of Syria decided to strike back not only military but also diplomatic blow. Inspired by the turmoil in the camp of the enemy, the government army took control of the main opposition city of Homs. And after that, President Assad decided that the UN could now respond with the same coin, which has already been presented to the Syrian leader by the Organization for a long time. Assad simply did not allow Mr. Ban Ki-moon’s right hand, Deputy Secretary General Valerie Amos, into the country. Your hands, they say, have already done too much in the country. Mrs. Amos, of course, was indignant, frowning and straightening her glasses, but this did not help her, and the UN official had to continue to express concern about the actions of the Syrian authorities and the humanitarian situation in the country, being in her cozy office in New York.
Bad Norwegian always something interferes
During the week, it turned out that Norwegians living on the Svalbard archipelago do not allow a Russian satellite station to stroll along the coastal strip of Barentsburg. That, you understand, will hook on the concrete foundation with shoes, then in the dark foreheads will hit the iron trailer. Well, in fact, it is also possible to stuff so many cones ... And the Norwegian side said that Russia should urgently bring a couple of bulldozers to the station and level it (the station) with rich Spitzbergen soil. We, they say, did not give any permission for the construction of this object, and therefore, if you please, everything is demolished. Only here the Norwegian authorities of Spitsbergen, headed by the governor, forget that Barentsburg is subordinate to Russia, which means that it is Russia that can build anything they want here. And if the Norwegian pedestrians want to walk along the coast, then you need to be a little more attentive and not stumble upon your obstinate heads on Russian objects that are built on Russian territory. Well, and if they cannot be more careful and cautious, then let them walk around the open areas of the archipelago - Spitsbergen, because it’s not small, so that everyone can walk only around the Russian satellite station ...
Almazbek was not good at math ...
The main issue of Russian-Kyrgyz relations during the week was the question of how the current Kyrgyz president Almazbek Atambayev had an assessment of mathematics at school. Only the “fat no-non” can explain the Russian bill for his payment for the rent of the military base in Kant. But if Almazbek Sharshenovich had a deuce in mathematics, then it is not at all clear how he became the leader in Kyrgyzstan. Apparently, counting skills are not the most important requirement for a modern president of Kyrgyzstan ...
Atambayev’s accounting activity led him to declare that the Russian side was not fulfilling financial obligations and threatened to cover the Kant base in general if in Moscow they made a mockery of his country. But this is a mockery, it seems, he made of himself. The requested money of Kyrgyzstan, of course, paid. But with mathematical skills, Atambayev in Moscow was preoccupied and now, obviously, will hire decent tutors for the Kyrgyz president who will be able to explain to Almazbek Sharshenovich the basics of arithmetic operations. After all, he somehow forgets about the response account ...
Georgian hospitality
The highlight of any weekly review, Mikhail Saakashvili, could not remain indifferent to the production of high-profile news this week. He decided to unilaterally cancel the visa regime with the Russian Federation. Initially, he waits in his hospitable land for residents of the North Caucasian republics of Russia, and later paints colorful pictures of how every Russian will feel at home in Georgia. He wants - let “Borjomi” drink with “Kindzmarauli”, he wants - he walks through the streets of Batumi and watches the demolition of the monument to those who fell during the Great Patriotic War ...
Russia, by the way, also decided to respond to the initiative of its long-time “friend” and declared not only the possibility and in turn to cancel the visa regime with Georgia, but also to agree on the restoration of diplomatic relations. It was here that Mikhail Nikolozovich once again broke through. He again expressed that he was not going to talk about any kind of diplomatic relations, until Moscow again recognized Abkhazia and South Ossetia as integral parts of its free and not in the measure of a democratic country. They say they did not attack him: I just want to sell Georgian goods and open the way to Russia for Georgian migrant workers and businessmen. But we don’t need diplomatic relations at all - see what they wanted in the Kremlin: we then, at least, will have to open the Russian embassy in Tbilisi at least, and even spend electricity on your diplomats. No, no, it's expensive! And overseas brothers will not support ...
Azerbaijan put "on the lip"
Heated was a week in Azerbaijan. Ilham Aliyev seems to have survived a couple of sleepless nights, watching the events taking place in the town of Guba. Local residents decided to show the head of the Guba administration the place where the crayfish hibernate after his insulting remarks to these local residents. Habibov did not have time to take his words about the "corrupt population" back, as he turned into ... a fire warden. The inhabitants of Guba quickly turned his house into ashes, so that, as they say, he knew in advance, the word is not a sparrow. At this the people's anger did not end, and the guardians of law and order had to use force to disperse the raging hot Azerbaijani guys.
One can imagine the stress President Aliyev experienced, thinking it was a sinful thing that the “orange orange spring” had come to his house. He began to dial the numbers of friends from the organizing countries of these “springs”, but those who didn’t understand didn’t understand what the leader of Azerbaijan was talking about. What is Guba, who has Guba? .. In general, Mr. Aliyev calmed down and even decided to thank his friends for not throwing an “orange” hedgehog to him. And he decided to thank him like this: either to raise at times the rent for Russia for placing the radar station in Gabala, or to completely eliminate this object on its territory. It must be admitted that for Russia there is no regional analogue of the Gabala radar station, so Aliyev’s gift looks very appetizing to the West.
Still, sooner or later, the Russian leadership seems to have to use its chief specialist in retaliatory moves for the leaders of the Republics of the former USSR. This is the great and terrible Gennady Onishchenko. But Onishchenko can easily find, for example, fruit flu in those pomegranates and other fruits of Azerbaijani fertile land that go to Russia from Baku. And then it will be Aliyev and Gabala, and Guba, and everything else ...
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